Mortal Kombat Part 2

Part TWO of Mortal Kombat! This book is weird. Tone and pacing start to get a lil touch and go in this episode, so hang on for some wild stuff.

00;00;00;12 - 00;00;18;29
Phil
No, it is definitely not the movie's plot because that I remember that movie, I've seen enough times that I have that down to a science. It's so weirdly set out. It's so weirdly paced. And like I said before, I don't know why it's throwing me so much, but it's all seems to be taking place over the course of a single day.

00;00;19;14 - 00;00;22;26
Kevin
Yeah, Yeah, it's weird.

00;00;22;26 - 00;00;23;20
Phil
It's weird.

00;00;23;26 - 00;00;24;27
Phil
It's really weird.

00;00;26;04 - 00;00;28;01
Kevin
But, you know, it isn't weird.

00;00;29;07 - 00;00;29;28
Phil
What's not weird.

00;00;30;20 - 00;00;38;00
Kevin
Hey there, everybody. Welcome back to Pixelate. My name is Kevin. Your dance along the theme music. There we go.

00;00;38;01 - 00;00;40;05
Phil
You bet your ass. Yeah. Yeah.

00;00;40;19 - 00;00;47;04
Kevin
And we're. We're back. We're back. Yeah. Bill and I are back, and we're talking about Mortal Kombat more.

00;00;47;12 - 00;00;50;01
Phil
Because this is mortal combat.

00;00;50;01 - 00;00;52;09
Kevin
It's more till combat.

00;00;52;15 - 00;00;54;01
Phil
And God in.

00;00;54;01 - 00;00;54;10
Phil
Heaven.

00;00;56;12 - 00;01;01;08
Kevin
So we were just talking about how this is probably one of the weirdest books we've ever. We've ever read.

00;01;02;05 - 00;01;02;20
Phil
Yeah.

00;01;02;29 - 00;01;09;19
Phil
Not. Not the best book we've ever read so far. Not the worst. Not the worst. Absolutely the weirdest.

00;01;10;06 - 00;01;14;16
Kevin
You know why it's not the worst is because it is coherent.

00;01;15;10 - 00;01;15;25
Phil
Yes.

00;01;16;26 - 00;01;17;05
Phil
And it's.

00;01;17;05 - 00;01;28;22
Kevin
Cohesive. And it's cohesive, right? Yes. But I will I am going to posit that its plot is as dumb as dead spaces.

00;01;29;24 - 00;01;34;00
Phil
Yes. Yes, it is. It is more.

00;01;35;12 - 00;01;47;05
Phil
Its only more. Or equally competent to dead space based on the fact that I think it's shorter. And more to the point, it's not trying to do too much.

00;01;47;19 - 00;01;48;02
Phil
Yeah.

00;01;48;20 - 00;01;51;01
Phil
Whereas Dead Space was trying a bunch of things.

00;01;51;01 - 00;01;52;06
Kevin
Tried so hard.

00;01;52;17 - 00;01;55;07
Phil
Yeah. Yeah, exactly. And this is.

00;01;55;07 - 00;01;56;07
Phil
Seemingly.

00;01;56;07 - 00;02;00;18
Kevin
Has a little bit of a self-awareness that it is an odd piece of.

00;02;00;22 - 00;02;01;10
Phil
A little bit.

00;02;01;26 - 00;02;04;00
Kevin
1995 ephemera.

00;02;07;13 - 00;02;07;27
Phil
It's.

00;02;08;05 - 00;02;41;02
Phil
It is a product of its time without question. It's so strange and. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, and you all who are listening who listen to the first episode, we started out with the mythology building the Grand World giving sitting down the rules of the world and what's happening here. Yeah, that is, that is pretty much done. And now we are in the modern era and everything is going to snowball so quickly, so fast.

00;02;41;11 - 00;02;42;12
Phil
So fast.

00;02;42;18 - 00;02;51;16
Kevin
It is going to just be like we have a theory that everything that takes place in the next 200 pages is basically happening in one day.

00;02;52;06 - 00;02;52;28
Phil
Exactly.

00;02;53;06 - 00;02;53;26
Phil
Exactly.

00;02;55;13 - 00;03;14;28
Phil
Everything that's been happening is so much stuff stacking on top, so much other stuff, not just in the same day, but it feels like the same handful of hours. Yeah. This is this is a quick, quick kind of thing. There's so much happening that I'm I'm surprised that at least one of the characters hasn't said. Wait, what the fuck is going on?

00;03;15;01 - 00;03;15;20
Kevin
None of them.

00;03;15;20 - 00;03;16;22
Phil
At some point.

00;03;16;22 - 00;03;21;26
Kevin
And there are some there are some points at which this question should be should be asked.

00;03;22;00 - 00;03;24;03
Phil
So we should be should be. Yeah.

00;03;24;03 - 00;03;34;24
Kevin
We start into part two with chapter 12. And our first point of view character is, you know, you love him. It's the red eyed mercenary Kino.

00;03;35;03 - 00;03;35;22
Phil
Absolutely.

00;03;35;25 - 00;03;38;18
Kevin
Look at that. He's got that. Robert, Robert I.

00;03;39;07 - 00;03;42;12
Phil
The Robert I, the Black Dragon Gang.

00;03;42;19 - 00;03;47;15
Kevin
And he is, uh, probably my favorite person in this book.

00;03;48;05 - 00;03;52;01
Phil
Just tends to be my favorite in whatever media they put him in.

00;03;52;01 - 00;04;01;09
Kevin
Just because he is leaning this character's written so. So 1995 bad guy.

00;04;01;20 - 00;04;02;25
Phil
Yeah absolutely.

00;04;02;25 - 00;04;20;00
Kevin
He, he encapsulates the entire era. And by the way he was I love this description of him uh, Kino had heard some speeches during his 35 years, 30 of which had been devoted to crime.

00;04;20;08 - 00;04;25;05
Phil
He's been devoted to crime. Since he was five years old.

00;04;26;13 - 00;04;30;14
Phil
Five Look.

00;04;30;20 - 00;04;46;14
Phil
I'm not saying that a five year old couldn't steal a few things, couldn't get into some trouble here and there, but to hear a five year old say the words, my life is devoted to crime. Well, Kevin, that's one bad ass kid.

00;04;47;23 - 00;04;52;21
Kevin
But I want to. I want to I would I would run from that five year old.

00;04;52;26 - 00;04;53;22
Phil
I would.

00;04;54;00 - 00;04;58;20
Phil
Yeah, that five year old would never see my fat ass ever again. So period.

00;04;59;05 - 00;05;20;24
Kevin
We're basically just getting the rundown of who Kato is, what he's doing. He's out in the is somewhere in China. He's he's been hired he's a mercenary for hire, a bully for hire. And he is looking he's looking for a place. He was given a map by a giant man an eight foot tall man who looked like an iguana.

00;05;21;03 - 00;05;22;12
Kevin
He he said.

00;05;22;13 - 00;05;23;26
Phil
This description, by the way, it's a great.

00;05;23;26 - 00;05;35;01
Kevin
Description. And we also hear some background stories as to the things he's done in the past, like he killed an actor once and one of my.

00;05;35;07 - 00;05;36;26
Phil
Was going to be a Johnny Cage reference.

00;05;36;26 - 00;06;04;18
Kevin
Which. Yeah, it wasn't. It was the my favorite part of that is the the final sentence is he drops the actor off of a cliff onto a house. The impact of him, the actor falling on the house causes the house to fall down the slope that it's built on. And Kono says that the headlines the next day read Actor brings down House Star Dies, Hairpiece Survives.

00;06;05;10 - 00;06;30;01
Phil
OK, OK, I'm so glad you brought that up because I feel like that's in the first two pages of the new section. Yeah. And I feel like that just by itself tells us more. It does more worldbuilding than all the mythology we got in the last part because it really does, if that's literally what the front line news say.

00;06;30;01 - 00;06;42;04
Phil
Like front page news says, actor brings down the house and star dies here, B survives. That is a running man style world you live in, my friend. Like sane.

00;06;42;11 - 00;06;43;11
Phil
Cool.

00;06;43;22 - 00;06;51;23
Phil
Really tawdry and nasty world. Like, just that in itself tells you so much about this alternate reality that they live in.

00;06;51;27 - 00;07;19;10
Kevin
There is Arnold is somewhere in the running man right now. In this universe, subzero is a different subzero. Actually, that's subzero named himself after the famous the famous ninja. But we'll get we'll get to that yeah. So this chapter is very much just establishing. Oh, he's got some buddies with him don't get too attached to them. They don't really matter that much.

00;07;19;10 - 00;07;34;02
Kevin
They're they're just some thugs that they're given they're given some color like background like one of them short with a graying ponytail. And he doesn't have much other stuff like that. Yeah. And except there's a tall blond woman with him.

00;07;34;07 - 00;07;36;03
Phil
Oh, oh.

00;07;36;19 - 00;07;38;16
Phil
Dangerous ex ballerina.

00;07;38;16 - 00;07;44;21
Kevin
A dangerous ex ballerina. Um, and her name is Gilda. Gilda.

00;07;44;23 - 00;07;45;10
Phil
Gilda.

00;07;45;26 - 00;07;46;05
Phil
Yeah.

00;07;46;15 - 00;07;48;10
Phil
What a what a wielded.

00;07;48;19 - 00;07;49;18
Kevin
Hello. Stall.

00;07;50;02 - 00;07;52;06
Phil
Stall. Gilda. The stall.

00;07;52;14 - 00;07;53;03
Kevin
Yeah.

00;07;53;13 - 00;08;13;00
Phil
Yeah. And she seems to be the only person in the gang. The Black Dragon gang there. She's new. She's new, and she seems to be the only one who's really giving Kono any pause, like she has shown on more than one occasion, that if she wanted to, she could kill his ass. She's got a long knife, and she could probably kick his ass.

00;08;13;06 - 00;08;30;25
Phil
And they say he'd heard a man on one of her jobs, said that she had once decapitated an enemy with a single stroke of her knife and kicked his still bleeding head, quote, a remarkable 70 yards. Where's that fatality?

00;08;31;03 - 00;08;40;10
Kevin
Yeah, that's an amazing fatality. And also, why is she not a punter in the NFL? That is right. That is some leg.

00;08;41;11 - 00;08;43;02
Phil
And 70 yard.

00;08;43;03 - 00;08;46;16
Kevin
Let me tell you ahead is a lot less aerodynamic than a football.

00;08;47;06 - 00;08;48;00
Phil
Player if.

00;08;48;00 - 00;09;06;00
Phil
You can if you can kick a fucking field goal like on the second down and you're not even halfway down the field then yeah you're going to make a lot of money. Yeah I think I think probably more money than you would as part of the Black Dragon Gang. I'm just guessing.

00;09;06;00 - 00;09;09;19
Kevin
You're just assuming. But one of my.

00;09;09;19 - 00;09;12;10
Phil
Favorite was our yearly reference to sports, ladies and.

00;09;12;10 - 00;09;13;02
Kevin
Sports.

00;09;13;11 - 00;09;16;26
Phil
They had a ball yeah.

00;09;16;29 - 00;09;23;17
Kevin
So what if there was a line in here from Gilda? Her name's Gilda. It's not anything else.

00;09;23;28 - 00;09;25;20
Phil
No, not the oldest stall.

00;09;26;04 - 00;09;55;22
Kevin
Not it's. It's not Sonya or anything. No, wait, what? Who brought up Sonya? Anyway, there's a line in here that I was totally confused by. So Gilda has her knife on his throat, and she says to Kato, Do it on your own time when we're not working. Remember, Kato? Ladies, don't like guys who aren't gentlemen and professionals. And I read to read that sentence five times because she's saying, it's so weird.

00;09;56;00 - 00;10;02;11
Kevin
Ladies don't like gentlemen or professionals. Ladies don't like gentlemen who aren't.

00;10;02;11 - 00;10;04;29
Phil
Professional oh, right.

00;10;06;15 - 00;10;27;04
Phil
OK. I guess I took it to mean that they don't like men who aren't gentlemen and professionals like that. You be a gentleman, be a professional. It doesn't really matter. It is a top tier, weird ass thing to say to someone you're holding a knife to top tier. Just.

00;10;28;07 - 00;10;50;10
Kevin
Yeah. So. So, Kato, we get more backstory. Kato kind of dives into who hired him. He knows. He knows it's Chang son who hired him. He knows it's some eight foot tall guy. Gave him some map who he calls a giant baby. He keeps calling, referring to the eight foot tall man as a giant baby. A giant.

00;10;50;10 - 00;10;50;23
Phil
Baby.

00;10;54;00 - 00;11;06;01
Kevin
But he's he also references that he's been he's been so hard up for money that if he had been invited by Martians to help them conquer Venus, he'd have gone as long as they paid him cash dollars.

00;11;06;15 - 00;11;06;20
Phil
Yeah.

00;11;06;21 - 00;11;12;19
Kevin
And that just kind of sums up everything about Cano is his only motivation is that he's getting paid.

00;11;13;00 - 00;11;17;00
Phil
It's he's getting paid. And Kevin, did you notice how much money he's getting paid?

00;11;17;17 - 00;11;19;02
Kevin
How much money is he getting paid? Phil?

00;11;19;07 - 00;11;39;09
Phil
He well, you know, they don't go into the specifics but basically the idea is, oh, no, they do. Sorry. The full amount is $3 million, but no one knows it but him. And he's basically going to give everyone a couple hundred thousand here and there and then take 2 million for himself, which is, you know, whatever, you know.

00;11;39;18 - 00;11;40;14
Kevin
Bad guy stuff.

00;11;40;22 - 00;12;06;00
Phil
Sure makes perfect sense. What confuses me is now either Cano is a lot dumber than he seems or, or the rate of inflation in 1995 wasn't near what it is now but he refers to $2 million is something he can use to buy his own private island. So I don't know if you could I don't know if you could get like a 3000 square foot house near San Francisco for that amount.

00;12;06;11 - 00;12;09;25
Phil
So I will probably not my friend Cano, I don't.

00;12;09;25 - 00;12;12;14
Kevin
Know where he is but I don't know where he's buying that island's.

00;12;13;23 - 00;12;19;00
Phil
New. It's not clear. So maybe the citizen Brando gave him some bad information.

00;12;19;08 - 00;12;41;21
Kevin
So there's there's some there. They move on and Cano thinks he sees a town and that's the end of chapter 12. Chapter 13 where we come in with Sheng Sung and Goro. They're having a conversation. Yet the tall man was Goro. Who would have thought.

00;12;43;11 - 00;12;44;23
Phil
Any man who looked like you to go on.

00;12;45;27 - 00;12;50;08
Kevin
Who hired, who went to Kato's house and hired him and gave him a map.

00;12;50;27 - 00;12;51;08
Phil
Right.

00;12;51;22 - 00;12;54;29
Phil
Which which by which he referred to as looking like a child drew it.

00;12;56;09 - 00;13;00;26
Kevin
And I just imagined Goro in a trenchcoat and, like, top hat trying to sneak through.

00;13;01;07 - 00;13;02;07
Phil
That's exactly.

00;13;02;11 - 00;13;04;26
Phil
You it because.

00;13;04;26 - 00;13;12;19
Phil
All he says is that he's tall and he looks like an iguana, which I don't know, man. I feel like there might be more to say. About that, but.

00;13;12;19 - 00;13;18;27
Kevin
Yeah, I mean, Goro is isn't just tall. He's massive, like, in all directions.

00;13;19;07 - 00;13;27;09
Phil
Yeah, he's the size of your living. Room wall. He's enormous. So, yeah, I don't. It's OK.

00;13;27;26 - 00;13;34;28
Kevin
OK, Kono, really? He really buried the lead here. He just kind of moved way too nice.

00;13;35;25 - 00;13;36;10
Phil
Yeah.

00;13;37;28 - 00;13;41;14
Phil
He is not. He's like, yeah, he's eight feet tall. I don't know. Fuck you.

00;13;42;14 - 00;14;09;13
Kevin
So, yeah, Goro is he is responding to Shang Sun and he is philosophizing because Xiang Sung is getting is getting impatient or he's he's saying he says that these last few days before they get to their their thing is, is interminable. And Goro says responds like a philosopher saying, because the prize is so near, it's always the way in battle in the out world.

00;14;09;13 - 00;14;28;14
Kevin
I've never lamented the foe who escaped me by days only the ones who eluded me by minutes in love. I always missed my females more when I was about to see them than when I left them. And you points to Goro minus some points for calling them females like that.

00;14;28;14 - 00;14;46;12
Phil
Yeah, I try to avoid that one. If I'm being honest. There's something that really bums me out about using, even when you're using it correctly. Now, the term has kind of been roughly ruined, but yeah, it's I don't. You don't expect that from Goro, do you?

00;14;46;27 - 00;15;10;09
Kevin
You do not. The other thing that is the other thing that's hilarious about this chapter, and it wasn't hilarious until I actually looked back at it was the fact that Kono was he hired Kono because the one that they wanted wasn't available and the person they wanted was subzero right.

00;15;10;12 - 00;15;11;00
Phil
Right.

00;15;13;07 - 00;15;16;29
Kevin
So I'm just putting that out there. Subzero is not available.

00;15;17;19 - 00;15;19;07
Phil
Subzero is not available.

00;15;19;07 - 00;15;28;03
Kevin
Nobody can nobody can find subzero. Goro cannot find subzero. No one can find subzero. So he had to hire Kino.

00;15;28;17 - 00;15;29;24
Phil
Yeah, this is anonymous.

00;15;30;05 - 00;15;30;18
Kevin
This will.

00;15;30;21 - 00;15;35;29
Phil
No way. This will in no way. Come up later down the line.

00;15;36;24 - 00;15;41;22
Kevin
This will no way be made. Become absolutely absurd and ridiculous.

00;15;42;06 - 00;15;45;17
Phil
Right. And that's cute chapter right there.

00;15;45;25 - 00;16;11;10
Phil
There's another there was another moment in this chapter that cracked me up. And it's just this little aside while they're having this drunk back porch talk about philosophy and war and what have you. Goro, by the way, is is he's eating there. They're eating. And Goro is just consuming reptiles. There are he's got cages full of snakes and lizards and he's just eating them.

00;16;11;10 - 00;16;20;19
Phil
One by one. And then if I'm in the middle of discussing something, he just kind of stops and says, these imported snakes are good.

00;16;21;19 - 00;16;24;01
Phil
And I.

00;16;24;29 - 00;16;29;20
Phil
I got to tell you, I, I, I think that was when I went.

00;16;30;01 - 00;16;32;26
Phil
Who the fuck is this? Book for this?

00;16;33;22 - 00;16;47;25
Phil
It's such an innocuous thing, but he really jarred me. It was funny. It's a funny random ass comment. It really made me go. That was just for the author, wasn't it? Like he just wrote that was just for him.

00;16;48;04 - 00;16;54;03
Kevin
Just stand it. Just the imported beer is. It's actually the what he's commenting on.

00;16;54;10 - 00;17;00;03
Phil
That's exactly. You expect him to be like looking at the can and going, these Belgians really know how to make this girl.

00;17;00;03 - 00;17;01;25
Kevin
Looks down at the can of Heineken.

00;17;03;14 - 00;17;03;26
Phil
Right.

00;17;05;25 - 00;17;08;21
Phil
I don't know. I think it's worth the extra three bucks. Not bad.

00;17;10;26 - 00;17;26;16
Phil
It's such a Random Moment. We also do find out that now, instead of Mortal Kombat being held every year like it was in the first part, it's now being held every generation, which and it's a nebulous term.

00;17;26;16 - 00;17;27;05
Kevin
I mean.

00;17;27;19 - 00;17;30;03
Phil
It is something really hard and fast on.

00;17;30;05 - 00;17;40;05
Kevin
Yeah, some say a generation is 25 years, but sure. But once a generation, I guess that's whatever saying something feels like it.

00;17;40;22 - 00;17;41;09
Phil
Pretty much.

00;17;41;25 - 00;17;47;06
Phil
Nobody gets around to it. But yet, you know, how is that thing happening again? All right, fine.

00;17;48;03 - 00;17;55;05
Kevin
So in chapter 14, we jump over to a little boy named Chin Chin.

00;17;55;23 - 00;18;01;22
Phil
Chin, Chin. What are you getting in these short round vibes from friends?

00;18;01;24 - 00;18;04;10
Kevin
I get a lot of short round vibes from Chin.

00;18;04;10 - 00;18;05;00
Phil
Chin, but.

00;18;05;06 - 00;18;06;08
Phil
It's not just me.

00;18;07;14 - 00;18;20;09
Kevin
By the way. The guy who played short rounds is apparently in that new movie. What's it called? The Everywhere and Everything.

00;18;20;14 - 00;18;25;10
Phil
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've been seeing more of him on social media. I guess that's what that has to do with it.

00;18;25;26 - 00;18;42;27
Kevin
Everything. Everywhere. All at once. Yes. Yeah, yeah. Uh, Cahill E Quan, who played when he was a kid, he played short rounds and data in The Goonies yeah. Is is is in this. So.

00;18;43;17 - 00;18;48;00
Phil
Yeah, he played he played the roles that Getit Watanabe didn't want to base.

00;18;48;01 - 00;18;48;15
Phil
Yes.

00;18;48;19 - 00;18;51;19
Phil
Basically, it's just the two of them, and that's just.

00;18;51;19 - 00;18;57;19
Kevin
The two of them. It was just the two of them. And and John Hughes casting a.

00;18;58;26 - 00;19;01;01
Phil
John Hughes, Steven Spielberg fighting.

00;19;01;12 - 00;19;15;09
Kevin
Fighting over them very much. It but yeah, so we get we get the New Kong Lao a fresh Kong Lao. Yeah. This is the latest latest and greatest Kong law off off the assembly line.

00;19;15;10 - 00;19;16;22
Phil
Yeah. The newest model. Yeah.

00;19;17;16 - 00;19;21;22
Kevin
He's a priest at the the Order of Light or whatever it's called.

00;19;22;26 - 00;19;23;02
Phil
Yeah.

00;19;23;20 - 00;19;26;04
Phil
A Day at the Good Guy Palace, whatever.

00;19;26;04 - 00;19;46;17
Kevin
And and basically Chin Chin says, eh, there's some evil looking dudes coming up and chin chin guy too. Good. He, he has a good vibe checker right now because let me tell you, the guy with the glowing robe glowing red robot AI, he is an evil looking dude.

00;19;47;01 - 00;19;47;18
Phil
He is.

00;19;48;03 - 00;20;06;01
Kevin
And and Kung Lao responds, Chin Chin says, evil looking strangers are coming up our hill. And Kung Lao says, it isn't our hill. My son it belongs to whoever uses it and looks can be misleading like no Kung Lao you just.

00;20;06;18 - 00;20;07;05
Phil
You know.

00;20;07;28 - 00;20;10;16
Kevin
Like the kid is just trying to fucking communicate, man.

00;20;10;28 - 00;20;13;08
Phil
Just right. There's a there's a.

00;20;13;08 - 00;20;16;29
Kevin
Dude with a robot eye coming up the hill.

00;20;18;11 - 00;20;29;19
Phil
You know, we don't need to philosophize on every little. Just sometimes you can just you could just look at him and go, oh, OK. Like, you know, sometimes it's all right just to go. Why?

00;20;30;13 - 00;20;31;03
Phil
It just. Yeah.

00;20;32;02 - 00;20;35;21
Phil
Yeah, sometimes to whoever's walking on it. Good God.

00;20;36;05 - 00;20;41;29
Kevin
Good God. Anyway, Kung Lao goes to visit with the villains.

00;20;43;06 - 00;20;44;07
Phil
Yeah, with the.

00;20;44;12 - 00;20;47;16
Phil
With the totally obviously bad guys.

00;20;47;19 - 00;20;50;04
Kevin
The most bad guys who ever bad guide.

00;20;50;05 - 00;20;50;29
Phil
The most bad.

00;20;50;29 - 00;20;53;24
Phil
Guys of all time. That's basically.

00;20;54;00 - 00;21;03;17
Kevin
It's it's it's it's Kato a tall, blond woman. Gilda. I mean, Sonia, I mean Gilda Slade.

00;21;03;22 - 00;21;05;03
Phil
Very famous.

00;21;05;13 - 00;21;15;14
Kevin
And and then basically a full round out of, like, the guys from Die Hard, the terrorists.

00;21;15;25 - 00;21;16;03
Phil
Yeah.

00;21;16;28 - 00;21;25;09
Kevin
The guys who who John McClane kills in Die Hard. Those are the guys that are backing up. Kato.

00;21;25;26 - 00;21;26;03
Phil
Yeah.

00;21;26;18 - 00;21;30;25
Phil
Have you ever you ever gone to see Kiss and you got a glimpse of the roadies? That's who these guys are.

00;21;30;26 - 00;21;31;14
Kevin
That's you.

00;21;31;16 - 00;21;32;19
Phil
Guys are. Yeah.

00;21;32;29 - 00;21;33;23
Kevin
Clearly villains.

00;21;34;16 - 00;21;35;21
Phil
Yeah. Yeah.

00;21;36;26 - 00;21;38;25
Kevin
That's right. Kiss, kiss, roadies.

00;21;39;09 - 00;21;42;25
Phil
Yes. Roadies are the real villains are the fight over evil.

00;21;43;01 - 00;21;45;10
Kevin
Fight, fight the real power. Which is the.

00;21;45;10 - 00;21;45;22
Phil
Kiss.

00;21;46;29 - 00;21;47;09
Kevin
Kiss.

00;21;47;09 - 00;21;50;09
Phil
Roadie Alliance is not kiss. Kiss is fine.

00;21;50;11 - 00;22;02;29
Kevin
Kiss is fine. And there is actually a magical spell in true kiss fashion. And there's a magical spell that the roadies have placed on them. And I actually don't know a lot about Kiss.

00;22;03;03 - 00;22;22;16
Phil
So I am not really familiar either. And I feel like I'm not missing out on a lot. I'm going to be completely honest with you. Yeah. I never got the impression, even from the crazy stage show in the makeup, that I was like, you know, I think I need more kiss in my life. That is a that is a thought that has never crossed my mind.

00;22;22;16 - 00;22;26;16
Phil
I can promise you that. I'm sure they're great. I don't give a shit.

00;22;26;16 - 00;22;30;14
Kevin
I'm sure they're great. Yeah. Think I don't know. Don't don't.

00;22;31;03 - 00;22;32;21
Phil
Yeah. Or not or. No, not.

00;22;32;22 - 00;22;33;03
Phil
I don't know.

00;22;33;19 - 00;22;36;07
Kevin
Yeah. All opinions are valid because we have none.

00;22;36;19 - 00;22;51;27
Phil
Is we have none. So they they get to talking and, you know, basically says they're looking for a village and come out is just a magical answering machine like anything that he asks about. Come Land has the answer.

00;22;51;27 - 00;22;53;08
Kevin
This is a village.

00;22;53;19 - 00;23;12;09
Phil
Yeah, they're looking for a village. And what do you know there at the village? But it's not enough to just say, this is that's the village we're at. He's there looking on the map. He says we're looking for a place called Chu Jing, and Lao tells them that that's the name of the village when it was founded in the year 300.

00;23;12;14 - 00;23;14;02
Phil
That's just shit that he knows.

00;23;14;02 - 00;23;23;14
Kevin
He knows it. And he, he gives them a full rundown of like oh yeah. 400 years ago it was called this. 700 years ago it was called.

00;23;23;14 - 00;23;24;10
Phil
It's like.

00;23;24;10 - 00;23;27;17
Phil
And and Caino is about as interested as the reader.

00;23;30;00 - 00;23;30;07
Phil
Which.

00;23;30;15 - 00;23;31;09
Phil
Is to say.

00;23;31;16 - 00;23;33;05
Kevin
Not at all. Not at all.

00;23;33;14 - 00;23;38;28
Phil
It is, it is ridiculous. So they, they're there. They're in the right place or the right place.

00;23;38;28 - 00;23;43;02
Kevin
And, you know, it's like, you know what? You guys look cold. Let's, let's get you in for some soup.

00;23;43;26 - 00;23;44;05
Phil
Yeah.

00;23;44;21 - 00;24;03;11
Phil
Yeah, yeah. They keep they do emphasize the cold a lot. And and I on more than one occasion will point out the come Lao is just wearing like a simple robe. And even Cain points out how cold he is how cold he looks. And I just want to go is this, is this this is the impressive thing we're doing like like it.

00;24;03;11 - 00;24;12;07
Phil
He's just he's a magical mystic priest, warrior ninja god because it's it's 55 degrees out and he's wearing short sleeves.

00;24;12;07 - 00;24;44;14
Kevin
He's wearing short sleeves. And so but before they go inside Kino shows him the map and it's like, yes, where we need to find this mountain and the the little chin chin shepherd boy chin chin. Yeah. The shepherd boy just changes literally. His name that is his name in the book he says he says, oh, that's that's Mount Isa Fu Bay, right?

00;24;44;14 - 00;24;47;01
Kevin
That's what the name of the mount is. Yeah.

00;24;47;08 - 00;24;48;25
Phil
And yeah.

00;24;49;02 - 00;24;54;13
Kevin
And basically Kong allows like he gives them a look in the boys, like.

00;24;54;13 - 00;24;55;07
Phil
Oh, no, we.

00;24;55;12 - 00;25;20;11
Kevin
Can turns into this whole thing anyway. Karno pulls out a gun and he just starts blasting. You know, he does pull out a gun, though, and he holds up the boys and he says, this Colao says, You have no concept of what you're doing. And Karno says, Sure, I do your windbag. Which appropriate because Kung Lao has just been running his fucking mouth.

00;25;20;19 - 00;25;39;25
Phil
He really has. And by the way, can we cut the kids some goddamn slack, Mr Lao? Because you're sitting there giving this guy all kinds of information. How is he supposed to know that the one thing you didn't want him to run his mouth about was a mountain all we've been talking about is geography.

00;25;42;13 - 00;25;54;21
Phil
And the kid goes, Yeah, that's the mountain. Then. Come on, you little said you shouldn't have told him. You told him about everything else. You basically gave him your blood type. Why does that fucking matter then?

00;25;55;04 - 00;26;10;15
Kevin
And then. So Kato says, we're about to decrease China's population by one sheep boy. Unless you start making, like, Rand McNally, which let me tell you a line. It's a great line. I don't know how it would actually land.

00;26;11;03 - 00;26;12;14
Phil
If it.

00;26;12;17 - 00;26;34;08
Phil
This is this is I'll take Kato has a lot of Redford. They make a point of making Kato out to be a dumb ass on some things. You know, but he he basically, at one point, he's talking about coming out, and he says this guy comes on like a big Joel Gray will come and kind of guy. That is a musical theater rat that is from Cabaret.

00;26;34;27 - 00;27;00;18
Phil
And I know musical theater people who don't know fucking Joel Gray's name. It's sacrilegious, but it's true. The leader of the Black Dragon Gang is aware of Joel Bray's, Tony Award winning performance as the emcee in Cabaret. Yes, No. And then he throws out the Rand McNally reference. It's just like I wanted one of the gang members to be like, Look, we know you've been reading a lot.

00;27;00;23 - 00;27;03;01
Phil
You know, we're all very impressed. Let's just be.

00;27;03;04 - 00;27;04;08
Kevin
Very proud of you.

00;27;04;20 - 00;27;05;24
Phil
But yeah, that's.

00;27;06;12 - 00;27;16;24
Kevin
He's basically he's basically the villain version of Dennis Miller, also known as Dennis Miller.

00;27;17;15 - 00;27;18;12
Phil
Yeah. Yeah.

00;27;18;25 - 00;27;19;26
Kevin
Or just Dennis Miller.

00;27;21;00 - 00;27;32;07
Phil
The bad guy, period. She's this and speaking as someone who apparently comes from a similar distant bloodline as Dennis Miller.

00;27;33;00 - 00;27;57;21
Kevin
I agree and then he says, Kato took the map from Kong. Well, one more musical reference before he goes. I'll worry about all that jazz. You worry about finding some directions and packing as some grub. You got us you got some tour guide and to do really, I'm Team Keno at this point.

00;27;58;05 - 00;28;01;04
Phil
I'm with them. He I understand his motivations.

00;28;01;13 - 00;28;07;06
Kevin
His motivations are clear. You once he's going to get the money, buy an island.

00;28;07;24 - 00;28;08;08
Phil
Yes.

00;28;08;22 - 00;28;25;23
Phil
You can't get behind that. He wants to know his his his desires. In order are a get the money be buy an island. See, stop listening to fucking come out. I think we are all on his side at this point. 100%. Yes.

00;28;26;29 - 00;28;35;11
Kevin
And it would be a would have an island and. Yeah. Yep. And six would be allowed to run free there.

00;28;35;16 - 00;28;39;18
Phil
And change him and all of the weird little palindromic names.

00;28;39;21 - 00;28;40;00
Phil
Like.

00;28;40;12 - 00;28;47;28
Kevin
All the weird little side characters and, and, and just fun villains can can all live on this.

00;28;47;28 - 00;28;49;25
Phil
Site, all of them.

00;28;50;13 - 00;28;57;26
Phil
And we'll write the fanfiction that will bring this world to its knees. It is absurd. I love it.

00;28;58;20 - 00;29;01;03
Kevin
Chapter 15 starts with a nightmare.

00;29;02;06 - 00;29;02;24
Phil
Where.

00;29;02;29 - 00;29;15;07
Kevin
It's basically a Terminator two style nightmare and it's it's being had by Liu Kang or Lu Kang. However, I don't know how they say it in the in the game.

00;29;15;17 - 00;29;17;14
Phil
I believe it is Lu.

00;29;17;16 - 00;29;54;06
Kevin
Lu yeah I think I think it's I think that name is pronounced Liu. But I think in the game that he's called Liu anyway looking at his been having this nightmare about a city blowing up and it's constant and he's been losing sleep about it and he basically it's the gods that are talking to him. And Lu Kang is a soldier of the order of light and the order that gives this all background about how the order of light, they don't, they don't totally work extra judiciously, but they kind of do.

00;29;54;16 - 00;29;57;04
Phil
But they basically they basically do.

00;29;57;27 - 00;30;19;26
Kevin
And then there is a there's a little reference to how there was a beggar who taught him martial arts. And that's a throwback. That's a throwback to the fact that that raiding sometimes takes the form of a beggar to walk among the humans. And yeah. And he knows Kong Lao, he trained under Kung Lao as well. So all that fun stuff.

00;30;19;27 - 00;30;25;21
Kevin
He's got a couple of buddies with them. Don't get used to them there. They, they don't even have any lines I don't think.

00;30;26;00 - 00;30;31;15
Phil
They I don't think they do I don't think they say a single goddamn syllable. But he has a partner.

00;30;32;04 - 00;30;37;03
Kevin
He does have a partner. I didn't understand what the hell the two on the watch meant.

00;30;40;22 - 00;30;42;14
Phil
But yes, I don't understand that either.

00;30;42;15 - 00;30;54;17
Kevin
He has a partner and it's a who's and her name is agents us operative Sonya Blade. Right. So I couldn't have seen this coming.

00;30;55;07 - 00;31;01;09
Phil
So we're getting introduced to a new character, right, Kevin? Because we surely at this point have not yet met Sonya Blade.

00;31;01;20 - 00;31;05;03
Kevin
What? Here's the thing. What? She's Gilda.

00;31;06;10 - 00;31;10;01
Phil
No, no, but it's Gilda. Her name is Gilda, so it can't be.

00;31;10;01 - 00;31;16;06
Kevin
So Sonya Blade is pretending to be a mercenary for hire.

00;31;16;20 - 00;31;18;08
Phil
Kevin, are you yanking my crank.

00;31;18;13 - 00;31;28;27
Kevin
She is 22 years old, fresh out of college and is in a deep cover with one of the most notorious mercenary operations in the world.

00;31;29;17 - 00;31;32;03
Phil
Next, you're going to tell me she's not an ex ballerina.

00;31;34;06 - 00;31;36;16
Kevin
That is. Actually, I'm not sure she might actually be a bear.

00;31;36;17 - 00;31;37;17
Phil
I don't know. That's actually.

00;31;37;17 - 00;31;37;23
Phil
One.

00;31;41;21 - 00;31;45;00
Phil
Fucking Sonia Blade. You master of disguise.

00;31;45;05 - 00;31;48;18
Kevin
You master disguise selling your blade disguised as a tall, blond woman.

00;31;49;08 - 00;31;49;17
Phil
Right?

00;31;49;17 - 00;31;52;07
Phil
Just, just. Which, of.

00;31;52;07 - 00;31;59;06
Phil
Course, blends in to the landscape of China. Like you wouldn't believe almost as much as a guy with a robot face.

00;32;00;06 - 00;32;01;12
Kevin
But, yeah, a guy with an.

00;32;01;21 - 00;32;02;02
Phil
Actual.

00;32;02;20 - 00;32;06;00
Kevin
Robot face and a tall blond woman. I guess that kind of works.

00;32;06;06 - 00;32;10;16
Phil
Just very, very inconspicuous. You love to see it.

00;32;11;04 - 00;32;25;20
Kevin
So now we're from Sonya's point of view, and she's basically trying to de-escalate the situation because, you know, it's she's trying and she has to be tough, but still, like, hey, we don't need to, you know, start killing people.

00;32;26;13 - 00;32;29;02
Phil
Right, right, right. So she's playing herself what?

00;32;29;11 - 00;32;39;26
Kevin
She's basically she's on the verge of breaking her cover to save these people, but is able to kind of string everybody along and no gunshots are fired.

00;32;42;00 - 00;33;07;06
Kevin
So Kino adds a highlight. It's, you know, why if this operation goes smooth? Kino had said to the priest, everyone lives. If not, then the flock meister buys it too sweet. And some other villager gets to wear the leash. We got a radio here so I can stay in touch with whoever I leave behind.

00;33;07;14 - 00;33;15;22
Phil
Capiche Capiche yeah. They they spell both capiche and sweet phonetically.

00;33;19;10 - 00;33;31;16
Kevin
I was like, Is it written that way as a written capiche? As in like, is he saying Capiche wrong or is I I?

00;33;32;06 - 00;33;35;17
Phil
I was thinking that too, because too sweet. That's just how you say it.

00;33;36;04 - 00;33;36;18
Phil
But.

00;33;37;07 - 00;33;46;08
Phil
You know, it's I don't know. I don't know if that's for Kino. Like, it's a reflection of like, well, Kino probably wouldn't spell these words correctly or if it's for the audience.

00;33;46;08 - 00;33;49;03
Kevin
Would have heard them said correctly.

00;33;49;20 - 00;34;05;18
Phil
Yeah, absolutely. I it's, it is a weird couple of sentences. It just, it's weird. It's, and it brings us to what you and I were talking about before we even started here where it's just, it's really unclear who this book is for.

00;34;05;18 - 00;34;22;16
Kevin
I don't know who what the audience is for this book I mean, it's about in line with just about every you know what it is. It's for the very it's for the audience that really loves Commando right.

00;34;22;25 - 00;34;23;07
Phil
Right.

00;34;23;15 - 00;34;30;04
Kevin
Right. Not and not necessarily the other Arnold Schwarzenegger movies. I'm talking specifically Commando Mando.

00;34;30;18 - 00;34;32;01
Phil
Yeah. Absolutely.

00;34;32;22 - 00;34;38;26
Kevin
Yeah. I think that's I think that's the audience. It's not even necessarily for fans of Mortal Kombat.

00;34;39;18 - 00;34;40;20
Phil
No, no.

00;34;42;05 - 00;35;07;05
Phil
No. I don't think it is. You're because I know. Well, you know, you have to admit they're in a weird position with trying to adapt Mortal Kombat because it's 1995. The movie's out. The games are hugely popular among kids, but they're not allowed to admit that they're hugely popular among kids because they're getting skinned alive in the news, right?

00;35;07;05 - 00;35;27;27
Phil
Yeah, because of the violence and that sort of thing. No one has ever seen anything like it. And so it's this weird middle ground where they're trying to market to kids. They don't want it to be above too high of a reading level, but they have to make it's, I don't know, it's a weird, weird.

00;35;27;27 - 00;35;35;17
Kevin
Yeah. Some of the way it's written some of the way it's written kind of borders on worlds of power vibes.

00;35;35;20 - 00;35;36;17
Phil
A little bit.

00;35;36;17 - 00;35;50;00
Kevin
Yeah, not, not, not totally. But it, it it feels like it tonally that we're getting like, this sounds like this chapter sounds like it could have come from a world power book about mortal combat.

00;35;50;03 - 00;35;51;22
Phil
How short some of the chapters are.

00;35;52;00 - 00;35;55;13
Kevin
Yeah. Later on, we get a bunch of like, chapters that are just one page.

00;35;55;13 - 00;35;56;26
Phil
All right.

00;35;57;07 - 00;35;59;20
Phil
Right. They Dan Brown, the fuck out of this book.

00;35;59;21 - 00;36;23;21
Kevin
They Dan Brown. There's a lot of Dan Browning later. Oh, yeah, yeah. But yeah, so. So they end up going back to the temple. They're being fed soup. There's some back and forth between Cano and the kid about whether the soup is poisoned. It's ultimately meaningless. Maybe this maybe the poison that the kid references will come back later.

00;36;23;21 - 00;36;24;21
Kevin
I don't think it will.

00;36;26;15 - 00;36;29;20
Phil
I don't think that I think that was another one. That's just for the author.

00;36;29;29 - 00;36;31;14
Kevin
Yeah, it was just for the author.

00;36;32;06 - 00;36;32;18
Phil
Yeah.

00;36;33;06 - 00;36;46;13
Phil
We got another musical theater reference from another member of the gang. So they probably sit around. They referred to they said it sounds like a Bob Hope movie. One of the ones he made with Bing Crosby and Dorsey L'Amour. Who was that for?

00;36;46;26 - 00;36;47;23
Phil
Who was who?

00;36;48;23 - 00;37;06;09
Kevin
Who in the if it's if it is for. Yeah, who is it for? Is it it's not for it. It's not for 20 something at this point I don't think a 20 something is is going to be super familiar with the Bob Hope Bing Crosby catalog.

00;37;07;00 - 00;37;19;25
Phil
Right it's not for a 13 year old for the same reasons. Yeah like it's it's a weird ass reference and it's I it's I feel like the alternative just amusing himself at this point it's like OK this is let's just make this the.

00;37;20;19 - 00;37;20;29
Phil
That.

00;37;21;07 - 00;37;43;25
Kevin
The book was not for Phil and I who would have been I was I was 11 when this came out you would have been 13. Yeah and it's not for our older siblings and my my brother would have been 16 at it when this book came out like yeah hoo hoo.

00;37;44;28 - 00;37;45;18
Phil
I don't know.

00;37;46;10 - 00;38;05;26
Phil
I don't know, I don't know. I have to wonder. I really do. I would love to get our author on the show because this one very specifically, obviously it's fun to have people to interview. We love doing that. We get to meet these kick ass authors. Yeah, this one I really want to drill them about. Like all right.

00;38;06;05 - 00;38;16;22
Phil
What were the terms, what did they tell you about the audience they were aiming for? Because I'm confused and I think you were to like, I'm not going to blame you for this.

00;38;17;05 - 00;38;21;00
Kevin
But this is not the Mortal Kombat audience necessarily.

00;38;21;01 - 00;38;26;18
Phil
No, no, it's it's some odd choices. Are being made, that's all.

00;38;27;14 - 00;38;47;17
Kevin
So this conversation goes on for pages, by the way. There's this back and forth between they get they get they finally find figure out where the where Mount Eco Fub is. It's now called the amount, whatever, whatever Anguilla or something.

00;38;48;11 - 00;38;49;04
Phil
Angelus.

00;38;49;15 - 00;38;54;00
Kevin
Yes. And there's a Jason the Argonauts reference. Why not.

00;38;54;23 - 00;38;55;08
Phil
Why not.

00;38;55;19 - 00;39;21;28
Kevin
Why not? Why not? And then Kino lays out the terms. Basically, him and a couple of the others are going to go and come. Law are going to go up and they're going to try to find the thing that he needs to find and he's going to leave a couple others down here. And if, if they run into any trouble they're going to radio back and tell the guy that they leave behind to kill the kid and everybody in the town.

00;39;22;28 - 00;39;40;06
Kevin
Right, right. So that's that's basically that's the stakes k no keno sets the stakes for are heroes. Like, I will kill everybody if you fuck fuck around with me. Which I appreciate a clear statement of stakes.

00;39;41;05 - 00;39;42;21
Phil
Thank you. Thank you.

00;39;42;21 - 00;40;02;20
Phil
Thank you. You know, as much as Keno is fun, for like, the nastiness and all that stuff, you don't expect him to be this important of a character as important as he becomes later. It's it's an interesting choice, but at least we're following a character that we can get behind on certain level. So, OK, fine.

00;40;02;20 - 00;40;20;19
Kevin
We're in, we're in, we're in chapter 17 and 17, 17. And we got Jang Song and our good friend Ruthie, who it's been like thousands of years or hundreds of years or whatever, a group that is still stuck in one spot.

00;40;20;24 - 00;40;32;26
Phil
Yeah. So Ruthie, he's got to be complete because they were talking about like in a short amount of time just being stuck between worlds that Ruthie was getting completely unhinged. He must just be a tortured, horrible being at this point.

00;40;33;11 - 00;41;13;01
Kevin
Yeah, so basically Ruth is pretty sure that Raiden is, is going to start interfering soon because they're, they're basically taking some wants the amulet, he is so old and decrepit at this point that he needs the amulet that the O.G. Kung Lao buried in order to actually be able to, you know, do shit. Right. And Ruth is like, well, you know, you can't he's he's going to intervene, but he can't actually touch the amulet because of the rules we established in part one where our God cannot touch something.

00;41;13;01 - 00;41;15;24
Phil
Still, one of the more interesting things in this book.

00;41;16;06 - 00;41;45;02
Kevin
Yeah. And basically so this is the thing a couple of chapters earlier we were told Subzero. Don't bother finding him. Goro can't find him. So we're hiring Kino Kino is good people. He's a second best guy in the list. Subzero would have been number one. Can't find him. We're going with musical referencing robot eye kino instead because.

00;41;45;09 - 00;41;45;21
Phil
Right.

00;41;46;29 - 00;41;47;15
Phil
Way better.

00;41;48;04 - 00;41;48;23
Kevin
Goro.

00;41;48;24 - 00;41;50;11
Phil
Just his group.

00;41;50;11 - 00;41;50;26
Phil
Is good.

00;41;51;14 - 00;41;58;15
Kevin
All forearms are like waving. He's like Sheng sung I'm telling you Boobie can't find.

00;41;58;15 - 00;42;02;07
Phil
Me he can't.

00;42;02;17 - 00;42;19;12
Kevin
We can't find him. Ruthie the demon that he keeps in his in his bedroom there's an anchor between the out world and the earth realm is like, oh yeah subzero is like in this cave yeah.

00;42;20;24 - 00;42;25;03
Phil
Oh he was in a cave. The only time.

00;42;25;12 - 00;42;26;29
Phil
It was like is like we.

00;42;26;29 - 00;42;31;18
Kevin
Established three chapters earlier that subzero was Unfindable.

00;42;32;00 - 00;42;37;11
Phil
I'm just like a man of mystery home in San Diego in a different colored outfit.

00;42;37;22 - 00;42;48;00
Kevin
Can't find him three chapters later. Jensen Sung just asks the demon that he keeps in his room. Oh, yeah, he's over there.

00;42;48;23 - 00;42;51;21
Phil
Yeah. This is what happens when you don't listen to your help.

00;42;54;23 - 00;42;58;16
Phil
Just imagine, Ruth. They just sitting there going, I wish you would have said, Why.

00;42;58;16 - 00;43;01;18
Kevin
Didn't you ask me earlier? He wouldn't even had to have hired Chino.

00;43;02;00 - 00;43;06;00
Phil
Like, right. I've just been hanging out like. No, some really been doing nothing but.

00;43;06;00 - 00;43;13;10
Kevin
Like, doing nothing. But just keeping this portal open and get it. Just ask me.

00;43;14;05 - 00;43;17;13
Phil
So bored. I would have loved to have chatted about anything.

00;43;17;13 - 00;43;18;13
Phil
I would have anything.

00;43;18;27 - 00;43;20;26
Kevin
I'll tell you where Subzero is. He's ever there.

00;43;21;03 - 00;43;21;27
Phil
And guess what?

00;43;22;16 - 00;43;24;27
Kevin
He doesn't even want to get paid that easily.

00;43;24;27 - 00;43;27;29
Phil
Even outside of the country. He's here.

00;43;28;02 - 00;43;34;20
Kevin
He's here. He is within a couple hours of this location. As we'll find out.

00;43;35;12 - 00;43;36;04
Phil
As we'll find.

00;43;36;04 - 00;43;36;13
Phil
Out.

00;43;39;27 - 00;43;41;05
Phil
Which OK.

00;43;42;06 - 00;43;48;08
Phil
And I feel like Shake Son is going to be just like, oh, god damn it. Like, you know, that feeling.

00;43;48;14 - 00;43;49;26
Kevin
I must not have tried very hard.

00;43;50;29 - 00;44;06;11
Phil
Not you know, that feeling when you've when you are on the phone with someone and you start looking for your phone and you panic because you can't find your phone while you're talking to someone on the phone with them, I feel like that time, Z100 is what Jensen is dealing with here.

00;44;07;12 - 00;44;07;28
Phil
Yeah.

00;44;08;21 - 00;44;22;08
Kevin
That that's basically Jenks Young's life at the moment. Ruth gives him the whole rundown of, OK, why is Subzero hiding? We never really got into that. Actually, we did. Goro said Subzero was hiding because he killed somebody.

00;44;23;13 - 00;44;27;12
Phil
Who killed someone. He ruined a sack. Like what? Was that, a sacred place?

00;44;27;15 - 00;44;45;11
Kevin
Yeah. He dumped the body in a sacred river. And apparently the God demon, the demigod view, who is the demigod of rivers and canals or something like that, is, like, fucking pissed about that. Yeah.

00;44;45;29 - 00;44;46;25
Phil
Yeah, he's first.

00;44;47;18 - 00;44;48;01
Phil
Is.

00;44;48;07 - 00;44;48;28
Kevin
Is.

00;44;49;00 - 00;44;49;09
Phil
Is.

00;44;49;09 - 00;44;52;20
Kevin
Not too fat, not too fond of Subzero right now.

00;44;54;18 - 00;45;05;03
Phil
Which is frustrating because you got to figure it like, it's like, God dammit, do I have to check with every local demi Gorgon before I drop a body in a trash can?

00;45;07;14 - 00;45;09;19
Phil
I'm like subzero sight for that one.

00;45;11;01 - 00;45;17;24
Kevin
When I tell you to drop the body in the mash the mud, you drop the body in the.

00;45;17;24 - 00;45;20;16
Phil
Mash was not where.

00;45;20;16 - 00;45;24;14
Phil
John Hancock goes every Thursday to get a fucking blowjob.

00;45;27;07 - 00;45;34;07
Phil
This is it's just unfair. This is not reality TV.

00;45;36;13 - 00;45;38;20
Phil
Oh, laughs. Don't laugh.

00;45;40;26 - 00;45;41;16
Phil
Oh.

00;45;44;18 - 00;45;49;02
Kevin
We'll have to. Eventually, we're going to do a supercut of the departed.

00;45;49;02 - 00;45;51;14
Phil
Reference of us have to.

00;45;51;23 - 00;46;01;07
Phil
We're going to have to. You know, one day when we open a patron and we want to we want some sort of reward. We're just going to have to talk our way through all of departed. And that'll be that'll yeah.

00;46;01;07 - 00;46;03;16
Kevin
We'll do it'll be a RiffTrax of departed base.

00;46;03;16 - 00;46;04;06
Phil
Exactly.

00;46;06;05 - 00;46;08;04
Phil
To be us quoting the movie back out in the.

00;46;08;04 - 00;46;10;05
Phil
Movie will.

00;46;10;10 - 00;46;13;05
Phil
Go the same way if we do predator which I think we should.

00;46;13;15 - 00;46;14;05
Kevin
We should.

00;46;14;05 - 00;46;17;12
Phil
Yes, we should. It felt.

00;46;17;20 - 00;46;20;09
Phil
All right. So, Cranbury, find out that.

00;46;21;11 - 00;46;21;15
Phil
Yeah.

00;46;23;08 - 00;46;24;05
Kevin
What do you idea period.

00;46;25;05 - 00;46;28;19
Phil
Anyway and know you.

00;46;29;12 - 00;46;37;20
Phil
Sang some finds out that not only is subzero nearby, but he's also a bargain because he happens to be coerced and.

00;46;38;11 - 00;46;52;03
Kevin
All he wants in return are robes. So are the scrolls, rather. And yeah, so Shang Sung writes a little note on a piece of paper, gives it to his bird hamachi.

00;46;53;19 - 00;46;58;06
Phil
And so a little white white dove. Or they call it a white pigeon.

00;46;58;20 - 00;47;04;01
Kevin
Yeah, yeah, something like that. And then he sends it off, and he's like, Yeah, my child will take care of that.

00;47;04;24 - 00;47;22;05
Phil
Because he misses the bird. He says, Come back safely and soon, and I will offer up a human sacrifice to you. That's like the most sick tannic pigeon I've ever heard from. And I lived in Manhattan for Felix, but he also made a whole human sacrifice to this pigeon.

00;47;22;18 - 00;47;40;17
Kevin
You know, Chang song, though, is a bird guy. He fucking he's a bird yeah. He loves his birds. And that seems to be I don't know if we're ever going to capitalize on the fact that he is he is an avid bird lover. That just seems to be a fun character. He's a birder.

00;47;41;11 - 00;47;41;27
Phil
He's a bird.

00;47;43;27 - 00;47;45;29
Kevin
He's avid for the aviary.

00;47;48;10 - 00;47;50;02
Phil
The chapter.

00;47;51;00 - 00;47;52;11
Phil
I think.

00;47;52;24 - 00;48;05;21
Kevin
Hey, man, we get we get basically this whole chapter's told most the chapters told without revealing who the person is in the cage, even though we know that it's subzero.

00;48;06;14 - 00;48;07;06
Phil
Right?

00;48;07;16 - 00;48;09;02
Phil
So we're like, why are you who are they?

00;48;09;22 - 00;48;10;10
Kevin
What is why.

00;48;10;10 - 00;48;11;08
Phil
Is he trying to butter up.

00;48;11;08 - 00;48;19;01
Kevin
Here? Why is this being withheld from us? We know subzero is in a cave and that's bird. You know, he's telling us and.

00;48;19;25 - 00;48;24;01
Phil
We know that he that he is his payment is scrolls.

00;48;24;05 - 00;48;27;15
Kevin
Magic screens because he's just looking for knowledge.

00;48;28;17 - 00;48;34;10
Phil
Yeah. Like we've got all that information and they still go, who is he going to be?

00;48;34;10 - 00;48;36;16
Phil
You do know, you know.

00;48;37;06 - 00;48;53;10
Kevin
So he killed a dude named Yong Park, who he he calls a trader. Basically, Yong Park was a former ninja named Scorpion and who left the ninja the ninja in ways to just become a tollbooth collector.

00;48;54;08 - 00;48;54;16
Phil
Yeah.

00;48;54;29 - 00;48;56;05
Kevin
You do what you do.

00;48;57;22 - 00;48;59;02
Phil
Here's that pretty cool game.

00;49;00;26 - 00;49;02;15
Phil
Yeah. He plays.

00;49;02;26 - 00;49;03;29
Phil
Video games. Yes.

00;49;03;29 - 00;49;05;15
Phil
Scorpions Tollbooth.

00;49;06;11 - 00;49;11;01
Phil
That actually sounds like a really warped. It's, you know, Scorpions Tollbooth.

00;49;11;16 - 00;49;12;21
Kevin
Get over here.

00;49;14;12 - 00;49;15;14
Phil
Get over here.

00;49;15;17 - 00;49;17;00
Phil
To Scorpions Tollbooth.

00;49;18;21 - 00;49;27;11
Kevin
So we get a we get a nice little arm up moments where we're subzero, puts on all of his gear is his blue armor.

00;49;27;22 - 00;49;29;03
Phil
And yes.

00;49;30;10 - 00;49;54;11
Kevin
And despite his how he did something, despite his many actual mole, the ninja was able to move with ease and secrecy, slipping back toward the mouth of the cave. The feared and adding matic subzero crept out and made its way quickly down the face of the cliff to the beach below yeah. So, yes, it's just a whole back back.

00;49;54;17 - 00;50;14;24
Kevin
It's like a little bit kind of a lower dump on Subzero. It feels more like kind of a double beat, actually, because we heard a lot of this already from other people and now we're hearing it from Subzero. His point of view but we really did not need to Rashomon this bit of information over and over.

00;50;14;24 - 00;50;15;11
Phil
No.

00;50;15;19 - 00;50;17;05
Phil
I don't think we did.

00;50;17;15 - 00;50;21;04
Kevin
I don't think we did. But guess what? It's not the last time we're going to hear it.

00;50;22;01 - 00;50;22;13
Phil
No.

00;50;23;27 - 00;50;45;05
Phil
No, it's not, because we and it's it's also weird because the first part was a third of the book. It was not a very long section, but we only got introduced to like three characters. Yeah. In the whole thing. And so it actually was a pretty paced, pretty well paced section of the book, if you ask me. Yeah.

00;50;46;17 - 00;50;59;03
Phil
But now we're getting a new character every other chapter, and then we're repeating shit that was already said in previous chapters. Like there's we don't have time. They weren't running out of.

00;50;59;03 - 00;51;00;03
Phil
Book where we.

00;51;00;03 - 00;51;00;16
Phil
Threw the ball.

00;51;00;17 - 00;51;18;28
Kevin
We've got Kato, we've got Sonia Blade, we've got the, we've got Liu Kang, we've got, we've got the New Kong. Wow. Who like, just because his name is Kung Lao, it doesn't mean he's the same Kung Lao. You got to establish him as a completely he's a different person.

00;51;19;26 - 00;51;30;24
Phil
I've stopped. I've stop wondering where his goddamn hat is, by the way, because maybe it's not maybe it's not half Kung Lao. Maybe he was a weird part of the generation. I don't know yet because they keep pulling the rug out.

00;51;31;19 - 00;51;34;05
Kevin
Where is Conlon and his goddamn razor blade at?

00;51;34;25 - 00;51;41;01
Phil
I want his hat. We all want that hat. That's literally all anyone knows about. Come blowers the hat.

00;51;42;01 - 00;52;11;00
Kevin
We get a big chapter, chapter 19, nice and beefy. It's a it's a solid stake of a chapter. Yeah, where Yong Park is the point of view character. The the man who would be who was once scorpion and will be again is basically having a conversation with you the demigod of of rivers and wetlands and marshes.

00;52;13;06 - 00;52;13;11
Phil
The.

00;52;13;11 - 00;52;19;21
Kevin
Fens in Boston are particularly one of his one of his.

00;52;19;26 - 00;52;20;05
Phil
Which.

00;52;22;04 - 00;52;37;07
Phil
By the way you know you know scorpion with his with his get over here ability and his flame abilities and everything like that you know you would expect to get those kinds of powers from a god of rivers.

00;52;38;00 - 00;52;38;25
Phil
You would expect it.

00;52;39;22 - 00;52;42;02
Phil
Sure. From whatever.

00;52;43;06 - 00;53;05;25
Kevin
So we get a recap of Scorpions death and it's gruesome. He gets basically you got sliced up a lot. He got disemboweled. He got everything subzero, really fucked him up, really fucked him. And then then he dumped the body in the water and it wasn't it. That's when it crossed the line for you. Be like, whoa, hey, now that's my was.

00;53;05;25 - 00;53;14;06
Phil
Like, I can, I can I can get behind like mutilating him like a cow under a UFO, but no way, no.

00;53;14;06 - 00;53;14;20
Kevin
Way.

00;53;14;29 - 00;53;17;00
Phil
In a single drop of blood in my river.

00;53;17;19 - 00;53;25;16
Kevin
So guess what you is like we need to get revenge on this motherfucker. And young is like, do we have to? And Du is like.

00;53;25;17 - 00;53;27;08
Phil
Yeah, yeah, particularly interested.

00;53;27;15 - 00;53;42;14
Kevin
He's not particularly interested because he was like, is like, well, here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to take you and I'm going to I'm going to tell you to go to your son and go in his body and oh, yeah. There you go. It's like a ghostwriter.

00;53;42;14 - 00;53;44;14
Phil
Situation is fun.

00;53;44;18 - 00;53;50;22
Kevin
Isn't that fun? You read the comics, the Marvel comic ghostwriter, where you're going to ghostwriter you you're going to do you're a.

00;53;50;22 - 00;53;51;28
Phil
Ghostwriter, your son.

00;53;51;29 - 00;53;55;08
Kevin
You're going to you're going to a skull and everything, and you're going.

00;53;55;08 - 00;53;55;24
Phil
To love it.

00;53;56;01 - 00;53;58;13
Kevin
And you're going to love it. He's going to love it. Everybody's going to love it.

00;53;58;13 - 00;54;03;20
Phil
Scorpions over you're going. I would really just I've had a really long life. I'm kind of ready to just go to heaven or.

00;54;03;23 - 00;54;15;05
Kevin
I'd rather not go there. Now, you have got to kill this guy who polluted my river with a filthy, filthy corpse with a filthy corpse and be like, but it was my body. Be like, yeah.

00;54;15;06 - 00;54;17;23
Phil
It's like we're talking about me. Yeah, it was disgusting.

00;54;17;23 - 00;54;22;14
Kevin
Disgusting. Blood entrails everywhere. Fucking gross.

00;54;23;19 - 00;54;27;06
Phil
People. It took them 20 minutes to clean. All of it up was bullshit.

00;54;27;06 - 00;54;36;14
Kevin
So after being getting his arm twisted, Scorpion doth protest too much. But then he he eventually says, yes.

00;54;36;29 - 00;54;39;00
Phil
Yes, all right, fine.

00;54;40;16 - 00;54;42;29
Phil
Let's go find my theater major of a.

00;54;42;29 - 00;54;45;05
Kevin
Song in my theater. Major Heaven, son.

00;54;46;08 - 00;54;49;11
Phil
And I'll possess his body I guess that's not weird.

00;54;50;27 - 00;54;57;07
Kevin
So now we get a series of just weird ass chapters as if the previous ones weren't weird.

00;54;57;24 - 00;55;00;05
Phil
Yeah. By the way, we haven't gotten to the weird part.

00;55;00;05 - 00;55;01;05
Kevin
We haven't even gotten.

00;55;01;05 - 00;55;02;25
Phil
So you all know, weirdness yet.

00;55;03;07 - 00;55;22;28
Kevin
Uh, a kino and Kung Lao and the group are walking up the mountain. Cano has a great line about the order of light. He says you're a priest. Of what? Now the order of light. Was that, like religion? Lt doesn't fill you up. Thanks.

00;55;22;28 - 00;55;24;27
Phil
Can be your reference. Do you take that?

00;55;25;06 - 00;55;26;16
Kevin
Yes. It's a beer or a light.

00;55;26;23 - 00;55;29;06
Phil
Yeah. OK, good. Like a light. I wasn't crazy.

00;55;29;06 - 00;55;31;03
Kevin
It's a light beer reference. I'm pretty.

00;55;31;09 - 00;55;31;21
Phil
Filling.

00;55;32;03 - 00;55;49;16
Kevin
It's less filling, so there's more like there's more back and forth between Kino and Kong. Wow. And all that stuff. It's. It's it's not super interesting, basically, until until. Until Raiden shows up.

00;55;50;05 - 00;55;50;11
Phil
Yeah.

00;55;51;05 - 00;55;55;05
Phil
Raiden shows up and goes shut off. Stop talking.

00;55;55;22 - 00;55;58;07
Phil
Right this dying over here reign.

00;55;58;10 - 00;55;59;24
Kevin
Is just so done.

00;56;02;01 - 00;56;17;04
Kevin
Braden's like, yeah, just knock it off. And they're all like, What's going on? And then before anything really gets going, Shang Sung and Goro show up through a portal, which they can do as you do, which.

00;56;17;14 - 00;56;18;21
Phil
Yeah, they just show up.

00;56;18;25 - 00;56;19;21
Phil
Know they show up here.

00;56;20;05 - 00;56;24;06
Kevin
We're here, and now it's a whole it's a thing. It becomes a.

00;56;24;24 - 00;56;26;03
Phil
It is officially a thing.

00;56;26;03 - 00;56;30;14
Kevin
It is officially a thing. But we're meanwhile meanwhile.

00;56;31;01 - 00;56;33;06
Phil
Meanwhile we've.

00;56;33;16 - 00;56;34;17
Phil
Had one of those on a minute.

00;56;34;22 - 00;56;35;17
Phil
We even when was.

00;56;35;26 - 00;56;38;26
Kevin
This book did not lead it lead to something meanwhile necessarily?

00;56;38;27 - 00;56;40;24
Phil
No, I guess it doesn't this is.

00;56;40;24 - 00;57;06;09
Kevin
A true meanwhile because this is just somewhere completely fucking else. Right. This young Pak goes to his son. So soy pak and is like, Hey, son, can I possess your body? And the son is like flat. No, this is the grief and that is the most that is probably the most accurate response in this book so far.

00;57;06;10 - 00;57;30;18
Phil
The realest bit of dialog because he's mourning his father a spirit shows up and asks him that time honored treasured question that every son waits for his father to ask, May I possess your body? So that we may enact bloody revenge upon my assassin? And and the kid says, But I was going to Toshi Station to pick up some power converters yes.

00;57;31;08 - 00;57;38;25
Phil
But as he goes, are we really going to do this? And he's like, Yes. All OK.

00;57;38;27 - 00;57;39;18
Phil
Fine.

00;57;40;01 - 00;57;44;14
Phil
And he talks to me. It doesn't take long. He talks him into it and son.

00;57;44;14 - 00;57;59;22
Kevin
Is totally gung ho by the end of this little chat is like at the end of this, he goes for my dad, dad. And so that's where he starts. And by the Andes, I am ready, Father, ready to let those who wronged you feel my wrath, the wrath of Scorpion.

00;58;00;13 - 00;58;05;11
Phil
Scorpion. Oh, get over here. And then leaves and river monster scorpions.

00;58;05;13 - 00;58;11;28
Kevin
He leaves, he leaves a note telling his mommy not to worry.

00;58;12;24 - 00;58;15;11
Phil
Which what? What a detail, by the way. What a.

00;58;15;11 - 00;58;19;21
Kevin
Detail. Don't worry, Mommy. It could have just possessed by daddy.

00;58;19;21 - 00;58;37;24
Phil
Really? They kind of cut themselves off at the knees there where it was just like it ends with ready to let those who wronged you feel my wrath. The wrath of Scorpion. That should be a fucking cut like jump cut to. And instead, after writing a note telling his mother not to worry about him, he left by the window.

00;58;38;28 - 00;58;40;28
Kevin
He packed himself a lunch APB and J.

00;58;41;13 - 00;58;43;20
Phil
City like spy cut off.

00;58;44;00 - 00;58;44;28
Kevin
Gets cut off.

00;58;46;15 - 00;58;47;27
Phil
Because he's not a savage.

00;58;49;28 - 00;58;50;02
Phil
With.

00;58;50;04 - 00;59;06;11
Phil
A huge argument over whether it should be horizontal or diagonally cut. And and then and then they were on their way and. Yeah, yeah. And then and by the time they got halfway out the door, they realized they had left the bag lunch behind. And they had a good laugh.

00;59;06;19 - 00;59;12;21
Kevin
They had a good laugh together as father and son sharing one ghost writer ID body.

00;59;14;05 - 00;59;17;12
Phil
Chapter 22. Yeah, yeah.

00;59;19;23 - 00;59;20;24
Phil
Like, what the fuck?

00;59;21;24 - 00;59;27;17
Kevin
Raiden and Goro have a little tete a tete, and then they start beating the shit out of each other.

00;59;28;01 - 00;59;33;00
Phil
Yes, they do. They they just. No one's happy here.

00;59;33;02 - 00;59;45;27
Kevin
There's no one. No one's happy. There's there's a lot of back and forth, but it really doesn't matter. It's just it's. It could just be like Shell. They're trying to talk Shang song into, like, not supporting Shao Khan.

00;59;45;27 - 00;59;47;09
Phil
Anymore, right?

00;59;47;13 - 00;59;48;24
Kevin
Which is an interesting angle.

00;59;49;29 - 00;59;58;13
Phil
That's not one you would have expected in total combat. And he actually even admits he's like, hey, I know what you're saying. I know you're thinking, trust me.

00;59;58;15 - 01;00;17;21
Kevin
I know what I know. I know that I already thought of that. I'm. I'm cool. I know what's going on. Range like you. Sure and and and Chang sung is like, yeah, you know, uh, Shao Khan is like, you know, he's he's a douche. But he's a douche. I know.

01;00;18;12 - 01;00;18;25
Phil
But he's my.

01;00;19;16 - 01;00;23;15
Kevin
Buddy, my douche, and rayanne's like, all right. And then Gaurav punches them.

01;00;24;11 - 01;00;27;24
Phil
Right? Right. And they just could.

01;00;27;27 - 01;00;45;23
Kevin
Get into a they get into a fight, and then he he he does a he does a move he does like I had a lightning missile attack into guru's chest. And, yeah, there's a lot of back and forth here.

01;00;46;12 - 01;01;19;03
Phil
There's a lot of there's a lot of talking, a little bit of fighting. And yeah, they're apparently raiding electricity, power basically helps Jang Song complete a spell that he has been working on. He's basically hoisting himself by his own petard and we are left at the end of the chapter wondering what sort of strange, horrible thing that Shang Sung was planning and and it actually is a cliffhanger for once.

01;01;19;03 - 01;01;20;26
Phil
It is a what it is.

01;01;20;26 - 01;01;21;06
Kevin
What it.

01;01;21;06 - 01;01;22;11
Phil
Is seeing times.

01;01;22;18 - 01;01;41;11
Kevin
Chapter 23 and 20 we get introduced to something that I don't know what this is, but Sheng Sung has merged Kung Lao and Kano together into a smoke monster. Yes. That he calls Kono Lao.

01;01;42;05 - 01;02;07;29
Phil
Right. You remember that point in Alien versus Predator where the chest burst or comes out of the Predator and it morphs into a pretty alien and it's got the crazy crab face, but also the double jaws. That's what we're dealing with. The best and the worst right together, just like bubble gum and peanuts it's just a mess.

01;02;07;29 - 01;02;11;16
Kevin
You got you got bubble gum in my peanuts with you.

01;02;11;16 - 01;02;12;28
Phil
Peanuts in my bubble gum.

01;02;12;28 - 01;02;16;04
Kevin
Why did you spit out your chewed bubble gum on my peanuts?

01;02;17;29 - 01;02;21;13
Phil
Question is, why are your peanuts in the way my chewed up bubble gum motherfucker.

01;02;22;01 - 01;02;31;17
Kevin
So anyway, yeah, it's we get it's a mess. Yeah, basically there's a reset. There's the mind.

01;02;32;06 - 01;02;49;18
Phil
We do get the tail here where it's like the whole thing is that if he does, he does that because if. Right, well, here it is. He says he says if you try and interfere with them. Right. And I will allow the smoke to dissipate and when it does close. So we'll go straight to the out world dragging come lives with it.

01;02;49;24 - 01;02;57;19
Phil
Do you know what that means? It means that Shelton will have enough souls to cross over which.

01;02;58;19 - 01;02;59;14
Phil
OK, all right.

01;02;59;17 - 01;03;28;25
Kevin
All right. So basically, this is this is Shang Sung is basically just using this as his gambit to get the amulet because. Yes, he doesn't he doesn't want he doesn't want to let what's his name, Shal Khan through unless he's at his peak, which he needs the amulet to to do so. So but he will he will deadman's trigger that the smoke monster and off of you, pop.

01;03;29;19 - 01;03;38;15
Kevin
Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah, there is like, don't interfere. I promise I won't leave. Basically, Ragan says I'll stay right here.

01;03;39;02 - 01;03;58;02
Phil
Right? And Raven does a lot of you know, it's similar to like with them saying the Shang Sung's like, hey, let's try and reason with you. Yeah, it's kind of strange because just like that Raiden just they just kind of trust him. Ray Jesus. If I do not leave here, do you give me your promise? That no harm will come to the monks or priests?

01;03;58;09 - 01;04;09;28
Phil
No harm will befall them, such Shang son, nor will I or any of my agents move against your temples or your books and your scroll gods and reasons, just like. All right, well, that's a face you can trust.

01;04;10;08 - 01;04;23;23
Kevin
Yeah, that's a wise and old man that you can trust, clearly. Right? The most terrifying moment is when he wants to talk to come in Lao and take.

01;04;23;29 - 01;04;25;02
Phil
A face you can trust.

01;04;25;02 - 01;04;34;11
Kevin
And he knows mouth just, like, opens all the way up, and Conlan, his head sticks out like the alien tiny head.

01;04;35;14 - 01;04;38;27
Phil
It is some serious fucking body horror. Out of.

01;04;39;06 - 01;04;45;27
Phil
Nowhere. Out of nowhere, out of nowhere. He any any.

01;04;45;27 - 01;05;06;22
Phil
Other book, TV show, movie. If you've got like, a mixing of the souls you would have just had, like them say, you know, Kato spoke, but it was with tongue louse voice. It was super spooky and weird goo. If they literally have Kato's jaw dislocate and come close head pop out and go, what is it boss? It's fucking insane.

01;05;06;27 - 01;05;07;16
Phil
Why?

01;05;07;17 - 01;05;36;02
Kevin
Why it is. And then Sonia Blade basically chooses this opportunity to try to kill somebody and Jang Song picks up on it and he's like, Oh, OK, well, somebody needs to be taught a lesson. Go kill the kid. Like, call back, go kill the kid in the temple. And meanwhile, we get while looking is, is we get some back story for Lu Kang and his brother.

01;05;36;02 - 01;05;36;26
Kevin
I don't care.

01;05;38;00 - 01;05;59;07
Phil
Luke remains the most boring character. So boring whether you're watching the movie is or playing the games or. I never I don't I never watched the cartoon show that they used to do. But Liu Kang was always the most he was always the main character for some reason, but he was always the most boring. Yeah. I just don't care.

01;05;59;12 - 01;06;25;05
Kevin
I don't care. I don't care. He's talking about his brother and some game they played Liu Kang basically is approaching the temple. I don't know where Lu Kang was coming from in the other chapter that he's suddenly there, but he is right. And the village? He's in the village and he's approaching the temple and he's hearing the the other end of the radio call to execute the kid.

01;06;25;21 - 01;06;33;15
Kevin
And he's like, Oh, I'm going to, I'm going to do something about this. And then the building blows up right?

01;06;34;02 - 01;06;34;14
Phil
Right.

01;06;35;07 - 01;06;41;01
Phil
I better do something. And then everything explodes OK.

01;06;41;22 - 01;06;42;07
Phil
Fine.

01;06;42;07 - 01;06;56;26
Kevin
And on the other side of basically the car goes dead. Chapter 25. We're back and the call is dead and be like, Huh, well, that's weird. Something, something weird happened. And basically Raiden is standing there like.

01;06;57;07 - 01;06;58;10
Phil
I really got stops.

01;06;58;10 - 01;07;02;27
Kevin
I said I'd never leave I didn't say I wouldn't send a lightning bolt down.

01;07;04;00 - 01;07;04;10
Phil
Right.

01;07;05;17 - 01;07;09;14
Phil
You can't. You got me and I stinker.

01;07;10;00 - 01;07;15;27
Kevin
You yet he basically he does the Bugs Bunny defense.

01;07;16;07 - 01;07;17;08
Phil
You're right.

01;07;17;14 - 01;07;19;15
Phil
It's a classic Bugs Bunny defense.

01;07;22;08 - 01;07;32;12
Kevin
And then basically we get to where we're in chapter 26. Now, this it's like the chapters are coming fast and furious at this point.

01;07;32;12 - 01;07;34;11
Phil
It's a two paragraph chapter.

01;07;35;01 - 01;07;45;29
Kevin
It's it's basically the lightning bolt strike from the point of view of the kid in the room and chin chin basically gets it just says chin chin gets out.

01;07;47;04 - 01;08;00;09
Phil
Kevin you're not going to believe this. I actually counted it. This is a four sentence chapter. The last paragraph just looks like a paragraph because it takes up six lines. It's but it's a single sentence.

01;08;00;09 - 01;08;01;22
Kevin
That is a single sentence.

01;08;02;04 - 01;08;04;00
Phil
It is a single sentence. OK, so yeah.

01;08;04;00 - 01;08;10;03
Kevin
It's got commas, it's got and dashes. It's got a lot going on. It's a really strong together.

01;08;10;20 - 01;08;12;07
Phil
It's got it all, baby.

01;08;13;01 - 01;08;17;03
Kevin
Chapter 27. So Chin Chin is live.

01;08;18;24 - 01;08;20;16
Phil
Thank God. He's worried about Chin and Blue.

01;08;20;16 - 01;08;29;19
Kevin
Kang is like, oh, what the fuck? And then he gets hit with a pole and wouldn't you know it? Wouldn't you know it subzero is here.

01;08;30;17 - 01;08;54;05
Phil
Yeah, it's, it's the, it's, it's a very important pole because we got the hole a few chapters ago. We got this whole gearing up scene that you mentioned before and they go into great detail on all the cool shit that his uniform and his weapons can do. And as far as I can tell, we basically use none of that except for the pole.

01;08;54;05 - 01;08;54;24
Phil
He's got a pole.

01;08;55;03 - 01;08;56;16
Kevin
He's got a pole, and he.

01;08;56;17 - 01;08;57;05
Phil
Does stick.

01;08;57;23 - 01;09;12;15
Kevin
Him and Liu Kang, they go at it. Yeah, but but subzero. Is it like glue? Kang does isn't really a match for subzero because subzero is even though subzero is just a man. He is a man with a shit ton of ice magic.

01;09;13;15 - 01;09;31;00
Phil
Right, right. And Luke Kang makes a point of saying because he he literally has one throwing star like he reaches into his belt for his throwing star singular. And it's missing. And I'm like, what do they fucking do? You want a budget? Well, you only have one throwing style.

01;09;31;08 - 01;09;32;26
Kevin
Where did the other ones go?

01;09;33;14 - 01;09;36;02
Phil
Right. I think Kevin, I think he.

01;09;36;02 - 01;09;39;19
Phil
Only had one throwing stars I think you thought that was going to be.

01;09;39;19 - 01;09;40;07
Phil
Enough.

01;09;40;28 - 01;09;47;00
Kevin
The one throwing star, the star. He throws it, he goes and he gets it and he uses it again.

01;09;47;02 - 01;09;50;15
Phil
He goes, Yeah, he gets it back. Sure, sure. He's a big.

01;09;50;15 - 01;09;55;09
Kevin
Fan of Captain Planet. You know, this is about the right, right era. You know.

01;09;55;15 - 01;10;02;28
Phil
I'm sure he's your grandpa who lived through the depression being like, Hey, that's still a good throwing star. We still use that. We can still use that.

01;10;03;05 - 01;10;07;25
Kevin
You put those leather shoes into a into a pot of boiling water and you get yourself some soup.

01;10;08;19 - 01;10;09;11
Phil
You got a soup.

01;10;10;00 - 01;10;12;00
Phil
You some let.

01;10;12;00 - 01;10;12;24
Kevin
Us stew.

01;10;12;24 - 01;10;13;08
Phil
Soup.

01;10;14;15 - 01;10;15;14
Kevin
That's Luke.

01;10;16;08 - 01;10;17;10
Phil
I eat a lot of this in the.

01;10;17;10 - 01;10;17;23
Phil
Eighties.

01;10;20;02 - 01;10;34;17
Phil
Just for fun. And they're fighting at one point, by the way, subzero fires, an ice bolt at Luke Kang and Luke counters with a fireball, which, yeah, sure, that's a good looking gang.

01;10;35;00 - 01;10;38;08
Kevin
Now that he's been struck by lightning, he's like, oh, I got fireballs now.

01;10;38;28 - 01;10;40;11
Phil
Right? Yeah. Let's that's that's.

01;10;40;21 - 01;10;44;18
Kevin
That's the gravitas that it is treated with in the book.

01;10;45;03 - 01;10;45;23
Phil
He's right.

01;10;45;23 - 01;10;47;02
Kevin
He just kind of rolls with it.

01;10;47;25 - 01;10;50;10
Phil
He just goes Oh, all right. I can do this now.

01;10;52;28 - 01;10;57;14
Kevin
But my favorite line of this entire chapter was even a ninja was not immune to bullets.

01;10;58;05 - 01;10;58;15
Phil
Right?

01;10;59;00 - 01;11;03;16
Phil
He bemoans the fact that he doesn't have any weapons and like, oh, man, wish I wish I had a gun.

01;11;03;16 - 01;11;04;16
Kevin
Wish I had a gun.

01;11;05;07 - 01;11;06;00
Phil
What's this?

01;11;06;04 - 01;11;07;04
Phil
This guy, he was like.

01;11;07;16 - 01;11;08;05
Phil
The.

01;11;08;12 - 01;11;14;21
Phil
The holy order of the light or whatever. And he's like, oh, man, here's my boobies. Stick with me anymore.

01;11;14;21 - 01;11;24;06
Kevin
Imagine Mortal Kombat, round one fights, and then Luke pulls out a gun and shoots subzero Luke hanging.

01;11;24;06 - 01;11;30;21
Phil
Wings no one goes, Oh, Jesus Christ, he fucking shot him. He fucking.

01;11;30;21 - 01;11;31;11
Kevin
Shot him.

01;11;32;04 - 01;11;34;14
Phil
Oh, my God. I can't say technology.

01;11;35;29 - 01;11;38;06
Phil
Just cuts to shanks and going, All right, let's.

01;11;38;06 - 01;11;42;17
Phil
Be cool. Let's be clear. Jesus.

01;11;44;12 - 01;11;45;29
Phil
He's going to shoot him. Who's got a.

01;11;45;29 - 01;11;48;09
Kevin
Gun? Who brings a gun to blow up?

01;11;48;21 - 01;11;52;27
Phil
Do you believe it took this long? Actually, now that I think of it.

01;11;52;28 - 01;11;55;07
Kevin
There is a gun guy in Mortal Kombat, isn't there?

01;11;55;14 - 01;11;57;15
Phil
Stryker here's the strike.

01;11;57;24 - 01;11;58;27
Kevin
Stryker uses a gun.

01;11;58;27 - 01;12;00;09
Phil
Yeah, yeah, he's got it.

01;12;01;03 - 01;12;07;13
Phil
He's got several, I believe so. Yeah, he. He must. He must just. Everyone must just must feel fucking stupid.

01;12;07;13 - 01;12;08;24
Kevin
He's like, I bring guns.

01;12;08;28 - 01;12;13;22
Phil
A gun done. Brought a knife. Why did I bring a knife? I'm an idiot.

01;12;15;22 - 01;12;16;08
Phil
So.

01;12;17;14 - 01;12;25;10
Phil
So now Subzero fucking takes a powder and gets out of there. Yeah. Can go and change and run off from it.

01;12;25;11 - 01;12;41;28
Kevin
Yeah, yeah. Luke Chang basically dives into the library and and subzero just kind of vanishes and and Chin Chin and Lew Kang are like, hey, how hey, you doing? We're alive. Raiden must have saved us.

01;12;43;04 - 01;12;45;06
Phil
Right thanks, Raby.

01;12;45;16 - 01;13;08;16
Kevin
And then basically, Lu Kang knows it. OK, well, subzero is out there somewhere, and it's nighttime, and it would be best if I didn't try to pursue him out into the darkness where he can hide. And he also puts it together that. Oh, oh, man, my friends who had no speaking lines, good buddies are dead.

01;13;09;07 - 01;13;09;20
Phil
Or dead.

01;13;09;26 - 01;13;12;08
Kevin
Or they're dead because because.

01;13;12;10 - 01;13;27;08
Phil
The rap on their names what's what's a major and Don Cheadle, weirdly enough. Don Cheadle, it's it's. Oh, yeah. It's Guy ly.

01;13;27;16 - 01;13;29;24
Phil
Got rich and.

01;13;29;24 - 01;13;39;19
Phil
And Wilson Tong those are those they're dead. They're dead. Remember all the investment you had in Wilson Tong.

01;13;40;01 - 01;13;40;14
Phil
Yeah.

01;13;41;00 - 01;13;45;14
Phil
Yeah, that was my favorite Wilson time. And they were going to work him into one of the games.

01;13;45;14 - 01;14;00;12
Kevin
Yeah. So that's, that's, I mean, we thought that there would be another heartbreak at this point, but there isn't. So we're, we're just going to leave it that at that point, subzero disappears into the nights. Lu Kang is you sad boy.

01;14;01;14 - 01;14;02;17
Phil
Said his.

01;14;02;18 - 01;14;10;17
Kevin
Friends maybe in the next you know, the last section of this book that we get to, they'll actually have a Mortal Kombat tournament.

01;14;11;12 - 01;14;15;20
Phil
Maybe. Maybe we get a little you get a little Mortal Kombat in your Mortal Kombat.

01;14;15;22 - 01;14;17;26
Kevin
Can we have Mortal Kombat and our Mortal Kombat book?

01;14;18;03 - 01;14;22;28
Phil
I don't I don't think that's too much to ask. No, actually had more gun battles.

01;14;23;12 - 01;14;25;20
Phil
Than it's weird.

01;14;25;21 - 01;14;56;19
Kevin
Page 198 of this of this epub that we're reading it from and yeah, it's 27 chapters in 198 pages in and there was a mortal there is we fast forward through all mortal. There's an old Mortal Kombat tournament where we basically got none of the fights and, and the, the original Kung Lao getting killed by Goro.

01;14;57;15 - 01;15;13;01
Phil
Yeah. Yeah, exactly. And I guess, you know, they've got so many characters they want to include you know, guys like who's your favorite moral combat character. Well, he better not he better be in the goddamn book or I'm going to raise hell, I guess is they're thinking.

01;15;14;08 - 01;15;18;28
Kevin
It's hilarious that there's that there's no reference of Johnny Cage. None.

01;15;19;11 - 01;15;29;23
Phil
None. They didn't have a problem leaving him out. Yeah, unless the TV star that Kanan killed was Johnny Cage, in which case A plus five stars, A plus video game novelization.

01;15;29;29 - 01;15;34;17
Kevin
If it was Johnny Cage, that that would be good. That would be just great.

01;15;34;17 - 01;15;40;16
Phil
Especially with the idea that he's wearing a hairpiece. I'm loving every moment of it.

01;15;41;16 - 01;15;46;09
Kevin
OK, so the original game, let's see, I'm looking at.

01;15;46;09 - 01;15;48;07
Phil
Seven characters, right?

01;15;48;27 - 01;16;05;10
Kevin
So in the first game, there's Johnny Cage, Kanan Lou Kang, uh, Raiden, Scorpion, Sonya Blade, Subzero, Goro Chang, Song and Reptile. The only one that we have not seen are Johnny Cage and Reptile.

01;16;06;08 - 01;16;19;13
Phil
And I think the demon might be meant to be Reptile Eye. Maybe that might. Just because it begins. What's his name? Birthday or whatever it is. It. Yeah, it begins with an R, and he's like a squirrely kind of demon guy.

01;16;19;22 - 01;16;42;10
Kevin
Maybe, you know? Oh, yeah, you know. And then in Mortal Kombat, too, which we're also pulling from, is is Barack Obama Jaded? Jack's Kentaro, Katana Kung, Lao Molina, Noob Seibert Shao Khan, and Smoke.

01;16;43;17 - 01;16;44;15
Phil
Yeah.

01;16;44;24 - 01;16;45;12
Phil
Yeah.

01;16;45;27 - 01;16;53;25
Kevin
Which I thought when he was doing the smoke thing, I was like, Are we getting smoke right now? Like, I'm Puerto Rico, yeah. It was like, is he summoning smoke?

01;16;54;12 - 01;17;06;13
Phil
We get two different chapters that the cliffhanger ending is that Chang song is like producing Smoke that's turning into a spell and. No, no, that's not happening.

01;17;06;26 - 01;17;07;09
Phil
No.

01;17;08;06 - 01;17;24;23
Phil
It's, it's funny because if they're willing to cut out Johnny Kage, who's was kind of an important part of the original game, why not cut a couple more people out and just make a more, you know, a story that hangs together a little easier?

01;17;24;27 - 01;17;25;27
Phil
Yeah. I don't know.

01;17;26;15 - 01;17;34;01
Kevin
Yeah. Yeah, that would make more sense also. So 1995 is when Mortal Kombat three is released.

01;17;34;18 - 01;17;37;18
Phil
OK, ok, so it was three. So yeah. So like they're even.

01;17;37;26 - 01;17;58;03
Kevin
So it feels like, it feels like if they wanted they have, you have even more characters that you could have got pulled from which include Jack No Jackson to Cyrus Cable Night, Wolf, Sector, Sindel, Shiva and Stryker. Yeah. So that.

01;17;58;03 - 01;17;59;19
Phil
Was, that was my last.

01;18;00;05 - 01;18;10;21
Kevin
Was. Yeah, that was the last one that I. Oh yeah. And then you got Mac Chameleon, Motorola Rain, basically all of the palette swaps of Scorpion and Subzero.

01;18;11;05 - 01;18;12;20
Phil
Exactly. Yeah. Yeah.

01;18;13;10 - 01;18;15;13
Phil
They went real slap happy with that.

01;18;16;00 - 01;18;19;13
Kevin
I mean, real hard on the palette swaps for Scorpion. It's a.

01;18;19;13 - 01;18;22;15
Phil
Pretty kickass character model, but Jesus Christ.

01;18;22;15 - 01;18;22;28
Phil
Guys.

01;18;23;27 - 01;18;31;13
Kevin
Oh, God, it's like smoke reptile sigh racks you know, many of them are.

01;18;31;13 - 01;18;31;22
Phil
Just.

01;18;32;04 - 01;18;39;20
Kevin
Just like slight, slightly different looking versions of that same, same model. I think in recent years, they've distinguished them more yeah.

01;18;40;03 - 01;18;40;16
Phil
Yes.

01;18;40;19 - 01;18;45;12
Phil
Especially people like reptile and shit like that. They gave them their whole other thing a.

01;18;45;12 - 01;18;48;12
Kevin
Little bit more stuff. So weird.

01;18;48;21 - 01;18;49;17
Phil
So weird.

01;18;50;16 - 01;18;59;13
Kevin
So yeah, that's part two of of Mortal Kombat. This is a weird ass book and.

01;18;59;23 - 01;19;01;14
Phil
It is a weird book.

01;19;01;14 - 01;19;03;08
Kevin
As you said. I don't know who this is for.

01;19;04;08 - 01;19;24;01
Phil
I don't I don't know who this is for. I don't know. I don't know how much young adults would have enjoyed it. I don't know how much kids would have gotten out of it because, you know, here's the thing. I remember being a kid and one of the things that I I wasn't allowed to see certain movies, you know, like a lot of kids were at that age.

01;19;25;12 - 01;19;52;15
Phil
And even if it was a PG 13 movie, you know, and I wasn't allowed to see Batman Returns, for example. I wanted to see it real bad, but I couldn't see it. But I was allowed to read all the comic books I wanted to. And in the early mid nineties, that's when they were going bug fuck crazy. And they had lots of comic books that were basically the sequential art novelization of these movies, right?

01;19;52;15 - 01;20;09;21
Phil
So I got to find out what happened in Batman Forever. I got to find out what happened in Aliens, right? Got to find out all this shit because I could read the comic books and and I got to tell you, if I wanted a Mortal Kombat version of that this would not have satisfied me. There would have been.

01;20;09;25 - 01;20;11;26
Phil
They're just not enough severed heads.

01;20;12;17 - 01;20;14;03
Kevin
Not enough, not enough.

01;20;14;06 - 01;20;14;16
Phil
Oh.

01;20;15;01 - 01;20;19;00
Kevin
So, yeah, that'll do it for tonight's episode.

01;20;21;09 - 01;20;43;20
Kevin
We, uh. Yeah. Follow us on Twitter at pixelate pod. Depending on whether Elon Musk has burned Twitter to the ground between now and when this episode comes out and follow us on Instagram at Pixelate Pod, go to our Web site, pixelate pod dot com. And, you know.

01;20;44;00 - 01;20;46;28
Phil
Just just our Chuck Little slice of digital.

01;20;47;17 - 01;21;09;19
Kevin
Own little slice of digital real estate. Also, we have a discord If you want to just come in and say hi, go to our discord. The link is available on Pixelate podcast. And also the link is in the description for the for the show notes. So if you want to get in there and chat with some other fans of the show, go ahead.

01;21;09;19 - 01;21;22;22
Kevin
It's it's a it's a fun little place. And we want to we want to get more friendly fan types in there. So, yeah, that'll do it for tonight's episode. Thank you. So much for listening. Have a good night, everybody.

01;21;23;21 - 01;21;24;05
Phil
Bye.

Follow us on Twitter: https://twitter.com/pixellitpod

Our website: https://www.pixellitpod.com

Our discord: https://discord.gg/NdwmVEwFbQ

PixelLit is the video game-literary nerd’s dream come true. It’s a podcast where we read and discuss video game novelizations, and the games they’re based on. This is a podcast for the former kid who read their instruction booklets cover to cover. For the gamer who listens to every audio log in Bioshock.

The PixelLit Podcast! Because the only thing better than playing a video game is reading about it.

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