Mortal Kombat Part 3

Well this book took a turn! Is there going to be a tournament? Heck is there going to even be a fatality? We would even take a finish them with a dropped input at this point. Anything? No? Okay.

00:00:00:04 - 00:00:03:07
Kevin
Got to get back into it. But you know who's always back into it?

00:00:03:21 - 00:00:04:09
Phil
Who?

00:00:05:13 - 00:00:18:15
Kevin
Hey there, everybody. Welcome, pixelate. Where we read recap and review video and video game novelization. My name is Kevin, and with me, as always, is fit it still. And today on the show, we're talking about Mortal Kombat.

00:00:19:04 - 00:00:25:11
Phil
Mortem surgery Oh, my God. That doesn't like Mortal Kombat. Kevin, I ask you.

00:00:28:00 - 00:00:29:21
Phil
Hey, you know what? That's not a great question.

00:00:31:06 - 00:00:32:03
Phil
As it turns out.

00:00:34:12 - 00:00:54:23
Kevin
So here we are. We're we're in episode three, then the final episode for Mortal Kombat, because we are not going to dedicate any more time to this book then then than we have to because. Yeah, I'm. I'm really starting to understand why this guy wrote for the weekly World News.

00:00:55:17 - 00:00:57:15
Phil
Oh, yeah. Yeah.

00:00:58:10 - 00:01:23:00
Phil
It's getting a little it's you know, I was listening to the first episode of this the other day, and I was and I was wrapping up the book, and I was thinking to myself, Jesus Christ, we really we're like, hey, this is actually not so bad. This is pretty good. Like, this is surprisingly good. Yeah. It does not last, folks.

00:01:23:00 - 00:01:23:15
Phil
It does.

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Kevin
It's it does not last. I can't remember what we said in episode two because as of this recording, it hasn't come out yet.

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Phil
Yeah.

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Kevin
Also, I have to edit it note to self, but this is episode three and we're, we're in chapter 28 and for those of you who are coming off of episode two, we're basically in the middle of this showdown between sharing sung and his group baddies and, and Raiden and his group of goody goody goodies.

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Phil
Super goody goody.

00:02:01:01 - 00:02:07:20
Kevin
This super order of light, I mean, he can't be any more goody goody than calling yourself the order of light. Um.

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Phil
For, for people who disembowel other people, they are a bunch of boy scouts.

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Kevin
Yeah.

00:02:14:16 - 00:02:17:00
Phil
We're going to see the extent of that later on.

00:02:17:02 - 00:02:17:16
Phil
Yeah.

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Kevin
So Sony Blade basically starts the chapter out by breaking her cover and announcing that she is a agent a, an agent of the US Special Forces.

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Phil
That's right, yeah.

00:02:30:23 - 00:02:42:16
Kevin
Which I don't is that the US Special Forces. It's kind of a nebulous term. I mean, the Army has Special Forces, right? That's the thing.

00:02:42:23 - 00:02:49:08
Phil
Yeah, the special. Yeah, exactly. If she said the Army Special Forces, then you could go, Oh, OK, I know it. But then.

00:02:49:08 - 00:02:53:19
Kevin
She would be a an and she would be like, she would she'd have like a rank or something.

00:02:54:02 - 00:03:14:08
Phil
Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. U.S. Special Forces are kind of vague, to say the very least. I think it was the same thing they did with Dial actually and Street Fighter to like it was just like, you know, everyone had a different fighting style, you know, Sarukhan Karate and, you know, the Brazilian.

00:03:15:10 - 00:03:16:02
Kevin
Capoeira.

00:03:16:02 - 00:03:21:14
Phil
Thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For Blanca. And then it was Dial and it would just say Special Forces, you were like, oh.

00:03:23:01 - 00:03:23:16
Phil
I mean.

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Kevin
Yeah. And Gayle, I believe, is part of the Air Force, if I'm not mistaken.

00:03:29:07 - 00:03:33:10
Phil
Right. I mean, his whole stage had nothing but F-14s in the background.

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Kevin
Or chair force.

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Phil
Which.

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Phil
It's like.

00:03:42:05 - 00:03:43:08
Phil
It's you know.

00:03:44:02 - 00:03:48:04
Phil
It's it's just the oldies thing. Like, you're not even in the military.

00:03:48:06 - 00:03:50:19
Phil
I'm not even it's it's.

00:03:51:04 - 00:04:05:15
Kevin
The one like military like like military joke that I know from from other branches of the Air Force. And I don't think I think that's like 40 years out of date, you know, or however long.

00:04:06:06 - 00:04:29:16
Phil
It's kind of like it's that old, that old st joke about like the three branches of the military and you and, you know, one of the they all are in the john and one you know the Marine scrubs his hands clean in the sink and looks at the other two and says you know, in the Marines they told us to keep clean and the Navy officer comes over and he he washes his hands but does it pretty efficiently.

00:04:29:16 - 00:04:48:16
Phil
It looks them says in the Navy where we learn to conserve water and the Army guy just marches right past them before he leaves, he looks at them and says, in the Army, they teach us not to piss on our hands. And that's just one of those classic jokes where you could like just kind of like and it's who who do we want to like?

00:04:48:17 - 00:04:50:21
Phil
All right. It's the Marine who doesn't piss on his hands.

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Kevin
Exactly.

00:04:51:18 - 00:05:02:23
Phil
He's a seal who does it. Yeah. It just yeah, it's you immediately took me back to, like, an old little street joke. You can tell that I was like 12.

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Kevin
It's an old memory on the on the military base.

00:05:06:22 - 00:05:14:09
Phil
Which everyone I was in that particular year, it was they were all different and yet they were all exactly the same. Yeah, it was ridiculous.

00:05:14:14 - 00:05:14:21
Phil
Yeah.

00:05:15:04 - 00:05:15:16
Phil
It was weird.

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Kevin
Pretty much. Pretty much just like a carbon copy of, like, Levittown or something like that.

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Phil
Kinda. Yeah. They were all orange. Like, they all it just everybody in Bragg. Everything, everything about Fort Bragg. The memory of that is sepia toned and orange to me. And I think it's just because of the dirt and just it was it was hot. Everything was so hot there. Yeah. When I'm when I am hot and uncomfortable, I think of Fort Bragg and Fort Benning.

00:05:43:01 - 00:06:02:00
Phil
Those are two places that if I'm if I am if I have no access to air conditioning and there's not even a breeze to be had, I think of Bragg inventing that just for the for people out there who were were either active servicemen or or the kids of such and know exactly what I'm talking about. Hottest places on earth, they might as well.

00:06:03:18 - 00:06:04:10
Phil
So so.

00:06:04:10 - 00:06:06:13
Phil
Mine is is a Special.

00:06:06:13 - 00:06:26:11
Kevin
Forces Special Forces gal so she basically she wants revenge. She she twofold. She has two reasons to be there. One, the Chiang son obviously to Kino killed her fiancee the.

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Phil
La Dolce.

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Kevin
Queef la dolce.

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Phil
And long kind of a name.

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Phil
Would dolce like you know, it's like.

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Phil
It's like Travis Montague or like.

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Phil
Like.

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Phil
She's is like Bobby Montpellier, like I don't know. It just.

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Phil
It's.

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Kevin
It goes way to the first name is to basic. The second the last name way too hard. You know, it's not it's not a bounce name.

00:06:59:19 - 00:07:02:12
Phil
If it was like Swift Johnson.

00:07:02:12 - 00:07:06:01
Kevin
Sure. You know, or or Giovanni La Dolce.

00:07:06:02 - 00:07:08:17
Phil
OK, right. Absolutely. Absolutely.

00:07:09:01 - 00:07:12:00
Kevin
There's got to be a balance between the first name in the last name.

00:07:12:10 - 00:07:15:12
Phil
It's a name with an identity crisis. There's no getting around it.

00:07:15:12 - 00:07:15:23
Phil
And.

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Kevin
Yeah, no.

00:07:17:21 - 00:07:21:11
Phil
Getting around. Blade's dead fiancee.

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Kevin
I can't say at Sony Blade. He's only 22 kids don't get engaged at 22.

00:07:27:02 - 00:07:28:20
Phil
Don't get engaged in 22.

00:07:29:12 - 00:07:41:09
Kevin
So not a don't do it not don't do it anyway Sony Blade says Cliff was was killed Kane. Oh shot him six times in the back with a 45.

00:07:41:21 - 00:07:43:19
Phil
Like that's.

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Phil
That's a lot. I don't I don't know if you guys have seen what a 45 will do to somebody but they.

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Kevin
Did and that's that's going to chunk out some some by breaks.

00:07:54:02 - 00:07:58:03
Phil
Right like that's that's that's a that's a moral combat fatality right there.

00:07:58:14 - 00:08:00:17
Phil
Yeah I mean yes.

00:08:01:02 - 00:08:09:17
Kevin
Yeah that's like that's pretty close to uh, to, to a desert eagle isn't it. Desert Eagle point five.

00:08:09:17 - 00:08:24:05
Phil
Yeah it's it is, it is just. Yeah, it'll just blow you the fuck open. One shot would have it like opened up his back and knocked him over a cliff. Right. So six to nine shots. He was not standing let's face facts.

00:08:25:00 - 00:08:33:13
Kevin
Five of those shots were were extra. Right? If they're if there's one thing we know about Kino, this man is extra.

00:08:34:04 - 00:08:34:06
Phil
He.

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Phil
Is an overachiever.

00:08:35:16 - 00:08:36:19
Kevin
He is an overachiever.

00:08:38:22 - 00:08:50:14
Phil
So, you know, real quick, though, why do you think they gave it to a fiancee as opposed to a husband or a boyfriend? Like, is that like just the right level of relationship replacement?

00:08:51:02 - 00:09:10:22
Kevin
Just the right level of attachment? It's like not so attached that, you know, oh, she's 22 and married. Not that I'm judging you if you got married at 22. I'm just saying it's too young for most people. Right. But, but 28 is like a fiance. A 22 doesn't trigger the same alarms in the back of your head and boyfriend.

00:09:10:22 - 00:09:24:17
Kevin
Sounds a little bit to, I don't know like too informal to carry like like oh you're you win on a world wide revenge tour for your boyfriend.

00:09:24:17 - 00:09:26:01
Phil
That's Yeah.

00:09:26:01 - 00:09:26:13
Phil
It feels a.

00:09:26:13 - 00:09:28:08
Kevin
Little sounds like a little much.

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Phil
Sounds.

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Kevin
Like an overreaction.

00:09:31:05 - 00:09:53:04
Phil
Well and they point out that Cliff DeLoach is apparently this famous martial arts sensei and I say famous because Jang Sung knows who the guy is. So and he lives on an island in the middle of nowhere. So. DeLoach Yeah. Low dolt. She must be loads to the real la dolce. La Dolce. And and and here's the thing.

00:09:54:03 - 00:10:03:21
Phil
I can't be the only person who heard that she was engaged to a famous martial arts sensei and assumed that he was 30 years older than her like that.

00:10:03:21 - 00:10:19:01
Kevin
Oh, God. Yeah, that's. I didn't put that together, but yeah, if he's if he's famous for being a martial arts sensei, right, then he's got to be like a 50. He's got to be basically Steven Seagal.

00:10:19:18 - 00:10:20:05
Phil
Right?

00:10:20:09 - 00:10:32:10
Kevin
Yeah, she was, she was engaged to Steven Seagal and Kato. Kato killed the guy not in Kato killed the guy. Not for the reason she thinks Kato killed the guy because he thought he was creepy. Let's be nice.

00:10:32:13 - 00:10:44:21
Phil
And if Kato thinks you're creepy, you fucked up you've done the wrong thing. Yeah, I don't. I don't feel good about it. I'm not happy about it, but I'm just reporting the facts. Let's do the speculative.

00:10:44:21 - 00:10:45:07
Phil
Fact.

00:10:47:05 - 00:11:12:00
Kevin
So they're basically just having a back and forth. It doesn't matter that much, because it's it's basically he is summoning another dude and in chapter 29, we get basically the the introduction to that dude. It is reptile he has some reptile who is the personal bodyguard for shall con.

00:11:14:16 - 00:11:28:22
Phil
And they don't how much of a description of reptile do they give because he has he has been introduced over and over again in the canon of Mortal Kombat and it feels like he is different every single time he's in.

00:11:29:11 - 00:11:33:23
Kevin
He's got a green mask and black tights. I think right in this.

00:11:33:23 - 00:11:37:04
Phil
So they they just went with the the color palette swap.

00:11:37:16 - 00:11:45:22
Kevin
Yeah. Yeah the original he's just green and black and subzero as blue and black and scorpions yellow and black. That's like.

00:11:45:22 - 00:11:46:08
Phil
Right.

00:11:47:23 - 00:11:56:03
Phil
I I will say this for the author. He gives them all very different identities for how basically identical they were in the game at this point.

00:11:56:03 - 00:11:58:16
Kevin
Yeah. And he has green eyes it green.

00:11:58:20 - 00:11:59:06
Phil
Yes.

00:12:00:05 - 00:12:11:07
Kevin
This is the prettiest of eyes. So basically they start fighting Goro and Reptile start fighting Raiden and it is.

00:12:12:19 - 00:12:14:10
Phil
The best you see the quote.

00:12:14:10 - 00:12:15:15
Phil
That I that I think you're.

00:12:15:15 - 00:12:15:21
Phil
About.

00:12:16:16 - 00:12:23:00
Kevin
Dolts reptile said to Goro he uses his brain which is the most effective fighting tool of them.

00:12:23:00 - 00:12:23:10
Phil
All.

00:12:26:04 - 00:12:35:01
Phil
Reptile goes full after school special on us. He's using his brain he's he's touching his skin. The largest erogenous zone of the.

00:12:35:02 - 00:12:40:08
Phil
North it's just.

00:12:40:19 - 00:12:42:02
Phil
Like, what the fuck.

00:12:42:02 - 00:12:42:18
Phil
This line.

00:12:43:07 - 00:12:55:06
Phil
We are. And this is I think looking back, I feel like this line is the beginning of this book falling down a hill of bizarre, bizarre quotations.

00:12:55:07 - 00:12:59:10
Kevin
There's so many quotes that I from this point forward that I highlighted.

00:13:00:00 - 00:13:01:04
Phil
Yes, same.

00:13:01:21 - 00:13:03:19
Phil
I don't have anything to say about them.

00:13:04:04 - 00:13:05:21
Phil
It's just that they're hilarious.

00:13:06:12 - 00:13:27:12
Phil
Yeah. You guys don't have noticed. If you follow us on Twitter, I like to post up quotes from different books that we've read over the course of this show. And sometimes they're funny. Sometimes they're they're just, you know, cool or good writing or whatever. When we get to the moral combat quotes, it's just going to be moments like dolt.

00:13:27:12 - 00:13:37:21
Phil
He uses his brain, which is the most effective fighting tool of them all. It's just going to be week after week after week of this deliciously quotable final third of this book. It's ridiculous.

00:13:38:02 - 00:14:02:19
Kevin
It is. It is hilarious. So basically what we have is just a fight. It's a two on one fight. Rain verses Goro and Reptile because Xiang song has kidnaped Sonya Blade and like Vaporize Fists or something. I don't know the other two dudes, Schneider and Wu.

00:14:03:20 - 00:14:06:02
Phil
Get sucked through a portal or something.

00:14:06:10 - 00:14:06:20
Phil
Yeah.

00:14:07:09 - 00:14:12:22
Phil
I guess they get added to the souls that they need to open up the portal.

00:14:14:02 - 00:14:35:22
Kevin
So. So they're just they're just fighting, fighting, fighting. And he gets jumped by Liu Kang Luke shows up and starts beating the shit out of reptile and yeah, there's.

00:14:36:01 - 00:14:36:18
Phil
It's just a.

00:14:37:02 - 00:14:58:00
Kevin
This is a bizarrely long chapter, and it can be summed up really just be it's just Goro and and Reptile and Raiden and then Lu Kang fighting each other. Yeah. So then, like, subzero shows up and then freezes, right?

00:14:58:18 - 00:15:00:12
Phil
And, yeah, you know.

00:15:00:12 - 00:15:03:01
Phil
You're like you do with a God freeze. I'm sure.

00:15:04:04 - 00:15:04:14
Phil
Fucking.

00:15:04:15 - 00:15:05:23
Phil
He's like a portal combat.

00:15:08:08 - 00:15:08:15
Phil
Fuck.

00:15:08:16 - 00:15:35:00
Kevin
It. It's Mortal Kombat. It's yeah. It's just a complete nonsense chapter. It's just a fight. And then some hero, and then Lu Kang shows up and then Subzero shows up and you're not anywhere different than you were at the beginning of the chapter. We just have more meat. Nothing has been gained or lost except, you know, Sonia Blade got teleported away by Shang Sung because she's the woman.

00:15:35:00 - 00:15:37:14
Kevin
So she has to be kidnaped and put into.

00:15:38:00 - 00:15:38:01
Phil
A.

00:15:38:09 - 00:15:39:13
Kevin
Damsel in distress. You know.

00:15:39:13 - 00:15:53:23
Phil
They'll give her a bad ass moment later. On Kevin. I'm sure they're egalitarian like that. By the way, does Liu Kang introduce himself to Raiden, even though Braden's been the one that's been training him like, didn't they have that when they introduced looking?

00:15:54:07 - 00:16:07:01
Kevin
Um, I feel like yes. No, Kung Lao trained Zulu Kang. I don't know if Lu Kang ever met Raiden, even though Conlon knows Raiden.

00:16:08:02 - 00:16:09:00
Phil
Right. Well, I am.

00:16:09:00 - 00:16:20:08
Kevin
Currently trained Lu Kang Yeah. It gets weird because you would think Raiden Raiden feels like he probably would have met them already as the as the bigger thing.

00:16:20:10 - 00:16:21:09
Phil
Yeah, yeah.

00:16:22:01 - 00:16:22:22
Kevin
Somebody is making tea.

00:16:23:13 - 00:16:27:20
Phil
Oh, God, yes. That's just the sound the cat makes.

00:16:27:20 - 00:16:30:19
Phil
That's she's just.

00:16:31:01 - 00:16:33:08
Phil
Letting it go. There. There it is.

00:16:34:02 - 00:16:35:01
Phil
Delicious tea.

00:16:37:05 - 00:16:46:13
Kevin
Um, chapter 30. We catch up with the the monstrosity that is, is Kino Kong, as the book calls it.

00:16:46:19 - 00:16:50:06
Phil
Yes. Kino cut. Yeah, that's OK. Fine.

00:16:50:06 - 00:16:55:03
Kevin
Fuck, fuck, fuck. It is. It's the two of them merged together, and they're a cloud now.

00:16:55:20 - 00:16:58:04
Phil
Yes, and merge together. Cloud.

00:16:58:09 - 00:17:09:22
Kevin
They are merged together. Cloud, and they're going in there finding the amulet and yeah, it's fucking.

00:17:09:22 - 00:17:11:23
Phil
Basically like these kino, you know.

00:17:12:10 - 00:17:21:20
Kevin
It's such a weird. It's like concept is like, and I'm all for weird concepts, but it's this is a weird and kind of, like, misplaced concept.

00:17:22:10 - 00:17:22:23
Phil
Yeah.

00:17:23:10 - 00:17:56:05
Phil
This is feels like an episode of Ren Stimpy like like it's there's a level of, you know, Kong Low has the information on where this amulet is in his brain parts and Shanks run instead of torturing him or beating it out of him or what have you combines his soul with techno soul so that anything thing that can allow thinks Kano can also see in his brain so that they can so canel basically can force him to bring him to the amulet.

00:17:57:10 - 00:17:59:08
Phil
Because reasons. Because because.

00:17:59:08 - 00:18:22:22
Kevin
Reasons. Magic reasons. It's magic reasons anyway. Magic reasons. Kano finds the amulet yeah. And then we move on. It's a short chapter, and then we're on to chapter 31. And Subzero is like the sex of the cold spell were will wear off soon so you have to get ready for when they thaw out. And I'm like, why wouldn't they just, like, hit them while they thawed.

00:18:22:22 - 00:18:23:23
Kevin
I don't understand.

00:18:24:13 - 00:18:25:09
Phil
Just do it again.

00:18:25:23 - 00:18:32:04
Kevin
Or isn't this one of his his fatalities? Doesn't he freeze people and then and then chatter that's.

00:18:32:04 - 00:18:32:17
Phil
Their head off.

00:18:33:02 - 00:18:33:09
Phil
Yeah.

00:18:34:03 - 00:18:38:02
Kevin
He wants why is he why is he letting them thaw right.

00:18:38:02 - 00:19:01:21
Phil
It even gets excited when he when he finds out like, you know, he defeated Raiden. He's excited about that. Like they've got these victims like they're trying to get. All right, look, maybe I'm just a fucking Stockholm Syndrome here. But I feel like the author would tell us that, like, they need one of they need their souls to open the portal, and so they're going to keep them alive, I guess.

00:19:02:02 - 00:19:02:13
Kevin
Yeah.

00:19:03:09 - 00:19:06:01
Phil
I guess that makes sense to defend.

00:19:06:02 - 00:19:07:19
Kevin
I don't know. Don't defend it.

00:19:08:11 - 00:19:09:06
Phil
I'm trying not.

00:19:09:06 - 00:19:12:22
Kevin
To. He does refer to them as the three hench beings.

00:19:13:02 - 00:19:15:14
Phil
Look over three h beings.

00:19:18:09 - 00:19:31:13
Phil
This was 1995 when this book came out or 96 was only that like. And even nowadays in 20, 22 I feel like people would be like, I think we can just say henchmen that's OK. Like I appreciate your effort. It's an effort like that.

00:19:31:22 - 00:19:33:12
Kevin
It's great job.

00:19:33:12 - 00:19:34:21
Phil
You're doing great. We're proud of you.

00:19:35:08 - 00:19:41:13
Kevin
So enter Scorpion. Scorpion enters price and now is a fair fight.

00:19:41:15 - 00:19:42:19
Phil
Two souls in one.

00:19:43:20 - 00:19:51:04
Kevin
Yeah, he's a two for one. If you catch him and you only need two, then you can. You're good. You don't need.

00:19:51:23 - 00:19:52:04
Phil
It.

00:19:52:21 - 00:19:53:10
Kevin
Anyway.

00:19:54:12 - 00:19:54:21
Phil
Yes.

00:19:58:05 - 00:20:03:04
Kevin
Two, 41. Why? Down at the Wah-Wah yeah.

00:20:04:04 - 00:20:21:04
Phil
They just. They just need. I don't know what. Yeah, they're just like, OK, fine. There are people in here. I guess the scorpion thing is like, they're trying to keep these characters as young as possible because they figure their readers are going to be young and they want to see themselves as, like, we're going to go into the training that Sonia Blade has, for example.

00:20:21:07 - 00:20:41:10
Phil
Right. And, and and it's like, it's she should be in her forties, basically, for all the shit she's learned at a master at this point. Yeah. But, you know, we need a 22 year old Harley for the boys to read and go, I'm totally going to be my character that I drew in my math notebook for Mortal Kombat is totally Sunny Blades boyfriend.

00:20:42:18 - 00:20:43:00
Phil
This.

00:20:44:04 - 00:20:46:01
Phil
Is what this was for, you know.

00:20:46:22 - 00:20:47:08
Phil
Yeah.

00:20:48:04 - 00:21:17:05
Kevin
What's hilarious is like me, he's not the scorpion in the book is not. I'm just looking at scorpions like Wikipedia page now. Yeah, he's not it's not the same scorpion. It's like not the same dude. Like, the name isn't even the same. No, he's not in in the in the book. He's Chinese. In the but in the game, Scorpion is actually Japanese.

00:21:17:05 - 00:21:39:02
Kevin
His name is his name is Hanzo. So it's just totally like rearranging. Weirdly, the back story of. Yeah, because there were always there already was like a revenge element between Subzero and Scorpion. Why do you need to change it?

00:21:40:00 - 00:22:02:21
Phil
Why and he's not the only one. Like, as the book goes on, like, they pretty much changed everybody's background in this book. Like, for the most part. And I have to wonder why why go through the effort of inventing new backgrounds for these characters when you've already got like source material to work with makes your life easier? Really?

00:22:02:21 - 00:22:03:02
Phil
Yeah.

00:22:03:12 - 00:22:28:17
Kevin
I don't know if this was like the era of for for like video game movies I call this and also comic book movies. The Nineties were like the era of basically the, the adapters, the people doing the normalizations or the people doing the screenplay. They're like, Oh, well, I got to fix it. It was written by somebody who was like, lesser than like, right?

00:22:28:18 - 00:22:38:00
Kevin
Like a lot of comic book. Like, adaptations were like, the thing that really comes to mind is like The Punisher with Thomas Jane.

00:22:39:04 - 00:22:39:18
Phil
Oh, yeah.

00:22:39:18 - 00:22:43:15
Kevin
Where they're like, We're going to make up a fake Punisher villain.

00:22:45:20 - 00:22:53:15
Kevin
Like, like, if for no reason. I'm like, There is so much you can pull from. You don't need to do that.

00:22:54:02 - 00:22:54:13
Phil
Right?

00:22:54:15 - 00:22:59:20
Phil
There's so much you can work with there, and you're going to make it John Travolta for whatever reason.

00:22:59:20 - 00:23:01:03
Kevin
John Travolta. Sure.

00:23:01:03 - 00:23:27:17
Phil
OK, and he's going to die. How did the I remember this I don't know why remember this? Like he strapped like grenades to him or something and had him getting dragged away by something. And I just remember John Travolta making this pitiful little like wiggle as he's being as he's about to be exploded by grenade. Like, I saw this movie literally once right after the movie came out.

00:23:27:17 - 00:23:41:08
Phil
And I my buddy worked at a blockbuster and gave me the Punisher poster that they had up on the wall that I immediately put on my dorm room wall. And I hadn't seen the movie yet. I just like in a shirt.

00:23:41:13 - 00:23:41:21
Phil
Yeah.

00:23:42:15 - 00:23:43:22
Phil
And I didn't become a cop.

00:23:44:13 - 00:23:45:02
Phil
So.

00:23:45:02 - 00:23:49:07
Phil
You know, that just tells you everything you need to know. I was a very confused young man.

00:23:49:14 - 00:23:50:16
Kevin
Very confused.

00:23:52:23 - 00:23:53:05
Phil
Little.

00:23:53:05 - 00:23:55:14
Kevin
Punisher logo with the Thin Blue Line.

00:23:56:03 - 00:23:56:15
Phil
Right.

00:23:57:07 - 00:23:58:21
Phil
I didn't even come close.

00:24:01:12 - 00:24:16:04
Kevin
So there's like a war of words between Subzero. I mean, it's if you know, the scorpion back story in the book and we've already talked about it, how like Scorpion as the two beings, it's like that just gets rehashed kind of pretty much.

00:24:16:10 - 00:24:28:16
Phil
And it's like it is it's just we get a lot of wars of words in this because, you know, when it comes to two of the world's greatest ninja assassins. I came here for the talk. Yeah.

00:24:28:19 - 00:24:30:09
Kevin
I came here for the conversation.

00:24:30:20 - 00:24:33:17
Phil
Right. Good God. There's a lot of talking in this.

00:24:33:17 - 00:24:35:13
Kevin
My dinner with Scorpion.

00:24:36:17 - 00:24:38:09
Phil
Seth. And by the.

00:24:38:09 - 00:25:01:21
Phil
Way, the first thing you know, Scorpion, you can you can argue about whether or not that's a bad ass codename. I happen to think it is. It's a pretty good one. It's it's been used. It's people like that one. Yeah. Yeah, but the the first thing Subzero says was this. He says, I am Scorpion. It's subzero. Since I've eaten Scorpion and had scorpion soup, I can't say I cared for either.

00:25:02:00 - 00:25:06:09
Phil
Now, tarantulas, stew. And it's just like, I just want to go. What are you what are you talking. What?

00:25:07:02 - 00:25:08:09
Phil
What what are you doing?

00:25:08:22 - 00:25:18:04
Kevin
What's going on here? It's subzero is talking more in this scene than he has in just about any other Mortal Kombat media ever.

00:25:18:14 - 00:25:19:03
Phil
Ever.

00:25:20:14 - 00:25:31:14
Phil
Talking about his meals. It's such a weird school, like schoolyard taunt or it's like my codename Scorpion. Like, he eats scorpions, jackass, like.

00:25:31:19 - 00:25:33:15
Kevin
Cold kills scorpions.

00:25:33:22 - 00:25:35:03
Phil
Right? Yeah, exactly.

00:25:35:22 - 00:25:38:01
Phil
We learned that science dork.

00:25:38:10 - 00:25:44:11
Kevin
You know what lightning does to a frog? Or tell us everything and same as same as everything else.

00:25:44:23 - 00:25:46:19
Phil
Yeah. God.

00:25:47:21 - 00:25:56:14
Kevin
That is like the Spider-Man movies have aged well. The X-Men. X-Men movies. Not at all. That was that.

00:25:56:14 - 00:25:57:17
Phil
Was actually seen the first.

00:25:58:03 - 00:26:01:20
Kevin
That was the peak of of we have to fix.

00:26:02:08 - 00:26:02:16
Phil
We have.

00:26:02:16 - 00:26:10:11
Kevin
To fix the comic for those X-Men movies because like, oh, let's get rid of those colorful uniforms. They're done. We're going to put them on black leather.

00:26:10:23 - 00:26:17:13
Phil
Know we're never going to make a joke about it in the movie. Yeah. What do you prefer? Yellow spandex? Like, maybe.

00:26:17:18 - 00:26:22:06
Kevin
Maybe. Yeah, maybe, maybe. You know, I think everybody prefers that.

00:26:22:20 - 00:26:32:10
Phil
I think we all do today. Some of us actually even like the weird ass brown and orange uniform in the eighties and nineties. Fuck it, you know? So cool.

00:26:32:19 - 00:26:45:17
Kevin
It's cool. So anyway, everybody, they they test a little bit and then the, the, the three, the two sides go about their business they break it up.

00:26:48:12 - 00:26:49:07
Phil
Literally.

00:26:49:07 - 00:26:50:10
Phil
Peters out.

00:26:50:14 - 00:26:51:20
Phil
It just kind of peters out.

00:26:52:06 - 00:27:18:13
Phil
Yeah. They just like and it ends with literally it ends with the author saying Luke an apologize for holding his companions back, muttering that he'd make his own way if they wanted to tell Ford ahead, complaining that it was tough enough just holding his own among gods and dead people and monsters. From now, it's like Lu Kang is going into this rambling soliloquy while everyone else is just like, I guess we're going to kill somebody eventually, right?

00:27:18:13 - 00:27:24:10
Kevin
Like, yeah, I guess we're going to get to the combat part of moral combat at some point.

00:27:25:09 - 00:27:25:16
Phil
Right?

00:27:26:10 - 00:27:31:20
Kevin
Right. We're going to get we're going to have a fatality. We're going to have a reference to a fatality at some point. Right?

00:27:31:20 - 00:27:36:04
Phil
Maybe, maybe, at least, at least the main bad guy. Right.

00:27:36:04 - 00:27:36:18
Kevin
Right.

00:27:37:00 - 00:27:38:22
Phil
Somebody is going to die.

00:27:38:22 - 00:27:39:15
Kevin
Right?

00:27:40:08 - 00:27:42:14
Phil
Right. Chapter 32 whole pigs.

00:27:42:22 - 00:27:44:00
Phil
Oh, God.

00:27:46:15 - 00:28:09:12
Phil
We finally we get back to Kono and find out that he once let's see, talking about magic powers. He the amulet. He says he seems to have magic powers. After he picked it up, he'd begun to tingle uncomfortably like the time he'd never forget when he was a kid and stuck a wet goldfish into an electric outlet to try and cook it.

00:28:09:15 - 00:28:14:01
Phil
What the fuck? Like, even for potato, that's really fucking sick.

00:28:14:17 - 00:28:16:08
Kevin
That is ridiculous.

00:28:16:22 - 00:28:17:09
Phil
It just.

00:28:17:20 - 00:28:39:23
Kevin
So. Yeah, just makes sense. Just to set it up like Kino has been. Like, Kane has been like, he has. He got the jump on. He got the jump on on Kung Lao, and he has Kong now basically tied up in the boat. They're on their way back to Shimura Island, which is the head, the main headquarters. How they got there split up.

00:28:40:01 - 00:28:41:07
Kevin
They've split up at this point.

00:28:43:15 - 00:29:06:19
Kevin
And Kino is basically trying to figure out that he's like, oh, should I have like, should I ask for more money? Because it's like this this is clearly worth more than that. I'm being paid and all that stuff. He also has this amazing this amazing line about Kung Pao Tong.

00:29:06:22 - 00:29:07:11
Phil
Oh, yes.

00:29:08:10 - 00:29:13:19
Kevin
Nice try. But between the two of us, you're loud, man on the totem.

00:29:15:12 - 00:29:33:08
Phil
And you. And the thing is, they don't he didn't write this into the book, but if you listen quietly after you read that, you can hear all the frogs and lizards and alligators in the swamp that surrounds them. Just booing him, just booing him incessantly. In their little froggy voices.

00:29:34:18 - 00:29:36:10
Phil
Blue. Yeah.

00:29:36:12 - 00:29:38:15
Kevin
Canoes like they're saying boo earns.

00:29:39:05 - 00:29:40:03
Phil
Yeah, exactly.

00:29:43:09 - 00:29:43:18
Phil
Yeah.

00:29:43:21 - 00:30:05:05
Phil
So it's just if this chapter just ends with Kanan wondering to himself if he's even going to bother giving the amulet back to a con chang son, James isn't going to even be worth it. So he's just he's just thinking over his reward. And the amulet, which. OK, that was worth the chapter, I guess.

00:30:05:12 - 00:30:05:22
Phil
Yeah.

00:30:06:08 - 00:30:28:02
Kevin
Um, so. So oh, OK. So he this that was before he left Kong. He left Kung Lao at the temple where so that's where Raiden, Scorpion and Luke hang. They find they found Kong Lao. He's at the temple. He's bummed out that he let k now get away with it. All that fun stuff.

00:30:30:05 - 00:30:38:02
Kevin
So, yeah, we get more background on Scorpion. Yeah. And then they're like.

00:30:38:05 - 00:30:41:10
Phil
Well, he repeats himself like it's like it's the only thing.

00:30:41:10 - 00:30:49:03
Kevin
He's got. He's he's like, he's like 18 years old. The only interesting thing he's done in an entire life is let his dad possesses body.

00:30:49:20 - 00:30:51:09
Phil
Pretty much, which.

00:30:51:18 - 00:30:53:14
Phil
I think we've all been there.

00:30:57:01 - 00:30:57:06
Phil
Yeah.

00:30:57:09 - 00:31:07:19
Phil
We get, we get another explanation. It's like as bad as the Batman movies, we feel like we've got to re investigate the, the origin story every chapter. So it's ridiculous.

00:31:07:21 - 00:31:16:07
Phil
As you say Marjo or no, I'm afraid it's dead. My parents dead. Stood there.

00:31:16:11 - 00:31:19:02
Kevin
They're watching the movie, and then they died.

00:31:19:04 - 00:31:20:03
Phil
And then they die.

00:31:20:03 - 00:31:21:14
Kevin
And then I saw a bat and it.

00:31:21:19 - 00:31:29:12
Phil
Freaked me out sometimes. Sometimes the pearls are necklace for me. It's very cinematic.

00:31:29:14 - 00:31:34:05
Kevin
It's very cinematic, but. But they're cheap pearls. If they break like that, that's not it.

00:31:34:08 - 00:31:38:00
Phil
So that's telling you secrets about my family.

00:31:38:10 - 00:31:40:03
Phil
Did you did did.

00:31:40:03 - 00:31:45:00
Kevin
You know that. That it's a cheap pearl necklace if the pearls actually fall off because the way you.

00:31:45:04 - 00:31:45:09
Phil
Run.

00:31:45:21 - 00:31:54:22
Kevin
With that pearl necklace is strung together, it's like there's a knot in between each pearl, so that if the necklace breaks, the pearls don't all slide off the string.

00:31:55:11 - 00:32:09:17
Phil
Oh, yeah, that makes them there then. Yeah, super cheap. Like, like, like the kind of thing you'd get on Etsy, like. So you, like, you bought a beating kit and like, I can sell things online. It's high quality and sports. $50.

00:32:09:22 - 00:32:13:14
Kevin
It's it was made with love and.

00:32:13:14 - 00:32:28:04
Phil
And, you know, that because she bought like, you know, custom labels that she puts in the box that sense is made love made with love. Yep. By someone yep. Anyway Lou Kang bitches about the fact you can just keep in.

00:32:28:04 - 00:32:34:02
Kevin
Bitching about the teleportation and the fucking. Yeah he is the worst and I hope this sub's.

00:32:34:02 - 00:32:35:02
Phil
Urine red brick.

00:32:35:07 - 00:32:47:20
Kevin
Is such a whiny prick. Oh, my God. And kids like, they they're like basically Raiden and Scorpion are like, yeah, we can teleport. You guys got to walk and look hangs like me, me, me, me.

00:32:48:18 - 00:33:01:02
Phil
And Carmelo even explains. He's like, look, they're teleporting through this portal like that. Anybody who isn't, like, Touched by the Gods or part of the afterlife or something, we can't. We can't go with them. Like, he's gang just.

00:33:01:15 - 00:33:06:09
Kevin
He's he's like, he's a god, and he's like, dead ish, so. Right. What do you.

00:33:06:14 - 00:33:06:19
Phil
Say?

00:33:07:07 - 00:33:10:23
Phil
They're fine. We can't do that. And and even points out, he's like, and it's not that far.

00:33:11:00 - 00:33:14:21
Kevin
So it's, it's, it's there. It's a couple hours that way. Like, just.

00:33:14:21 - 00:33:15:14
Phil
Yeah, yeah.

00:33:16:04 - 00:33:18:20
Phil
Stop. You go in and grab your leg and let's go. God damn it. This is.

00:33:18:20 - 00:33:19:09
Phil
Stupid.

00:33:22:12 - 00:33:31:06
Phil
Yeah. So come on. Look, gang are heading back and they've got is more chat. More talk. Yeah. No fighting fighting.

00:33:31:07 - 00:33:52:13
Kevin
No fighting, fighting. And then chapter 34, we finally get Sonia Blade back and she is, she has been she's going to the altar. She is she's being held by countless hands and being dragged to the altar of shall con to be sacrificed.

00:33:53:03 - 00:34:01:05
Phil
Right. And this actually introduces another character from Mortal Kombat Canon Baraka.

00:34:01:09 - 00:34:01:18
Kevin
Yeah.

00:34:01:18 - 00:34:03:09
Phil
Baraka. Yeah.

00:34:03:18 - 00:34:06:05
Phil
And I want to just go off of a rocker.

00:34:07:02 - 00:34:07:11
Phil
I just.

00:34:07:23 - 00:34:17:12
Phil
I just want to go off on a brief rant here because this scene really frustrated me. What we get in this scene is Sonia Blade is being taken basically. It's like a sacrificial scene.

00:34:17:13 - 00:34:19:08
Kevin
Yeah. She's about to be she's going to be pissed.

00:34:19:19 - 00:34:42:21
Phil
Yeah. She's going to be sacrifice. And in her buddies, Michael Snyder and Jim Wu, they already do like have they're already dead. But they're they're out there. And so she's basically being threatened with Priest Baraka, who's got for those of you don't play moral comedies, is this really creepy monster looking guy with blades that come out of his forearms.

00:34:42:21 - 00:35:12:04
Phil
It's pretty cool to think that. So frustrate me in this chapter, she this is where it says we have Sonia had volunteered to take intensive training in modern and ancient colts when she joined the US Special Forces, which immediately made me think of Metal Gear, which we read recently, where it's just like she in the Special Forces, they trained you in the most useless nonsense bullshit that no one would need to know in the Air Force is ever, ever, ever.

00:35:12:18 - 00:35:33:14
Phil
It's, it's pointless. But the main crux of my frustration with this chapter is the author gets Baraka exactly right in the way that I think you need to do these kinds of adaptations. Baraka exists basically only in this chapter. He's a priest. We get the creepy look of him.

00:35:33:14 - 00:35:34:23
Kevin
He's got the sword arms.

00:35:34:23 - 00:35:54:01
Phil
He's got short arms. Exactly. And we get a and we get this moment where you think she's going to get sacrificed to. We're OK. Now, later on, spoiler alert, she's going to escape, knock him out and run away, and that's it. That's a wrap on Baraka. And I think it's exactly how he should have treated Baraka. In this book.

00:35:54:04 - 00:35:58:08
Phil
You've got Mortal Kombat, which has like 50 fucking characters, even at the time of this writing.

00:35:58:16 - 00:36:01:06
Phil
There were so many characters.

00:36:01:13 - 00:36:15:00
Phil
And instead of just giving each one of them a backstory and all that shit just you can make sure they're all there, but they don't. Each one of them need like a fully speaking part in, in this.

00:36:15:00 - 00:36:15:07
Phil
Book.

00:36:15:15 - 00:36:30:01
Phil
Just make them represent that's pretty cool. And you can have like a billion fights. You be like, are you just like, Oh, Ned's Cyborg or whatever his name is like and he's there fighting them and you maybe you find out his name or maybe you just describe him. Let the fans go, Oh, I know what that is. That's cool, right?

00:36:30:01 - 00:36:51:19
Phil
And like, just, just use them and abuse them and move on, right? And so he this is I feel like this is exactly how you want to use a character like Baraka who wasn't really all that popular with people like me who like monsters. Yeah. You know, he wasn't that good, but but, you know, put him in there for, like, a little bit and get rid of him.

00:36:52:02 - 00:37:13:18
Phil
So instead of having, like, a billion faceless henchmen have all these henchmen have a cool individual, unique look and use them and get rid of them like they do with Baraka, he could have done this with so many other characters that for some reason, each get their like these, these pointless backstories and and it's, it's so frustrating, this chapter.

00:37:13:18 - 00:37:38:17
Phil
So, yeah, it just shows that the author knew the author had the ability to to spread out the characters and make this way more interesting and more of an eclectic it kind of book where every character in the book, there are so many useless, faceless characters in this book who are nobodies and they basically exist to die because we don't want to kill any of the main characters.

00:37:38:19 - 00:37:55:06
Phil
Right. And if instead you would made sure that every character was like a named character from the video game, there would have in a way more interesting book, I think. Right. But anyway, that's my rant over. It's a frustrating chapter because ironically it's actually pretty good.

00:37:55:11 - 00:37:55:15
Phil
Yeah.

00:37:55:21 - 00:38:16:14
Kevin
So it's pretty good. It shows what the rest of the book could have been. The chapter. Exactly. The chapter ends with on a cliffhanger with Baraka about to kill Sonia Blade. And then we jump over to chapter 35 and Sheng Sung is is he is in a state, he is not healthy doing a teleportation spell.

00:38:16:15 - 00:38:16:23
Phil
Yeah.

00:38:16:23 - 00:38:32:15
Kevin
Was was not good for him. And then basically Kino shows up and is like, hey uh jerk you jerk face give me more money for this amulet.

00:38:33:05 - 00:38:34:07
Phil
Yeah. Yeah.

00:38:34:19 - 00:38:41:05
Kevin
It's basically what happens. And then, then Goro and Reptile like show up and they're like, fuck you.

00:38:42:08 - 00:38:42:17
Phil
Right.

00:38:43:08 - 00:39:08:23
Phil
Right after, right after Kino gives another line that is going to be on the quote board where Shang Sung says you don't know what you're doing and and Kono says, Didn't I just say that? Shang ALang, that's why I need you will be a team like Nelson. And I went ahead and turned off my Kindle for a nice little ten minute me break after that line because I feel like I'd earned it.

00:39:09:12 - 00:39:14:09
Kevin
I don't even understand what the references will be. A team like Nelson Nelson was.

00:39:14:16 - 00:39:31:23
Phil
It was a hair rock band from the eighties. OK, they were twins. You probably ILM. If you if you saw them, right? Like, yeah, Google Nelson Band or something like that. I'm going to do that to make sure thinking of the right guys yeah.

00:39:31:23 - 00:39:34:18
Kevin
Singer songwriters by Matthew and Gunnar Nelson.

00:39:35:05 - 00:39:51:07
Phil
Yeah, there they are. Yeah. With their with their swoopy blond hair. Yeah, they, they they had a fun time on what was it called? I love the eighties. They were, they were some they were very popular talking heads for that series.

00:39:52:06 - 00:39:52:18
Kevin
I bet.

00:39:52:18 - 00:39:56:23
Phil
And with good reason yeah. With good reason. Not great.

00:39:57:15 - 00:39:58:13
Kevin
They're very pretty.

00:39:59:07 - 00:40:08:05
Phil
They're very pretty and they're still pretty and admittedly very talented. But not not a good band. Yeah. In the traditional sense.

00:40:08:05 - 00:40:13:01
Kevin
Of the word. So Kane wanted to be a team like Nelson.

00:40:13:14 - 00:40:17:10
Phil
Yeah. They were both theoretically going to get blond wigs.

00:40:17:16 - 00:40:19:15
Kevin
Yeah, that's. That was the idea.

00:40:20:04 - 00:40:20:12
Phil
Yeah.

00:40:21:09 - 00:40:25:03
Phil
I think this is all just an excuse for Kato to get hair he's desperate for being.

00:40:25:08 - 00:40:26:01
Kevin
Desperate for.

00:40:26:01 - 00:40:27:15
Phil
Hair. Yeah. Yeah.

00:40:28:08 - 00:40:31:23
Kevin
I understand the appeal. You know, I totally understand the appeal.

00:40:32:05 - 00:40:32:13
Phil
Yeah.

00:40:36:07 - 00:40:45:17
Kevin
So, yeah. Anyway, they get they get close playing gets despoiled by reptile and Goro. You know, showing up as they were going to.

00:40:46:12 - 00:40:46:18
Phil
Right.

00:40:48:07 - 00:40:51:00
Phil
They do nothing wrong and yet ruin everything.

00:40:51:00 - 00:41:05:20
Kevin
And then ruin everything and then Cano's like basically he at the end of the chapter, he's like, Kino, you're come on, you're still like, you're still working for me. And Cain is like, yeah, right.

00:41:06:17 - 00:41:15:12
Phil
Yeah, they, they, they beat his ass because he basically tried to kill Shanks in his weakened state. And then at the end, they're like, but you're still part of the team. So come on, let's.

00:41:15:12 - 00:41:18:11
Kevin
Come on, buddy. Let's go. Um.

00:41:19:01 - 00:41:20:21
Phil
So it was lucky to have such good friends.

00:41:20:21 - 00:41:28:11
Kevin
So chapter 36 is is just a full list of Sonia Blades accomplishments.

00:41:28:16 - 00:41:31:10
Phil
It goes on forever.

00:41:32:11 - 00:41:55:23
Kevin
And then basically, she, she ruins the plan. She, like, swings her legs up and kicks out of the way of the blades. And she kills the bird. Yeah. Pushes the bird in the way of of the blades. Which I don't understand why the bird was there. Anyway.

00:41:56:17 - 00:41:59:00
Phil
I don't they never explain it.

00:41:59:00 - 00:42:01:13
Kevin
They were sacrificing her to hamachi.

00:42:02:05 - 00:42:03:06
Phil
To the bird.

00:42:03:06 - 00:42:10:16
Kevin
To the bird? Yeah. The bird is just a messenger. It's just it's literally just Shang Sung's pet from.

00:42:10:16 - 00:42:30:04
Phil
Earlier promise it, though, like he promised the bird a soul in exchange for, like, getting the message out there. I guess I feel like that's something we shouldn't take too seriously, though, when we promise birds. Souls? Yeah, that's just me, though. And I kind of see that the birds.

00:42:32:06 - 00:42:32:23
Kevin
Anyway, she's.

00:42:33:02 - 00:43:09:18
Phil
Like the. So sorry. I just. I real quick want to point out real quick, the things that that Sonia Blade learned in three years of training. Oh, go ahead, Special Forces. Go ahead. She had been taught and had mastered karate, kung fu, taekwondo martial arts weapons such as the nunchucks sighs, and Katniss mastered all traditional Western weapons, including the knife, which is not a Western, whatever, all forms of firearms the bow and arrow, the explosives ranging from sophisticated motion detectors attached to C4 to makeshift hand grenades made with coffee tins, breads and gunpowder.

00:43:09:22 - 00:43:26:12
Phil
She'd been taught Japanese, German, Russian and Spanish. In addition to the French and Finnish. She already knew and studied the basics of medicine so she could treat herself or any of her comrades if they were wounded in battle in three years. I didn't finish a theater degree in three years.

00:43:30:09 - 00:43:35:23
Phil
She's this like she's she is simultaneously an overachiever and a liar.

00:43:36:19 - 00:43:37:11
Phil
She is, yes.

00:43:38:07 - 00:43:52:14
Kevin
I would really like to call her out on her resume. You know, I'd like to I'd like to be at a job interview with Sonja Blade and be like, so it says, here you speak this dead language.

00:43:54:14 - 00:43:56:08
Phil
You speak Sanskrit. Huh?

00:43:56:11 - 00:43:57:21
Phil
Uh huh.

00:43:58:00 - 00:44:04:08
Phil
OK, yes. I was taught that in the Special Forces, it's very important to me to know these things. It's very important of course.

00:44:04:23 - 00:44:05:07
Phil
Yeah.

00:44:05:10 - 00:44:06:19
Kevin
She's like, I know Aramaic.

00:44:07:12 - 00:44:08:06
Phil
Yeah. OK.

00:44:08:23 - 00:44:11:16
Phil
It's it's better to read books than the original Aramaic.

00:44:11:18 - 00:44:12:02
Phil
Yeah.

00:44:12:13 - 00:44:15:02
Kevin
Yeah, the original Klingon yeah.

00:44:15:05 - 00:44:18:08
Phil
Yeah. So she doesn't get sacrificed to a pigeon.

00:44:18:08 - 00:44:40:19
Kevin
The pigeon, in fact, dies poor hamachi. And then she says I highlighted this line. Uh, sorry to cut out on you like this, she sneered, but I've got a hot date. She ran one of the somber black hooded figures through Get my point, laughing boy.

00:44:43:02 - 00:44:43:13
Phil
I don't.

00:44:44:20 - 00:45:12:06
Phil
And this is right after the book simply describe. We've had some long fight scenes in this book. We've had long descriptions of insane mythologies and and like all of these, like, intricate and long winded details. And we get this for a fight in which she grabs Baraka's arms and uses them and uses his arm swords to fend off her attackers.

00:45:12:15 - 00:45:38:03
Phil
It's just they just say he she gripped his right forearm with her free hand and used his sword and fight her way through the crowd. I put in attendance. We spent all this time creating entire mythology. And you can't give me one half page of like fun, like using a guy's arms to fend off your attackers, fight choreography like I feel like at this point, the author is just like, we have got to finish this book.

00:45:38:10 - 00:45:38:22
Phil
We got her.

00:45:39:07 - 00:45:42:04
Kevin
We got to wrap this up. Yeah. Let's wrap it up.

00:45:43:00 - 00:45:45:08
Phil
Yeah. You know what? Let's let's do. In fact.

00:45:46:01 - 00:46:19:12
Kevin
Let's do let's do chapter 37, Raiden and yeah, Raiden shows up. He who is he talking to at the beginning of the chapter? He's just talking about, OK, Scorpion is there as well. OK, yep. There, there, there, there, there. Outside the compound. There's no one outside. So they're like we're not expected or something. Um, and they go in and they.

00:46:19:12 - 00:46:31:00
Phil
Basically offer a deal. They're like, you know, give us, give us the amulet and, you know, and give us, you know, Sonia back and we'll leave, you know, and we'll be done.

00:46:31:00 - 00:46:32:14
Kevin
Romi the amulet offer you the whip.

00:46:33:06 - 00:46:57:00
Phil
Exactly. Exactly. And we have that moment, and the. And Jang Song is just like, no, no, fuck you guys. And basically threatens them. Says, you know, there's only two of you, and I could summon an entire army here. And they basically call his bluff. They literally goes, right, some of your army. And he the wizard hands began to smoke.

00:46:57:12 - 00:47:20:14
Phil
His eyes fell expectantly to the amulet display and it talisman vibrated and shook against his chest, but it was only due to his quaking touch and not because he had tapped its power. So it's like this weird fake out yeah. Like his hand is trembling and so it makes the amulet look. I don't know if that's like a fun, good detail or really stupid I.

00:47:20:17 - 00:47:21:17
Kevin
Just really dumb.

00:47:24:08 - 00:47:25:07
Phil
So weird.

00:47:27:01 - 00:47:56:23
Phil
And so, yeah, they they point out the shakes looks like flabbergasted. It doesn't work. St says yeah, we all saw like that was a lot of teenage sass for a lot of these characters. And so out shows up to two to even the odds I guess. And Garrosh shouts, how is it possible and come up says dualities and doesn't really explain why it's like he shouted the aristocrats like it just.

00:47:57:04 - 00:47:58:19
Kevin
Doesn't really explain any of it.

00:47:59:10 - 00:48:00:04
Phil
No. Just, just.

00:48:00:04 - 00:48:05:00
Phil
We talked about dualities earlier and so it has something to do with dualities, I guess.

00:48:05:08 - 00:48:06:12
Kevin
Something to do with duality.

00:48:06:16 - 00:48:08:09
Phil
It's the aristocrats.

00:48:08:23 - 00:48:14:14
Kevin
Where we had a we had a slight technical break in the middle there because there.

00:48:14:14 - 00:48:15:16
Phil
Are a few malfeasance.

00:48:16:03 - 00:48:18:23
Kevin
There is malfeasance is the best way to put it.

00:48:19:13 - 00:48:20:07
Phil
Absolutely.

00:48:20:19 - 00:48:37:06
Kevin
If it sounds if it sounds slightly different, that's just because Phil's computer fan likes to exercise its right to to voice its concerns. Absolutely. By being very loud. Whenever his computer reboots.

00:48:37:17 - 00:48:50:06
Phil
We literally started the podcast chatting and be asking advice on like what he like what Kevin likes in his gaming laptop and everything. I was like, yes, I think this thing it's time to replace this. It's time I think we're done.

00:48:50:14 - 00:48:51:00
Phil
Yeah.

00:48:51:18 - 00:48:54:02
Phil
Yeah, this thing's had anyway.

00:48:54:06 - 00:48:54:16
Phil
OK.

00:48:55:06 - 00:49:01:13
Phil
Anyway, basically the chapter ends with them just getting the fight starts. What can I say?

00:49:02:00 - 00:49:34:01
Kevin
Yes, the fight starts and and basically there's a roundhouse kick from Goro and Shang Sung orders his minions to attack. You really need it. And it, it, it it goes on. And then the they they ran towards the shrine yes. Hang Song and Kino run towards the shrine. Because what causes them to run towards the shrine?

00:49:36:14 - 00:49:39:13
Kevin
Because the thing doesn't work they emulate the ambulance network.

00:49:39:13 - 00:49:41:01
Phil
Formula didn't work. They're panicking.

00:49:41:08 - 00:49:41:23
Kevin
They're panicking.

00:49:42:08 - 00:49:54:16
Phil
Calling for Ruth the demon who we've no next to nothing about. And in this chapter, we actually get like, a run down, unlike Ruth. A as a demon, I guess.

00:49:54:21 - 00:49:56:01
Kevin
Yeah, it's a weird.

00:49:56:07 - 00:50:03:15
Phil
Weird time to develop your character, but. All right, fine, I guess. Sure. Late developers, late development is better than no development.

00:50:03:15 - 00:50:25:17
Kevin
Better than no development at all. But they get in there and they realize that he's like, Ruth, hey, I need your help. But Ruth is dying. Yeah, who could have what could have happened there? Why did this happen? Ruth is basically, like, melting. Yeah.

00:50:26:01 - 00:50:27:14
Phil
Yeah, he's see better days.

00:50:27:17 - 00:50:48:14
Kevin
He's seen better days. And it's because soon you blade broke part of the circle, I guess, and severed the connection to the outer world. And now sort of and now it's Kane versus Sonia Blade time. Finally, the showdown that we've been waiting for.

00:50:49:00 - 00:50:51:04
Phil
We've all been waiting for this fight.

00:50:51:04 - 00:50:51:17
Kevin
All they're waiting.

00:50:51:17 - 00:50:54:04
Phil
First first, let's talk about Kyung Lah a little.

00:50:54:04 - 00:50:58:16
Phil
Bit. Let's let's talk about. Well, yeah, yeah.

00:50:59:17 - 00:51:07:00
Kevin
He basically, he's like, this temple is so weird and the geometry makes no sense.

00:51:07:11 - 00:51:10:13
Phil
It's like a little, little love crafted near Mortal Kombat.

00:51:10:14 - 00:51:14:09
Kevin
It's a little late in the game to get Lovecraftian guys.

00:51:14:09 - 00:51:20:02
Phil
He's like, dude, do we really think do you really think you've earned that?

00:51:20:10 - 00:51:23:00
Kevin
Do you think you've earned the non Euclidean geometry?

00:51:23:00 - 00:51:29:10
Phil
I don't think you have I don't think you have. K if.

00:51:29:10 - 00:51:31:06
Phil
You if you insist on putting it in.

00:51:31:06 - 00:51:31:17
Phil
There.

00:51:32:20 - 00:51:36:13
Phil
So yeah. So all right. So to a point.

00:51:36:23 - 00:51:47:13
Kevin
Kind of like just like wanders in and he's like, I just want amulet. Just give me the amulet and I'll help you say I'll fix everything and sharing songs like.

00:51:47:18 - 00:51:51:04
Phil
My roots like it right and.

00:51:51:10 - 00:51:52:05
Kevin
I was like once.

00:51:52:05 - 00:52:02:23
Phil
Really concerned about Ruth, a former name who is a demon guys, if you get him forgotten, he's a demon who's like, been losing his mind because he's like.

00:52:03:12 - 00:52:04:21
Kevin
1500 years.

00:52:05:02 - 00:52:16:08
Phil
Yeah, yeah. He's somewhere between realms and it's making him crazy. And yeah, Shank Sung is really upset about Ruthie, and Conlan was upset about where were they to kiss.

00:52:16:08 - 00:52:16:20
Kevin
Well, his.

00:52:16:21 - 00:52:17:21
Phil
Motivation.

00:52:18:04 - 00:52:20:19
Kevin
Is a box to be. Yeah, he's sad.

00:52:21:16 - 00:52:22:02
Phil
Yeah.

00:52:22:03 - 00:52:50:06
Phil
He's like, he's like, oh, I as a priest of this order, I cannot bear to watch a single life, a single life be tormented. So. So I'll tell you what, I will go and finish this ritual to reconnect us to everything so that this demon can survive alive.

00:52:50:12 - 00:52:50:22
Phil
Yeah.

00:52:51:17 - 00:52:58:23
Phil
And I don't know what's stupider, this plan or the fact that Shang Seung buys it.

00:52:59:10 - 00:53:23:20
Kevin
Shanks and totally buys it. Chang son gives a prayer. She's like, Here you go. He's like, You got to recite this Kung, Lao and Kung. I was like, OK, and and then it's like things. He does the prayer and kung and Chang sings like, I won the fall that it. And then and then he was like, oh, shit.

00:53:25:05 - 00:53:26:07
Kevin
He lied to me.

00:53:27:12 - 00:53:29:02
Phil
Ching Sung lied to us.

00:53:29:23 - 00:53:34:00
Kevin
Lao lied to us. Shang So like, yeah, wow. Lied to us.

00:53:34:06 - 00:53:35:20
Phil
Well, yeah. And he will lie to us.

00:53:35:20 - 00:53:45:23
Kevin
So they're fighting. They're fighting, they're fighting. And then suddenly all the demons start getting like they turn towards the little pagoda area and they start getting sucked into the pagoda like a vacuum.

00:53:46:13 - 00:54:07:18
Phil
Right. And I love, by the way, like, they, they say, like, come on. I was like, as a priest of this order, I cannot bear to watch a single soul being tormented no matter what soul it is, no matter it's a demon or what. Now, cut to a page later, and Raiden is literally blasting these mutant eight foot soldiers.

00:54:07:18 - 00:54:18:18
Phil
The Selina's witch, remember? It's true. He's he's literally blowing them to pieces with his lightning. So your priest is like, I can't I can't.

00:54:18:18 - 00:54:26:08
Kevin
I can't. And the God made the guy that he is, like, scores is like is like, I have no problem with this.

00:54:26:13 - 00:54:53:12
Phil
Yes. Yes. The God said, fuck those kids like, it's a little weird. Yeah. So all of the all of the is it the outer world people? All the demons and Reptile and Goro and everybody else starts getting dragged, sucked towards the gate. Everyone's flying away except for Raiden and come down looking and like basically anyone who was supposed to.

00:54:53:12 - 00:54:57:12
Kevin
Be the mother, the mother realm or sir or whatever earth realm, people.

00:54:57:12 - 00:54:58:23
Phil
Just watch all this happened.

00:54:58:23 - 00:55:08:05
Kevin
They're just watching this happen. And Jang Song is like, What did you do? And Clouds is, like I said, that prayer backwards, right?

00:55:08:05 - 00:55:10:09
Phil
Oh, yeah, backwards.

00:55:10:18 - 00:55:12:04
Phil
This is Kevin.

00:55:13:06 - 00:55:39:19
Phil
Is this some sickos, Batman, bull shit like this? There was an episode of of Batman that like in the sixties that like actually totally describes the kind of campy bullshit that they were pulling up. I remember Catwoman is trying to fight Batman. I'm a bad man won't for whatever reason. And so Catwoman says something like, I will use my patented karate against you.

00:55:40:05 - 00:55:58:07
Phil
And Batman says, No, you can't, because this cat Rotty, I assume, is based on karate, which is a defensive martial art. And I won't fight you. It's like some Dwight Schrute like, level, like. Yeah, I simply spoke the prayer backwards cause.

00:55:58:17 - 00:56:00:16
Kevin
It's basically Mr. Mix a pit of, like.

00:56:03:23 - 00:56:06:09
Phil
It all isn't. And you.

00:56:06:21 - 00:56:09:18
Phil
Will done with pronouncing that one correct by the.

00:56:09:23 - 00:56:14:15
Kevin
Superman. Yeah, it's Mr. Mix, Peter. Like to say his name backwards and.

00:56:17:10 - 00:56:33:04
Phil
I spoke the prayer backwards. Gun laws, which is the common way to reverse an occult process by keeping the circle unclosed. I enabled all of your guests to go home. Oh, obviously, that's what this is. What? The fucking Da Vinci Code bullshit. Are you reading?

00:56:33:19 - 00:56:34:06
Phil
Right.

00:56:34:17 - 00:56:35:14
Phil
But it works.

00:56:35:17 - 00:57:03:10
Kevin
There were everybody gets is getting sucked in. It's everybody gets sucked in. And finally the portal closes and it leaves it leaves like Goro and Reptile on the other side. So, like, the only people left are Goro Reptile Chang Song and then everybody else is just kind of standing there. And the best moments of this entire chapter is it's dead silent.

00:57:03:14 - 00:57:14:05
Kevin
Nobody is saying anything the bad guys, the good guys, they're all just standing there. And Kino says, in that case, I'm out of here, and he just walks in.

00:57:14:11 - 00:57:17:20
Phil
Leaves just fucking leaves.

00:57:18:07 - 00:57:19:23
Phil
We never see him again.

00:57:22:13 - 00:57:27:06
Phil
Keynote, keynote speaks for all of us. He's like, Are we done? OK, we're done.

00:57:27:12 - 00:57:30:22
Kevin
It's testing his hands off and walking out now.

00:57:30:22 - 00:57:56:22
Phil
Now, Kevin now that like all of the that big, weird, you know, ape army or whatever they are, they're all gone. All the extra superfluous baddies are gone. It's just our main heroes, our main villains. We're at chapter 42. I'm assuming that in this next chapter in chapter 42, we finally get the knockdown drag out in Mortal Kombat.

00:57:57:08 - 00:58:01:05
Phil
Yeah, we get the more combat goodies in our battles. That is what happened yeah.

00:58:02:08 - 00:58:15:11
Kevin
No, I'm sorry. It's not all shit. It's not what chapter 42 is it. Chapter 42 is is them. And negotiating a detente, basically.

00:58:15:22 - 00:58:20:09
Phil
Yeah, yeah. An armistice. Yeah.

00:58:21:11 - 00:58:31:18
Kevin
And Chang Sheng sung is basically like, All right, well, fuck it. Next year we're going to settle this at a Mortal Kombat tournament. Right and everybody's like, like, we.

00:58:31:18 - 00:58:33:08
Phil
Were supposed to do this here.

00:58:33:17 - 00:58:48:04
Kevin
Like we're supposed to do for this in this book. And they're like, Yeah, we agree to that because you have your own laws. They get into this bullshit about how he has his own wars on this island, and they can't break his laws on this island.

00:58:48:04 - 00:58:50:07
Phil
They'd be just as bad as he.

00:58:50:16 - 00:58:51:06
Phil
Yes.

00:58:51:14 - 00:59:08:23
Phil
It's like some serious Internet centric bullshit where it's like, Well, actually, we would be just as bad if we punched a Nazi. I mean, Chang son. Yeah, because it don't you don't do it self.

00:59:09:09 - 00:59:18:22
Kevin
You can't lower yourself to Nazi punching. You must you must defend with the death their right to say terrible things.

00:59:19:09 - 00:59:41:07
Phil
Yeah. Chang son has been murdering people, raising their souls, not letting their souls have rest slowly, working towards opening a portal to bring about the end of the fucking world. But if we beat his ass now and end it all now, we're basically doing exactly the same thing as him.

00:59:41:11 - 00:59:42:01
Kevin
As him.

00:59:42:14 - 00:59:43:03
Phil
As him.

00:59:44:08 - 00:59:49:01
Phil
Without makes sense in my mind. Yeah, sure.

00:59:49:11 - 01:00:07:00
Kevin
They wrap it up, they wrap it up and leave it. They go to woo hoo! The village that Conway was from. And there's a celebration for some reason. I don't know what what? Why are they celebrating? Why do they know? Do they how do they know anything happens?

01:00:08:03 - 01:00:30:17
Phil
Tell them like they they like. Hold it. Yeah, they they basically come out, tells them beloved people. Woohoo! My friends and I are humbled. Humbled by your welcome we've seen the unfamiliar and have cultivated thickets of righteousness and a field of abomination. But with faith, we have triumphed and they all just kind of sit there and listen silently.

01:00:30:18 - 01:00:59:17
Phil
We're like, cool, cool, cool. That's chill. We're super into that priest guy yeah. And then and then I know you guys are thinking we've got like 15 pages left. Like, we get we're going to get, like, a final moment of, like, one last fight, one last cool, you know, moment. You know, we find out that let's see what chin chin our beloved chin chin is going to be.

01:01:00:01 - 01:01:17:01
Phil
They promote him from shepherd to acolyte to the gods and we take some time to find a replacement shepherd. Yeah. We check his references thoroughly, by the way. Yeah, yeah. Tell him about the benefits he's.

01:01:17:04 - 01:01:19:21
Kevin
And he has no way subzero in disguise.

01:01:20:04 - 01:01:24:18
Phil
Absolutely not. Why would he be.

01:01:24:23 - 01:01:27:04
Kevin
Why would he be subzero.

01:01:27:04 - 01:01:27:23
Phil
In disguise?

01:01:28:17 - 01:01:58:04
Phil
Yeah, that's insane. So we and it just this is pages. We had entire fight scenes that were quarter the length of this chapter of them dribbling the book to a halt. Like it's you know, it doesn't end with a bang. It doesn't end with a whimper. It ends with a sigh of and I guess the shepherd is the you know, the guy we barely we got to wrap up his storyline.

01:01:58:04 - 01:01:59:19
Phil
Right. Right.

01:02:00:21 - 01:02:01:07
Kevin
Yeah.

01:02:01:23 - 01:02:02:12
Phil
Yeah.

01:02:02:20 - 01:02:03:07
Kevin
Yeah.

01:02:04:00 - 01:02:10:10
Phil
And finally we come to the final chapter which is 44.

01:02:11:06 - 01:02:11:12
Phil
Huh?

01:02:11:14 - 01:02:34:17
Phil
Yeah. Shaken talking to Rousay and saying like Ruth basically sticking up for Shank son saying like he was he sure that the next time it'll be fine? Chuckles like he was sure the last time, you know, like, oh, finally something's going to happen. No. And shaken just kind of goes, all right, but I'm watching you saying, son, yeah.

01:02:34:20 - 01:02:39:15
Phil
Because I look forward to such a Mortal Kombat.

01:02:40:10 - 01:02:41:15
Phil
To.

01:02:42:23 - 01:02:46:07
Kevin
Like to get it, like, number two, but also to.

01:02:48:05 - 01:02:49:06
Phil
I'm so tired.

01:02:49:14 - 01:02:50:18
Kevin
It's a homophone.

01:02:58:15 - 01:03:01:22
Phil
So we'll go back to this book.

01:03:02:23 - 01:03:09:09
Phil
It was never going to be a masterpiece, Kevin, but we were actually pretty impressed with it. It was the.

01:03:09:09 - 01:03:20:23
Kevin
First thing, the first part where they got into all the mythology like, Damn, this is cool. And the only death in the entire goddamn book is the original Kung Lao.

01:03:21:19 - 01:03:23:10
Phil
Yes. And a couple of legs.

01:03:23:10 - 01:03:25:13
Kevin
And a couple of no name dudes.

01:03:25:21 - 01:03:27:11
Phil
Yeah, there is no.

01:03:27:21 - 01:03:38:17
Kevin
There's no finishers in the entire book. There is not even outside the opening section. There's no Mortal Kombat tournament nope.

01:03:39:10 - 01:03:42:16
Phil
Nope, nope, nope. Yeah, no tournament actually happens.

01:03:43:02 - 01:03:44:07
Kevin
No tournaments, just a bunch of.

01:03:44:07 - 01:03:52:01
Phil
Talking and bullshit. You get a couple of fights, but like, all right, did you see the recent Mortal Kombat movie that came out?

01:03:52:07 - 01:03:52:23
Kevin
No, I haven't.

01:03:53:06 - 01:04:14:15
Phil
Yeah, OK, it's not great. It's not a great movie. But actually, it was never going to be great, but but they actually did it pretty well in the sense when they finally started fighting. They have this sequence near the end of the movie where it's just 20 minutes of like four different one on one fights that they're cutting between.

01:04:14:20 - 01:04:26:05
Phil
And it involves fatalities and all the shit. And it's the best 20 minutes of any Mortal Kombat anything I've ever seen. And that's OK because it's. Yeah, and it's like the filmmakers, remember.

01:04:26:11 - 01:04:29:02
Phil
Oh, right. This is a fighting game.

01:04:29:14 - 01:04:55:10
Phil
You should have some fights. Like, we should have like one fight after the other, right? And then they just I wouldn't have been surprised at this point. This movie, the movie, this book dropped off so like steeply. Yeah. At a certain point, it just started tumbling downwards. It was so bad and like not this isn't fan service. This is like fan slavish.

01:04:55:13 - 01:05:09:19
Phil
It's like they just I would have been surprised at some point. Subzero was like, well, first I'm going to have to go get my bagel. Oh, Toasty like it is like Jesus Christ goes like this.

01:05:10:01 - 01:05:11:10
Phil
This is this.

01:05:11:10 - 01:05:32:21
Phil
Is the most precipitous drop in quality of any of the books we've ever read. I have to like at least dead space was bad from beginning to end. This started out pretty promising. And it just fell off a goddamn cliff. I just don't know what happened. How did how did how did you like mortal comfort?

01:05:33:13 - 01:05:51:23
Kevin
This book is weird. And it's like bad in a weird way where it just kind of, like, tantalizes the concept of doing the thing that it says. It's going to do and then never does. It never does the thing that it's supposed to do, which is be moral combat.

01:05:52:06 - 01:05:53:03
Phil
Even sex.

01:05:53:11 - 01:06:01:22
Kevin
Like it has some little combat characters in it and it has them saying some weird stuff. Kato is clearly the best character in the book.

01:06:02:09 - 01:06:03:01
Phil
Obviously.

01:06:04:16 - 01:06:21:07
Kevin
And with just a bunch of references to, you know, eighties hair metal and and whatnot. But this is this will be will occupy this space right above dead space for me.

01:06:21:22 - 01:06:24:20
Phil
I yeah, at this point, I have to agree.

01:06:24:20 - 01:06:27:13
Kevin
My bottom two is this and then the dead space.

01:06:28:00 - 01:06:28:08
Phil
Yeah.

01:06:28:21 - 01:06:31:13
Phil
Yeah, I absolutely agree. And it's.

01:06:31:13 - 01:06:31:19
Phil
Just.

01:06:32:08 - 01:06:45:19
Phil
So frustrating because it's almost worse in its own way because of how much it jumps around and quality. It's it gets you it gets you excited. Don't tease me if you can't please me Mortal Kombat, God dammit.

01:06:49:10 - 01:07:03:19
Kevin
Oh, God. And now for a new segment on the show I will call. And this is this is a reference to to receive or for warrior play and.

01:07:05:08 - 01:07:07:14
Phil
That you played.

01:07:07:21 - 01:07:09:04
Kevin
Warrior by in.

01:07:09:12 - 01:07:09:17
Phil
The.

01:07:09:17 - 01:07:10:23
Kevin
Warriors Cell.

01:07:10:23 - 01:07:14:09
Phil
And I just finished that game actually a.

01:07:14:09 - 01:07:15:10
Phil
Few like a.

01:07:15:10 - 01:07:20:13
Phil
Few weeks back. I never played that one. Yeah. So I get that reference. I get that.

01:07:20:13 - 01:07:30:12
Kevin
Reference to the dude in the little trenchcoat. So yeah, the segment will be called What Do You Play in? Love It. So what are you playing, Phil?

01:07:31:20 - 01:07:37:05
Phil
I am. I'm playing a little game known as Vampire Survivors.

01:07:38:09 - 01:07:38:21
Phil
Yes.

01:07:39:22 - 01:07:42:22
Phil
Yeah. And I think you happen to be playing that one, too.

01:07:42:23 - 01:08:00:14
Kevin
I have I have been playing it. I have somehow put I got a check on Steam, but I want to say I've put like I don't know, what's it say? What's it say? A 26 hours into it.

01:08:00:14 - 01:08:02:02
Phil
I am at 22.

01:08:02:20 - 01:08:07:22
Kevin
So that's, that is a lot of hours for a game that I bought for two bucks.

01:08:08:16 - 01:08:17:16
Phil
That is it is it is the best couple of bucks I've ever spent in my entire life. Like Holy Shit this game is good.

01:08:17:23 - 01:08:38:02
Kevin
It is. It's one of those games where you, you fired it. Yeah. I heard about people playing it a couple of months ago now. It's like, I saw like screenshots of it and I was like, what is this game? This is dumb. Yeah. And then as like I said, I'll play it whenever. So it's two bucks, bought it and it is it is wild.

01:08:38:14 - 01:08:54:12
Kevin
Once you start understanding how all the systems have all the weapons and the systems and stuff work together in the game, it gets this level of chaos that is so much fun. It's like a reverse bullet. Hell, like.

01:08:54:21 - 01:08:55:10
Phil
Yeah.

01:08:55:22 - 01:08:58:05
Phil
You're the bullet like that.

01:08:58:06 - 01:09:01:16
Phil
Hell yeah. Yeah.

01:09:01:18 - 01:09:33:08
Phil
For any of you who haven't seen this somehow or played it or something like that, it's it's a very low, you know, low fidelity kind of old school, eight foot style, sprite based game, very clearly ripping off Castlevania and it's. Yeah, and you play different sprites who have different abilities and you just wander around this endless map and kill the things that are constant like swarming you and slowly power up.

01:09:33:19 - 01:09:49:12
Phil
And as it goes, you become this nonstop, like it's a dopamine factory because you're just constantly killing things and gaining experience and leveling up and.

01:09:49:19 - 01:10:13:22
Kevin
Goals and all this stuff. And it is it is a game that in a, in another company's hands, it feels like it is ripe for like micro transaction bullshit. Oh, big time big. But there aren't any there aren't any any in this game. It's just it's just you pay the $2. I think it's technically still early access.

01:10:15:00 - 01:10:17:05
Phil
It is there. They're still adding stuff to it.

01:10:17:09 - 01:10:17:18
Phil
Yeah.

01:10:18:19 - 01:10:35:02
Kevin
And there's there's so many things that you can unlock in this game. There's characters. My favorite character, I don't know if you've gotten this this one yet. It looks like a I want to say like maybe a panda bear or something.

01:10:35:02 - 01:10:36:19
Phil
Oh, with the cherry bomb that.

01:10:36:19 - 01:10:37:21
Kevin
Throws cherry bombs.

01:10:37:21 - 01:10:44:12
Phil
Yeah, I just got him today. How how do you. I got massacred with that cherry bomb, though. I yes.

01:10:44:16 - 01:11:19:18
Kevin
He is very tough because his cherry bomb doesn't the cherry bomb doesn't always explode right. But as you level it up and then you also get this thing, the two things that I always get, one of them is the candelabra, which increases the area of the weapons. So if you get the if you keep blowing up the cherry bomb with the candelabra the cherry bomb gets bigger and bigger and the percentage of explosions gets more and more frequent and suddenly and suddenly and he's shooting more out.

01:11:19:18 - 01:11:32:01
Kevin
So he's like throwing five of them and they're bouncing around and they're exploding. And it becomes this like this like fireworks show of like cherry bomb explosion and when you get this guy's weapon leveled up, it's amazing.

01:11:32:09 - 01:11:39:14
Phil
That that yeah, I'm going to keep going with him. I can't stop playing. Is it Janiero, the guy with the knives?

01:11:39:14 - 01:11:40:16
Kevin
I think Janiero is the guy.

01:11:40:21 - 01:12:00:11
Phil
That guy is just. Yeah, because you at first it's like you're throwing a couple of knives forward and that can you know, it's it's like OK at first, but then you start building up these knives and it just becomes this endless beam of death spewing knives.

01:12:00:19 - 01:12:05:20
Kevin
It's just you can cut through anything. Right? At that point.

01:12:06:10 - 01:12:08:14
Phil
It gets really ridiculous.

01:12:08:16 - 01:12:28:10
Kevin
Yeah. For him, I like getting the knives and I like getting the axes fully leveled up. So you're throwing the axes in all directions and you're throwing the knives forward. And you can basically get to you can get to the 30 minute. The goal is basically to get to the 30 minute mark of a level, right? And that's how you clear the stage.

01:12:28:14 - 01:13:00:06
Kevin
There's only four stages and then a couple of like weird bonus stages that you can unlock that have like specific quirks to them. One of them is called the boneyard where the torches, they don't drop any items. And so you, you can't pick up anything else and the only enemies or the skeletal type of enemies. OK, but the other thing is every minute the strength of the enemy strength and hit points of the enemies goes up.

01:13:00:17 - 01:13:23:15
Kevin
So by the end you have these regular skeletal skeleton dudes who are on a normal level are pretty easy to kill, but you are having a lot of trouble. I got to I nearly got to the 30 minute mark the first time I did it. And then after that I have had trouble breaking 10 minutes because it's a, it's a really tough, tough level to deal with.

01:13:24:09 - 01:13:26:12
Phil
I'm still stuck on the dairy.

01:13:27:22 - 01:13:29:23
Kevin
So getting to level 60 on the dairy.

01:13:30:12 - 01:13:44:04
Phil
It's insane. I can get to level, I got to level like 75 in the library level, but I can't, I don't, I think it's like around 45 or so in the dairy level and I just peter out and I can't, I can't.

01:13:44:12 - 01:13:44:22
Kevin
Get.

01:13:44:22 - 01:13:45:07
Phil
To it.

01:13:45:16 - 01:13:47:09
Kevin
The dairy stuff, dairy stuff.

01:13:47:18 - 01:13:55:13
Phil
It's not like any of the other levels. It's got way more walls and shit that you've got to make your way around.

01:13:55:13 - 01:14:05:04
Kevin
The one thing I don't like about the dairy is that for some reason you have all these walls and stuff, but the enemies can just like walk right over the walls.

01:14:05:04 - 01:14:08:11
Phil
You just walk right through them. Yeah, and as like all of them. But a lot of them.

01:14:08:11 - 01:14:25:20
Kevin
Yeah, but a lot of them. Yeah. And that's not the case in the next level. In the tower, there's the walls and the enemies respect the walls. So I don't know if it's like a glitch in the dairy or something like that where they, where it's like everybody is just like coming for you no matter where you are.

01:14:26:04 - 01:14:26:12
Kevin
Right.

01:14:26:12 - 01:14:27:18
Phil
It's weird the idea.

01:14:28:02 - 01:14:28:11
Kevin
Yeah.

01:14:29:04 - 01:14:45:14
Phil
I know. I don't know. But it's still, it's still like it's up there like game of the year, like levels of how much I'm fucking. And it's so funny because you and me are both like very into like the narrative artistic side of games.

01:14:45:14 - 01:14:46:14
Kevin
Is none of that here.

01:14:47:00 - 01:14:57:01
Phil
None of that, not even a little bit. And it's like there's no storyline I'm like, it's just but god damn, I'm glued to that game. It's so good.

01:14:57:01 - 01:15:02:09
Kevin
They call they call the chicken that you find in the game. They call it floor chicken. Right?

01:15:02:09 - 01:15:05:10
Phil
Exactly. Yeah, it is straight up cauliflower chicken. I love.

01:15:05:10 - 01:15:05:13
Phil
It.

01:15:06:09 - 01:15:15:15
Phil
And they reference it in every single level. Like it's, it's stuff. It's so good. It's guys if you haven't, it's three bucks, I think. I think it's like 299 actually.

01:15:15:16 - 01:15:16:14
Kevin
Something like that.

01:15:16:14 - 01:15:36:14
Phil
Yeah. Yeah. And it is, it is worth your money if you haven't bought it already. If the only reason that you haven't bought it is because you're like, I've got a lot of stuff going on right now and I, I really can't have that level distraction. That is a great excuse and it's the only one I'll set because it will, it will take over a lot of shit.

01:15:36:17 - 01:15:46:21
Kevin
Yeah. They, Yeah, that's, it's so and it's only at version .5.2. Right. 0.5.

01:15:46:21 - 01:15:48:10
Phil
Points away to go with this thing.

01:15:48:19 - 01:15:49:05
Phil
Yeah.

01:15:51:07 - 01:16:05:22
Kevin
So there is a lot of, you know, there's a lot of stuff sorry.

01:16:05:22 - 01:16:09:05
Phil
I was just looking something up and I didn't want to clickety clack on.

01:16:09:05 - 01:16:10:19
Kevin
The oh yeah. Yeah, no problem.

01:16:12:09 - 01:16:18:09
Phil
No. Yeah, I love it. It's great. So it's great. It's what I'm playing now. It's probably what I'll be playing next.

01:16:18:09 - 01:16:45:09
Kevin
Week and that's what I've been playing to. I've been mostly playing that, and I think I'll hold on to what I'm, I'm also playing a remnant from the Ashes and Death Stranding. I know I hold off getting on too deep into into what I'm liking about them because I'm still early days or even the early hours. I think at vampire survivors, I've put in way too much time into already.

01:16:45:14 - 01:16:53:09
Kevin
Yeah, I've put in 26 hours into it and I think I'm kind of running up against like the outer limits of the things I can like reasonably.

01:16:53:09 - 01:16:56:07
Phil
I'm got most of the collection. Last time we talked.

01:16:56:11 - 01:17:23:21
Kevin
Yeah, I was like I had like 60 some out of 96. Yeah, yeah. So you're doing good. The, a lot of the things that are remaining are like things that are like, yeah, I'm never going to, I don't think I'm going to get these like one of them is like a like reaching level 100 for a few specific characters like the yadda guy there's one guy I haven't unlocked yet.

01:17:24:16 - 01:17:26:09
Kevin
Also silly me. Oh.

01:17:28:02 - 01:17:41:14
Phil
They all have weird Italian names and it cracks me up there's like one of them. His name is Pecorino. Like, it's, it's, it's so weird and lovely and I love it.

01:17:41:22 - 01:17:43:00
Kevin
But God.

01:17:43:13 - 01:18:05:08
Phil
Well, I actually, I'm also playing a game that I'm not going to get into this episode too much because it's Resident Evil five, and I've got a lot of things to say about it, but I think it would be more appropriate to bring up in our next episode because Kevin we've been doing this for a year, every year for a year.

01:18:05:08 - 01:18:30:16
Phil
And our anniversary episode, we started this podcast well, we didn't start it on June 8th, but our first ever episode was June eight, 20, 21 and June eight of this year we are going to be picking up where we left off at the beginning. Our first ever book was The First and the Resident Evil The Evil Novel series, and we're going to be doing the second Resident Evil, Caliban Cove.

01:18:30:21 - 01:18:31:20
Kevin
Cowardly on.

01:18:32:07 - 01:18:34:20
Phil
June 8th, you know, super pumped.

01:18:35:08 - 01:18:40:10
Kevin
It is, yeah. I'm really excited to get in Caliban Cove. It's a completely original.

01:18:40:10 - 01:18:40:16
Phil
All.

01:18:42:08 - 01:18:52:13
Kevin
Resident Evil story from Steve Perry, who we, we, we, we read her book on the adaptation of Evil.

01:18:52:13 - 01:18:52:18
Phil
Which.

01:18:53:21 - 01:19:18:17
Kevin
Has gotten, I think to me has grown in esteem since we've read it in my mind because for as silly as it is, it was tonally right on the nose resonate evil and also she did a hell of a job with the actual adaptation of like, oh, we don't have to go through this whole puzzle. It's just like she just breaks the glass and takes the thing.

01:19:18:17 - 01:19:42:21
Kevin
Like she doesn't do the puzzle and after having now spent a year reading so many of these books, I think she does a lot of things in that book that I feel like a lot of other authors could actually kind of learn from in terms of like how to represent something in a from a video game, but also adapt it to a medium where it doesn't make sense to actually thoroughly.

01:19:43:16 - 01:19:44:05
Phil
Yes.

01:19:44:13 - 01:19:45:09
Kevin
Explain it.

01:19:46:02 - 01:20:08:09
Phil
I totally agree. I feel very good about reading the next in the series after we've had all of these other experiences. Now I feel like we are better equipped to appreciate what's going on here and I, I feel really good about it and the fact that it's a fully original world. It's not based on any of the canonical games.

01:20:08:12 - 01:20:08:20
Kevin
Yeah.

01:20:09:08 - 01:20:16:02
Phil
I think that'll make it extra interesting. So yeah. So join us next week for Resident Evil Resident Television.

01:20:16:11 - 01:20:17:14
Phil
Caliban Cove.

01:20:18:09 - 01:20:47:16
Kevin
And remember or if you can follow us on Twitter, give us a shout out on there. We we enjoy interacting with new fans. You can also follow us on Instagram, at Pixelate Pod, Twitter, at Pixelate Pod. You can go to our website, pixelate pod dot com where we have links to our discord and if you can share us with your friends shares to the family, the only way we grow is through word of mouth because there's no real algorithm.

01:20:47:16 - 01:20:51:08
Kevin
That's, that's that's going to boost us up. So please.

01:20:51:12 - 01:20:53:07
Phil
Please, very specific thing.

01:20:53:07 - 01:21:14:10
Kevin
We do very specific things, so please share us with your friends if you think they would enjoy it or if they want to join. I don't care. Just share it and leave us. Five Stars on Apple and Spotify. We're now up to 14 reviews on on Spotify and we're pulling in it's pulling in a nice 4.6 out of five average.

01:21:14:16 - 01:21:15:11
Phil
I going to live with that.

01:21:15:19 - 01:21:25:19
Kevin
I can live with that. I'm down with that yes. Yeah, that'll do it for today's episode. Thank you so much for joining us for Mortal Kombat. And good night, everybody.

01:21:26:10 - 01:21:27:04
Phil
You know right.

Follow us on Twitter: https://twitter.com/pixellitpod

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PixelLit is the video game-literary nerd’s dream come true. It’s a podcast where we read and discuss video game novelizations, and the games they’re based on. This is a podcast for the former kid who read their instruction booklets cover to cover. For the gamer who listens to every audio log in Bioshock.

The PixelLit Podcast! Because the only thing better than playing a video game is reading about it.

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