Part two of our adventure with Justin Halley, Costco version of Solid Snake.
Kevin Erhard 0:00
So so so anyway he loses all those guns because he does get captured he gets by that he
suggested to cap let himself get capped by the terrorists he gets captured on Yes.
Oh man I don't want this to happen yeah the book does that multiple times to where it's like oh, there's this thing where he's like I don't know that sounds like nonsense and then it happens immediately after exactly oh geez well I guess we'll know my paranoid or not.
And then he remembers the word of his squad made from half a page ago going say, I could get captured on purpose.
That was my idea. I came up with this Yeah, I should be captured on purpose.
And it becomes the old lady who swallowed spolu swallowed a fly again. The the guard stripped Haley of his bandolier grenades, the gas masks the Beretta, the Mac to the anti tank man's, the ammo, the grenade launcher, the binoculars, the rations. I don't know why she swallowed the fly.
Kevin Erhard 1:06
So he talks to gray fox. Like it's great Fox, the leader, you know, the guy, the guy, he's great Fox, he's the leader of the statement and fox hounds and stickman snake and fat
Fox and Ray snakes.
Kevin Erhard 1:24
And he's so he gives him the lowdown and be like BT Dubs. You can't find Metal Gear without a map. Number one, and number two. The doctor could be anywhere. And the daughter it was only kidnapped to make the doctor talk. And like I think we could have figured that out from the when they told us that, you know several pages ago. Yeah, so So we're left on a cliffhanger. How is how Hailey gonna get out of here. And in the next chapter? He gets out?
Yeah. Everything moves so fast. By the way, the chapter ends with Mike. He says, You know what, we're gonna kind of get out. I'll try. But with what his bare hands. It's like, well, that is actually how we started. So yeah, I
Kevin Erhard 2:17
mean, you started the game with your bare hands. This is you made
a really big point to say. What a dangerous guy This dude is completely unarmed. I feel
like he can fight off dogs by rubbing his ass up on a tree and getting on all fours but the idea of him doing this with his bare hands. They're like I don't know. Fox say that he has an hour here to do it. How does he know his exact lesson? He's been tied up this entire time. It might be an hour. I'm pretty sure though.
Less than an hour away. Yeah. I think knowing me at that point. I'd be like, Oh, well, we don't have time. Why don't we go
cards? Fuck it like
Kevin Erhard 3:05
five key cards or killed Yeah, I'm just gonna chill here.
I do. I do love that. He says he says we're like find the map and create foxes. I don't know. I only know there is one. I just, I just I they are talking about somewhere.
Kevin Erhard 3:27
It's somewhere. So in this, then he he finds a spot in the wall where the so he likes a match. And he finds there's a gap. And he opens up the wall and he gets gray fox out and then he's like, I'm gonna leave you here. Great. Fox is like cool, bro. And I'm sure that's fine. I'm sure that's fine.
You're underselling this dude. He did he not punch a hole in the wall here.
Kevin Erhard 4:00
He what's the he he dropped down a karate punch with his rap. straight at the center of the crack in the Mason masonry in the very heart of its weakest spot. Instantly the bricks and mortar gateway and a hole opened in the cell wall scratching with his bare hands. Haley enlarge the hole. He had to work.
I think we've all been there
Kevin Erhard 4:31
he had to work fast. The terrorists would back any moment now. And yes, so I did. I did undersell it he he karate punches and he does call the work of of Andy do Frane in
like five seconds. Five seconds.
I wonder why they left out their traditional battlecry of karate. When he when he fired on yon Ronnie
Kevin Erhard 4:59
Right Good plays there. No, no. Like, I do God I don't know where and a new friend went that night.
Just like, went through shit. I gotta get I gotta get to get toffee just
Kevin Erhard 5:15
I got Justin Haley swam through a mile of shit
like to say Justin Haley fought off the sisters that night
chapter 10 The shot gunner who is one of the bosses in the game. Okay. Yeah, he's, he's an actual boss. Basically, I've watched how you handle it, you just like, you'd have to run through the room that he's in to the, to the other side, get into a closet, grab your guns come back out and fight him. So it's like, yeah, it's you know, it's, it's not a direct way of confronting it kind of like it's, it's kind of like the Metal Gear pastiche of like, Oh, you got to do it's not just you go in and shoot the guy. You got to fucking figure some things out. Yeah, but yeah, so the shot gunner, which is he's a guy and he likes his shotguns. Clearly. Yeah, I Justin doesn't notice that Justin does not shoot anyone in this
room for as many guns as
Kevin Erhard 6:35
he gets. Every time he gets a gun back. He hits somebody with it.
Right. Which, which I don't
Kevin Erhard 6:43
think of my favorite way to play Hotline Miami, is to just throw guns at people.
Yeah, really? This is the inspiration read this book. Yeah, this is where it all began.
Yeah, they and I love by the way, this is another example of what I was talking about before where he's got these random ass skills that why would he be trained in this, but he can't speak Spanish. And in order to, in order to distract the shot gutter using the oldest trick in the book, the ventriloquist skill of throwing his voice in another direction. So he makes a he throws his voice Oh, yeah. To distract him. Because because by the way, the reason he's doing this is he sees this whole room full of guns. But he knows if I go get those guns load up those guns. It's too loud. So I gotta find something else out. And he notices his pile his little arsenal of weapons at the Shotgunners feet and says, I know what I'll do. Instead of quietly loading new guns. I'll throw my voice across the room. Distract him for a split second. Do a ninja roll by him and grab one of my weapons from the pile that is inexplicably at his feet. I am a very good spy.
Kevin Erhard 8:08
Why does he know how to throw his voice? why that is?
Yeah, I don't know why you would do this. He doesn't.
Kevin Erhard 8:16
Like and another thing he has done here is stuff that he like, is that the snake men training? It's like we don't we don't do any of that bullshit that other Marines do. Yeah. Dummies boys
find a whole reason 15 of them got kept Yeah.
no discernible skills.
It's just imagine rolling up this character like you I want to play d&d. I want to play like a really badass spy assassin style character. I'm gonna base him on everything I learned from the middle gear book. Alright, first off, we got to put some points into ventriloquism second, animal handling with a specialty in pretending to be a puma. This will work out just
the valleys apart. It has to be right
Kevin Erhard 9:03
it's a bard pretending to be a soldier
from the College of useless bullshit
completely useless. And by the way, it doesn't work. Yeah, no, you're right. The shotgun
growled in his throat a deep animal sound and reached threat it almost sounds a little sexy going on here. Yeah,
well, I'm surprised because he does say it's a deep animal sound so I'm surprised he didn't get on all yelling like a cat.
Kevin Erhard 9:36
Smell me shotgunner the shotgunner can smell my ass
Unknown Speaker 9:46
I'll make him smell
Kevin Erhard 9:51
God add word chapter 11. Time it's the panel time and A sound snake decides to build
time he's had a long day he's depressed. He's tired of rolling around. It's time to down some Mr. E's just get a minimum.
We start right off the bat, by the way, with the author saying he'd never find Metal Gear dragging all this heavy equipment around with him. For us is pissed at this point. He's writing Oh, this is fucking stupid soldier would ever do this. He's furious. It's just like this is his passive aggressive way of getting back at Kojima like this is the way he ever been named and
Kevin Erhard 10:35
one of my favorite lines in this chapter is he was in a place he had never been before and I was like You mean like all the other places in the building that you have I guess you're
made like this he doesn't even know what countries and he doesn't know what language they're speaking of course he's he's never been before he was in Phoenix he could just tell
Kevin Erhard 11:00
he was he's he's on the outskirts of Albuquerque
and it's so Sandy I could see it
definitely making math here like for sure
Kevin Erhard 11:20
there's a lot of math happening
it's no coincidence here that this is where Solid Snake suddenly is bursting with energy all the way down
Kevin Erhard 11:31
so he binges a bunch of Mr. E's and is able what key Carter
we had this whole night he's
just about to find for for yeah for sitting in the glove compartment yeah sure. Important are we need to hide just in case this guy gets in here leave it in the glove compartment don't lock up yeah, we'll never lock
Kevin Erhard 11:53
as Death Cab for Cutie says you know the glove compartment carries you know the carriers documents and key cards yeah it's an accurately named oh yeah Death Cab for Cutie referencing 2022 That's where we're at
was a good one. That was that was thrown the ball Oh, that was good.
Kevin Erhard 12:19
That was a deep hole. So he he eats every field rash and he has and you just Homer Simpsons it he just he just and what it is is he gets you know when you when you when you eat a lot of food. It's like right after Thanksgiving and you start start like the the meat the meat and the meat sweats.
You got the iris you to sit here
Kevin Erhard 12:47
God Okay. I was like I was hoping that I was like that's what this is right? He got them. Yeah, totally. The only time in the history of action anything with a mute switch?
King it's not gonna out man.
By the way, yeah. It was lost on me. This was such a missed opportunity. It's just like he the author just says, you know, he's eating all these rations densely compressed fractions with no liquid wash them down as much as he could find in his pockets. And this is this is a kid's book. Oh my God, why didn't do like describe all the weird and gross foods he was. You wouldn't be the author of the year to a generation of fifth graders like they would let their asses off. Like it's just it was moldy macaroni and cheese and 17 slices of vegetarian pizza not even the good vegetarian pizza just that
didn't. Tomatoes it's all just the raw slices. Like that right before we start scarfing them down to he's like thinking back to his good friend Chuck reminding him of what's going on. I just imagine a floating head next to him as he's like sucking down these disgusting MRIs like eat them eat them Justin you need to be warm.
This is for you.
Kevin Erhard 14:07
So it's like Justin is just like walking across the panels now he's sweating is his his like stealth suit is kind of like bulging a little bit now because she just has the consistency of a rock sitting in his stomach.
I was too it was too much to the bottom. Oh God just sitting
Kevin Erhard 14:29
there sweating and stumbling across in the panels are like the panels too hot or too hot for my feet
like to imagine you see his feet moving across the panels. It just drops of sweat
just evaporate immediately turned into steam as he's walking across. What's it all off though? So it's okay. 1000 calories in one second.
Kevin Erhard 14:58
And then yeah He doesn't understand he gets crossed and he's like I don't know why that works
again once again well that was fucking stupid
like he mentioned that in the middle it's so hot it'll like burn the flesh off your body but because he ate a bunch of shitty food he's good to go yeah I love that the Office even like that makes no fucking sense.
I mean this is this is good advice for anyone who's visiting Mexico City in August eat as much as you can get across the street and then blow it out yes all nearest you
Kevin Erhard 15:39
feel this sounds oddly specific is
just my life
this is I'm a well traveled man but not in in any way that requires dignity or voice.
I visit other countries just to eat all their food and then shoot out
I do it in front of the local populace while you
Kevin Erhard 16:10
maintain eye contact
there's a little abuela sitting across the street you're like this is what your toma Tito's did to me you pitch
Kevin Erhard 16:22
she just looks at me oh hey, we got a game I
miss you Margarita.
Kevin Erhard 16:32
Got a game hint here. You need the rocket launcher to defeat Arnold's
this has ever come Arnold. Arnold.
Kevin Erhard 16:39
I don't know. Well, so
they're just talking about in real life.
Probably I look at the guy you got
Kevin Erhard 16:47
Michael bein on the cover. It's It's Michael bein is is the cover model for this. And they just took him from the poster
of oh my god it totally Yeah, totally.
Kevin Erhard 16:59
What what what movie? Is it from? I want to say is it terminator or? It looks like aliens. Aliens. Yeah. Anyway, they just they just stole Michael Bane and put them on the cover for the for the original game. One of the one of his movies. So it stands to reason that it's Arnold Schwarzenegger that they're talking about.
Oh, no, it is Terminator.
Kevin Erhard 17:28
Yeah, yes. Totally Terminator
Kevin Erhard 17:33
Why Why? Why is that man? I'm sorry. Real quick. Why is that man? Not in more movies. Michael Bay man is so fucking good. I mean, he deserved to be a way bigger star than he. Yeah,
Kevin Erhard 17:45
he was big in the 80s and then not so much. Yeah,
I just after there's no reason he shouldn't have like that level of a career to this day. Yeah. Yeah. Come on. Johnny Ringo. Come on.
Kevin Erhard 17:56
I'm just going to his Wikipedia page and looking for controversy.
Please. Yep. And if you see anything, let's go ahead and get this out. Let's, let's be proactive.
Turns out he actually had a dogfighting ring. With Michael Vick
every he's from Florida.
Definitely. That one's going on the list.
Or someone has a signed NES cartridge of Metal Gear from Michael Bane. Oh, that would be awesome. Yeah, that is a brilliant little that's an
Kevin Erhard 18:37
Easter egg and an Easter egg right there. So the next chapter, which is called the moving bridge, the moving bridge is literally one screen like you just you just go down I watched the Let's Play and it's like just a platform that is moving back and forth slightly and you just go whoop, and you're on to the next thing yet somehow it got its own sub title in in chapter 12 And
it should have just been called chapter 12 bucket
Kevin Erhard 19:09
Get comma you know yeah.
Kevin Erhard 19:16
So he you know, he gets across the boys inch by inch left foot right foot and yeah, he he gets across safely. Bridge soft.
Now, you remember this part in particular Kevin like the drop the jump he has to do here? No, no, not at all. Because it's not clear how high up he is. It's a rooftop bridge. And he has to jump. Like he thinks if he says he's if he if he steps he's stepping out. Like he's gonna fall if he keeps going. So he needs to jump to have some level of control. He says it was better to jump into fall which Alright, fair enough. Sure. It was a long way down but Haley had made over 200 parachute jumps. There must be a way to minimize the risk. What like yeah, they're called
parachutes. And how does that help me? I was so confused by that. It's even worse because he's
wrong. Don't get me wrong like my dad was a paratrooper there is a way you fall when but it's after you've been floating through the it's not meant to help you survive a three story oh my god there's got to be a way to do it it's like yeah don't do it. That's so he does it How does he do Kevin does he is does the any any broken bones any easy windows?
Kevin Erhard 20:46
No. And he's fine. He's He's Oh, he's he's fine. The weapons are fine. He's fine. We're all fine here. Thank you. How are you? How are you?
I think this is the point where the book starts to fall apart is right after this. Oh, it was not I was buying from up until this point and I just I've lost all suspension of disbelief.
Kevin Erhard 21:10
Yeah, we get some I don't I feel like I was I started getting a little confused as to what the fuck was happening because we start getting Trent radio transmissions. He starts talking about I still truck trust commander south. Blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, I feel like I need to reread parts of this in order to understand it. But then I would realize I'm rereading worlds of Power Metal Gear. And I will not get that time back. Right.
Statistically and biologically speaking, we are none of us getting any younger.
Kevin Erhard 21:53
Chapter 13 He swims.
This is where he's got the Panther feet. Yes. feet as quiet as a Panthers Solid Snake sneak up behind that unsuspecting. So he's a panther feed and this guy loves animals. I think he sees
he's a fan of the Fox hound
Kevin Erhard 22:16
Crowd. Hidden furry. Here's the thing is he he rubbed himself on that Panther musk in chapter three or whatever. Why is anybody smell him? Yeah. Why is he How is he able to stealth around smelling like Panther ass literally around.
Even if he's never captured because of it. I wish the author would have at least put in like two guards and he and right before he read them they're like you smell Panther.
Kevin Erhard 22:56
Smells smells like a big cat took a big ol shit in here.
One time. One time my cat gave birth into our like four day old Indian food and it smelled like this
that's like a rhyme. You're about to tell a real anecdote for a second I was like the whole life was all over my chicken biryani. I did not know what to tell it
I mean don't we still finished it because we're waste not want not family but the passion was gonna tasted pretty good. I'm not gonna lie. It was Yeah, it wasn't we you know, you put a little seasoning? A little too little. Yeah. And that helps with the inflammation. Oh, by the way, another one by now solid state was carrying with him enough gear for three min.dot.oh my god, I'm writing this. I'm writing
Kevin Erhard 24:07
dot dot dot set. Are you actually reading this?
Call me right now. If you're reading leadership, they're
signing it. They're signing it. I can't believe it.
I know real quick, real quick. Seth did mention when we interviewed and he talked about one of the authors who he would not say who. But he said one of the authors of these books was so invested in it or whatever that he had to literally, he kept rewriting it and rewriting and working on it and working on it to the point that Seth actually had to show up in his house and take it from him and say we're done where physically
Kevin Erhard 24:48
take the manuscript from the guy.
Take the manuscript from it. And I think over the course of the life of this podcast, we're probably going to go through all of these let's face fat. Yeah. I think at the end of every book we have to determine is this the one to go and physically from the author zone. And I'm thinking based on this sense alone, no.
Kevin Erhard 25:17
This is probably the best guy nailed it in, literally and figuratively.
Yeah, I think he wrote V and print.
Kevin Erhard 25:29
Boy, rabbit punches rabbit punches talks to a prisoner Dr. Petra Petrovich is still alive. Oh
Kevin Erhard 25:40
We're up to key card six somehow by the end of this chapter. They just shining him finding them in order.
Yeah, that's my favorite part. Now that's so good. Like, this is a Metroidvania that Katana is setting up for this guy.
I feel like that should be the thing that the author was focused on. It's like why not? Two and then eight and then six.
I almost feel like it was though because he's like, key card for all caps. Just so you're aware. This is the fourth key a key card and it's also number four in the list. Isn't that weird? Guys? That's for strain anyway,
Kevin Erhard 26:19
Snake moves on.
Are you guys buying this
Kevin Erhard 26:26
we get to we get to chapter 14, which is the trained killer scorpions.
Oh, god help us not just not just killer scorpions trained killer scorpion. And
Kevin Erhard 26:41
we could have also added mutant trained killer scorpions if we really really like
fit Yeah, the 17 seem they say yeah.
Kevin Erhard 26:51
Do should this guy not understand scale? Does he not realize how big a 15 foot tall Scorpion would be?
Yeah, just one I think I think just just one just one.
Kevin Erhard 27:04
There's three of them. And and and our boy Justin does not react appropriately to seeing a 15 foot tall Scorpion, which is pooping your pants that is the only appropriate react
I think at that point. I think at that point I would you know because they made a point of saying like we don't we don't know what Metal Gear is. We don't know what it does. I think I see a 50 foot tall score that's metal that I've never been more certain about. That's my
Kevin Erhard 27:38
hide you scorpions that they're keeping here right? Our Metal Gear that's that's its that's metal. But before he gets there, he finds a booby trap dummy of like
what kind of goofy fast Joker villain shit is this? Dummy of the guy he's looking for. Not only is there a dummy of the guy, by the way, like of course Solid Snake. Or sorry, Justin Halley with his genius level intuition that can just tell everything right away is his spider sense. Not only is it a dummy, after he blows it up, the fucking next key card is in the dummy. Like, are you kidding me? This dude. Just
put this there for fun
with a guy just to make sure just after you kill your friend that I'll let you keep going. What a maniacal bastard. I love this guy. I'm a big fan of Qaddafi cut
the money. It's about sending the
she's okay. Stupid very. And by the way, I did a quick look up here. There are scorpions in the first middle gear. But they are it's there's Is there a desert maze? Yeah, kind of like a King's Quest style desert May. Yeah. Yeah, they've got scorpions in those, but they appear to be like, I mean, at best. These are the size of puppies. That makes more sense what they are not is a boss monster. Oh, they just I think I think the I think the author was just like, alright, we need something immune. Right?
Kevin Erhard 29:19
Yeah. Kids like scorpions. They're they're, they're creepy looking. Right? They got their great, great pets. They're great pets. So he blows them to shit with a rocket launcher. Yeah, sure. And we get to it. This is probably the most detailed we get on any weapon operation in the book. Totally. Because yeah, talking about how the the rocket launcher is like, what you think of a rocket launcher is actually you can't just keep reusing that tube over and over again to fire rockets because it starts to break down. Like is that a thing? I don't it is that it? Maybe I don't know. It just he wrote it so confidently.
Unknown Speaker 30:00
it's a level of detail that I
Kevin Erhard 30:06
have the book for a second.
Totally. Yeah, I feel the same way. I was like, huh suddenly
Kevin Erhard 30:11
competent. Yeah, very
well that's the thing. I think maybe this is my hunch. I think maybe Mr. Frost here is a veteran, and was just like playing this game and just slowly grinding his molars to a paste in anger of like, I did not watch my friends fucking die in the mud to write a book. Fucking scorpions, and that's not how you carry weapons. God I can't prove it.
Kevin Erhard 30:49
But let's assume that that's, that's, that's that's Alexander Frost's mo here.
I buy it. I can't prove it. And maybe I don't want it
Kevin Erhard 30:58
kills the scorpions. And he gets over to building three finds key card. Or does he have key card seven already? I guess he has think
he finds it here.
Kevin Erhard 31:09
He gets ahead. Yeah. I forgot the Come on. Come on. Self. Come on. Kevin
heaven. We are. We are reading Metal Gear.
A little bit. Just to Dude, come on. It's not like you just found it.
Kevin Erhard 31:30
I so I blame no one but myself. So he finds Ellen, the doctor's daughter. And he's like, Yeah, we're gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna save you. You're a brave girl Ellen. I'm taking you out of here. And then he leaves her in another room
he shared us
Kevin Erhard 31:58
he's like you'll be safe in this just this the room next to where I found you. You will be safe.
No guards will show either.
The room the room next to your prison will be.
Kevin Erhard 32:12
There'll be in the clear here.
All these passed out guards you think like someone would find them at some point and follow the trail of Jaguar ass smell. And what's ended up at one of these two rooms where this girl is being held.
He meets Ellen and the first thing she goes is what Yes.
No, no, I've actually been wondering myself
Kevin Erhard 32:39
all over this place. I don't know. It's weird. Anyway, stay in this room. Stay in this room.
What are your thoughts on Pumas? Yeah,
Kevin Erhard 32:47
yeah, what do you think about Pumas? What do you think? I think they are majestic creatures.
Yeah. They don't smell them that when you get used to it
Kevin Erhard 32:56
at the end of the chapter we get more of the Diana Jennifer stuff and I just stopped paying attention to any time names cups up. Yeah, like I'm not track this. This is somehow this book was written for third graders. And somehow I am completely lost as to what Jennifer Jennifer has a brother at some point suddenly and
and yeah, yeah. And Diana's signals were not the one like like we Jennifer's who was meant to talk to originally by the guys who were screwing him. And Diana was like, gonna help him but we find out Diana was the one who was
Diana was when he was supposed to talk. The flip Jennifer is the one that actually helps him.
Yeah, yeah, jet skis.
Kevin Erhard 33:46
Freedom Fighter freedom fighter and he and her brother Bob O'Reilly of O'Reilly auto parts.
Wait, no, his name is not Bob Alright, his
Kevin Erhard 33:57
name is Bob O'Reilly
like Bob O'Reilly Oh yeah. Wow, I missed that.
Bob Robert O'Reilly my good friend Yeah.
Oh my gosh, we
Kevin Erhard 34:11
will not get fooled again Genie
Oh my I think the chapter the next chapter does just start without here in the fields I fight.
It's just the MRS again.
Kevin Erhard 34:34
Bob O'Reilly aka Eagle Man, because we're suddenly Megaman. MegaMan
is running out of code names.
Kevin Erhard 34:45
He's Eagle Man. Bird person. I'm evil. I am Eagle Man. It has been a rough mating season. Sure, Eagle Man.
Are you still talking to summer She's not even on the other side of the compass Justin, move on
I can't believe you felt
Kevin Erhard 35:11
so basically, Bob Bobby boy is he's in a trap. And he's also Jennifer's brother. And he is he's he's rigged up with wires and basically started Yeah. He's He's He's and there's there's a gas mask. And his his bears like, and here's the thing. It's like a sudden injection of stakes, like in just like write three paragraphs because like oh my god, my best friend he calls this guy his best friend is is in it is is captured and he's in a trap. And oh my god I also learned he just has a sister. He didn't know his best friend had a sister that his sister was a freedom fighter. The sister is the one who's supposed to help. In like three paragraphs we learn of the existence of Bob O'Reilly. And that is snakes best friend.
And that snake is also maybe the worst when it comes to like reading you know, the the exposition shit that he might need to know or going. Yeah, or even just knowing his friends.
Kevin Erhard 36:29
So there's the basically, he saves him. He gets them out of the booby trap. And my favorite thing in the world is that this happened right that keycard aid was tapped taped to the guy's back.
Yeah, but he doesn't realize until at the end when he's like you're okay, buddy. Oh, wait a second. What's his on my back's weird feels like an American American Express credit card on your pack.
I love that. I love that they make a point of saying it's no bigger than the size of an American Express.
Will see the registered trademark big it's really small font, but it's just it's right there.
American Express proud sponsor
Kevin Erhard 37:15
Metal Gear corporate sponsor American Express.
Never leave home without
credit card so dumb. It's so Colonel it's so
Kevin Erhard 37:35
he's back on my American Express. I can't access Metal Gear without an American Express credit by these microtransactions
How am I gonna get the new
Kevin Erhard 37:50
Yeah, this is this is the real end game here for snake for our good friend.
Kevin Erhard 38:00
This is the end. He also figures out that the laying out all the key cards is a map. Because he couldn't figure that out with like seven or six of them. He needed the eight.
return any of them around and when Hmm, that's weird.
Kevin Erhard 38:20
What a weird coinkidink. Yeah,
Solid Snake master of observation.
Kevin Erhard 38:25
And he also had debates whether he should whether he should keep the other key cards or not. And he's like, he's like, it's like, I got all these guns, but it's the key curse.
Right? That's the thing. It's overbearing. Oh yeah. It's like, it's like it's like they forgot that they weren't playing Resident Evil. Yeah. And like they it's like, oh, man, everything's on a fucking grid. thing. I mean, my pistol takes up the same amount of space. It's just one of these guards.
Just slip in there, buddy. Just stick them in your suit and you're good. Just
Kevin Erhard 39:05
good. Good. Just put them in your socks.
Put them into you put them into your camo suit as they refer to his uniform. I presume his camera.
Are you sure I've been imagining it as a camouflage leotard this entire time?
Every time they said camo suit it made me think of like what someone from Duck Dynasty would
Kevin Erhard 39:27
actually it it's actually are the shoulders and arms are exposed. It's it's a full on Leotta the tank top straps.
He's doing Richard Simmons. He's just getting ready for some calisthenics
Kevin Erhard 39:41
is he's doing lunges
by the way, Kevin, you and the rest of the groomsmen at the wedding will be wearing camo Okay,
Kevin Erhard 39:52
that's, that's good to know.
No one will be able to because because I'm the focus of the mix. yours
Kevin Erhard 40:02
Oh god I can't wait
congrats by the way
Kevin Erhard 40:11
God yeah so he falls himself falling oh yeah it's total darkness sorry
we get another random as Latin Solid Snake touch something it felt like a lock down low and the base of the pillar Allah okay that was it it was it was a lock a lock great you are a lot
Kevin Erhard 40:37
here he so he ends up falling and he's he's getting he's getting he's a real tired boy now he is he's having he's having a long day he's eaten like 20,000 calories in and and in five to five minutes and he's just he's just had to poop for like for like 30 minutes now and he's really starting to get some some some poop and cramps next minutes are going
to go out and you do all that exercise it really
Kevin Erhard 41:11
is he's not in a good place and he finally he finally sees Metal Gear. And here's an HE here's the thing is nothing that huge and ugly could be anything else than metal gear. And I've never I've never I've never actually thought of Metal Gear as like ugly with every time I see like a metal gear like that is actually some sleek and fine engineering like like it is like it's an ugly machine.
Yeah, it's gorgeous. Yeah, you're right. It's just like a robot. It is the
Kevin Erhard 41:49
fine it is a fine representation of German engineer that is German precision engineer correct
Yeah, so he's he's, there's like some weird supernatural thoughts that he has about the metal itself seemed to radiate evil. Could this mysterious unknown metal be the source of metal gears deadly power? No, I'm pretty sure it's the fucking nuclear weapons.
No, you snake you're suffering from radiation poisoning. Calm down. Yeah, exactly.
We also are cat encounters up here by the way, we're back we got another like a jungle cat. Halle proud on or sorry pounced without warning, buddy. Come on.
I mean, I think we all think of cats when you use the word chorus.
Kevin Erhard 42:43
His expertise in Tai Chi. The special breathing and natural movements of the animal world made sound snake graceful chateau.
Add Tai Chi to list of useless skills
Kevin Erhard 42:57
for what do we got? What is that a thing? Tai Chi. My retired mother. You swears by Tai Chi as a way to do low impact exercise. Oh, I
thought you were I thought you're gonna say that. She swears by Tai Chi as a way of defeating evil robots.
Kevin Erhard 43:19
I mean that too. Yeah. She's retired for the day. Yeah, yeah, that's what that's what she's retired from that was her expertise.
That's true. That's a good point. Yeah. She was one for over two years.
Kevin Erhard 43:32
We we we get a we get a nice countdown sequence and and he has to he has to disable the lexan plastic shields or whatever. And there's eight locks and there's a guard for each lock and each lock had seven wives and each wife and seven cancers one say one
I was going to say hi
got Danna. You saw diehard I'm sure no one was gonna see that.
Kevin Erhard 44:21
So he like he starts fighting his way through and and yeah there's like a hubbub outside and he thinks it's the terrorists are winning. And and there's there's but it's not the terrorists are winning. It's the scene from from Avengers end game where they're basically everybody's rescued.
Circle behind them. Everyone's coming out on your left. Fox story I'm coming I'll help you out. Yeah, and within like what a seven second span of time they take out like 800 people
Kevin Erhard 45:02
It's just things just get get rowdy. And there's there's he's, he's fighting he's knocking out the guards. And then the lexan plastic gets gets knocked down and Taffy gets gets knocked out and Haley presses the button because there's just one single button that does it. And of course and that disables Metal Gear. The world was safe.
I want to say thank you so much to cut Taffy by the way for coming up with a list of places you wanted to nuke and mentioning Ottawa. Thank you for the representation of your kids so nice to know that you wanted to blow us up you consider us a formidable power that you need to stop I really means a lot to me. Thank you. Especially in the 90s it wasn't that Pierre Elliot Trudeau who cares like I wasn't doing anything he's walking around
Kevin Erhard 46:02
Ottawa that's that's That'll teach him
fucking health care
Kevin Erhard 46:11
he just was not a big fan of the Ottawa Senators he just he just
and that's and that's just it. That's pretty much it. It just kind of drops everybody
Kevin Erhard 46:25
everybody shows up commander South shows up and and the guy like they're like it commander South might be a bad guy because of all this shit. None of that is resolved. And Kaffee just flees? Yep. Yes. It just gets away meanwhile, that's that has nothing to do with the plot of the game because what you find out as we will we all know from Metal Gear Solid is that big boss? Who is your boss is actually the villain at the end of Metal Gear like he was the one that was building out or heaven and the Metal Gear and all that stuff. But then none of that is that it's vermin. Vermin. Kit verb taffy. So yeah,
yes. I'm doing a little bit of research here. He appears in both Metal Gear and snakes revenge. I'm seeing his nationality listed as Mongolian. Taffy. You know, I think we all should have known it's a classic old Mongolian name Catan Yeah, of course it is. It's just you know, vermin. It's yeah, son of son of taffy, which Taffy is I mean Taffy Taffy is like John. Yeah, you had you had Ganga Staffy and
Kevin Erhard 47:58
khubilai taffy. Yeah,
yeah, boy I mean they got us they got as far as southern Spain it was really I mean the ancient the ancient wars really were the best and we do finally get to I think at this point everyone's favorite part of these books the reading reading recommended from from FX nine himself what do we got here?
Kevin Erhard 48:27
We got across five April's by Irene hunt. All Quiet on the Western Front. These are books being recommended for kids. Exactly. Yeah.
All Quiet on the Western Front if you're in third grade, you're not getting through that. I didn't read
I don't think I don't think we're ever too young to realize that life is shit.
Kevin Erhard 48:50
You know I was like as like why isn't The Things They Carried on this
this was clearly inspired by the things the
Kevin Erhard 49:01
things they carry is 100% the inspiration from a
young man in Vietnam
Kevin Erhard 49:11
naturally Best Wishes FX nine Thank you, Seth. We we love you guys was great. Other Worlds of power books. You will enjoy Blaster Master Metal Gear. Why don't you Gaiden already done it. Castlevania to Simon's Quest wizards. Warriors. Bionic Commando?
Yeah, that's got to be great. It's got to just be this but with a grappling arm.
I mean, that's still one of my favorites of all
Kevin Erhard 49:40
time. Yes, man commander was this but with the grappling
toffee the second Well, Bionic
Commando ends with a supervillain who is clearly Adolf Yes.
Kevin Erhard 49:50
So 100% that a leader of the band or two? So I just looked up the verb so vermin catastrophe is referenced On the packaging and in the instruction manual for the NES version of Metal Gear as the games antagonists could Taffy does not actually appear in the game, in which the leader of Outer Heaven is ultimately revealed to be big boss. His name is a parody of former Libyan dictator Muammar al Gaddafi. Content what what didn't know that catastrophe only makes a direct appearance in the worlds of power novelization based on information from the from the manual. As a product of the game's localization, he receives no mention in the Japanese manual for the Famicom version catappa was referenced again for the NES sequel Snake's revenge being mentioned on the back of the game's packaging. Here he is described as having donated metal gear to the game's new antagonist, higher roller cockamamie
Kevin Erhard 50:49
and was responsible for the deaths of two of snakes friends, though, although neither the manual nor the game clarify who these friends were good. Taffy is also mentioned in the marketing materials for snakes revenge, and its predecessor
like, Okay, sure. Like why not? I don't know, how do you get that past the censors? Like no one reviewing that was like, Qaddafi sounds a lot like Gaddafi. And they're really not
well, but you know, the the thing is, they they didn't lay it on as thick as I kind of thought they might. But there were the occasional like, scattered references to defending democracy. And they're, they're not a specific nationality. They're just flat out terrorists and Saturday for that chick from
Kevin Erhard 51:34
a savage country which is, you know, not It's not great.
I'm not gonna find it. So not great.
Kevin Erhard 51:43
Even for the 90 cents. It's not great, Bob. What's up,
man? Well, Jesse, what did you think of Metal Gear now that now that we've now that we've sold, you know what? You've had some time? Exactly. I've
had time to reflect, to think on it. To really look back at my experience of reading this book. And I gotta say, it's, it's worse now. Having having more context, I actually hate it a little bit more. It's really bad. If I was a little kid, and I got this and I read it. I wouldn't buy the Metal Gear video game. And if I already had an I would sell my metal here. This is it's bad for all the wrong reasons because I'm just it's it's a Let's Play of a game that really isn't that interesting to talk about. It's kind of at that time, it would have probably been fun to play, I guess. But yeah, like to read it. When you break down a an NES video game like this. Wow, that's just boring as hell the best part is that bit with the scorpions and even then I'm like, okay, they blew up and they stunk really bad. Thanks, snake. Or Haley whatever stupid name.
Only snake could have done that.
Kevin Erhard 52:55
So Phil, your final thoughts on the book?
It is. I stand by what I said earlier. Not as good as ninja Gayden Gaiden whatever and but listen, listen, miles ahead of Megaman. We cannot we cannot we can't forget where we came from. It's it's so important to keep perspective
Kevin Erhard 53:19
I kind of want to just I want to add a sound clip to the soundboard of of Scott saying he was human now and he was hot
I just if there is this level, in this book, there is a level of not not disrespect for the source material per se. But almost outright loathing. Yeah, like, I can't help but feel that the author the author's like, alright, I signed it. I'm gonna make some money. I'm gonna sign a contract for this. I'm gonna I'm gonna do this. But I can't help but feel that something in whether it was that it was like
Kevin Erhard 54:15
$2,000 for a week's worth of work or something like that, right?
Yeah, wow, that like you know, and he did it. But something about this particular clearly pissed him off. Like he was poking holes in his own book. And he's pointing out plot holes as he's writing them. I can't help but feel like he was just he was just like, fuck this but this they'll they'll read it again when they're older and they'll know that I will know is on their side.
Unknown Speaker 54:51
Hey, well, no, no.
It's fast it might be and not being insincere. When I say this, it might be one of the most fascinating
Kevin Erhard 55:00
books we've read. It is fascinating in terms of in terms of coherence and storytelling. It's on on par with dead space in terms with antagonism towards the audience. It's in a league of its own towards it hates the reader and it hates it source material.
Hate coming off the pages of this one
Metal Gear you can't hate me more than I hate
Kevin Erhard 55:34
I want to hit frost up. I need to talk to him. I need to ask him to write a sequel or epilogue to this. That's like tuttavia it opens like the years 2011 and the streets are full of angry citizens.
Kevin Erhard 55:50
Qaddafi has just been captured buy Newari and win freedom fighters
Kevin Erhard 56:02
baby No Yeah, so this was this was a not a great book, but you know,
I'm alright. Right. I may have found a this this can't be right. But I may have found a plot. Oh, no. Yeah. I went ahead and just I just did a quick quick, rudimentary Google Search Alexander frost author and under ThriftBooks and the strip books, so they have everything. But this can't be right. But we found Metal Gear by Alexander frost. hot ticket item 52 to $61 apart because it's collectible. And the other book love and laugh the poetry of Alexander frost. Oh, wow. Featuring the adventures of Arizona Jake and Barbie buzzard vulture.
Kevin Erhard 56:57
this is this is a collection of poetry. And I I hope are you i find
Kevin Erhard 57:03
it right now the same author or is it in your cart already?
Our next episode is literally just going just reciting the poetry
Wow, what are all these end game books all German stuff? Am I losing it? I'm on the wrong thing here. Where are you? Are you seeing you're not seeing any German stuff and games start starting ring? Oh,
I was on ThriftBooks hold. Oh yeah, look at that. Stern and ring three flashing post. I know. Kursk. Oh, this is a lot of that. Oh, interesting. There felt mob. Okay. Okay. Okay.
What's going on?
This is really happening. Alright, and game Sternen ring three. Yeah, this is just straight up German like this is and this is all attributed to the same author. Yeah, he said okay, so Alexander for us is is is Mike fireworks. He has apparently a trilogy called the mike fireworks trilogy if you're interested and I know you are Mike fireworks too is called Ice fire this is this is interesting.
Food for thought right? That's like zoodles like the cover is just someone dropped their bowl of zoodles and then Luigis face it's just in there for some reason.
Kevin Erhard 58:36
This is just an adventure. This is This is just This is a rabbit hole I was not expecting
I didn't see this happening. We Oh in a lot of his stuff has been co written Alexander frost and Maximilian Ross Oh. Which is now my new pen name heal my broken heart love grows number one by Aleksandra frost
Kevin Erhard 59:03
Mike fireworks three back to the roots the tag they the synopsis and chairman says Mike Vita raka raka being German for revenge Yeah same fight to like a friends yeah, via Flores get knocked out there Grace very account blown in more debt. What's that say?
Ville come on out of pixelate
Kevin Erhard 59:35
mine and nama his paternal friend
we do get we also get Alexandra frost who is a journalist and marketing writer. Yeah. And presumably not the same person. But she's got a rockin haircut. Okay, it's got it's got I need to speak to your manager all over it.
Kevin Erhard 1:00:00
She's doing great. Congrats to her well
Alexandra if you're listening and I know you are I think you're doing great.
Kevin Erhard 1:00:05
You're doing great sweetie you're doing great sweating Keep up the good work that'll do it for tonight's episode. I think we're good Jesse if there's anything you want to plug go ready.
Yeah, my buddy Nevin Nevin Holmes go yeah just
Kevin Erhard 1:00:26
a car just a car just a car I actually by the funding will be over by the time this time this airs but you should have supported just a car you punks.
Seriously Listen Listen, listen to Kevin All right. It's a great time it's a beautiful game from beautiful person. It looks like a lot of fun I really everything Nevitt is made is fantastic. If you haven't checked out gunslinger just check that out too. But make sure before you spend money on that you back just a car on Kickstarter. Just just search it's fantastic.
Kevin Erhard 1:00:52
If you like my cousin Vinnie Phoenix, right yep. You're gonna like just a car. So so go ahead and back it and or pre buy it or whatever it stage it's in when you're listening to this episode. It's It's It's good times. But yeah, so that'll do it for tonight's episode. Please follow us on Twitter. At Pixlr pod you can follow us on Instagram at pixilla pod you can find us on the web at email@example.com where we have links to all sorts of goodies past episodes. That time we were on other people's podcasts you can find them there as well. All that good stuff. And with that, well, we'll call it a good Metal Gear evening.
Good metal through your evening to you and yours. Have a good night everyone.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
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PixelLit is the video game-literary nerd’s dream come true. It’s a podcast where we read and discuss video game novelizations, and the games they’re based on. This is a podcast for the former kid who read their instruction booklets cover to cover. For the gamer who listens to every audio log in Bioshock.
The PixelLit Podcast! Because the only thing better than playing a video game is reading about it.