Metal Gear with Jesse Guarascia! Part 1

We venture back into the Worlds of Power to chat about everyone’s favorite video game character Justin Halley. Or as the cool kids call him: Solid Snake. Joining us today is Jesse Guarascia from the NoClip Podcast and well, a whole bunch of other things. Go check out his work! And listen to this episode!

Phil 0:00
Before we get started just to set the just to set the tone for the Megaman two episode of this

Kevin Erhard 0:07
it really really sets the tone Yeah. But you know it always sets the tone What's that? Hey there buddy

Phil 0:22
excellent version of being goosed?

Kevin Erhard 0:30
Kevin alongside with me is Phil and today joining us to talk about Metal Gear the world's of metal gears Jesse gratia from well you know him from a few places including the no clip podcast. Jesse What else do you do? You? You You You're an editor much.

Jesse 0:51
I don't often you don't sleep. That's that's the one thing I You might know me from. Yeah, I'm an editor for mapnik muscles on YouTube. Do the call the what happened series? What's it called? Like? I don't do it every week. I was impressed. Butan for a good while. Another video essayist out there had my own channel called chit. Dunda don't look it up. And yeah, I think that's it. Oh, no, I'm working with Brendan James right now on blowback for season three, doing some assistant system editing on that one. So yeah. Like I said, Too much need to suck.

Kevin Erhard 1:28
Yeah. All the things. Yeah. So today we're talking about Metal Gear from the world's esteemed worlds of power collection, which is created by our good friend friend of the show, Seth Godin who aka f x nine, right. So primary thoughts how how are we feeling about this book? How did it how did it strike you? Before we get into the blow by blow? Yeah, yeah. What stood out?

Phil 2:06
Jesse Why don't you Why don't you start with this one?

Jesse 2:09
Sure. It was bad. That's my that's my first thought on it. I mean, it's I said it before we started recording this it's it's a lot of words in sequence. You guys were talking about this on the on the first episode that you did with Scott. And I mean, this this feels like someone was just doing a Let's Play and just wrote down everything that they went through in the game and tried to give it a narrative that it did not have. And it turns out the narrative they gave it's pretty, pretty mediocre pretty like not good. The first thing that stuck stood out to me. I know we'll get to it later. But I have to I just I can't get over it. It's the Qaddafi thing. Why? Sorry. I'll let us get there. But that's just it's stuck in my mind Phil

Phil 3:01
i think i think i Yeah, yeah. This is still I think right now for me. Is is not as good as Ninja Gaiden. No, isn't

Kevin Erhard 3:16
a number one on the world. The high watermark it would take a lot to dethrone Ninja Gaiden because it had a coherent plot from beginning to end.

Phil 3:24
No, but I will say the stuff that was made up you couldn't it's so weird and over the top that it's not like Hideo Kojima couldn't have come up with some of that stuff anyway, right so yes, but I'm not the Metal Gear guy like I don't I don't know very much about that franchise. Oh, I know Kevin. You've got you've got your handle on

Kevin Erhard 3:49
ish Yeah, I mean, I played I played the first three when I say first three I'm talking about the solid once it gets Solid Snake solid Solid Snake. Speaking of snake men

Phil 4:10
know right talk about Snake Man Yeah,

Kevin Erhard 4:13
let's just you know let's let's let's talk about let's just start at the beginning. So chapter one we get we get a bold proclamation of solid snakes name being Justin Haley.

Jesse 4:26
Come on. What what really?

Kevin Erhard 4:28
What's kind of Justin Justin he is not a general offense

Phil 4:32
to my Justin's out there but I know a good

Jesse 4:35
Justin but like, come on. I don't trust a Justin to invade a military base. Under any circumstances. No,

Phil 4:41
you trust Justin to bring you like a six pack of beers at 10pm and he's drinking one of them.

Jesse 4:48
Justin's on a skateboard bringing me a pack of reds. Okay, right. That's all right.

Phil 4:52
And he and he and he calls your mom Miss Kay or whatever. Like

Jesse 4:58
he's totally hitting on her at the same time.

Phil 5:00
Oh absolutely the older he gets the more bold he is.

Kevin Erhard 5:03
Your your basic Justin's are your pooch cheese of of the friend group sounds like he's not a Pucci. No,

Jesse 5:16
sure No, I mean from this I mean, this is the novelization.

Kevin Erhard 5:18
This is this is very Pucci not a nation. But yeah, so he's his name is Justin Haley. And we've already lost. We've already lost 1515 Snake men, and the these are the snake men. These are the tops the tops of the Marines or the snake men. Were also FOXHOUND members, but also snake men. And I

Phil 5:42
know like he got a lot of animal references here as well some Yeah, it was like someone argued with somebody else. They're like snakes are cooler than foxes. Fuck you foxes are cooler than snakes. And they're like Guys Guys, we can have them both in here. Let us both be bad

Kevin Erhard 6:02
let's use them both interchangeably and that won't be confusing at all.

Jesse 6:05
No, no of course that's gonna have a problem with all these names won't blur in your mind by the end of this very long

Kevin Erhard 6:14
so he's he has a meeting with with with general West and Commander south and they're like you know what, you gotta do? Solid Snake Justin. Justin you gotta go take down Colonel vermin catastrophe.

Phil 6:31

Jesse 6:31
catappa Like didn't even try didn't even try to not have that be Gadhafi. Like, did you at least do something with the letters

Phil 6:40
there? And here's the thing. Let's say that you don't know who Qaddafi is. Let's say you don't know. Yeah, it's still cut taffy.

Jesse 6:49
Yeah. Like this evil villain. That is the most scary terrorist in the whole world. His last name is Ka. Taffy What's this Willy Wonka? Fuck off. See a uppercase T.

Phil 7:03

Kevin Erhard 7:05
CA is that that's really good point. C uppercase C lowercase A uppercase t

Phil 7:13
right taffy. I bet which of course in whatever remote you know terrorist country he's from means son of taffy

Jesse 7:24
wrap to a source that's why he's I hate that. I love that but I hate that. That's really

Phil 7:30
I think that's the only appropriate

Kevin Erhard 7:31
really got me with the months got me with this.

Jesse 7:37
So sorry, he's Taffy but like he's not from Bibbia Right? Like Wouldn't that make sense if you're gonna drive home that Gadhafi thing? Why wouldn't you eat from like Brian video or regalis

Kevin Erhard 7:48
he's from they mentioned a fake country in there so on or something dumb like that. And they Yeah, and it was the writing I was like this. Ya know, are you which is a

Phil 8:03
just listed as small but incredibly wealthy and savage desert? Like, I'm sure that has no ethnic

Kevin Erhard 8:11
locations. Okay. 9090

Phil 8:17
from Bergerac Yeah, exactly.

Jesse 8:19

Phil 8:20
Yeah, that's urea. This is very Noria at least just kind of like that's they just made up a word. They couldn't do that. With catastrophe.

Jesse 8:29
Yeah, I don't. People are

Phil 8:32
gonna lose the threat. Yeah, those kids aren't that smart. They're not we want them. We want them to hate Qaddafi as much as we do. Because you're watching Jaffe.

Kevin Erhard 8:39
But his golden guns are so cool.

Phil 8:47
They aren't like, let's be fair.

Kevin Erhard 8:49
Let's be fair. Qaddafi is gold plated hand guns fucking slapped. They were my hot take of the day.

Jesse 8:57
The only thing I like about this dictator is yeah, he had some sick ass guns.

Phil 9:02
Like one

Jesse 9:05
eulogy you gotta

Kevin Erhard 9:07
like man insert, insert that drill tweet. You in fact do not have to hand it to him

Jesse 9:20
you're turning the crank the racism crank or like

Kevin Erhard 9:26
you in fact do not have to hand it to him so they break down his the mission which is you have to you have to get into Outer Heaven and find Dr. Petrovich his daughter Ellen and the Metal Gear.

Jesse 9:43
That was really good. This is

Phil 9:45
this is my favorite part by the way because it's like now we find out that they're going to try and screw over our good buddy Justin here. We know that that's happening. But I love our intelligence sources of hinted at something called Metal Gear with Metal Gear. is and when it sculptors will be launched against us. We don't know. We don't know what it looks like whether it's airborne or how its arm, we don't know how or even whether it can be disarmed. We presume it's controlled by a hidden supercomputer. And then it carries nuclear payload. Why? Why do you assume that

Jesse 10:16
we didn't base like they didn't finish the game? And they're like, I'm pretty sure. This is what Metal Gear is. It's probably a new thing.

Phil 10:25
You're gonna go on a date. I don't know what his what his name is. I don't know how tall he is. I don't know what color hair he is. I don't know what his favorite movies his hobbies are, where he works. I assume that he's Iranian.

And that and that he has and that he buys his Metro cards by the month

Jesse 10:56
Sure. Oh, this poor guy. He's just trying to be a terrorist. And you're just you're you're putting them down. All right. They can assume that he's doing all these horrible things. He's a terror man. He's a terror, man, man.

Phil 11:15
Oh my god. Well, what we aren't sure of is that Metal Gear is the most powerful and evil weapon ever devised

Jesse 11:23
that a lot where it's like, we don't know what this is. We don't know who they are where they are, but we know exactly what's going on.

Phil 11:30
I don't know who he is. But tell him to get that mole on his upper left shoulder Justin's just all about it. He's so bad. Oh, chapter two soldier.

Kevin Erhard 11:42
Chapter Two. Mission excepted he is. Right. Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Is himself right through chapter two.

Phil 11:54
Oh, this is my favorite part about chapter two. By the way, just throw this in there talking about Ellen, Dr. Petrovich, his daughter. We don't know whether she's alive or dead. If you find her alive. She may be of help with her father trying to rescue Dr. Petrovich, too, but if you can't, you'll have to kill him once. Yeah. Like,

Jesse 12:14
what did you just do another mission? Just leave in there. It's okay.

Phil 12:20
You have two options, rescue or murder?

Jesse 12:23
Yeah. think at one point. They're like, even in chapter one. They're like, I don't know. We can't make you do this snake that you have to accept that you have to volunteer for this. Make it more difficult. This is the American military, right?

Kevin Erhard 12:38
Yes, they can. They can. And

Phil 12:42
that's this is this is what they're talking about when they say that the army is to whoa, guys.

Jesse 12:48
We can't force men to murder.

Phil 12:51
Just wouldn't be PC.

Kevin Erhard 12:55
And then we get into a conversation about who are the snake men? Oh, yeah. I feel like I feel like this conversation should have happened already. Yeah, that should have happened already. But there's a breakdown of like the snake men don't officially exist. Like, but I thought they were called. I thought they were originally called FOXHOUND. And we're like, no, it's snake bent now. We'll call them FOXHOUND later.

Phil 13:25
It's like a GarageBand that keeps changing its name based on it's like Nah, man. Spitfires. Totally not cool anymore. We gotta we gotta go with metal Oblivion now. That's what cool.

Kevin Erhard 13:36
We're still gonna. We're still going to use the printouts that have Spitfire because that's the most up to date information for our show next Thursday.

Jesse 13:45
You can't read the logo anyways. It's just a bunch of random shapes. So it's fine.

Phil 13:49
We only we only have the one cover of something in the way by Nirvana. I don't know if it's gonna make a difference. Bring

Jesse 13:55
it back for the Batman movie then.

Phil 14:00
I may have been in a high school band called Spitfire.

Kevin Erhard 14:06
Oh, gosh. So yeah, they're gonna they're gonna. Haley is just a Hayley is just a diversion, apparently, and they're actually going to there's going to be a full regimen of Marines doing the real attack and, and Haley is just supposed to be in there setting off alarms and causing all sorts of trouble. But he doesn't know that. And he's listening to Jennifer. No, he's listening to Diana, Jennifer. And point I'm like, I don't know what having a stroke feels like. Yeah. Yeah, no, I have a feeling that it might be this last few parents.

Jesse 14:48
Even when they try to explain what Jennifer's about, it still makes no sense. Like it's so convoluted Why are you doing this? Why Why would you even have another person also whatever Sorry Well

Phil 15:01
Why Why are Jennifer and Diana spelled with all caps? Is that an acronym? Why

Jesse 15:05
is Diana's Boss Man What is that

Kevin Erhard 15:08
weird Big Boss? We're the big boss go yeah we're just throwing big boss out we're swapping in boss man but that's also Jennifer Chapter Three getting in

Phil 15:20
yet again. Oh now we're getting to the good shit.

Kevin Erhard 15:23
So Solid Snake gets in there and he calls he calls the colonel and he says Colonel you're so I'm trying to sneak in clapping my hands just dummy pick clap on my ass cheeks is alerting the car

Jesse 15:45
do you move let is David Hayter what's going on happening in here

Kevin Erhard 15:54
I figured if we're doing Metal Gear I'm just gonna try myself. impression as much I don't see why. But no he does. He gets in there and he Jesse you were telling me you're talking to me about this before Phil got on. What does he do? He other than basically sex Panthers himself,

Jesse 16:17
bro. That's exactly that's exactly what he does. This whole book is Solid Snake cosplaying as a panther or not even cosplaying are peeing? He's like straight up role playing a panther. It's amazing. Yeah, like he nails it. He's really good at it like scarily good at it. He keeps bringing up his snake command training. Yeah, okay. Okay, so you're at the Chippendales and you're giving us your your your Panther? Practice All right. With it? honest with yourself. Yeah,

Kevin Erhard 16:47
he wraps himself on a tree to pick up Panther musk. So that

Phil 16:54
it's, it starts with one of the most. We've already like you said, we've already run into some confusing senses in this book. We've got his nose wrinkled, Solid Snake recognize that smell? Panther musk? Why? Yeah, like why did he write you?

Jesse 17:10
Take man train a What do you mean? Why we don't read the

Phil 17:15
we will find out later that he hears these people talking in a foreign language that he doesn't even have to he has no idea what they're speaking. He

Jesse 17:23
knows like 40 languages. They're like, he knows like, every language can be Farsi

Phil 17:28
or Portuguese as far as he's concerned. And, but he knows what Panther most smells like. Don't you worry.

Kevin Erhard 17:34
Don't you worry. He is very familiar with Panther musk. 60% of the time, it works every day. Every time Yeah.

Phil 17:43
He gets scared and he gets chased down by a bunch of Dobermans. And yeah, just he's absolutely right. He like gets down. He literally gets down on all fours and starts hissing and yelling. Yep, like a cat. And the worst Dobermans ever

Jesse 18:06
dogs and they're like, oh boy, I haven't seen a human before ever in my life as a dog.

Kevin Erhard 18:13
We were ready for them. They got they ran because they just got weirded out they're like yeah

Jesse 18:22
what happens if I eat this guy? What's gonna happen

Kevin Erhard 18:25
to happen is this some sort of like mad cow rabies type?

Phil 18:31
He's one of those humans that got fed other humans he's not

Kevin Erhard 18:34
he's not doing so if he's got a cry on I read about that

Phil 18:39
and yeah, if I don't get the vaccine within 24 hours it's actually really dangerous sorry banderas Yeah, and he and by the way, you know they they're throwing them under the bus and I think my favorite part but they sent him with nothing they said we can't send you with anything but this compass that's a super compass that has a microphone and a transponder in it and all that shit. And what they don't tell him is there's no mic they can hear him he can't hear them and he spends like two or three times this chapter just taking it going Can anyone hear me

Kevin Erhard 19:14
shocking shocking to just a regular as Congress

Phil 19:19
is Imagine all the people back in HQ going look some stupid

Unknown Speaker 19:26
moron Yeah Oh he's so stupid. You're right this is a good idea

Kevin Erhard 19:33
this is smart. This is give him the make him think that the compass is the tracker so that will distract him from that central tracker

Jesse 19:42
the compasses even work right

Kevin Erhard 19:44
it doesn't do anything it just

Jesse 19:46
give it to him. Like the tracker on and why did you give him another thing that he'd be like?

Phil 19:53
He spends a long time talking into this now not getting as much as the word boo. Exactly.

Kevin Erhard 20:00
easily tell the chapter and about the compass for a snake man for snake, madman, Snake men, men who is so highly trained, you would think you'd be able to like, figure out direction without a compass, you know? You think you'd be like one of those people who'd be like, Huh, that's that moss is growing on the northern side of the tree. And I'd be like, Hello compass?

Phil 20:32
We find out, we find out that lots of basic military shit that any infantry man would know, he has no comprehension, but he knows how to speak dog in like 40 languages because that's how it works. Dogs just respond to words. Yeah, and we have another just, I'm gonna keep a list of these. Maybe we'll share them on social media, just a list of the most bizarre lines in or out of context. And one of my favorites here is his canine vocabulary would be of no use here. Yeah.

Kevin Erhard 21:07
He had only seconds to spare. Yeah. He can say in German, Russian, Swahili, Chinese, Japanese, Arabic, and a dozen other tongues.

Phil 21:19
Irish Gaelic induced whatever. Whatever

Kevin Erhard 21:23
he's he's got it. But no, he's anyway we're in Chapter Four Chapter Four he's a he figures out the dogs and pretending to be a cat a big cat and oh by the way, and now he he knocks out a guy who is already sleeping

Phil 21:48
our hero Solid Snake everybody

Jesse 21:52
Oh, I love this. Oh the next part. Oh my god.

Kevin Erhard 21:59
So basically just so so Okay, so he knocks out a guy who was who was already sleeping and he finds a guy another guy who is who is who is pointing gun at him and then he he CQ sees that guy down. And he decides not to take the gun because there may be metal detectors on the way into the Outer Haven. Outer Heaven compound. Like the thing that catches his eye is is the card key. And these goddamn hard keys

Phil 22:29
oh my god

Jesse 22:30
really? This was my favorite part of this entire was when he would get the key cards. I just made me laugh every time it happened

Kevin Erhard 22:39
every time every every time in my head the little Zelda data play of course.

Phil 22:49
Yeah, he we get we get Yeah, we get this. We get a lot of random shit in here. And then yeah, it comes to you find some field rations says he they may be packed with densely with nutrition and vitamins that they taste like a cross between cat food and an old rubber tire. And speaking as someone who has eaten Mrs. From that time period, he got everything right except for the nutrition and vitamins they are garbage. I don't know if they might be better now but back back in the late 80s early 90s They were they were fucking terrible.

Kevin Erhard 23:30
So Phil grew up as an Army brat

Phil 23:37
and it was in a Boy Scout troop that was an Army Boy Scout troop and it was that makes it that's like double nerd they it was it was doubled militant

Kevin Erhard 23:46
militant. We were we were

Phil 23:49
the militant Boy Scouts it was really weird. All of our troop leaders were Vietnam vets and and kind of shaky and we would and we would go cat and I like camping and we'd go carry but we brought Mr. Ease for like at least one meal a day you'd eat Mr. E's and you got to know the ones like the one that I kept getting which was just disgusting was a Chicken ala King, which is just chicken and vegetables and stuff in this horrible red sauce in a bag. And sometimes you could you just like put it next to the fire like get the vicinity of the fire to warm it up. So

Jesse 24:29
it's like a place where you just like like, it's like

Phil 24:31
you just like pay sheets snip off the edge of the plastic,

Kevin Erhard 24:35
like this episode of The Simpsons where Homer finds like starts compressing everything down into a bar and he kind of takes like a pound of spaghetti and meatballs and he turns it into like a bar and he eats it and one bite and

Phil 24:49
it was not unlike he would come with there was sometimes like a dehydrated peach bar and it was just like a light Styrofoam me black I have dehydrated freeze dried peach, I'm assuming and one of a couple of us got the bright idea to put it in our in our water in our canteen mugs. to like get some to rehydrate. Yeah. And it was it just was discussed. We just took it off to the edge of the woods dumped it we're like fuck this forest bad waters bad and then you got the tiny little thing of Tabasco and those became souvenirs. You just line your window with these tiny tabasco's. They were adorable. Oh, man. I had a weird childhood.

Jesse 25:31
It sounds fun. I mean, like a weird, gross way with the tube of chicken Allah King

Phil 25:38
was gross. It was really gross. I wonder if any of you are old enough that that you remember that very specific thing? Please reach out we'll start a focus group.

Kevin Erhard 25:48
I thought you're gonna say like a suicide pact. But

Phil 25:55
why not? And then we come to we come to this the beginning of what I like to call the beginning of Solid Snake's paranoia. This man is so trained, that everything is is deadly. He finds a pack of cigarettes. It says could they be poisoned? His instincts told him that they could be a deadly trap. And I was like, no one knows you're there. They're just having a deadly don't get me wrong. As a former smoker, they're not good for you. But not in the way you think they

Jesse 26:28
are. They even say that later in that same paragraph. Like even if the cigarettes contain no added poisons, they were deadly enough of themselves. He decided they want to remind kids

Kevin Erhard 26:38
just larious because the cigarettes are. Yeah, it's like a mainstay of the series. It's a mainstay of the series. And it's something that you use to solve a puzzle. I think in the first Metal Gear game. I think you there's a scene later in the book where he lights a match. Yes, it's a match in the game. You use a cigarette to do the same kernel.

Phil 27:02
Oh, my cigarettes. Yeah. Cool. Yeah. It does make me think though. And Kevin, you'll almost certainly. Oh, yeah. And then later he picks up the matches. I just wanted to go, oh, no, the matches are poisoned. Oh. My instincts are wrong. No. But in the old arcade games back in those days used to open with a like, oh, yeah, like the PSA like, like

Kevin Erhard 27:26
winners. And they opened the with two things. One, something from Nancy Reagan saying don't do drugs or whatever. And the other thing was, I think there might have been an FBI warning from, from good old Attorney General Jeff Sessions.

Phil 27:50
It wasn't until I was I was in my 30s I think that I watched some video and some guy mentioned those in his YouTube video. And I was like, wow, those really were kind of weird. Like, I just I just, that was just part of it, that

Kevin Erhard 28:03
it was just part of it. So we're in we're in chapter five, right? That's what we're, we're we're going

Phil 28:12
he makes his way into the compound, yes. did not need to

Jesse 28:15
be a whole chapter.

Kevin Erhard 28:18
And when So chapter five sub titled, level one.

Phil 28:25
How medic in your get,

Kevin Erhard 28:27
we get a lot of we get a lot of these chapters end up becoming like, he's going down a corridor, and he's trying a key and then he goes into a room and then he does this, it just becomes kind of like a play by play of what the player was doing. Right?

Jesse 28:46
That's literally written let's play. Like, it's so awkward. Yeah,

Kevin Erhard 28:50
let's play. So there's two elevators east and west, which i i If I recall correctly, it was kinda like how the map was laid out. And there's a he uses a key card to the door and, and he he surmises that only vermin catastrophe, himself carries all the key cards. Ah, actually, no, he doesn't figure that out. That's the author telling us the author breaks kayfabe for a moment and turns to the audience and says, Whoa, watch out vermin can Taffy has all eight. And then we get a game hint at the end of the chapter.

Jesse 29:33
Oh, by the way, I love the idea of the eight cards, individual separate cards. Could you imagine if you forgot what card you had to use for what door

Kevin Erhard 29:43
and that's part of the gameplay of the first one is you had only swapped the cards. The first Metal Gear was basically a Metroidvania and you have all these key cards. And in order to get into certain rooms and certain hallways, you have to Go to the menu equip key card number to open that door, go through the door. Go to the menu, equip key card number three go in. It was like nothing constantly swapping key cards. So this reflects some of the dumb stuff and the first Metal Gear. Wow.

Phil 30:18
It makes me think because I remember I played a little bit of snakes revenge the second one. But I didn't play much of the NES ones because I remember as a kid, the Metal Gear games were kind of this anomaly for me and a lot of other kids I knew because it was like, oh, you can't just like you don't just barrel in killing everybody at shooting everybody. You actually have to be quiet at times. And it was just it was over our head. It was it was for the older kids as far as we were concerned.

Kevin Erhard 30:48
Yeah, it was just as a sneaking mission. As as as we all know, in chapter six, we're in chapter six now sound snake snelled snake hasn't gotten

Phil 31:04
finally, finally, I've been waiting.

Kevin Erhard 31:09
He's got a gun with no ammo. And he is not going to use that gun until he later when he sees mutated scorpions that I don't even think are in the game. Yeah, it's like let's just drop a contra enemy. Like I was just gonna

Phil 31:26
say that's that's gonna be like Seth or somebody in the team was like when are we going to make a concert we're going to make a contra book right there like no contract and we didn't come through with contra like fuck it put put put a contract monster in Metal Gear. I don't care. The music now that it? Oh God.

Kevin Erhard 31:48
So he finds Chuck Robinson, a snake man and a good friend.

Jesse 31:55
What is what these names is? Justin Halley. Chuck Robinson they have

Kevin Erhard 32:00
very the what's the name of that? That old NES baseball game with the with the made up names it has like oh god I gotta look it up

Phil 32:13
all star baseball was also a bases loaded and I remember I only ever played RBI Baseball. That was the only one

Kevin Erhard 32:21
that's like names like seive MC dicho or something

Phil 32:30
Oh, wait, there's another one that like the Japanese were like, come up with Americanized names and they were like okay, and they just did their best.

Kevin Erhard 32:40
Yes, yes. Here we go. Here we go. I found them sled MC dicho. Onsen Swimmy Darrell Archer delt, and a totally smart Sure.

Phil 32:52
Game is it Ray mix riff with which was

Kevin Erhard 32:59
a fight. It was it was called fighting baseball for the for the SNES

Phil 33:05
I didn't base that one. I didn't play that one. I don't know.

Kevin Erhard 33:10
From that list is Bobson Doug

Jesse 33:13
Bobson. benched rightfield for Milwaukee because of course

Phil 33:21
well my Doug

Kevin Erhard 33:22
Doug nut so stay Greg rescues Bob's and Doug nut

Phil 33:30
Dobson Thompson. It's me Haley.

Kevin Erhard 33:35
We got Dobson over here. See nobody cares

Phil 33:41
this is we're gonna hit an all time high reference point.

Kevin Erhard 33:48
And he warns them about the terrible burning from the from the heat

Jesse 33:56
fence panel panel. The other panels panels on the ground

Phil 34:03
ration Yeah, you gotta eat the rations. Why?

Jesse 34:06
Why? What in any context when have you ever had to eat something to up your body temperature so that you don't do

Phil 34:14
you not fool your mother into thinking you're sick by eating extra breakfast in the morning? You lie bad body temperature

Jesse 34:22
rations like you did so I never got to have the experience are you still heat proof from having those

Phil 34:29
you have too many rations and it doesn't work anymore yeah

Kevin Erhard 34:33
it's like resistance it became a problem becomes a problem you chasing that basically?

Phil 34:37
Yeah, basically a reptile I have to lay on a rock

Jesse 34:44
feels geothermal.

Phil 34:48
Fucking Mrs. I swear to God.

Kevin Erhard 34:54
But the way the way he's written by the way, Chuck with the whole No, no, you've got gotta You gotta listen to me the heat panels and all of a sudden in my head I'm filling in the heat panels Marty you again throwing up oh geez Rick so bad

Phil 35:26
I'm just gonna we're gonna collect a list of of impressions that

Kevin Erhard 35:33
yeah impressions made in this episode no cartoon voices in the making of this episode

Jesse 35:40
got sick there's gonna be a Rick and Morty game book. You guys have to cover

Phil 35:48
the the Rick and Morty Dungeons and Dragons. There you go

Kevin Erhard 35:51
we do that. That's actually that'd be a good bonus episode is just talking

Phil 35:58
and then and then we'll just run one we'll do a live we'll do

Kevin Erhard 36:00
it. We'll do a live Fuck it. We'll do it live. There so so so he sees the deadly trap, which is a huge rolling device a giant steel pin. That's the end of this chapter. And that's just like a random room that you walk into in the game. There's just like this, this rolling pin moving back and forth, and you just have to walk around it.

Phil 36:22
You can totally see why that would be something that an adult who wasn't necessarily fully versed in Nintendo games. Yeah, like grab on. Yeah. Oh, there's a room with a pin that rolls back and forth. We'll do something with that. Yeah, that's

Kevin Erhard 36:37
that sounds interesting. And and it's just like the most innocuous like, kids playing video games that see that kind of shit all the time. Like just these these like little room traps or whatever. It's nothing special. It's just like it's just moving back and forth and your time it and you go but in this translated from the game, something that you get through in five seconds.

Phil 37:06
Yeah. It's like It's like if they novelized Sonic the Hedgehog, which they have it like by can't wait. Yeah, Sonic approaches, like he sees it a ladybug but not a ladybug. It balanced on a single wheel. It could hear worrying mechanics underneath it. This was Robotnik Slaby bug a lob bottom mix

Jesse 37:33
that's one Alexander frost Yeah, they saw that that was rolling pipe Cool name that's what Justin Valley that's totally was him like what if my first name was Justin mo my last name be not frost

Phil 37:48
I feel like Justin Halley's the name of the actual author. Yeah, he wanted to name a Solid Snake Alex frost and like something got mixed.

Kevin Erhard 37:56
Somebody's got confused the printer and they just did a find and replace all somehow. Exactly. Exactly. Gosh, that's that's such a bummer for you, Justin. I mean, Alex,

Phil 38:06

Kevin Erhard 38:08
frost. So there's, there's two things that happens. In chapter seven, he gets around the pin. And then he solves one of those. What are those slidy puzzles, you know, like little cheap plastic ones where the one tile is missing? Or solves that and it's a it's a it's a it's a picture of

Jesse 38:29
toffee. You gotta love the branding. You gotta love the dedication. The puzzle you have to solve is what does my face look like?

Kevin Erhard 38:37
What does my face look like? The guards have been trained. The guards have been trained on what my fix?

Phil 38:44
I think that might be the most realistic thing. Sure. narcissist is narcissistic fascist dictators like all right, in order to pass it in the next room. Everyone has to do a puzzle. Where it's my face. You have one minutes you have one

Kevin Erhard 39:01
minutes to get to know my face. So

Phil 39:05
real quick was is that in the game?

Kevin Erhard 39:07
I don't I so I was skimming through a letsplay I did not see it.

Phil 39:12
That seems insane. That doesn't feel like a middle gear part. Yeah, I've been surprised.

Jesse 39:17
It feels weird to come up with that for a story of just like a fake context.

Phil 39:22
I don't know what would be weird or to be

Kevin Erhard 39:24
honest. You're right. Yeah, I mean, I would I would if if Kojima if that was a Kojima original. Be like I buy the tracks. Totally. Yeah. But here, I don't know. It feels it does feel weird. So yeah, he unlocks another dude. And he saves another Guney. And exactly

Jesse 39:49
what's his name? What's this guy's name? Jim. Jim.

Phil 39:54
Are you know that's not Oh my God. His name is Jim. To bet

Jesse 40:02
every name I'm laughing that this is the best

Kevin Erhard 40:06
set just just brilliant. It's just one we get we get a morsel from from Jimbo that gray fox is is here. And he's still alive maybe. And, and salad snake is like can I trust Jim? And this is just a recurring motif of like, Yeah,

Phil 40:27
I kind of love this moment personally because this is a moment that it started to turn for me. Because in which all that's a fair question. No, gypsys, I have a message for you from Diana. She says gray fox infiltrated the enemy. Several days ago, they captured him, but he's alive. And I went, Wait, he came here to rescue you. Why do you have a message for him? None of that makes? Yeah. And as I'm thinking about it, I turn the page and he says, When did he get that information before he was captured? Could he trust it? Like, the author asks that question too. And I start to notice, throughout the book, the author starts pointing out things that are stupid in the game, and, and I don't know if it works or not, because we're gonna see it a lot more. The author is like playing the author's doing what we would have done playing the video game going, why would he know? That doesn't make any sense. A prisoner? Why would you know anything? Right? And he's picking it apart. And I don't know if that makes the book better or worse. And I'm like, okay, good. The author sees it too. And on the other hand, I want to go just go

Kevin Erhard 41:44
with author going meta right now.

Jesse 41:49
Make you think of like, how goo fast even some of the most, you know, of that time period, some of the most highly regarded video games end up sounding when you try to explain them to people like this is totally it's easy to mock it because they're stupid. Oh, yeah.

Kevin Erhard 42:04
They thought about it. They thought about the plot and story elements of this game. There is like there is no there's a game that starts with Are you a bad enough dude to rescue President Rouhani that's that is that is the thrust of the story. And that's it.

Phil 42:23
That's when games were made in somebody's garage by three high school dropouts and a dream like that. So we're not it is not the same as it is today. It just isn't

Kevin Erhard 42:40
so, So Justin gets a bunch of guns and ammo

Phil 42:46
by the way that we're calling him Justin that we're existing on

Kevin Erhard 42:50
this is not Solid Snake. This is like have you feel you you'll probably remember this you know the other Ghostbusters. Oh yeah. Oh the other Ghostbusters where there's there was like a gorilla and and a car or whatever

Phil 43:06
and the guy who was the voice of

Kevin Erhard 43:09
So Jesse you see accused

Jesse 43:12
and Manuel Ghostbusters like the animated one.

Phil 43:14

Kevin Erhard 43:15
so the real Ghostbusters had to be called The Real Ghostbusters because there was another show called The Ghostbusters another cartoon called the Ghostbusters about people who hunted ghosts. And amongst the team was a gorilla. And yeah, you guys the Ghostbusters cartoon

I can't even find it because it's it doesn't even it doesn't even rank but I this is based

Jesse 43:51
Oh yeah. Yeah, see?

Kevin Erhard 43:53
Yeah, what tally is basically that version of Solid Snake here's the animated version of Solid Snake

Jesse 44:06

Phil 44:12
By the way, I've never heard Kevin more like amped and passionate than the moment he said just now because he's not Solid Snake. I've known Kevin for over 10 years at this point we've talked about things great and small and I've never heard the righteous indignation not solid state

Kevin Erhard 44:43
we're nearing 14 years of knowing

Jesse 44:48
Wow. And finally did you actually get angry like fighting over?

Kevin Erhard 44:54
Calling it was that was the line in the sand was

Phil 44:59
that was it A solid find a thing a man cares about. You can't twist a man's arm when he's down it's just not right.

Kevin Erhard 45:06
There's bad and take it away from him. You get a dangerous man

Phil 45:14
Oh Jesus. Okay yeah in this chapter man he gets he gets he gets he's got his second key card

Kevin Erhard 45:23
we know that he gear Horns up.

Phil 45:25
He does the gear bar Yeah, exactly in the chapter literally ends with him. He's he's got his grenade launcher. He's got a hand heavy bandolier of grenades over his chest. He's got guns. He's got knives. It looks like Lincoln. Zelda 64 When he's just armed to the middle of the fucking tea. Now he looks like a fight man. That is literally how the

Kevin Erhard 45:49
chapter eight starts with with Justin talking into his compass like a fucking dumbass.

Phil 45:57
General WestEd commander to troll me. Because I'm here I'm right here. It's me.

Kevin Erhard 46:05
It's me. Shaylee

Phil 46:08
Are you guys are you? Are you mad at me? Did I say something wrong? It felt like things were cool before. There. I wasn't serious when I when I made fun of the last season of Gilmore Girls if that's what you guys are upset about. Sorry, just

Kevin Erhard 46:32
I really liked I really like April as a character.

Phil 46:36
Really cool. I don't know I just I just I think I read on the internet. People didn't like it. I was just trying to get on the bandwagon. I'm not really. I'm just okay, I'm gonna go assassinate some people by

Kevin Erhard 46:51
a call back in a couple of minutes.

Phil 46:52
They're really listening back. They're like, What a fucking dork. Gilmore Girls screw this guy. It was like, I don't know, man. I feel bad for I don't think he's okay

Kevin Erhard 47:07
so, so, so let's see. Yeah, he's, he's, he's, he's sneaking around. And he he he finds another guy and his name is is is Frank wit kowski which is the most Monsters Inc sounding name that totally. Frank what's kowski was AUSkey

Jesse 47:37
we're selling yet. We're selling by

Phil 47:39
the way, by the way on the way to finding our latest Snake Man. Justin loses the compass that he believes is a very important transponder. piece of tech, he loses it. Because if he catches his sleeve on a nail that's protruding from one of the crates, these all go by, and it sends the compass flying and into a trap door and out of sight. And I don't I just thought it was they spent an entire chapter talking about how this is the greatest member of the snake man that has ever lived. He is live as a Puma and silent as the night and just like he slipped on a goddamn banana

Jesse 48:32
caught on a nail and it's like yeah, I've murdered millions and I'm one of the most highly you know 15 Men can't do this job I can do it gets caught up fucking nails.

Kevin Erhard 48:43
It's like he is the most dangerous man alive and the cuts to him and he's like with cat like dread

Jesse 48:52
going all out?

Kevin Erhard 48:54
Just just pirates and dance over

Jesse 49:00
oh my god, this is Jellicle Solid Snake. I just realized Holy shit.

Kevin Erhard 49:05
God damn is he's

Phil 49:07
on his way to the heavy side there. That's what outer and inner heaven really

Kevin Erhard 49:15
we've entered the musical theater portion of the show.

Phil 49:19
Jesse I may have majored in theater. I wish I did. When you were when you were knee high to a grasshopper. Gramps I like real gramps key I am into it.

Kevin Erhard 49:40
This is better not awaken any anything insect. Anyway

Phil 49:48
Listen, my back does hurt. But I need everyone to back the fuck off right

So Frank with kowski gives gives him just the most solid advice you could possibly give a man in just its position right now,

Kevin Erhard 50:11
you might call it Solid Snake advice.

Phil 50:15
Pretty solid. Says he says the best, the best. The best thing for you at this point is maybe let yourself get captured

Kevin Erhard 50:28
as late on it, you know, it took too long to get it's getting closer and closer to actually hitting the drum joke on time. Continue.

Phil 50:38
He says. He says the best thing to do is to get captured on purpose so you can infiltrate better and more. That's what he does. Yeah, they do say infiltrate more deeply which I haven't seen three words in a row that bummed me out that

Kevin Erhard 50:57
I feel like we got a wild I feel like penetrate is going to be in here again sometime. I know it's God. I clocked at least two or three times that they used to penetrate and bomber

Jesse 51:10
five times they use that I didn't know. I had to know. I didn't realize it so often.

Phil 51:20
That's why we had you on you do you do the good work? We, we we get to now here's here's here's one of the other moments of the author. I think recognizing this is fucking stupid. He finds a submachine gun with a full clip. So we get this paragraph with the Beretta and now the lightweight rapid firing automatic Mac to not to mention the grenade launcher, their grenades and the anti tank mines Solid Snake was becoming a walking Arsenal ready for any fight. But it was also a pretty heavy load for one fighting man to carry. This comes up in the book. Constantly. The fact that you'd like this guy is like a DM who's asking you every five minutes about your income and that is not a mechanic in Metal Gear. I remember that. Like you just carry your arsenal like any other

Kevin Erhard 52:16
basically the the what was it? The Halo the flood moments where? Oh yeah, there's a chapter of masterchief trying to figure out which gun to take because he can only carry two.

Phil 52:31
Yeah, just we don't need to complicate this for the kids aren't worried about the encumbrance level of Justin. I don't think you should either.

Jesse 52:42
What if it was too heavy, though? Will it be able to sell? It's like guy's gonna

Kevin Erhard 52:45
He's gonna fat roll. And

Phil 52:51
this might be the only time in the entire history of pixel lit where the author adding to the story it actually kind of diminishes. No, normally that's our favorite parts in the break. When the author's like, all right, I'm going to add some colors, some some stuff that you wouldn't get out of the game and it's great. It's just you gobble it up. It's so wonderful. And this is a moment you're like, Oh no, are we needed? So that's gonna be 1516 pounds doesn't sound like a lot but it gets really, really really intolerable. After too long, you do calisthenics ism, it's a fucking

Kevin Erhard 53:29
mess. It's a nightmare. Hey there everybody. Tune in next week for part two of Metal Gear. And remember to rate the podcast wherever you're listening to it and follow us on Twitter at pixel it pod

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PixelLit is the video game-literary nerd’s dream come true. It’s a podcast where we read and discuss video game novelizations, and the games they’re based on. This is a podcast for the former kid who read their instruction booklets cover to cover. For the gamer who listens to every audio log in Bioshock.

The PixelLit Podcast! Because the only thing better than playing a video game is reading about it.

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