Infinity Blade: Awakening – Part 1

Infinity Blade had not one but two novellas written about it! That’s neat huh? This first one, titled Awakening was written by Brandon Sanderson and covers the gap between Infinity Blade 1 and 2. So tag along for an adventure into a game world that is now abandonware!

00;00;00;11 - 00;00;06;28
Phil
Okay. Just make sure. But I. But I will have an adapter for the microphone, so at least I won't sound all that bad.

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Kevin
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think it would be great. I think it'll be great.

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Phil
It'll be awesome. It'll be awesome.

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Kevin
You know what else is awesome?

00;00;16;13 - 00;00;17;00
Phil
What's that?

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Kevin
Hey there, everybody. Welcome, pixelate. My name is Kevin. With me, as always, is Phil. And today we got a brand new series for you. It's going to be a short series, but it's going to be a series where we are going to read, recap and review Infinity Blade Awakening.

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Phil
Oh. Oh, is do you?

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Kevin
So Infinity Blade, for those of you who don't know, is full on abandoned where at this point sad. It's so sad. It is. It was designed by it was developed by Chair Entertainment for Epic Games. And it was initially a tech demo of what the mobile version of the Unreal Engine could do on an iPhone. And it became a full on game that was released December 9th, 2010.

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Kevin
And as of this, as of 2018, all three games in the series were discontinued and taken off the App Store because Epic had cited difficulties updating it for the modern versions of iOS. And then the servers for the game were finally shut down in 2020. Yeah, the end of an era. The first game was a one on one duel system that was based apparently on Karateka and Prince of Persia.

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Kevin
Karateka is not a game that you necessarily hear referenced that much these days, but I can I could kind of see it. And if you are familiar with the Game Rogue Legacy, you're kind of familiar with the way the game works in terms of the plot of of when you die and start over again in Rogue Legacy and in this game, when your character dies, your character is dead.

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Kevin
The next character in line is your offspring, your progeny that moves up to take the mantle. And each and basically the goal is to challenge and kill the God king of this land. And the events of the book that we are about to recap pick up at the end of the canon victorious routes through the game. And there's also references in the book that refer to encounters that you make in the game.

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Kevin
So there's he talks about how there's like three dudes in a dungeon downstairs. And that's a thing that you have to do in the game in order to get like a true ending or something like that. Yeah, there's some guys you fight downstairs. So with all that in mind, I didn't realize that because I never played infinity Blade.

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Kevin
Phil, you said you you've played it. You've played the game.

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Phil
I played the shit out of that game. I do at least the first one because there were three and I loved it was like a super intense, labyrinthine version of Fruit Ninja.

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Kevin
Yeah, that's.

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Phil
Pretty much what it was. And God, it was fun. And I think the most tragic thing about reading this novella is the fact that all it makes me all I can do is like I was sitting there going, I haven't played this game in forever. I'm going to download this onto my phone and find out the hard way that, No, I cannot do that anymore.

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Kevin
You cannot set a record. And there we listen. We hear a pixelate. We do not think that you should emulate or or anything of that or pirate or whatever. Of course not. Of course not. No, no. But there's apparently ways that you.

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Phil
Can.

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Kevin
Still do it. There are those whose criminals or I hate them. Do it under. Yeah. There's apparently ways that you should not do it. Never to get infinity Blade games back on your your sweet, sweet phone. So, you know.

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Phil
And it's it's it's not a game that you can purchase anymore. And that is by design. At this point, you are not allowed that you you couldn't give anyone money for it if you wanted to. And therefore, it is morally reprehensible to attempt to pirate it in any way do it. And you shouldn't you shouldn't you shouldn't do it, is what I'm saying.

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Kevin
You shouldn't not do it.

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Phil
Do it, do it, do it. Sorry. What I meant is that you shouldn't.

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Kevin
Do the do it.

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Phil
Do the it.

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Kevin
Sponsored by Mountain Dew and so the only way Infinity Blade lives on to this day is that there is a weapon in Fortnite that you can get called the Infinity Blade, because Epic likes to just tease everybody with putting everything into Fortnite and not developing any of their other IP's out any further. Remember when Epic made Unreal? They had a game.

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Kevin
They had the engine that runs. Fortnite is called the Unreal Engine. Did you know that that was based on a game?

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Phil
Oh, yeah.

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Kevin
Did you know that? Did everybody. It was a it was a competitor to quake.

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Phil
Yeah, it was a it was a very important game, a very influential game and one that maybe they could have developed further and given new life to it. But no fucking they've got to make sure that they're injecting all that GMO steroid goodness into their cash cow.

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Kevin
Into the cash cow of Fortnite, which I understand, because it's a it's a behemoth at this point.

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Phil
It is now.

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Kevin
Fortnite has has evolved, has has poké Pokemon evolved into some sort of Eldritch being that they have to feature an Eldritch being that poops money and they just have to.

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Phil
Feel it. I got to say, I was on the wrong side of history. I worked for gaming when when that game came out and everyone was like, okay, we need to decide what pony to back do. We push like on the PUBG side of things, which was huge at the time, which was the biggest thing in the world at the time.

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Phil
They said, there's this new Fortnite game that's coming out and that could be a serious contender. What do you think? And I was like, Dude, PUBG all the way Fortnite. Why even bother? It looks stupid. It's, you know, that's not what people want. You got a building mechanic who gives a shit and I was wrong. I was so, so wrong.

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Kevin
Seven years later, it's proof as wrong as anybody who's ever been wrong.

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Phil
That's a pretty wrong. As a writer, I'm a big fan of called David Rakoff and he wrote an entire essay about all the different stuff that he's been wrong about in the past. And one of them was he was talking about going to a club on a Saturday night in New York and the girl singing, he was just like, She's fucking awful.

00;08;03;11 - 00;08;21;23
Phil
She'll never have a career. And the next year that Madonna released her first album and I feel I just I'm sure we all have those moments, but man, do I relate with that guy. I feel like I've got more than my fair share. We do.

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Kevin
We definitely have those moments. Speaking of writers, uh oh. Can you tell me a little bit about the author of Infinity Blade Awakening one, Brandon Sanderson.

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Phil
I can do that, yeah. Brandon Sanderson, probably the most modern, relevant author of anyone that we have read so far. If you are a fantasy genre geek and you have not read any Brandon Sanderson, you are probably doing it on purpose at this point just because you are are being stubborn. I have to guess. Or you're just like me and woefully stuck in your old school pulp.

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Phil
People, which is fine.

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Kevin
Harlan Ellison isn't writing anything else.

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Phil
Phil Ivey is dead. It's all done.

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Phil
The master's.

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Phil
Dead. So probably Howard died a long time ago. But no, I. I would say, you know. But but but the thing is, is it's impossible not to at least have heard of him. You know, two of his biggest hits would be the Myst Bourne series, which is just even people I know who are distinctly not geeks have devoured those books and adore them.

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Phil
And but probably the most amazing, cool killer cred to his name is that he finished the Wheel of Time series. He was chosen to to wrap that up. And that's insane like that. I don't care how popular how, you know, huge your name is in the world of of genre fiction, if you're asked to wrap up, you know, the posthumous works and the Wheel of Time series, then, then, you know, that is a massive undertaking.

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Phil
I think you end up writing three or four of them.

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Kevin
Yeah, it's the last three novels are Brandon Sanderson.

00;10;26;19 - 00;10;56;26
Phil
Yeah. Yeah. So this guy and I was telling Kevin before we started today, I think the most amazing thing about this particular book and there are two, it's part of a series of to Europe to Infinity Blade novellas. And I think the most interesting thing about this is I can't shake the feeling that this was an act of love for him on a level that like, I don't think he was sought out to write these.

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Phil
Like a lot of our other authors have been a lot of our other offers. This is about like it's a paycheck, you know, it's like write for hire, which is awesome. And it's been a fascinating ride this entire time, finding out more about that. But I've got a hunch, based on the way he has written this, that he played the games, loved the games, and knew who to talk to, to say, hey, out of curiosity, can I write a novella for this?

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Phil
You know, and I don't know if it was ever released as an actual paperback or anything like that.

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Phil
It was definitely you know, it was definitely a an e-book that you could get for a while. But now, as far as I can tell, the only way to get a hold of it legally is through audiobook.

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Kevin
Yeah, yeah. That's the only way we, we, we found it was through the audiobook. Yeah. So, but we did, we did not find some versions of it that were out in the wilds. No. Totally didn't do that. Some, some e-book type versions of it that were out in the wild. So it was clearly written at some. It was clearly written in a way that was meant to be read because.

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Phil
It was.

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Kevin
Like with your eyeballs looking at words on a page or on an.

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Phil
Old fashioned, the.

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Kevin
Old fashioned way, because the thing is like it. You know what it actually reminds me of is that there's there's a book that's been on our list off and on to read. It's it's a division book called Hearts on Fire. And it's read by there's two voice actors reading it, I believe, Katie Sackhoff And, and somebody else. I can't remember who the other voice actor is, but you look at this book and it's a four hour listen, four and a half hour lesson, right?

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Kevin
If this is created today, instead of doing it as just a four hour audiobook, I feel like they would have done more of like a drama, which is becoming more and more, more and more of a thing these days where they actually instead of just having one narrator do all the voices, they're actually casting multiple actors to do voice specific voices.

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Phil
Audible did it with Sandman.

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Kevin
Oh, that's neat.

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Phil
The past couple of years. Yeah. Yeah. Before the Netflix version of it came out.

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Kevin
Cool that's that's neat off to have to check that out.

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Phil
I listened to the first part of it. I liked it. I liked it a lot.

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Kevin
Yeah. So yeah. Brandon Sanderson, he's, he's got a lot of stuff going on.

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Phil
Yeah. Dude's got chops in and I'm not going to lie. I'm going to give it the old college. Try getting a hold of them. I got, I got a distinct feeling that we might not actually get this interview.

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Phil
No, this is.

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Kevin
This is he. He has a he. All right. So this is the first time I've seen this. Okay. On Wikipedia, when you go to an author's Wikipedia page, usually their bibliography is a section of their page.

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Phil
Oh, yeah, I go to. Yeah, yeah.

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Kevin
Brandon Sanderson's bibliography is its own Wikipedia page.

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Phil
That's right. That's the thing. That's the thing. I kept it to the two main things that I was most familiar with, simply because this dude, this dude is right up there with Alan Dean Foster just writing like a fucking nymphomaniac sucks dick, like, absolutely losing his mind. And I'm.

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Kevin
Really appreciating. I have a feeling that I'm glad Alan Dean Foster appreciated that joke for some reason. I don't know if Brandon Sanderson would appreciate it as much, but I hope knowing that Alan likes that like to that joke, I think.

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Phil
That was that was a lovely moment there where you just because I never assume that any of our interviewees have actually bothered to watch or listen to the show or anything like that, they're busy people. And that dude came in specifically referencing the first episode of Of Of Shadow. Keep an eye that was I was like, Oh, oh, I see you've actually listened you've.

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Kevin
Listened to us talk about your writing.

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Phil
That's an extra bit of pressure.

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Kevin
That's that's that's a whole different ball of wax here.

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Phil
Absolutely.

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Kevin
But he sees good people. I assume Brandon is good people. I don't I don't know much about his personal life, but.

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Phil
Yeah, I've got no reason not to think so.

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Kevin
I got no reason not to think so. I know he apparently he disliked the the only of the of the star Wars sequel movies. The only one I liked was the better one. The one that Rian Johnson directed.

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Phil
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

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Kevin
He's a he's a that one dislike or.

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Phil
Oh, okay, okay. Which, which.

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Kevin
Usually he probably has some legitimate concerns. Usually when somebody says they don't like the one that Rian Johnson direct, there's like some weird like tingly red flags. Oh, go off in the back of my head.

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Phil
Yeah, no, no. And I know what you mean, because I actually did not care for it when I saw it. She liked a lot. I liked a lot of it. I thought certain certain aspects of it were amazing, but but overall, I was just kind of it was kind of like I left the theater feeling the same way I've been feeling when I watch Marvel movies, I'm like, I don't know if these are for me anymore.

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Phil
Sure, and that's okay. But it's kind of a bummer and and I remember not realizing how bad the fuck voice situation of of guys like coming in and talking shit about this movie was yeah. So when I was just like, Oh, I don't think I liked it. And a lot of my friends hackles went up and they're like, Why?

00;17;04;06 - 00;17;17;29
Phil
And I was like, What do you mean? I just it just because it, I just I think the humor kind of was lost on me. And I just there were certain parts of it I just didn't care for. It was I like I like I like Laura Dern. She's fucking amazing. And that's kind of part of it. That's like the show that you're actually cool.

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Phil
Yeah. I thought Laura Dern was fucking amazing. I was like, okay, he's all right. He's all right, fine.

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Kevin
He's fine. Yeah, because there's like. It's like the reason why you don't like it is it's it's so weird that it became such a weird litmus test, but it's. It is. It's true because they there will be people will like I hate it like and you'll say why? And all of a sudden they'll there will be like these weird little dog whistling things that start.

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Phil
Yep.

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Kevin
And you're like, Oh, that's weird. That's a weird thing to say. That's a that's an uncomfortable thing to hear. Yeah.

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Phil
That's and that's just it.

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Phil
And I think that's where we are with a lot of stuff with like a lot of pop culture likes and dislikes where if a person like something you go, oh, you know, without, you know, like, like I was listening to a podcast.

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Kevin
Like Justice League.

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Phil
Yeah, yeah. Justice League or even let's go back even further. Fight club, you know. Yeah, someone brings up, I got to a point where I loved Fight when I was, when I was young, I loved Fight Club and then I got older and I started to see the fan base that had surrounded it. And I started to really dislike Fight Club.

00;18;37;26 - 00;18;47;00
Phil
And then in years gone by, I started to go fuck it. I like it again, you know, like, fuck you guys, you can't take this thing away from me. I like it just because you guys are assholes.

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Phil
You know? So it's, it's tough.

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Phil
It's that's kind of where we are in pop culture, though, you know, you got to you got to pay extra special attention to why people dislike things. And it's it's exhausting times. But there it is.

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Kevin
It is. It's exhausting. So, yeah, let's just let's get into the, the nitty gritty of of yeah, this of this this thing we call infinity blade awakening.

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Phil
Hell, yes.

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Kevin
So in the Prolog we are introduced to dreams more, which is I think this is kind of neat. It is a town that is built within in the opening of a gigantic cave and the entire town is not in this cave. There's like it's like it spills out into like the non cave portion but the bulk of the town is, is protected in this, in this cave called Dreams Mob.

00;19;46;07 - 00;20;15;06
Kevin
And there's this guy, he's a sniveling man named Wilkes. And that's a great name for the great wheeling we own Wilkes. Wilkes is aware he is one of the only people aware that the God King has died and he is using this opportunity to take power in the village because he he was just the tax collector. But now he's like, Well, fuck it, I'm the dictator now.

00;20;15;06 - 00;20;16;05
Phil
And so it.

00;20;16;05 - 00;20;19;11
Phil
Seems like a lateral move to me, but. Fine, fine.

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Kevin
Yeah. So he decides, you know, I'm going to there's basically there's a dude in the group in the in among the townsfolk who's like, I have questions about this arrangement. And Wilkes is like, Hey, beat this man. And he's like, Oh, I'm sorry. And he's like, You're sorry? Well, how about we kill you now?

00;20;43;20 - 00;20;47;20
Phil
So it's just.

00;20;48;23 - 00;20;52;28
Phil
5 minutes is a dictator and he's already a pro. It's kind of impressive.

00;20;53;07 - 00;21;25;05
Kevin
It's he knows what he's doing. He knows what he wants. So he has these inhuman bodyguards called Daryl's, who seem to have like a huge variety in their looks and appearances is so one of the day roles is is approaching the guy to to do bad stuff. Meanwhile we're getting this like a stranger is kind of like walking around the town and like forcing his way through the crowd and the Daryl reaches the man and he takes out a sword or an ax or something.

00;21;25;05 - 00;21;37;20
Kevin
He's about to swing down and and kill the dude. And the blade is intercepted by the stranger. And everybody's like, Oh, my God, it's the infinity blade.

00;21;39;09 - 00;21;40;29
Phil
And oh, my God.

00;21;41;03 - 00;21;42;04
Phil
Jason Bourne.

00;21;42;20 - 00;21;49;02
Phil
Oh, my God, it's Jason Bourne. It's pretty.

00;21;49;02 - 00;21;49;27
Phil
What's that moment.

00;21;50;16 - 00;21;50;28
Phil
That pretty.

00;21;50;28 - 00;22;15;12
Kevin
Much of. My God, my God, it's Jason Bourne. So the stranger orders. We like to leave and never return to the town again. And everybody applauded. Everybody stood up and gave him a round of applause. And that man's name is Albert.

00;22;15;12 - 00;22;21;26
Phil
I oh, really? Is that eagle cries.

00;22;23;15 - 00;22;38;02
Phil
A veteran stands up and salutes and gives a slow clap and that name was Elon Musk God.

00;22;38;13 - 00;22;50;29
Kevin
But it's a real brief Prolog but it gives you it gives us a little here's the vibe in this town now that the now the king the God king is deceased.

00;22;51;19 - 00;23;04;02
Phil
Yeah. And it's a crazy opening, too, because as the reader, you're like, oh, shit, this is this is a sequel. For all intents and purposes. We're beginning at the end of that, which is a really clever way to show this.

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Kevin
It's like immediately.

00;23;05;12 - 00;23;08;17
Phil
Generations upon generations of that shit, you know?

00;23;08;17 - 00;23;16;07
Kevin
Yeah, yeah. We're picking up immediately after the very light plot of Infinity Blade one, but.

00;23;16;11 - 00;23;19;04
Phil
Oh, yeah, yeah. Light is the word yeah.

00;23;19;09 - 00;23;37;26
Kevin
Based this book so far has done a really good job back filling in in the gaps set the first game pretty much leaves wide open you know it's like we're just going to pour some gravel right into that and we're going to pave this road for the future.

00;23;38;13 - 00;23;39;13
Phil
Yeah, pretty much.

00;23;40;07 - 00;24;04;29
Phil
Yeah, pretty much. But but you know, the distinct thing is I don't remember a ton of the details, but I think you kind of hinted at it when you were talking about the game. What you get the sense of is that this is like after the game is finished, but like after the game, I don't think it's the true ending that has happened at this point.

00;24;04;29 - 00;24;09;10
Phil
Like they're still for one block and stuff like that, which is pretty clever.

00;24;10;00 - 00;24;33;17
Kevin
Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a there's a whole there's an in the true ending of the game and it's like spoilers for the book almost where you, you get and you find this one chamber and it's yeah it there is there is stuff in the game that has not happened yet. It's, it's just the only thing that has happened is God.

00;24;33;17 - 00;24;35;27
Kevin
King dead along with the God KING.

00;24;36;14 - 00;24;37;12
Phil
Right, exactly.

00;24;38;18 - 00;24;52;28
Kevin
So we're, uh, we're out of the Prolog and we're into chapter one, and the town elders are like, Holy shit, what the fuck you supposed to die? Where was this supposed to come back?

00;24;53;06 - 00;24;54;21
Phil
What do we do now?

00;24;55;07 - 00;25;03;01
Phil
They literally call him the sacrifice. So, like, there it is right there. They were like, Yeah, you're going to go die. You're not going to win.

00;25;03;29 - 00;25;04;10
Phil
You're not.

00;25;04;10 - 00;25;10;02
Kevin
Going. You weren't supposed to win. We're not Talia Shire And this isn't Rocky too.

00;25;10;24 - 00;25;17;21
Phil
Absolutely. We do not have benefits waiting for you. No ticker tape parade.

00;25;18;06 - 00;25;33;13
Kevin
And listen, I mean, I think they would have been happy if this was like the end of Rocky one where he just went the distance and things and but still lost. But the fact that this is rocky two really bums them out.

00;25;33;23 - 00;25;37;05
Phil
They are super bummed about the sequel. They're not here for that.

00;25;37;05 - 00;25;42;16
Kevin
No, they're not here for that. Apollo Creed Lost Spoilers for Rocky two.

00;25;43;16 - 00;25;50;15
Phil
For spoilers for a 40 year old movie.

00;25;50;15 - 00;26;07;05
Kevin
I'm sorry, Talia Shire. Yeah, for that. To explain my reference even further, Talia Shire looks up at Rocky and, and, and tells him as she's in the hospital waiting to give birth to their son.

00;26;07;27 - 00;26;11;25
Phil
When and.

00;26;11;25 - 00;26;12;08
Kevin
It's stuck in.

00;26;12;08 - 00;26;14;09
Phil
My head. I hate those movies. I hate.

00;26;14;11 - 00;26;15;17
Phil
This. It's, it's.

00;26;16;22 - 00;26;25;04
Kevin
I love Rocky it is. It is. But you know I understand I understand.

00;26;25;11 - 00;26;45;16
Phil
I, I have I am super into like I like camp. I like cheese. Maybe it's because I'm just not a sports guy at all that that's one of the ones for me that is a blind spot. I just like, I can't do it. I can't get into it. I just just not know. You guys have fun. I'm going to focus, stay at home, play with my ball player.

00;26;45;16 - 00;26;48;20
Phil
Want to give you Rocky and Rocky.

00;26;50;27 - 00;26;51;15
Kevin
Can't do it.

00;26;52;04 - 00;26;52;27
Phil
No, no.

00;26;53;08 - 00;26;58;22
Kevin
You know what? That's you know, what's not going to stop, though, is is is rocky references.

00;26;58;27 - 00;27;00;14
Phil
No.

00;27;00;14 - 00;27;09;24
Phil
And that's fine. That's fine. I will.

00;27;09;24 - 00;27;22;02
Kevin
So it's it's it's the end of Rocky, too. And Cyrus is so in the book, the audio book, it's pronounced Cyrus, right?

00;27;22;11 - 00;27;23;19
Phil
Yes. Yes, Cyrus.

00;27;24;05 - 00;27;29;02
Kevin
But written on the page. It's super clearly Cyrus.

00;27;29;02 - 00;27;36;18
Phil
Yeah, it's a we run it all lot. Where are we going to go into the magical near sort of thing all over again.

00;27;36;22 - 00;27;39;07
Phil
This one? Yeah.

00;27;39;07 - 00;27;41;03
Phil
MJOLNIR Where.

00;27;41;24 - 00;27;42;01
Phil
Is.

00;27;43;13 - 00;27;45;12
Kevin
His magical near battle?

00;27;45;13 - 00;27;48;21
Phil
The Badger near Arbor.

00;27;48;21 - 00;28;05;22
Kevin
Yeah. No. So if I. I apologize if I switch between Cyrus and Cyrus because on the page, it's as I are. It's to me, in my. In my head that Cyrus. It's a syllable from serious.

00;28;06;13 - 00;28;11;16
Phil
Right, right. Yeah. I was thinking like serious black kind of shit. Like that's, that's what it looked like.

00;28;12;16 - 00;28;14;28
Kevin
And speaking of serious black fuck, J.K. Rowling.

00;28;15;06 - 00;28;18;28
Phil
Fuck. Yeah, by the way, as long as we're as long as we're on that topic ever so briefly.

00;28;19;20 - 00;28;32;05
Kevin
So, Cyrus begins thinking about what he can do now that his task is completed. Like, it's like, oh, man, I didn't think I would get to actually live a life. I'm going to.

00;28;32;05 - 00;28;33;07
Phil
He's adorable.

00;28;33;16 - 00;28;35;03
Kevin
He's like, I'm going to eat pie.

00;28;35;11 - 00;28;39;10
Phil
Yeah, I really thought. It's like.

00;28;40;10 - 00;28;52;15
Phil
Who was it? Who was the actor young man who was like, he's always been shredded and stuff. And recently he, like, talked about eating pasta for the first time in like several years and it, like, made him cry.

00;28;52;15 - 00;28;52;23
Phil
Oh.

00;28;53;29 - 00;28;59;26
Phil
It's I forget. I think it was the kid from was it the kid from the high school movie High School Musical?

00;28;59;29 - 00;29;01;11
Kevin
It was not Zac Efron.

00;29;01;11 - 00;29;19;07
Phil
I think it was Zac Efron. It was like he just, you know, he's shredded all the time. And at a certain point you realize that's not good for him. And so trying like eat like a human being again and like I think it was like he ate possum for the first time and literally sobbed, which I think we can all relate with.

00;29;19;07 - 00;29;23;16
Kevin
We could all relate to. I have cried through a possible for more than once my life.

00;29;23;27 - 00;29;37;11
Phil
It is it is just the most relatable and real moment in this book. But it's just like he's been training to be a warrior his entire life and he's just like, I'm going to eat a whole pie all by myself. You're like, I love you. I will die for you.

00;29;37;21 - 00;29;42;04
Kevin
Like I'm going to eat a pie and then goes swimming, right?

00;29;42;14 - 00;29;46;13
Phil
Oh, it's so nice. He's great.

00;29;46;13 - 00;29;47;04
Phil
I love him.

00;29;47;19 - 00;30;09;22
Kevin
I just imagine him like he's like the town elders are right there and he just has his hands on his knees and he's like rocking back and forth and like, I think I want a pie. He's like the kid from Caddyshack. Yeah. You're like, I want a hamburger. I want a hot dog.

00;30;09;22 - 00;30;12;05
Phil
So it's like, I mean.

00;30;12;22 - 00;30;15;17
Phil
It's like some serious Captain America vibes in a way.

00;30;15;27 - 00;30;17;16
Phil
It's yes, yes.

00;30;17;16 - 00;30;20;18
Phil
Sweetie pie, who happened to be, like, killing God?

00;30;20;26 - 00;30;31;23
Kevin
Well, yeah, he is. He's got that vibe to him. And meanwhile, the town elders are like the judge and turns to them and say, you'll get nothing in like it.

00;30;32;08 - 00;30;35;28
Phil
Right? Exactly.

00;30;35;28 - 00;30;38;16
Kevin
It's literally that scene from Caddyshack.

00;30;38;21 - 00;30;40;29
Phil
Really? It's Caddyshack. That's what it is.

00;30;41;24 - 00;30;43;02
Phil
Caddyshack always getting.

00;30;45;24 - 00;30;47;10
Kevin
Mad. Who is that actor?

00;30;48;11 - 00;30;53;29
Phil
Oh, what is his name? I don't remember. He's one of the he's he's a what's his face guy.

00;30;53;29 - 00;30;55;16
Kevin
Ted Knight. Ted Knight.

00;30;56;00 - 00;30;57;02
Phil
Ted Knight. Yeah.

00;30;57;03 - 00;31;03;28
Kevin
As Judge smiles, yes. I feel ashamed for not knowing that right off the dome, but.

00;31;04;05 - 00;31;09;09
Phil
Oh, I never want to have that one. I feel no, I feel no shame. No shame for Phil.

00;31;10;13 - 00;31;32;23
Kevin
No shame for Phil. Shame. So he he begins keeping a journal. He says he doesn't like the kind of soup that they feed him and and then he gets into an argument with the town elders because they're like, Hey, buddy, you got to leave.

00;31;32;23 - 00;31;34;19
Phil
You're ruining everything.

00;31;35;05 - 00;31;52;28
Kevin
You're ruining everything you've seen. You've been out into the world. Thank you for the water chip, but you're going to have to leave the vaults and Fallout one spoilers. So just spoiling everything.

00;31;53;09 - 00;31;57;18
Phil
Everything. It's a spoiler episode for everything but the game, really for everything.

00;31;57;18 - 00;32;00;04
Kevin
But the game is really going to keep a lid on that.

00;32;00;17 - 00;32;01;23
Phil
Yeah.

00;32;01;23 - 00;32;02;23
Phil
No one will ever know.

00;32;03;04 - 00;32;21;16
Kevin
No one will ever know. He packs up his gear and he marches off and he goes home to see his mother. Uh, now, at this point, I stopped listening to the audiobook, and I was just reading it so I could take notes. And so how did they say his his mother's name in the audiobook.

00;32;22;00 - 00;32;25;07
Phil
Oh was reading to me from the book. I have an it's.

00;32;25;07 - 00;32;27;16
Kevin
My in NY and.

00;32;28;02 - 00;32;31;02
Phil
I think it was it was mine like the people. Like the.

00;32;31;02 - 00;32;32;00
Kevin
People. Okay.

00;32;32;02 - 00;32;32;11
Phil
Yeah.

00;32;33;22 - 00;32;36;27
Kevin
It could also be me and him.

00;32;37;16 - 00;32;50;02
Phil
Me and but it's got you got that there's, there's really no way of saying it that way and it being appealing man. It's sounds like you're saying man with like an intensely Midwestern accent.

00;32;50;02 - 00;32;57;20
Kevin
It's like it's one letter off of like of Nyan, which is the cat, you know, like the nineties with that little.

00;32;57;26 - 00;32;58;13
Phil
Yeah, yeah.

00;32;58;13 - 00;33;00;04
Phil
Yeah, yeah. That I am. Yeah.

00;33;01;03 - 00;33;15;28
Kevin
So my and his mama so he, he goes home and they have a reunion and she, she gets so mad at the town for the fact that they're not celebrating him.

00;33;15;28 - 00;33;18;11
Phil
So she basically attempted that he was dead.

00;33;18;23 - 00;33;35;25
Kevin
Yeah, she thought he was dead and she assumed when she saw him like, oh, you didn't go. And he's like, No. I went and I won. And she's like, Oh, well, let's go get go get a parade going. And the sheriff is like, no, they don't. They don't want to do that for me. They want me to.

00;33;35;26 - 00;33;37;07
Phil
No parade for my mom.

00;33;37;10 - 00;33;46;00
Kevin
No parade. So she feeds him dinner and he eats an entire peach cobbler.

00;33;46;00 - 00;33;48;17
Phil
That's probably my favorite part in the entire book.

00;33;48;17 - 00;33;51;16
Kevin
Actually, he he likes the peach cobbler.

00;33;52;05 - 00;33;54;26
Phil
Cereal in order to teach to go put.

00;33;56;27 - 00;33;57;10
Kevin
Love this.

00;33;57;10 - 00;34;01;10
Phil
He's like this kid fun just learning how to walk and to live.

00;34;03;21 - 00;34;05;18
Phil
Oh, he's a risk baby for.

00;34;05;18 - 00;34;07;12
Kevin
Oh, he's known as murder.

00;34;07;25 - 00;34;13;00
Phil
And so stone is murder and you have to kill the God gig since he was a kid.

00;34;13;00 - 00;34;15;02
Kevin
And now he gets eat pies.

00;34;16;25 - 00;34;17;06
Phil
All.

00;34;17;06 - 00;34;28;09
Phil
The time in the world to eat pie. This actually this could be the beginning of a horrifying story where he just turns into like a king Robert from from Game of Thrones.

00;34;28;17 - 00;34;29;24
Kevin
Basically Robert Bartha.

00;34;29;24 - 00;34;33;17
Phil
Ignoring and talking about his great times. There's a great warrior.

00;34;33;25 - 00;34;36;15
Kevin
Give me advice. Give me give me the breastplate stretch.

00;34;37;01 - 00;34;40;02
Phil
Exactly.

00;34;40;02 - 00;34;42;07
Phil
I see all of that in his future. Yeah.

00;34;42;09 - 00;35;08;15
Kevin
Yeah, I see a lot of that that that Robert Bear at the end. So we get a little background how Cyrus didn't know his dad because his dad went off to be the sacrifice before he was born and he had been raised to be the sacrifice for forever. And his mom begs him to stay. But he's like, no, I can't.

00;35;08;15 - 00;35;11;19
Kevin
I can't bring the heat down on you. Yeah, that.

00;35;12;24 - 00;35;19;09
Phil
Is what they assume. They assume that well that what they tell them is that what do they call it, the undying or something like that.

00;35;19;10 - 00;35;22;17
Kevin
The yeah. The and the deathless.

00;35;23;07 - 00;35;27;00
Phil
Thank you. Yeah. They're going to come looking for the sword.

00;35;27;08 - 00;35;49;17
Kevin
So there's like there's a pantheon of gods at the top is the God king and that and then there's six other in the pantheon and we find out more that that's, that's not even the end of it. That's not even the extent of it. But there's these, there's these beings called deathless that they heal. They live forever. They don't need to eat or drink.

00;35;50;17 - 00;36;14;21
Kevin
And so basically they're revered as gods. So I think that's kind of it's kind of interesting as we get to learn a little bit more about what kind of bullshit might be happening, what might might be going on here. I'm looking forward to some additional reveals in the back half of this book.

00;36;14;21 - 00;36;24;16
Phil
Oh, definitely. If there's one thing he's doing really well in like a short amount of time, it's slowly on peeling this onion. It's really, really good.

00;36;24;16 - 00;36;26;23
Kevin
Yeah, it is a tasty onion.

00;36;27;04 - 00;36;28;11
Phil
Absolutely it is.

00;36;29;19 - 00;36;32;01
Kevin
You know, one of those people that eats an onion like an apple.

00;36;32;20 - 00;36;34;12
Phil
I getting there.

00;36;34;12 - 00;36;35;02
Kevin
You're kidding.

00;36;35;21 - 00;36;36;05
Phil
I.

00;36;37;07 - 00;36;47;14
Phil
I eat about an onion a day, and it's always cooked. But in my cooking, I tend to a lot of onions, and I'm pretty sure I'm getting to that point.

00;36;47;19 - 00;36;52;29
Kevin
There's going to be a day where you're like, you're going to be like, Why cook it? And you're just going to bite right into it.

00;36;53;08 - 00;36;57;00
Phil
Just go straight into it's got all the vitamins and minerals and roughage that I have.

00;36;57;09 - 00;37;03;21
Kevin
That you need. It's fibrous. Yeah. So go for it.

00;37;06;19 - 00;37;11;04
Phil
So you do that.

00;37;11;04 - 00;37;21;26
Kevin
Listen, I mean, you you know what? I'm actually proud of you. You're going to be going into 40. You're going to you're going to be hitting your forties, swinging hard, eating onions.

00;37;22;10 - 00;37;34;01
Phil
The age of an elderly troll, apparently so.

00;37;34;01 - 00;37;37;14
Kevin
Yeah. Yeah, well, we'll find out. Well, we'll learn about that later.

00;37;37;14 - 00;37;38;11
Phil
We'll get into that. We'll get.

00;37;38;24 - 00;37;46;02
Kevin
Into that. So chapter two and chapter two was like the bulk of what we just of.

00;37;46;03 - 00;37;51;11
Phil
Both of what we read.

00;37;51;11 - 00;37;57;14
Kevin
So chapter two starts with the God King waking up from his death because he's a deathless and he doesn't actually die.

00;37;58;05 - 00;38;02;11
Phil
Right. Right. Son of a bitch.

00;38;02;26 - 00;38;37;19
Kevin
So he's like, oh, you can't just kill him now. They reincarnated him. He actually wakes up sooner than his handlers thought he would. He's only he's been down for about a week and we get some back story about his armor. And there's like a lot of technology that he uses. And there's there's this thing uses called the Dead Mind Mirror, which he also says it used to just be called a monitor, but now it's called this.

00;38;38;02 - 00;38;40;24
Kevin
And I'm like, wait a minute, wait a minute.

00;38;41;02 - 00;38;44;17
Phil
And it's one of those stories.

00;38;44;27 - 00;39;09;24
Kevin
One of those stories. And first of all, and this is just my theory going forward is that these death lists are just like super supercharged, super futuristic, high technology people who just happen to have all this technology. And it looks like magic.

00;39;10;18 - 00;39;12;29
Phil
Yeah, it's it's a Horizon Zero, Dawn.

00;39;13;05 - 00;39;16;22
Kevin
It's what the who's who saying is that it's like given a like.

00;39;17;01 - 00;39;17;10
Phil
Was it.

00;39;17;10 - 00;39;18;24
Phil
Possible?

00;39;18;24 - 00;39;26;23
Kevin
Yeah, I think it was Asimov something about like a sufficiently advanced technology is going to look will look like magic to people. And I think.

00;39;26;23 - 00;39;29;28
Phil
That it's basically indistinguishable from magic to certain certainty.

00;39;29;28 - 00;39;41;18
Kevin
I'm getting that vibe is that basically these deathless people are just like a super advanced race of people that are like, well, let's, you know, cosplay as gods on this planet.

00;39;42;14 - 00;39;42;25
Phil
I mean.

00;39;43;18 - 00;39;45;23
Phil
They're probably born as shit. I kind of don't blame them.

00;39;46;01 - 00;40;11;02
Kevin
Yeah, they do seem very bored with their lives. So he's using this monitor to, to keep an eye like they, they, they, his people are able to track down Cyrus and he's like keeping an eye on Cyrus. And the monitor shows them that the that Cyrus is actually coming back.

00;40;11;02 - 00;40;12;15
Phil
To the palace.

00;40;12;17 - 00;40;13;00
Kevin
It's.

00;40;13;09 - 00;40;14;29
Phil
Yeah they're going to do.

00;40;15;00 - 00;40;43;09
Kevin
That he format and then we jump perspectives over to Cyrus and Cyrus his plan is to start back at the castle and start a new path away from his hometown just so that anybody who's looking for him and that's the main concern, is that anybody who's looking for him will not track him back there. So he's he's during his walk.

00;40;43;09 - 00;40;48;10
Kevin
He's he's real big. He's big sad about missing out on his childhood.

00;40;48;10 - 00;40;52;25
Phil
This is just to.

00;40;52;25 - 00;40;54;05
Kevin
Sum it up. He's very sad.

00;40;54;13 - 00;40;57;00
Phil
He is is he's a little sweetie.

00;40;58;17 - 00;40;59;01
Phil
Idiot.

00;40;59;14 - 00;41;11;04
Kevin
He's looking at at a rope is like I can think of so many ways to kill a man using this rope. But yeah, regular a regular child would use it for a swing and it's like, Oh, buddy, it's true.

00;41;11;07 - 00;41;26;24
Phil
He has so many moments like that where it's like there's a moment in the previous chapter where he's like, he's got an ax and he sees an ax that he starts, like, trying to chop a piece of wood with it, but he doesn't know shit about chopping wood, so it's like he could kill somebody with the ax real easy.

00;41;26;24 - 00;41;34;13
Phil
But chopping wood actually requires some level of, like, knowledge of grain and physics, and he just doesn't have it.

00;41;35;18 - 00;41;37;00
Phil
So, yeah.

00;41;37;06 - 00;41;37;23
Kevin
Keep that.

00;41;38;05 - 00;41;40;14
Phil
In mind. It's like it's just he.

00;41;40;14 - 00;41;41;10
Kevin
Is so mad.

00;41;41;10 - 00;41;42;28
Phil
Max. So Min Max.

00;41;42;28 - 00;41;54;20
Kevin
It's wisdom, intelligence, both dump stats, you know. There they are. He's got an eight in both of those. Rolling it rolling at disadvantage.

00;41;55;09 - 00;42;08;08
Phil
Yeah exactly. Oh absolutely. Because it's it's it is it is it is a great theme, one that you see a lot in this franchise called Warhammer 40,000 in the.

00;42;08;09 - 00;42;10;17
Kevin
I've never heard of that one before. Can you tell me more.

00;42;10;17 - 00;42;15;14
Phil
So one it's a new one from the from the eighties.

00;42;15;14 - 00;42;17;27
Phil
But it is a great it is a great theme.

00;42;17;27 - 00;42;43;23
Phil
You see where these people who are bred for nothing but war, what do they even how can they even comprehend a world without it? Like, what are you going to do? Become a farmer? Like you don't have any other skills, right? So it's a terrific thing. What, why? How the fuck does he get off writing this complex of shit for a for again I am not joking advanced fruit ninja like.

00;42;43;23 - 00;42;50;20
Phil
Wow, where the fuck does Brandon Sanderson get off? Let's.

00;42;50;20 - 00;42;52;29
Kevin
How does he not phone this one in? Come on.

00;42;53;00 - 00;42;56;21
Phil
I don't know. And that's why I think this was his idea.

00;42;56;29 - 00;43;07;07
Phil
I think that's why I think that's that's why I think that he went to them saying, I will happily write you a novella for this franchise. Like I have to believe that this is.

00;43;07;08 - 00;43;12;05
Kevin
And you know what's funny is this like this novella is, like, man, this shit would make a great game.

00;43;12;21 - 00;43;17;26
Phil
Yeah, right, right, right.

00;43;17;26 - 00;43;21;16
Kevin
You could do a cool, open world game based on this.

00;43;21;16 - 00;43;22;29
Phil
Fascinating, fascinating.

00;43;22;29 - 00;43;26;01
Kevin
World building. Yeah, fascinating role playing game.

00;43;26;06 - 00;43;27;18
Phil
Oh, um, all kinds.

00;43;27;19 - 00;43;55;24
Kevin
So he he runs into a pack of day rebels who tell him that he is their new master, and he has no clue what the fuck they're talking about. And he's like, All right, let's let's figure this out. Go. Let's gather everybody up. Let's go to the throne room and and figure that out. So in the throne room, you know, all the Daryl's a gathering.

00;43;55;24 - 00;44;20;02
Kevin
He's seer. Cyrus is trying to figure out so he knows that the sword is magic. He knows that there's some there is magic associated with the sword. And he's trying to, like, figure out how to use it. And he starts poking around. He finds it basically what's a computer in the armrest? Yeah. Of of the God King's throne.

00;44;20;11 - 00;44;35;07
Kevin
And he fucks up on what I love is that it's a password and then three security questions and he fucks them up and it's like, well, it's locked till tomorrow.

00;44;35;07 - 00;44;41;09
Phil
He basically fails the are you a robot slave?

00;44;41;09 - 00;44;43;07
Kevin
They capture the shit out of him.

00;44;43;21 - 00;44;56;25
Phil
The only yes. The only thing they could have done that would have been more of a giveaway was that they were like, have you forgotten your password? Click here. Like restart password.

00;44;57;17 - 00;45;00;27
Phil
Yeah.

00;45;00;27 - 00;45;33;28
Kevin
Oh, God. So now here's the here's the troll we were referring to. Cyrus. Cyrus meets couth. Is that is that the name Bruce? Yeah. Bruce, who's a 40 year old troll, he's about 15 feet tall and he's blind. And he. He knows a lot of stuff. He doesn't know everything, but he knows he knows enough. And Cyrus basically in him kind of have a back and forth.

00;45;33;28 - 00;45;51;10
Kevin
Cyrus asked him like 40 questions. That Cruise is like, I don't know. And then it's like, this is. So there's a string of what about this? No, I don't know that really awkward about this. You're like, I don't know that.

00;45;51;21 - 00;45;51;25
Phil
He.

00;45;51;27 - 00;45;54;06
Phil
Basically exhausts the conversation.

00;45;54;06 - 00;45;56;21
Kevin
Treat the conversation.

00;45;57;14 - 00;46;03;15
Phil
Like he goes through every it he's just he's just fallout new Vegas thing the shit out of this situation that's all.

00;46;04;01 - 00;46;33;29
Kevin
So he gets but then couth adds a marker a waypoint on his spit boy map as to where is where the next closest deathless. It's and then couth reveals to they they him like Oh, this castle is not where the God King lived. This is just where he fought duels. But he would just come here when there is a duel lost on the way.

00;46;34;09 - 00;47;10;24
Kevin
He didn't. This is not his house is just another castle. And then Cyrus puts all the he has the the moment at the end of usual suspects, he, like, drops the mug and he puts together like, Oh, somebody is coming back here right now, probably to kill all the guards, deactivate all the columns and kill all the day rolls in the area because there can't be any witnesses left behind who knows the truth about the God King's death.

00;47;10;24 - 00;47;30;07
Kevin
So he's like, Cyrus is like, All right, fine. I'm going to go talk to this deathless. The killer of dreams. I believe it was. Yeah. And then. And an assassin. An assassin comes in last. That's Encino. And he says, My name is. It's your auditory.

00;47;30;16 - 00;47;33;00
Phil
A plot.

00;47;33;00 - 00;47;34;04
Phil
Twist. Motherfucker.

00;47;34;12 - 00;47;54;19
Kevin
Who plot twist. It's Assassin's Creed, motherfucker. So, yeah, he notes, she speaks with a very something about how does how does the voice actor say her lines.

00;47;54;20 - 00;47;56;29
Phil
It's kind of a Slavic sort of.

00;47;56;29 - 00;48;01;06
Kevin
Okay. I was going to guess that I was going to guess either Slavic or German the way.

00;48;01;06 - 00;48;03;24
Phil
Yes, I was talking sort of direction.

00;48;03;24 - 00;48;13;12
Kevin
Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Ciro also notes that the assassin is not unattractive.

00;48;13;28 - 00;48;23;02
Phil
Oh, yeah. And then I was like, All right, God damn it, fine. I'm really enjoying this, so I'm going to give it to you.

00;48;23;02 - 00;48;24;28
Kevin
Like, find Brandon. Okay?

00;48;25;15 - 00;48;28;17
Phil
God damn it, you're horny on Main and you're fucking novella, dude.

00;48;29;04 - 00;48;32;06
Phil
No, but the whole.

00;48;32;06 - 00;48;36;08
Kevin
Scene is like a it is a chaotic mess like.

00;48;36;08 - 00;48;36;15
Phil
This.

00;48;36;24 - 00;48;45;21
Kevin
She poisons him at one point. He uses a healing ring, which ages him like six months. And he has a beard now. Right.

00;48;45;24 - 00;48;48;29
Phil
And what's okay.

00;48;49;19 - 00;49;20;13
Kevin
What's and then the Gollum start attacking him because they're trying to get the sword and she's trying to get the sword and he throws the sword away and the goblins and her are getting going for it. And it is it is bananas, basically. How much is happening? What are the golems at one point hits the throne and it's it basically resets the security measures.

00;49;20;25 - 00;49;39;07
Kevin
And so Cyrus is like, oh, okay, how do I how do I use the teleport? How do I use the magic for the sword? How do I do the teleportation? And it teaches him how to do it. It's like, well, you know, you have to set your thing by default. It's set as this. And then you do it and it's.

00;49;39;07 - 00;49;40;10
Phil
Like a hand gesture.

00;49;40;20 - 00;49;55;26
Kevin
It's a hand gesture and it sets an assassin has taken the sword and she's left. She has left the castle. Yeah. And he does the gesture and the sword reappears in his hand.

00;49;56;05 - 00;49;59;21
Phil
Yeah. And off in the.

00;49;59;21 - 00;50;04;08
Kevin
Distance you just hear her say like, oh god damn.

00;50;04;08 - 00;50;08;10
Phil
It. Yeah. You literally do it. It's like it's it's.

00;50;08;10 - 00;50;12;11
Phil
Like, this is the movie where it's like, oh, my God, this is actually really funny. Like, there.

00;50;12;11 - 00;50;14;18
Phil
Is. Yeah, it's such a funny moment.

00;50;14;27 - 00;50;17;05
Phil
This is a funny book like it is.

00;50;17;09 - 00;50;19;04
Phil
This just, this is a.

00;50;19;04 - 00;50;27;10
Phil
Genuinely it's got great action. It's really funny. Like, holy shit, this has no business being this good. It's. It's fantastic.

00;50;28;10 - 00;50;53;12
Kevin
Yeah. So he then uses the teleportation disk in very clever ways to fight off the golems, basically making the sword disappear, reappear, and all that fun stuff. Yeah, because he figures out that the golems are tracking the sword, not him. So he'll, like, throw the sword. The Gollum will turn towards the sword, and then he'll make it appear back in his hand.

00;50;53;12 - 00;51;04;20
Kevin
And I'll slice up the Gollum and he's victorious. Meanwhile, by the way, the day rules that were that said that they were pledged to him no where to be fucking found. They no.

00;51;04;26 - 00;51;09;16
Phil
Not even a little bit like thanks guys really.

00;51;09;16 - 00;51;30;00
Kevin
Appreciate. Thanks guys thanks for thanks for for for helping out here. Yeah. And and the assassin returns at the end of the chapter saying, well, now I want you instead of the sword, basically. Right. And take that for for what you will.

00;51;30;00 - 00;51;31;22
Phil
She's not unattractive.

00;51;32;03 - 00;51;36;26
Kevin
She's not unattractive.

00;51;36;26 - 00;51;40;17
Phil
The next chapter is all about how she looks in a bikini and.

00;51;42;12 - 00;51;45;22
Kevin
In a chainmail bikini.

00;51;45;22 - 00;51;53;07
Phil
Read. Sonia, why won't you return my emails? Because your fiction.

00;51;53;25 - 00;52;25;15
Kevin
Because your fictional. So in chapter three, the God King, it's just quickly revealed that Beat Dubs. It wasn't the Gollum hitting, smacking the throne that did it. It was the God King deactivating the security on the throne so that Cyrus could go and get do the teleportation thing because he was like he says, I'd rather the enemy I know than the enemy.

00;52;25;15 - 00;52;30;24
Kevin
I don't know. Have the sword rhyme. So. Which makes sense.

00;52;31;02 - 00;52;31;28
Phil
Yeah, sure.

00;52;33;01 - 00;52;55;24
Kevin
Sure. Yeah. And basically he deactivates all the he like he's like, shut it down, you know, activate like he burns the castle's like security measures, the cameras, everything. It's it's basically like a reaction to seeing Jason Bourne, you know? Yeah, yeah. You got to shut everything.

00;52;55;24 - 00;52;57;01
Phil
They shut it down.

00;52;57;27 - 00;53;24;07
Kevin
Shut it down. God damn it. It's Jason Bourne about matches. It's so we find out that the assassins name is Isa and she tries convincing him to give her the sword while staring at his chest muscles. And you? She is very thirsty.

00;53;24;17 - 00;53;32;13
Phil
It's a it's a bold strategy. Cut. And let's see how it works out.

00;53;32;13 - 00;53;37;12
Kevin
She also says he is not unattractive to me.

00;53;37;22 - 00;53;45;14
Phil
He strikes me as the kind of guy who doesn't know how to how to swing an ax or what pi tastes like. But damn those chest muscles.

00;53;46;02 - 00;53;47;27
Kevin
Damn those pecs.

00;53;48;05 - 00;53;51;05
Phil
Yes, I would. PECS.

00;53;51;20 - 00;53;51;29
Phil
Yeah.

00;53;52;24 - 00;53;53;21
Kevin
Those testicles.

00;53;53;29 - 00;53;54;08
Phil
Just.

00;53;56;28 - 00;54;12;07
Kevin
So they have a breath, they have a back and forth, a little tete a tete, a little witty repartee, and then she walks out after stealing a silver bull and she's he's like, you're a thief. And she's like, Shut the fuck up, nerd.

00;54;12;20 - 00;54;18;16
Phil
Shut up. We're called Robes now a bishop.

00;54;18;16 - 00;54;34;17
Kevin
So Cyrus goes back to the throne room and starts questioning Strix because Strix is has returned and the drill and is like, hey, why? Why didn't where did you guys go?

00;54;34;27 - 00;54;36;25
Phil
And Oh.

00;54;36;25 - 00;55;00;10
Kevin
The drills were actually playing him all along and he kills he turns around and slices couth in the stomach and kills Strix. And basically their entire plan was to keep them in place there to make him think that he was in charge until the God king just like walked in and took everything back.

00;55;00;27 - 00;55;12;12
Phil
Right. And it's kind of a shame because, I mean, you really thought, you know, these day rules would be you figure they'd be someone you could trust and just then just. Yeah, you can't trust anybody in this game.

00;55;12;15 - 00;55;31;10
Kevin
Can't. Can't trust anybody. Nope, nope. Anyway, moving on in chapter four. So Cyrus asks Isa to take him anywhere that isn't the castle and just starts following along. They just start walking down the road and it's like, fine.

00;55;31;10 - 00;55;33;21
Phil
Yeah, yeah, cool.

00;55;34;17 - 00;55;39;17
Kevin
They have a they get into a conversation. This is like a very, a more dumpy conversation.

00;55;39;17 - 00;55;41;00
Phil
But yeah, you know.

00;55;41;15 - 00;55;55;09
Kevin
It broadens the scope of the story a little bit more. We find out that they're not even on like a continent. They're just on an island. And Cyrus didn't even realize that they were on an island. He actually didn't even realize that there was a name for that, for the island. They were.

00;55;56;08 - 00;56;03;10
Phil
Right. I mean, that is how like create in a lab. He is, for all intents and purposes like yeah yeah.

00;56;03;12 - 00;56;27;01
Kevin
Because the sacrifice family and I think I might have forgotten to mention this earlier the family that he is from is kept from the public like the sacrifice family, like his dad, his grandfather, his great grandfather, hundreds of years of the men of this family have been the sacrifice to duel the God king as like the minor act of rebellion.

00;56;27;09 - 00;56;47;11
Kevin
For that, this town sends to the God king. There is a great line where they're talking about what to what she could trade him for the sword and she says, a pair of penis.

00;56;48;05 - 00;56;51;27
Phil
Yes, a pair of penis.

00;56;51;27 - 00;56;52;13
Phil
He goes.

00;56;53;10 - 00;56;57;07
Phil
I beg your pardon?

00;56;57;07 - 00;56;57;17
Phil
And this.

00;56;58;17 - 00;57;09;18
Phil
And it's literally her going, Yeah, sure. And she goes into her backpack and pulls out a couple of pens and he's like. Well, someone paid dearly for those detonators. Again, they're a little expensive.

00;57;10;06 - 00;57;13;26
Phil
Yeah.

00;57;13;26 - 00;57;20;28
Phil
It's like the second time that we get, like, an introduction to the fact that she does not speak the language in.

00;57;20;28 - 00;57;22;10
Kevin
Not speak the language at all.

00;57;22;10 - 00;57;25;28
Phil
It's just some cheeky linguists humor for for our audience.

00;57;26;24 - 00;57;27;07
Phil
Yeah.

00;57;27;22 - 00;57;31;07
Kevin
I like it. I mean, it literally made me lol.

00;57;31;24 - 00;57;43;12
Phil
She she does have a moment where they like he explains they're like what? That actually means that she literally it's like this bullet of of oh I have egg on my face. That is crazy. Yeah.

00;57;43;14 - 00;58;23;18
Kevin
Go go wild and crazy guys. She, she actually says that's really funny. I wish I did it intentionally so. But before he actually explains it to her because he explains it to her later in the chapter. But before he gets to, they made a group of travelers who are on their way to pay homage to the sacrifice. Basically, they we and we get a little bit more information that every year or every 20 years or so, the sacrifice after the sacrifice has been like killed, the God King places the body outside the castle.

00;58;24;05 - 00;58;41;24
Kevin
People come, they strip the armor and they carry the body back to the town. And they bring, like you, wheat and frankincense and incense and myrrh and gold and gold and whatever. Yeah. Three wise men.

00;58;42;02 - 00;58;42;18
Phil
Yeah, yeah.

00;58;43;02 - 00;58;43;18
Phil
You know.

00;58;44;06 - 00;58;46;16
Kevin
You know, that kind of thing.

00;58;47;04 - 00;58;53;20
Phil
If you're Gaspar and Balthasar.

00;58;53;20 - 00;58;55;05
Kevin
The fact that you had them.

00;58;57;21 - 00;58;58;06
Phil
Right, the.

00;58;58;06 - 00;58;59;02
Kevin
Way that their.

00;58;59;21 - 00;59;00;25
Phil
You become the.

00;59;00;26 - 00;59;07;18
Phil
Illogical trivia, don't you, bitch? That's right.

00;59;07;18 - 00;59;35;03
Kevin
Yeah. So he explains all this to Isa. They're camping that night and so and and serious is trying to Cyrus is trying to write things he's writing things in his notebook about things you would like do with his life. And then he goes to sleep and Isa tries to kill them with a crossbow. Yeah, like you do. But Cyrus had sabotaged it earlier that day.

00;59;35;14 - 01;00;16;14
Kevin
He had attached the teleportation disk to part of the crossbow, and he did the thing, and it basically removed the firing mechanism. Right, crossbow. Making it useless. And so it is actually a very intense scene. Yeah. Because the sword has been kind of corrupting Cyrus a little bit here and they're prone to violent outbursts, and he really gives it to her like he gives it to her so much she legitimate, like this character who we've kind of seen so far as being completely unflappable.

01;00;16;21 - 01;00;20;05
Phil
Yeah. And very sweet, honestly, and very like.

01;00;20;23 - 01;00;24;23
Kevin
Yeah, well, Isa is unflappable. I mean.

01;00;24;25 - 01;00;27;07
Phil
Oh, yes, I was talking about. Yeah, I was sorry. Oh, yeah, yeah.

01;00;28;03 - 01;00;55;04
Kevin
Yeah, yeah. No, yeah. Isa is like completely unflappable. Just not able to doesn't really seem to get afraid of anything. Cyrus terrifies the shit out of her with, like, the way he advances on her as a, you know, the the sword is telling him he's thinking thoughts in his head. Just just basically destroy her like he'll kill her, you know, she has to pay, blah, blah, blah.

01;00;55;04 - 01;01;22;25
Kevin
And she trips over Iraq. She's on the ground. He can he could kill her if if you wanted to. And he stops because, like, he finally sees, like the fear in her eyes, something that he hadn't seen before. And she she this is like a breakthrough moment where she's like, all right, you know, I'm going to help you, like, for real this time.

01;01;24;01 - 01;01;30;13
Kevin
I'm not going to try to kill you again. If you want, you can tie me up, wink every night.

01;01;31;07 - 01;01;31;23
Phil
Oh, that.

01;01;33;11 - 01;02;03;05
Kevin
You can you can tie me up every night when we make camp just to make just so whatever you need to do to to get through this. But I'm going to like, actually help you now instead of just lead you out into the middle of nowhere and steal your sword. So, uh, because it's a, it's a crucial turning moment because they had this kind of, they kind of had this relationship of like, Oh, I don't really trust you.

01;02;03;05 - 01;02;05;15
Kevin
And she's like, Ha, you shouldn't.

01;02;06;03 - 01;02;06;12
Phil
Yeah.

01;02;07;05 - 01;02;08;21
Phil
That's, that's a good idea.

01;02;09;10 - 01;02;09;21
Phil
Yeah.

01;02;11;13 - 01;02;16;28
Kevin
And that's where and that's where the recap ends for this evening. So how are you feeling so far?

01;02;16;28 - 01;02;44;01
Phil
Feel this is it. As if it hasn't been obvious. This is. I'm kind of agog like like this is really, really solid, you know? Is it the best one we've read? I don't know yet, but damn, this is for for for as simple of a game as infinity Blade is, Sanderson has really is really sinking his teeth into this mythology, having fun with it.

01;02;44;09 - 01;02;51;20
Phil
All of the little hints at future technology that we're in the game. He's expounding on that. I'm really enjoying it. What about you?

01;02;52;08 - 01;03;08;28
Kevin
Yeah, it's it's a blast. And I think I think it's it's really neat. I like that. I liked the hook of it of like, we're starting, right? We're starting with the God King is dead. Oh, okay. Yeah.

01;03;08;28 - 01;03;22;18
Phil
He's not trying to just rewrite the story in the game or even make this make up story for the game as you've played it. He's picking up after it, which is smart and he's doing a really good job with it.

01;03;22;18 - 01;03;32;27
Kevin
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. So yeah, I'm enjoying it. I'm really curious as to, um, to see where it will go from here.

01;03;33;08 - 01;03;34;00
Phil
Oh, big time.

01;03;34;06 - 01;03;49;18
Kevin
Big time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, um I know, I know, I know. Your computer is still not working. Uh, I'll ask, what are you playing? But I have a feeling it's nothing.

01;03;49;25 - 01;03;52;16
Phil
Oh, well, actually, I found a game to play.

01;03;53;11 - 01;03;56;04
Kevin
Oh, okay. Okay. So hold on. Let me ask you, if.

01;03;56;04 - 01;03;57;26
Phil
You actually don't do a proper do a proper.

01;03;58;25 - 01;03;59;27
Kevin
What do you play in.

01;04;00;04 - 01;04;00;17
Phil
There?

01;04;00;17 - 01;04;03;05
Phil
It is the.

01;04;03;13 - 01;04;26;13
Phil
Man with the voice. I love it. I have been playing I as I mentioned earlier this episode, I found myself deeply frustrated while I was reading this because I could not find Infinity Blade to play. But it occurred to me that with work, you know, for the first time in years and years, I'm working on Office Environment again.

01;04;26;23 - 01;04;47;17
Phil
And so I was like, you know, to help pass the time while I'm, you know, working on shit in the office, I should find one of those, you know, terrible gotcha games or something like that to play in the background, just to give myself a little, a little rest. But now and then and I used to be super into the Star Wars, I think.

01;04;47;17 - 01;05;09;29
Phil
So I forget what it's called. It's but one of the Star Wars games and you just collect all the characters and everything, but Then I remembered, based on another book we read recently, that there was an Assassin's Creed game along those lines, and I had played it briefly and had been kind of shocked at how good it was and I picked it back up again.

01;05;10;17 - 01;05;22;21
Phil
It is shockingly good. It is your typical free to play, you know, daily quests unlocked through all these different currencies games. But right.

01;05;22;21 - 01;05;23;09
Kevin
Right, right.

01;05;23;16 - 01;05;45;24
Phil
You play like you're basically the master of this house of assassins and they're all different assassins and characters that you can unlock from all the different games across all the different universes. And you build teams of three and each one of them has a different specialty. And based on their specialty, you build the team and send them in and unlock a storyline.

01;05;46;01 - 01;06;17;00
Phil
And for a couple of days worth of just, you know, playing this game at work, in the background, it's pretty good. Like the, the, the character. It's weird because it's not like a cutesy game, but the characters are all in this kind of chibi style, cartoony esthetic. But it's really fun. And, you know, you're unlocking different abilities and you choose what way you're going to like, you know, traverse these different palaces and stuff.

01;06;17;00 - 01;06;31;04
Phil
Are you going to sneak past with your sneaky assassin or are you going to assassinate them or are you going to just go in and fight them with more one of your thugs kind of characters, right? Forget what it's called. I honestly, if you it's the only Assassin's Creed mobile game that I know of.

01;06;31;09 - 01;06;34;16
Kevin
Yeah, I think it's Assassin's Creed origins.

01;06;35;01 - 01;06;37;05
Phil
I think that might be it. Yeah. Or something like.

01;06;37;05 - 01;06;42;18
Kevin
Oh no, no, no, no. Assassin's Creed or it's an Assassin's Creed Rebellion.

01;06;42;18 - 01;06;45;06
Phil
Is that it? Okay, it's. It's it.

01;06;45;07 - 01;06;47;03
Kevin
But is it this one?

01;06;48;20 - 01;07;10;17
Phil
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the one. I think that. Yeah, that's the one. And it is, it is surprisingly fun. I'm not giving him any money because fuck Ubisoft. But you know, but the thing about those games for me is that I actually enjoyed hunkering down with those games over a long period of time and slowly unlocking my character's stuff.

01;07;10;22 - 01;07;30;17
Phil
Yeah, really. I was never all that interested in spending money to to unlock things. And I think that especially helps or something like this, which is a world that I'm not all that invested in. So I've got like a Viking assassin that I don't know who they are. I would like to have them though, so I'm just slowly chipping away.

01;07;30;17 - 01;07;42;19
Phil
Yeah, my, this is, it's. I'm enjoying it, surprisingly enough. Really liking it. But this time next week, I should have my new rig set up. So God only knows what are we playing by then? It'll be.

01;07;42;19 - 01;07;52;00
Kevin
Shiny, it'll be shiny and new. And you're going to probably christen it with something that's super taxing, like vampire survivors.

01;07;53;00 - 01;08;05;09
Phil
I actually guarantee that the first game I play on my new rig will be something you could play on a toaster if you wanted to. So, yeah, you're not wrong. So what about you, Kevin? What are you playing?

01;08;05;09 - 01;08;14;01
Kevin
But let's see. I have been playing prey. I've been getting back into prey because I can afraid.

01;08;14;01 - 01;08;14;19
Phil
Wow. Okay.

01;08;15;07 - 01;08;25;03
Kevin
Yeah, because I have started to realize that prey might be one of my favorite games of all time.

01;08;25;25 - 01;08;26;14
Phil
Fascinating.

01;08;26;15 - 01;08;32;12
Kevin
Okay, it might be another prey. It's arcane. Yeah.

01;08;32;12 - 01;08;33;26
Phil
You love those guys.

01;08;33;26 - 01;09;04;10
Kevin
Those guys I gu I love. I do love my cell. Some arcane games and I think I think looking back on it, I really love Deathloop and which is their most recent release. But going back to prey, I was like, Oh, my prey is so my shit. It's exactly, it's exactly my shit. It's it's in a package and it's labeled Kevin shit right on there.

01;09;04;10 - 01;09;14;08
Kevin
And it's for me, it's my box of shit. I've also been playing talked about this last time I'm playing Loop Hero again.

01;09;15;21 - 01;09;20;23
Phil
I just, you know, ever since you brought that up, I was like, maybe should play that because I never finished that one.

01;09;21;25 - 01;09;23;11
Kevin
You've been you've been getting a hankering.

01;09;23;28 - 01;09;29;04
Phil
Yeah, you brought it up. And I was like, that was a fun game. Like, maybe I should try and finish it.

01;09;29;29 - 01;09;47;23
Kevin
Yeah, yeah. I think I just want to finish it and I need to get back to playing stray. Mm. I want to, I want to finish off stray and see if I can knock that one out now because I don't think I have have much left in that game.

01;09;47;28 - 01;09;52;24
Phil
I long. Is that supposed to be an actually.

01;09;53;12 - 01;10;00;00
Kevin
Let me check. Uh, time to beat stray. There's a website I love.

01;10;00;00 - 01;10;00;20
Phil
Time to bed.

01;10;01;04 - 01;10;16;12
Kevin
How long, how long, how long to beat XCOM? There we go. Um, okay. If you do everything, if you're like a completionist, you're getting all of the unlocks and achievements and all that. It's 8 hours and eight and a half hours.

01;10;16;21 - 01;10;17;18
Phil
Oh, oh.

01;10;17;20 - 01;10;18;22
Phil
Okay. All right.

01;10;19;19 - 01;10;28;08
Kevin
It's like a and it's basically a, let's say, a resident evil. Yeah. It's like one it's one resident evil in length.

01;10;28;08 - 01;10;29;07
Phil
Yeah, pretty much.

01;10;29;13 - 01;10;30;10
Phil
Pretty much. Yeah.

01;10;30;23 - 01;10;31;06
Phil
Okay.

01;10;31;06 - 01;10;33;06
Phil
Yeah. I mean, for the whole thing.

01;10;33;25 - 01;11;00;21
Kevin
Yeah, yeah. It's like, yeah, yeah. I think I'll, I'll be able to, I'll be able to get the average for like any percent speed, speed running. Just kind of like getting through it is like an hour and 40 minutes, which is also very much like a resident evil. Like you just know exactly what you're you go here, you do this, you do that, you jump up here and all that stuff.

01;11;00;25 - 01;11;02;04
Phil
Yeah, it makes sense.

01;11;03;02 - 01;11;07;24
Kevin
And I guess if you beat it enough times, you get a rocket launcher.

01;11;07;24 - 01;11;09;02
Phil
A rocket launcher.

01;11;09;12 - 01;11;13;02
Kevin
But I would love I would love the kit and have a little rocket launcher. And of.

01;11;13;02 - 01;11;15;28
Phil
Course, it's the only way you make the game better.

01;11;16;16 - 01;11;20;16
Kevin
And it shoots like fish out the back of it, like.

01;11;20;16 - 01;11;27;08
Phil
Eight clicks style, like fish like that, that cold carcass. So it's like the fish head and the bones and the yeah.

01;11;27;26 - 01;11;29;16
Phil
It's, it's teeth Cliff.

01;11;30;00 - 01;11;36;26
Kevin
Oh I know some. So somebody has already modded Garfield's in to replace the cat.

01;11;37;12 - 01;11;39;03
Phil
Oh well I mean we.

01;11;39;03 - 01;11;39;28
Kevin
Live in I would love.

01;11;40;06 - 01;11;40;27
Phil
For now.

01;11;41;15 - 01;11;49;13
Kevin
Yeah I would love I would love if somebody had a Heath Cliff mod where heath cliff wearing like the helmet that just says meet on it.

01;11;49;24 - 01;11;55;25
Phil
Yeah it's of basic.

01;11;57;19 - 01;12;21;03
Kevin
But that'll do it for tonight's tonight's episode please follow us on Twitter and Instagram at Pixelate Pod. Visit our Web site Pixelate podcast to see and read transcripts of all the episodes, including links to episodes that we have guest spotted on in in, on other podcasts.

01;12;21;03 - 01;12;22;13
Phil
But I'd be one coming up soon.

01;12;23;02 - 01;12;45;26
Kevin
Yeah. That there will be. There will be. And if you can read us five stars on Apple, iTunes as well as Spotify. And if you're feeling up to it good pods gives allows you to give five stars per episode which hey that would be that would be awesome. Oh, just.

01;12;45;27 - 01;12;46;06
Phil
Cool.

01;12;46;25 - 01;12;49;02
Kevin
Just write us a little review and a little.

01;12;49;02 - 01;12;50;28
Phil
A little love letter with each episode of.

01;12;50;28 - 01;12;57;03
Kevin
Love letter with each episode. We would love it and we would read it. We would actually read it on the way. We would we.

01;12;57;03 - 01;13;01;02
Phil
Would. We're not above the little love letter you put in the lunch. You know, that's.

01;13;01;02 - 01;13;06;02
Kevin
That's we're not above it might be below it, you know, and it might be too good for us.

01;13;06;02 - 01;13;11;18
Phil
Yeah. Yeah. That, that goes without saying. Yes.

01;13;11;18 - 01;13;17;22
Kevin
Anyway, there will be more infinity blade next week. Until then, have a good night, everybody.

01;13;17;23 - 01;13;27;06
Phil
Bye. And.

Follow us on Twitter: https://twitter.com/pixellitpod

Our website: https://www.pixellitpod.com

Our discord: https://discord.gg/NdwmVEwFbQ

Join our Steam Group: https://steamcommunity.com/groups/pixellitpod

PixelLit is the video game-literary nerd’s dream come true. It’s a podcast where we read and discuss video game novelizations, and the games they’re based on. This is a podcast for the former kid who read their instruction booklets cover to cover. For the gamer who listens to every audio log in Bioshock.

The PixelLit Podcast! Because the only thing better than playing a video game is reading about it.

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