Golden Axe Part 1 with Dylan Perry

Did you know Golden Axe got a novelization? As expected it’s “not great” but we read it and recapped it for you anyway! So come with us, and Ax Battler into the land of Yuria to kill the vicious Death Adder. These are the names and they are real!

00:00:00:18 - 00:00:10:11
Kevin
Well, yeah. I mean, you see, you see, you see Mr. Beasts, you know, just make it look so easy. He just throws his face on a thumbnail and gets a hundred million views.

00:00:10:17 - 00:00:10:23
Phil
Yeah.

00:00:11:16 - 00:00:14:13
Kevin
I do, too. Else has 100 million views.

00:00:15:01 - 00:00:15:14
Phil
Who's that?

00:00:15:16 - 00:00:30:09
Kevin
Who's that? Not us, but. Hey there, everybody. I supposed to be like, welcome to pixelate. My name is Kevin. Alongside with me, as always, is Phil. And today on the show, we have very special guests, Dylan, who is the developer of what is it called now?

00:00:30:09 - 00:00:35:16
Dylan
Wildlander, the rebrand is Wildlander, formerly Ultimate Skyrim.

00:00:37:00 - 00:00:37:20
Kevin
Formerly Ultimate.

00:00:37:20 - 00:00:38:12
Dylan
Skyrim.

00:00:38:12 - 00:00:43:04
Kevin
Formerly. Skyrim Roguelike formerly. This is like the fourth name. Yeah.

00:00:43:10 - 00:00:45:03
Dylan
There's been a lot of names, I guess at this point.

00:00:46:02 - 00:00:49:15
Phil
We saw.

00:00:50:12 - 00:00:55:14
Dylan
The I missed the marketing class about like keeping the same name for brand recognition.

00:00:55:16 - 00:00:56:04
Phil
Etc..

00:00:56:13 - 00:01:03:05
Dylan
It's like, you know, let's just lose an entire user base every so often or really keep you on it. So you're still, you're doing it, you know.

00:01:03:12 - 00:01:06:20
Phil
Keep your brand on your toes, you know, exactly. Just keep an eye on.

00:01:07:12 - 00:01:11:01
Kevin
Your two companions. They'll figure it out. Exactly.

00:01:11:01 - 00:01:13:07
Phil
You know, that's if they really care.

00:01:13:16 - 00:01:21:17
Dylan
Yeah. So it's like meanwhile, it's like no one's playing. I'm just getting some people. A few. A handful.

00:01:22:22 - 00:01:46:05
Kevin
So today on the show, we're going to we're going to we're going to talk about a book. And it's a book that is oh, boy, it's a book. All right. It has pages. It has numbers. And it is this is not a world's a power book. It is a saga. Power book. And it is titled Golden AX. Golden AX, everybody.

00:01:46:22 - 00:02:10:05
Kevin
Yeah, that gold next. So a little bit of back story about the game gold next. Golden AX released in 1989 in the arcades the it was a Sega original it was designed by a man named Makoto Yoshida and he was a huge fan of the CONAN movies.

00:02:10:05 - 00:02:12:04
Phil
Clearly huge inspiration.

00:02:12:11 - 00:02:33:11
Kevin
CONAN And Frank FARZAD that were just, you know, just just frankfurters out of posters all up on his wall, everywhere, everywhere. And he was also inspired by a side scrolling beat him up like Double Dragon and Streetfighter, which this marks the first time in history that anybody was inspired by Street Fighter one.

00:02:36:21 - 00:03:13:14
Kevin
It also had ports to the mega drive and master system, Mega Drive, a.k.a.. Genesis and the original arcade version ended after beating Deathadder, but the console versions had an additional fight against death bringer. And that is gold max. It is also spawned a series that continued up until, I want to say the 20 early 20 tens. I think the last release where it was a it was a game that featured what's your name, the Tigris flier.

00:03:13:15 - 00:03:42:17
Kevin
Who is that? Yeah, it was the big one. Yes. Gold Max Beast writer featuring and Tyrus Flair was the main character and Tigris Flair is also the the female protagonist in gold necklace that you can choose from. So that's that's the game. It's a three person game ax battler Tigris flair and with the the the little.

00:03:43:06 - 00:03:43:20
Phil
The little boy.

00:03:45:01 - 00:03:58:16
Dylan
Who is he's a dwarf. I have the I don't know if you guys usually edit this kind of thing in I have the the cover art just here like from the book which is just like I don't know if I go like this if you can even pick it up. Oh yeah, oh yeah.

00:03:58:23 - 00:04:03:03
Phil
Demonstrate like just it is, it is so of its time.

00:04:03:03 - 00:04:03:17
Kevin
It's yes.

00:04:04:04 - 00:04:05:05
Dylan
Absolutely.

00:04:05:05 - 00:04:06:06
Kevin
It's glorious.

00:04:06:15 - 00:04:16:22
Dylan
Like even the dwarf mage is just like yoked dude. Like horns, white, big hair, eighties icons. Really.

00:04:17:20 - 00:04:22:17
Phil
I love ax battlers pose it's this kind of like just just picking.

00:04:23:08 - 00:04:24:08
Dylan
Up the t post.

00:04:24:21 - 00:04:28:00
Phil
Yeah, yeah, yeah. What do I do with my hands exactly?

00:04:28:00 - 00:04:42:23
Kevin
Yeah. Gerald Parel is the guy's name who did the artwork, and his quote is, When I was a teenager, I was very much into CONAN and all things barbarian. So there you go. Thank you, Google.

00:04:42:23 - 00:04:45:06
Phil
For We Got a job for you, Gerald.

00:04:45:16 - 00:04:46:04
Dylan
Gerald.

00:04:46:19 - 00:04:49:22
Kevin
You like this stuff? Can you can you copy it?

00:04:49:22 - 00:04:51:20
Dylan
And yes.

00:04:51:23 - 00:05:01:23
Kevin
So, Phil, you and Dylan, we're actually talking a little bit before the show about where from did this book spring?

00:05:03:00 - 00:05:20:18
Phil
Yeah, this was this one, the author. And then you got at forever one at home my my computer completely died on me today. So we're doing this by phone. So I'm at a disadvantage the old timey way. Yes, we're doing it analog today. Not really. I'm still alive as analog.

00:05:21:11 - 00:05:24:00
Kevin
Sponsored by Alexander Graham Bell.

00:05:25:10 - 00:05:26:00
Phil
Dash dot.

00:05:26:00 - 00:05:28:22
Dylan
trans-Atlantic cable. Oh, my God.

00:05:28:22 - 00:05:33:12
Kevin
It's Atlantic Cable.

00:05:33:12 - 00:05:53:01
Phil
Oh, but it was Andy Smith, I believe, is the name of the author of I think all of these the entire series. It's a series of five, a surprising amount of racing style games. And they're like vehicular style games. This is the only like sword and sorcery beat em up kind of thing. And this was the first in the series.

00:05:53:16 - 00:06:15:18
Phil
To top it off, this guy is not like our usual gang of writers for hire. Oh, he's a writer for hire. Don't misunderstand me, but whereas you're Alan Dean Foster's, you're surely he's like all of the people we've talked to. They stay in the genre lane. That is what they're here for. They're here to throw some sci fi, some fantasy, some horror at your ass.

00:06:16:18 - 00:06:25:23
Phil
This gentleman I, he, well, he was a writer at very least if I'm an editor for a Sega magazine. Is that what you found?

00:06:25:23 - 00:06:46:06
Dylan
Dylan Yeah, I think that's like in the beginning of the book, I'm pretty sure at least the implication is that he was the editor of this Sega Power magazine, UK based Sega magazine, and I think he published these books in that magazine. He might have written them for publication within the magazine. It's not super clear, and I couldn't find any instances of the magazine to, you know, check my work.

00:06:47:02 - 00:06:53:18
Phil
I love the like a Dickensian, like, serialized Golden AX novel.

00:06:54:02 - 00:06:54:11
Dylan
Yes.

00:06:54:20 - 00:07:18:03
Phil
Absolutely. Angle is he first off, it's a really general name and the Smiths. So it's kind of hard to find if you're talking about the right guy. Totally. But based on what I found, this guy is a writer for hire for basically everything. If this is the same person, he's written children's books. He's written instructional books, he's written.

00:07:18:10 - 00:07:40:02
Phil
He's written every and not in the way that, for example, Fox nine, Mr. Seth Godin seems to have made a pivot to marketing, and he's a very successful marketing expert. All right. If this guy just kind of like if I can vaguely fake my way through 50,000 words and you will pay me for it, I will put my name on it.

00:07:40:21 - 00:08:03:05
Phil
And that seems to be the name of the game. I could not find a website for it. It was, I think, between the general nature of his name and the general nature of his bibliography, if you will. It's it's it was tough to find a lot on him. So this guy, we might not be interviewing this guy. Let me just put it that way.

00:08:03:05 - 00:08:03:17
Dylan
If you could.

00:08:05:01 - 00:08:28:17
Kevin
If if I mean, if we could we would maybe make sure we talked to Seth Godin and, you know, he's like that. And here's the thing I'll say about Seth Godin is that that the world's a power worked because Seth, it wasn't a pivot for Seth. He did it because he's a marketing like one of these marketing gurus.

00:08:28:17 - 00:08:54:18
Kevin
He basically he basically saw an opening and was and already had experience with it once before with Shadow Key and was like, Hey, wait a minute, I have an idea. Hey, Skillset. And the reason why I say he already kind of knew what he was doing is because he went to Scholastic. He had a plan. Yeah. This didn't feel like it was constructed necessarily with a plan.

00:08:54:18 - 00:09:02:21
Phil
No, I don't. I don't think a plan was was the first thing on this guy's mind, Dylan. But I leave anything out. I know you did a little research, too.

00:09:03:02 - 00:09:21:18
Dylan
I think you got it. I think that's at least everything. Again, my research is based singularly on, you know, what's published here in this book and at the very end, like in a quick Google search. I guess so almost singularly you're better researched than I am. The rest of the list.

00:09:21:18 - 00:09:24:18
Phil
All the big bucks. Sure. That's why.

00:09:24:21 - 00:09:27:02
Kevin
That's why I feel gets gets the big bucks.

00:09:28:23 - 00:09:57:10
Phil
Do you know what? Real quick before you even get into this, do it. My I'm my parents visited this weekend. My mom like many of my projects, you know my my creative endeavors. My mother is supportive but does not understand me. Absolutely. You know, and so she was asking about the podcast and she says it was the most confusing, twisted she ever has, because I said, yeah, after you guys leave that day on Sunday, you know, mean we're going to do another episode.

00:09:57:19 - 00:10:09:18
Phil
And Mom said, does Kevin make money doing this? It's like. And I went, Well, if Kevin made money doing it, I would also be making money doing it.

00:10:09:18 - 00:10:11:03
Dylan
So she's like, Oh.

00:10:11:04 - 00:10:13:09
Phil
No, no.

00:10:13:09 - 00:10:18:23
Kevin
Maybe, maybe she believes that I'm, I'm, I'm just like, I am the one that is holding the.

00:10:19:06 - 00:10:21:07
Dylan
First you steal and I'm labor.

00:10:21:12 - 00:10:28:15
Kevin
And I'm like, I'm, yeah, I am just I'm just I'm straight up big business over here stealing your labor.

00:10:28:20 - 00:10:30:09
Dylan
Awards. You know, unfortunately.

00:10:30:09 - 00:10:32:13
Kevin
Phil needs to form a union of one or two workers.

00:10:32:14 - 00:10:40:23
Phil
Unionize. My my mom is like, you know, you know, Phil makes for a great dancing monkey, but he's not quite bright enough to to pull this off on his own.

00:10:41:01 - 00:10:44:06
Kevin
So you know that.

00:10:44:06 - 00:10:45:11
Dylan
She's wrong about that.

00:10:46:17 - 00:10:47:15
Kevin
I sort of stand now.

00:10:48:02 - 00:10:54:02
Dylan
On the question to Alex Smith, see if he got paid for this of how fine it's like. And this is a real published book.

00:10:54:11 - 00:10:56:05
Kevin
Was it Alex? What was his name?

00:10:56:05 - 00:11:00:16
Dylan
So I'm sorry and I'm sorry. I think four letters in the order.

00:11:01:07 - 00:11:02:00
Kevin
Was the quarter.

00:11:02:00 - 00:11:05:06
Dylan
Right. It's the quarterback.

00:11:05:06 - 00:11:05:10
Kevin
Yeah.

00:11:05:12 - 00:11:06:13
Phil
That's clearly.

00:11:06:15 - 00:11:06:21
Dylan
What they're.

00:11:07:05 - 00:11:17:03
Phil
Using. It's confusing because Andrew Smith is also a writer and as far as I can tell, I don't think he's the same writer. So it's it's.

00:11:17:03 - 00:11:21:03
Dylan
Just and he also has a series on Goldman Sachs, which is just.

00:11:21:15 - 00:11:23:08
Phil
A series of turbo graphics.

00:11:23:08 - 00:11:24:12
Dylan
Now. Yes. Oh, man.

00:11:24:12 - 00:11:26:18
Kevin
So and which seems.

00:11:26:18 - 00:11:29:12
Dylan
Equally likely to be novelized as Goldman Sachs.

00:11:29:12 - 00:11:31:07
Phil
That was I mean, that's yeah.

00:11:31:19 - 00:11:41:03
Kevin
And, you know, anything I thought about, you know, who who wrote a lot about gold was Adam Smith in the quarter.

00:11:41:03 - 00:11:46:15
Phil
But yes see full circle.

00:11:47:02 - 00:11:48:17
Kevin
Full circle, full circle.

00:11:48:17 - 00:11:49:20
Dylan
I think we can all agree.

00:11:49:20 - 00:11:51:16
Kevin
Just capitalism, man, you.

00:11:51:16 - 00:11:53:21
Phil
Know, and I want to say.

00:11:54:10 - 00:12:02:18
Dylan
Just say that at the end of any, you know, question someone asked me or any like, you know, monologue that I accidentally enter into capitalism.

00:12:02:18 - 00:12:14:08
Kevin
We need to see that's more it's it's definitely a nonzero amount of times per episode that I think we blame capitalism or something you know, I bet it's legitimate.

00:12:14:18 - 00:12:16:02
Dylan
I bet it's a it's a legitimate.

00:12:16:17 - 00:12:36:13
Phil
There's a part of me as much as as much as we enjoy these books and as much as a lot of them anyway, we do sense that something is wrong when you have to create a copy of a copy of something to make for the sole purpose of making money. And therein lies the folly of the video game novelization.

00:12:36:20 - 00:12:48:19
Dylan
Sure you cry. I do wonder about this one. I wonder. I just. I get. I if I had to guess you know how they say it's always like you know, oh, I do one for them and I do one for me.

00:12:49:06 - 00:12:49:18
Phil
Uh huh.

00:12:49:23 - 00:13:14:08
Dylan
I cannot guess that this is one for them, you know what I mean? Because, like, who's asking and just reading? Yeah, I mean, yeah, I don't the market for this one. I don't know if it existed or exists now, but and just reading through it like, I mean obviously get into it but like, yeah, at least in my opinion this seemed like I'm convinced that this is basically like a Goldman Sachs fan fiction.

00:13:14:08 - 00:13:17:00
Dylan
This is like someone who loves Sega enough to, like.

00:13:17:16 - 00:13:19:04
Kevin
Make a fanboy.

00:13:19:06 - 00:13:21:05
Dylan
Yeah. Like on, like songs like you were saying.

00:13:21:05 - 00:13:28:07
Phil
So yeah, but I could be wrong. I think that's hilarious because I think the exact opposite.

00:13:28:07 - 00:13:29:05
Dylan
Yes, that's crazy.

00:13:29:06 - 00:13:52:18
Phil
This is because this might be one of the most passionless pieces of prose I man ever read. Sure is on par for for our readers. For our readers, for our listeners who joined us for Megaman two with Worlds of Power. To me, this is on the same level of just like like like following along. You might not even be playing it.

00:13:52:18 - 00:14:18:06
Kevin
And we'll get into this probably at the end of the year when we, when we have a special end of the year episode, we start because, because last year we kind of like sorted out a list of where we kind of felt each book felt. I feel like these, these specific, uh, Sega power and worlds of power novelizations have to be on their own separate list away.

00:14:18:06 - 00:14:19:21
Dylan
From their uncategorizable.

00:14:20:02 - 00:14:28:14
Kevin
They have to be sequestered. And, and right now at the top of that is probably ninja guide is is number.

00:14:28:21 - 00:14:32:08
Phil
Nine at least slowly absolutely the most the best written one.

00:14:32:13 - 00:14:51:16
Kevin
That's right by far still sequester them keep these you know keep put that put them on a ship out to sea. Let's let's bring out the the the Middle Ages version containing where they had gone out. It where they had people.

00:14:52:10 - 00:14:54:01
Phil
Ordering changed all that much stuff.

00:14:54:01 - 00:14:55:00
Dylan
Just quarantining.

00:14:55:12 - 00:15:23:11
Kevin
No that was the thing is in in the old days what this is your fun fact history please. Quarantining literally meant 40 days. So basically sailor went who were coming back from somewhere where they could have caught disease, had to be kept offshore for 40 days. Ha it to make sure that they did not have a disease that could be spread to the mainland.

00:15:23:14 - 00:15:23:21
Phil
Yeah.

00:15:24:05 - 00:15:26:23
Dylan
Eradicate a native population is like oops.

00:15:26:23 - 00:15:29:00
Kevin
I mean they didn't really care that well they didn't care about.

00:15:29:09 - 00:15:30:14
Phil
Someone else's country.

00:15:30:15 - 00:15:33:13
Dylan
Fair. Yeah, it's like, well, eradicate someone else, but not as the.

00:15:33:13 - 00:15:37:08
Kevin
Coming back that Spain tended to have an issue with.

00:15:37:19 - 00:15:40:09
Dylan
Capitalism, man. You know.

00:15:40:09 - 00:15:41:07
Phil
It's all capitalism.

00:15:41:14 - 00:15:43:01
Kevin
And mercantilism, man.

00:15:43:09 - 00:15:43:15
Phil
Yeah.

00:15:44:14 - 00:15:44:21
Dylan
It's like.

00:15:44:21 - 00:15:46:19
Phil
Oh, fuckin East India.

00:15:49:04 - 00:15:50:14
Kevin
East India Trading Company.

00:15:50:14 - 00:15:51:05
Phil
Man Yes.

00:15:51:05 - 00:15:53:13
Kevin
Man Chapter one.

00:15:57:02 - 00:15:57:06
Phil
Bring.

00:15:57:11 - 00:15:57:20
Dylan
This up.

00:15:57:21 - 00:16:01:03
Phil
God damn it.

00:16:01:03 - 00:16:07:00
Kevin
My, my, my transitions are usually times to get filled, to do a spit take.

00:16:07:04 - 00:16:10:08
Dylan
So success.

00:16:11:05 - 00:16:11:15
Phil
Damn.

00:16:12:12 - 00:16:38:04
Kevin
So we're introduced to X battler and the land of Uriah and the big bad evil guy is is a dude named Death Adder and he's been plaguing the land of Uriah for years. Meanwhile, in the bar, the ax battlers hanging out in the townsfolk are just torturing. A dude is referred to as a I to go into the game and make sure like, Oh, it's probably like a monster or something.

00:16:38:04 - 00:16:45:14
Kevin
No, a HENNINGER just refers to a one like a human person who is just one of death at or soldiers.

00:16:46:22 - 00:17:03:10
Dylan
Sort of sword. This is this is a I was going to ask you guys about this because I'm not sure. And I wanted to get your guys takes. I did the exact same thing. I went and I was like all I'm assuming this is like a, you know, a direct novelization of the events of the video game. And I went and looked at different monster names.

00:17:03:10 - 00:17:25:20
Dylan
And yes, they look like just straight up humans, just regular old humans. But I guess maybe I shouldn't spoil it. They die a certain way. Yeah, that makes me like. Or are they just. Are they humans? I don't know. Well, we'll see, I guess. I don't want to get too far ahead of myself, but yeah, it's an important question because the implications are significant for either answer.

00:17:25:20 - 00:17:27:05
Dylan
You know what I mean?

00:17:27:05 - 00:17:31:14
Kevin
Yeah. If we torture a monster, do we not become the monster?

00:17:31:15 - 00:17:34:22
Dylan
Yeah. You know, this is. There's back and all that.

00:17:35:07 - 00:18:19:08
Kevin
Yeah, yeah. The abyss. Yeah. So Tyrus Flair, who is everybody's favorite hot lady on the cover, shows up and tells, relays the news that deathadder. Oh, boy, he's really done it now. He's captured the king and the princess and also says the other guy who is the dwarf is not available and she's too injured to go. So that turns a three player game into this becomes a single player mission and oh btw dubs your best friends Alex AX and Alex you know who wouldn't become best friends?

00:18:19:09 - 00:18:21:20
Kevin
I mean, is it Ivan hasn't been killed?

00:18:21:21 - 00:18:22:15
Dylan
Think about that.

00:18:23:08 - 00:18:32:08
Kevin
Your best friend Alex. It has been has been slain. So singleplayer mission. That's chapter one. They're ready to.

00:18:32:08 - 00:18:32:16
Dylan
Go.

00:18:33:00 - 00:18:34:15
Phil
Fan theory. Fan theory.

00:18:34:17 - 00:18:35:16
Kevin
Fan theory? Yeah.

00:18:35:16 - 00:18:55:15
Phil
Alex is a metaphor for for ax battler soul for his inner the best parts on the inside of him because Alex when you remove the middle part of Alex you get ax which is of course, the only reason to have such a stupid fucking name.

00:18:55:15 - 00:18:55:23
Dylan
Yeah.

00:18:56:15 - 00:18:59:00
Phil
Especially with your main weapon is a sword.

00:18:59:00 - 00:19:06:10
Dylan
I know. I was like, someone's got to bring this up and we'll be there, I guess. But yes, yeah, it is very good.

00:19:06:10 - 00:19:26:05
Phil
And by the way, they gave this guy a spin off. I used to when I had an old Sega game gear. There was a game called AX Battler and I would go whenever we went to the Use Game store in town, I would buy whatever fantasy looking vaguely or anything that looked like an RPG because I was I was side old with Sega at that point in my life.

00:19:26:05 - 00:19:29:20
Phil
So RPGs were kind of, you know, they were they were low in the ground. Yeah.

00:19:30:02 - 00:19:31:04
Dylan
Kind of our twin.

00:19:31:04 - 00:19:50:06
Phil
Yeah, I had to. I had to get what I could get as well. It wasn't quite an RPG, but it was basically like you're on a map and then you'd go to a level and the level would just be a boss. It was just a boss club. And you played AX Battler and you had a short even through that.

00:19:50:06 - 00:19:56:00
Phil
So the only thing I could think of is maybe it's because he's battling for the golden.

00:19:56:00 - 00:19:57:07
Dylan
For the ax. Yeah.

00:19:57:10 - 00:19:58:02
Kevin
Maybe.

00:19:58:14 - 00:20:02:21
Dylan
Maybe important to establish that his name is spelled X. Yeah.

00:20:03:04 - 00:20:10:18
Phil
Yeah. With that his name is. I always thought it was a Timex. I thought of it as a title. And so for this guy, I was going.

00:20:11:01 - 00:20:15:00
Dylan
This is the ax battle or game. Yeah, that was very surprising.

00:20:15:23 - 00:20:17:06
Phil
Weird choice. Weird choice.

00:20:17:19 - 00:20:24:08
Kevin
Yeah. What's the what's the what's the language that they speak in Barcelona?

00:20:25:05 - 00:20:28:11
Dylan
Catalan got. Yeah. No, that's just the region.

00:20:29:00 - 00:20:32:17
Kevin
No. Is that correct? Not that you're absolutely right.

00:20:32:20 - 00:20:33:03
Phil
Yeah.

00:20:33:12 - 00:20:40:20
Kevin
Um, isn't X a sound in that language?

00:20:40:20 - 00:20:41:11
Phil
Oh, we're going.

00:20:41:17 - 00:20:45:04
Kevin
Could be. Yeah, maybe his name is Ash.

00:20:46:09 - 00:20:56:14
Dylan
Could be. And it's like a callback. I don't know. Something tells me that AX is his name because it's just too. Yeah, there's, like, the series called Go Max. Like, this guy's name is AX.

00:20:57:18 - 00:21:00:14
Kevin
Yeah, Catalan and Catalan is also the language guy.

00:21:00:14 - 00:21:09:12
Dylan
Okay. Yeah. Making sure I know what you're talking about. It's almost like a like a. Yeah, I can't say. And is this the.

00:21:09:18 - 00:21:12:20
Phil
Are you suggesting that his name is actually Adler?

00:21:14:03 - 00:21:15:00
Dylan
Maybe Ash.

00:21:15:12 - 00:21:16:14
Phil
And Ash.

00:21:16:14 - 00:21:18:15
Dylan
Yes, cause the ax would be pronounced. But I.

00:21:18:15 - 00:21:19:01
Kevin
Like that.

00:21:19:01 - 00:21:19:15
Dylan
Ax. Take.

00:21:19:15 - 00:21:20:20
Phil
I like more for the right.

00:21:20:22 - 00:21:29:18
Kevin
That's my fan theory is that it's it's better it's ax but it's, it's, it's spelled ax but it's Catalan and it's ash.

00:21:29:18 - 00:21:30:03
Phil
I like.

00:21:30:04 - 00:21:31:09
Kevin
So ash battler.

00:21:31:19 - 00:21:32:13
Phil
Still battle.

00:21:32:14 - 00:21:34:00
Kevin
I still got to work on the last name.

00:21:34:04 - 00:21:38:02
Phil
Oh yeah. It's so stupid name but yes it's less stupid now. Yeah.

00:21:38:19 - 00:21:45:14
Kevin
So in chapter two, Ash travels to he's ash from now.

00:21:45:14 - 00:21:47:09
Phil
On and I'm going for it, man. I don't.

00:21:47:09 - 00:22:01:01
Kevin
Care. Travel to Turtle Village and there he kills a HENNINGER along the moon which I don't these names Lord Malone.

00:22:01:04 - 00:22:01:19
Dylan
Yeah I was afraid.

00:22:01:19 - 00:22:10:12
Kevin
It's in the game as a as a long mon and you can't search that. You can't search long mon. You just get I mean, you can still.

00:22:10:14 - 00:22:11:02
Dylan
Go enjoy.

00:22:11:02 - 00:22:12:10
Kevin
The results of the search.

00:22:12:18 - 00:22:19:09
Phil
Make sure you get the shopping tab when you do it. Yes.

00:22:19:09 - 00:22:27:16
Kevin
Guns and and a store tonight, which let's throw some Russian sounding names in here, too.

00:22:27:16 - 00:22:34:16
Dylan
Yes, I read that one. I was like this was like a typo, like stole it. Schneier Like the vodka.

00:22:34:16 - 00:22:34:22
Kevin
Still.

00:22:35:23 - 00:22:37:20
Phil
Really does feel that way. Doesn't it? Yeah.

00:22:37:20 - 00:22:40:01
Dylan
I mean, it's got to be, what, two letters off?

00:22:40:14 - 00:22:42:00
Phil
Yeah, yeah, of course.

00:22:42:00 - 00:22:42:08
Dylan
Why?

00:22:42:23 - 00:22:45:18
Kevin
Who knows why these things happen the way they do? I mean.

00:22:46:00 - 00:22:47:18
Dylan
Having fun with things, it's certain.

00:22:47:18 - 00:23:01:12
Kevin
It's, um. What's his name? Makoto. Who? Who created the game? Yoshida. Makoto. You know who who created the game? Maybe he was just, you know, he's just being silly, you know, a little fun.

00:23:02:01 - 00:23:03:15
Dylan
Just as a big league fan.

00:23:04:01 - 00:23:05:10
Kevin
Just big, silly fan.

00:23:06:16 - 00:23:08:02
Dylan
He's got to get this in there somehow.

00:23:08:14 - 00:23:29:17
Kevin
So he he. An ax ash steals a domesticated dragon known as a chicken leg, and then he beats up on a tiny dwarf creature known as a thief to replenish his potions. And then he he takes on another group of bad guys, and he body shames a giant. That's chapter he does.

00:23:29:19 - 00:23:36:01
Dylan
I remember that I actually made a note of that here and I was like, Oh, AX Ash, come on, man.

00:23:36:01 - 00:23:54:23
Kevin
Kind of man kind of a bit. You know, just because the dude's a, you know, a big boy doesn't doesn't mean you can you can say that's impressive. It's killing him. You're already killing him, like, yeah, what, what is what are you gaining by also making him feel bad about his metabolism?

00:23:55:06 - 00:24:00:00
Phil
You're dead now, fatty.

00:24:00:00 - 00:24:05:10
Kevin
I feel in the era of, like, the presidential, like, fitness tests. So I.

00:24:05:10 - 00:24:05:17
Dylan
Remember.

00:24:05:17 - 00:24:15:07
Kevin
This well, actually, but this is UK, so maybe they, maybe they had something equivalent like the, the queen's, uh, the queen's jump around bits.

00:24:16:22 - 00:24:21:20
Phil
Yes, I can tell you a little bit about the Queen's jump around bits, but.

00:24:22:07 - 00:24:27:05
Dylan
It's like it's a different kind of podcast. Yeah.

00:24:27:05 - 00:24:37:05
Phil
The Queen's outfits. Welcome to the Queen's jump around bit. So I'd fill this cabinet. Dylan Oh, my gosh. Those bits. Why, they'd be jumping around. So much. Why are they on the Queen?

00:24:37:12 - 00:24:43:23
Dylan
Yes, it's like, I'll see you guys. I'll see you guys later.

00:24:44:19 - 00:24:47:12
Phil
This was this was a fun idea. I've got to go.

00:24:47:12 - 00:24:48:13
Dylan
This is, if anything.

00:24:48:13 - 00:24:50:13
Kevin
Wonderful that is going to leave.

00:24:51:16 - 00:24:58:06
Dylan
Yes, I would do that podcast. I would I would say that publicly. I'm like, I won't be a part of it. And then I just hop right back into the zoom.

00:24:58:06 - 00:24:59:00
Phil
And then you show up.

00:24:59:10 - 00:25:02:11
Dylan
And that could that can be that's one for all. And the rest for them.

00:25:02:20 - 00:25:03:19
Phil
It's spelt die.

00:25:03:22 - 00:25:05:00
Dylan
Lois. I have like I.

00:25:05:11 - 00:25:06:00
Phil
Forgot.

00:25:06:10 - 00:25:14:13
Kevin
She is celebrating her platinum jubilee. You. We will, we will speak her jubilee bits with respect.

00:25:15:01 - 00:25:20:16
Dylan
Yeah. No, I'll jump on the Queen any time. As you can see, the crown. You cannot see the crown.

00:25:21:08 - 00:25:21:20
Kevin
You know, it's.

00:25:22:08 - 00:25:25:16
Phil
It's it's more, it's more pocket capitalism.

00:25:25:16 - 00:25:32:00
Kevin
Yes. So fucking that's what the queen is. It's, it's literally chapter three.

00:25:32:18 - 00:25:51:05
Dylan
Wait, wait. Before, if you don't mind, this is I, this is like because I have the note about him go for fat shaming this giant and this is like when it started to kind of some of the questions like the bigger questions if you have any from the book started to pop up to me this is like this is the first time.

00:25:51:07 - 00:26:05:13
Dylan
So in this chapter is when he gets like his first kills on these monsters, right? Yes. Yeah. Where? So like if you go in I'm assuming. Yeah. Like you guys said, you edit in a picture of, of any one of these monsters. They're just humans. They look like just people.

00:26:05:17 - 00:26:06:15
Kevin
Just dudes.

00:26:06:21 - 00:26:16:22
Dylan
Yeah. Is that the ones who ride? You know, the. The Dragon? It's the Stolichnaya. I can't remember. The actual name is is going to call them stories. They all just.

00:26:16:22 - 00:26:17:11
Kevin
Get.

00:26:17:11 - 00:26:20:00
Dylan
Yeah, yeah. It's like generic, like glam metal.

00:26:20:00 - 00:26:20:13
Kevin
White.

00:26:21:00 - 00:26:40:14
Dylan
Buff people. Oh yeah. And so I assumed I was like, are these, you know, is he like, are these human lives being taken? Every time he kills them, they, like, disintegrate into dust. So I was thinking it was like, I'm like, all right, are these kind of, you know, like, is this like a Power Rangers, like putty.

00:26:40:14 - 00:26:41:10
Phil
People.

00:26:41:10 - 00:26:57:22
Dylan
Kind of scenario? I think that's the case. But it gets more complicated. And this is the only reason I even said anything at all is because, you know, our fat shaming giant, I believe it's in chapter two where the giant like says something back or some responds or like, I don't I can remember if it's here or not, I'm looking for it.

00:26:57:22 - 00:26:59:11
Dylan
But eventually you'll find that they.

00:26:59:11 - 00:26:59:22
Kevin
Are.

00:27:00:06 - 00:27:20:18
Dylan
Intelligent enough to like communicate in the same language that ax speaks. So there's like a degree of sentience here. So now it's like, yeah, even if they are putty people, you know what I mean? Like, they're not strong. Yeah. You know, like, these are these are sentient creatures that are just being murdered. Kind of like I get they're like the, you know, the agent evil, evil guy.

00:27:21:09 - 00:27:29:06
Dylan
But they're I did think it was, like, noteworthy. And I was like, okay, I'm just trying to figure out, tell you what the moral barometer for.

00:27:29:13 - 00:27:40:13
Phil
But before this book came out, we already had Shadow, where the guy kills the lowly goblin and still thinks to himself, I don't think I should be doing this. You know, he's got no excuses, man.

00:27:40:13 - 00:27:54:20
Dylan
This is what I mean. It's like what degree of kind of a of like ethical greatness are we getting contend with in this is the entire thing. It's just it's such an interesting question to me because of the fact that this book exists at all.

00:27:55:09 - 00:27:55:18
Phil
Yes.

00:27:56:06 - 00:28:23:08
Dylan
Yeah. The the book is because like at that books is like to be clear for like anyone who's not played gold max. Like it is an extremely simple like very barebones early style side scrolling beat them up. And this book is this like what I think is actually like charming about it is it's like this attempt to novelized the very like very specifically the events of like they don't build on the world at all.

00:28:23:08 - 00:28:37:16
Dylan
They don't expand on anything that is not in the games and there's barely anything in the games to work with. But they still kind of, you know, like right around it. So yeah, it was just kind of like this interesting question like to me of like what to what degree are we going to have a character who like thinks about something like that?

00:28:38:00 - 00:28:38:11
Phil
Right.

00:28:38:13 - 00:28:41:11
Dylan
I guess I'm not going to spoil it. Yeah. I mean, that's basically it.

00:28:41:11 - 00:28:45:11
Kevin
Yeah, yeah. It's kind of none. The murders to me. No thoughts?

00:28:45:13 - 00:28:49:19
Dylan
Yes. I don't know. It's pretty good. We'll get in. There's more examples that I thought were far.

00:28:49:19 - 00:28:51:20
Kevin
Examples of that. But, you know, it's.

00:28:51:20 - 00:28:53:03
Phil
Oh yeah, we got plenty of those. Yeah.

00:28:53:03 - 00:29:09:07
Kevin
We got place in chapter three during this in chapter three literally starts with like the in-between level like camp scene where one of the leaf dudes pops out and you get to beat the shit out of him for and steal his potions.

00:29:09:13 - 00:29:18:19
Dylan
Right. And it like this again, like this being the primary in the game, there's the mechanism by which you replenish your resources is like, you know, the little random dudes.

00:29:19:02 - 00:29:20:14
Kevin
Across and you again.

00:29:20:14 - 00:29:33:21
Dylan
Stop them. Yes. And then you mention. Yes. That you steal their items and it's kind of like, oh, but it's okay because they're thieves. It says this in the book. It's like everyone kind of tolerates them because there's so many of them. So we just do this. We take their food and their potions.

00:29:34:04 - 00:29:40:07
Phil
They kind of treat them like a different species. Like, yeah, they are. Yeah. A thief. Thief, is it? It's like, you know.

00:29:40:12 - 00:29:55:01
Dylan
Yes, yeah, I know what you mean. Where it's like it's you think, oh it's like a thief. Like here's a guy who's a thief. It's like, no, it's a thief. And also a different species that they call fight who also happen to be thieves. It's very strange. This is what I mean. The source material does not give you that much to work with.

00:29:55:01 - 00:29:56:18
Dylan
So the idea race man is here where.

00:29:56:18 - 00:29:58:06
Phil
Blue spotted thief.

00:29:58:18 - 00:30:37:10
Kevin
In many ways it opens so many questions of right moral and this is this is a side note I was considering back when I was doing the video the YouTube video thing, I was thinking about writing a video about the how violence is portrayed in games, as to often the only solution for so many problems. Because it's like and it's like, you know, there's the old the old Ludo narrative thing of like uncharted, you like there used to be there was like an achievement in Uncharted called Ludo narrative dissonance for after you killed a thousand dudes.

00:30:37:22 - 00:30:38:03
Phil
Right.

00:30:40:01 - 00:30:42:07
Dylan
So so it's like I'm the good guy.

00:30:42:18 - 00:30:44:11
Kevin
I am the good guy and.

00:30:44:11 - 00:30:46:04
Dylan
1000 human lives taken.

00:30:46:16 - 00:30:58:16
Kevin
And it's like it gets not to get all like a hero, like a Coldplay song playing in Barnes Noble, but you start to ask what the way that human life is. And yes.

00:30:59:03 - 00:31:00:05
Dylan
That is exactly.

00:31:00:11 - 00:31:01:09
Kevin
It's rough.

00:31:01:17 - 00:31:32:13
Dylan
And you have the thieves who just you know, it's like the idea that the author chose to just portray it exactly as it was versus, you know, he had a conversation with the thief and like then convinced him to give it to him or like he, you know, accosted it multiple times throughout the book. There will be a little section where it's like, Yeah, then he saw another thief, so he bought him and he just shit out of six more potions and you know, as one does, it is just like an attempt to just narrative eyes, for lack of a better term, exactly what happens in the game.

00:31:32:16 - 00:31:37:17
Phil
Yeah, we're not special. Nothing special left out, but nothing is expounded upon. I know.

00:31:37:17 - 00:31:45:19
Dylan
It's just exactly what's in the game. It's not. You see so many I mean vision acquire. Exactly you guys got. So is your sense on the chains.

00:31:46:06 - 00:31:46:18
Phil
Yes.

00:31:47:15 - 00:32:14:10
Dylan
Where it's like they'll they'll take a you know because video games especially like older ones obviously don't give you as much like narratively they're just like relatively simple experiences. So when you have and you guys can correct me if I'm wrong, you're the experts. I imagine when you have these adaptations, a lot of the time you'll get or it's like, you know, movie adaptations of so many things, you'll get a lot more in the adaptation than was really present like the Castlevania.

00:32:14:13 - 00:32:15:05
Kevin
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:32:15:06 - 00:32:33:15
Dylan
Dude, that, right. So it's like Castlevania three pretty. There is technically a story. Yeah, it's very simple. And they build this entire narrative and world and universe out of it. That is not Golden Acts. This. No, I don't know. There's a subtitle and I just think that's so ballsy. I can't help. I respect someone who's like, now it's going to be it's going to be.

00:32:33:15 - 00:32:35:11
Dylan
Yeah. We talk a lot about.

00:32:36:18 - 00:33:01:08
Kevin
The the goal of an adaptation and it's it's one of the things that we kind of stumbled upon early, early on was that one of the main goals of an adaptation and should be matching tone is like there shouldn't be a tonal disconnect between adaptation and source material, but that doesn't mean that you can't expand the universe. Sure.

00:33:01:11 - 00:33:11:00
Kevin
Or expand the stuff that you find in the source material to kind of because like a lot. So for example, the best chapters.

00:33:11:00 - 00:33:11:21
Dylan
Tell a good story.

00:33:12:07 - 00:33:39:07
Kevin
Yeah, you still got to be on top of that stuff. Yeah. The best chapters of of the flood and we interviewed we interviewed the author of Halo The Flood, and he was telling us that he had to beg Bungie to let him write these interstitial chapters that were just the stuff that he created, whole cloth, because the game, the meat of the game was not enough.

00:33:39:07 - 00:33:58:17
Kevin
So these chapters still match the tone of the rest of Halo. But they were. But they were so important to the enjoyment of the book because the Master Chief parts of Halo the flood are by far the worst parts of the book. Like you're balancing the two against each other and it's because it is just what the game is.

00:33:58:22 - 00:33:59:03
Kevin
Yeah.

00:33:59:03 - 00:34:05:21
Dylan
So it's like there's not a lot to work with there in terms of telling a good story. You know, those games in particular.

00:34:05:21 - 00:34:10:04
Kevin
So in order to tell the story, you have to, you know, pump it up a little bit.

00:34:10:17 - 00:34:11:02
Phil
Yes.

00:34:11:09 - 00:34:13:04
Dylan
It's like wise you end up with this.

00:34:13:17 - 00:34:33:15
Phil
Yeah. I think one of the people who who said it best and he wasn't talking about adaptation so much, but it's totally valid was Alan Moore when they were asking him if he would write a screenplay for The Watchmen before? That was a thing that had happened already. And he said, no. And they said, Why not? And he said, Because I wanted to write a movie out.

00:34:33:15 - 00:34:50:16
Phil
A written word. Yeah, sure. Yeah. No, and, and that's. And that is it. So if you're going to adapt it, the question becomes it's kind of like covering a song. If you're going to cover the song, what are you going to do that right? What's the best? What purpose? What are you going to take it to? A new take on it?

00:34:50:16 - 00:34:58:12
Phil
Are you going to you know, and and the reason things like Golden AX, for example, fails, in my opinion, is because they there.

00:34:58:12 - 00:34:59:17
Dylan
Is nothing new.

00:34:59:18 - 00:35:20:07
Phil
There is less than no reason to read this book because it's because Golden AX fucking rules as a game. It's a great game. It's so much fun. I love that game. It was one of the earliest games I played as a kid and I still have fond memories of it and and it's way less exciting, invigorating and fun to read the book.

00:35:20:17 - 00:35:22:01
Phil
Yes. What's the point?

00:35:22:01 - 00:35:44:07
Kevin
Yeah, yeah, what's the point? If you're not, it's true. So continuing on chapter three. So you know there's the thing with the thief acts and deals with a HENNINGER making him fall to his death. He rescues some children and kills some more dudes. And then we have a nice double beat as he kills a storage knife and steals another dragon.

00:35:46:01 - 00:35:46:06
Kevin
Yeah.

00:35:46:13 - 00:35:47:06
Dylan
Like another.

00:35:47:06 - 00:35:49:14
Kevin
Still, it's a double beat. Exactly.

00:35:49:14 - 00:36:13:08
Dylan
It's like every time it's, like, clear. And I've never. I played gold, Max, like, for literally 30 seconds. And it's like the amount of times in this game that I killed the lady and I sold Dragon. I bought a dwarf or sorry, a thief like on the bomb and got some potion. So many things. I'm like, Hmm. These sound like game mechanics that you would mention maybe once in like a novelization of a, you know, a game, but nope.

00:36:13:13 - 00:36:21:11
Dylan
It's like every time I almost wonder if it's like shot for shot. It was like, ah, the exact same amount of monsters in this book as there are like in the game, because it.

00:36:21:11 - 00:36:23:00
Phil
Almost feels like that might be.

00:36:23:00 - 00:36:23:09
Dylan
Yes.

00:36:23:10 - 00:36:46:15
Kevin
So it's also what we describe, it's like, yes. Yeah. So in Chapter four, Act saves more children. He murders a woman who is begging for mercy, which that scene, one of the stories comes right out. One of the stories is begging for mercy and he's like, Yeah, but you're a bad guy. And he stabs her in the heart.

00:36:48:12 - 00:37:02:15
Kevin
And I was like, This is that's a lot. So I guess we can expand and expound where we see fit. And that expounding is just in the worst way possible.

00:37:02:15 - 00:37:06:23
Dylan
Yeah. It's like, if that doesn't happen in the game, it's like, this is the thing that you chose to kind.

00:37:06:23 - 00:37:07:12
Kevin
Of try.

00:37:07:12 - 00:37:08:21
Phil
And the thing you wanted to do.

00:37:09:13 - 00:37:10:09
Dylan
Something too.

00:37:11:02 - 00:37:32:06
Phil
I haven't heard enough women in this book. We we we started off by completely, you know, negating, you know, what was the line he talks about with the female warrior character? He says he says she was one of the greatest of the subject. He he never can tell her that. Her. Yes, yeah. Why why wouldn't you tell her that.

00:37:32:06 - 00:37:34:09
Kevin
Yes. Well, he's got to keep nagging her, you know.

00:37:34:14 - 00:37:40:12
Dylan
Yeah, absolutely. I would never admit that a woman's good at something he is. I'm also wondering.

00:37:40:16 - 00:37:44:11
Kevin
Where is employing Dennis method? Yes.

00:37:46:07 - 00:38:06:07
Dylan
Absolutely. I wonder, too, if there's not and I hope that this is, you know, I'm sorry. It's not Alex Smith. What is his name? Amy Smith. It could be a great guy if he's I don't know if it's just the source. I mean, you look at the cover of the of Goldman Sachs and it doesn't exactly scream, you know, hyper progressive, you know, which is not a dick.

00:38:06:08 - 00:38:23:16
Dylan
I mean, I understand that it's, you know, the style at the time, the kind of the CONAN the Barbarian. But I also it's like those components, like the in the tavern and then also this, like, I'm going to murder this one also. What was it, the giant who I guess, you know, in his defense was male. But still, it's like, hey, fatty, like, hi, you're so fat.

00:38:23:16 - 00:38:32:11
Dylan
Also, I'm going to kill you. It makes me wonder how much of that is Andy versus like. Like, if there's, like, ax battlers kind of reading this book going, dude, what? Like, why would you.

00:38:32:11 - 00:38:35:16
Phil
I would never do that. Yeah, exactly. You never do that.

00:38:36:01 - 00:38:38:16
Dylan
It's like, where where does it start? Or like, what percent? You know.

00:38:38:16 - 00:38:58:22
Phil
It's like, yeah, I'm a huge fan of the original Robert Howard. CONAN Short stories. I adore his work. I find it to be amazing. And you read it and you're like, this is not great. Sometimes I just get it. It's like it's like Lovecraft. You're like, sure is. Oh, yeah. Oh, you know.

00:38:59:00 - 00:39:03:06
Kevin
Oh, oh, great concept. Oh, bad, bad stuff.

00:39:03:06 - 00:39:10:23
Phil
Here the details and details. And then you and then you read this and you're like, but that was extra, though. This is extra. Right?

00:39:11:00 - 00:39:21:12
Dylan
This is it's like, well, there's the answer. The question, I guess. Yes, it's like that. What your feel it's like, what are you going to add? What is the the impetus this to exist? It's like, well, misogyny.

00:39:21:18 - 00:39:22:19
Phil
Yeah, we got Johnny.

00:39:23:21 - 00:39:27:10
Dylan
So killing this lady.

00:39:27:23 - 00:39:39:05
Kevin
So he then he faces off against some skeletons. And I put in my notes after winning because all ax does is win, baby.

00:39:39:20 - 00:39:53:00
Phil
He beats up support me it's after after defeating people and murdering defenseless women. I like to kick dwarves in the ass and steal their money.

00:39:53:06 - 00:39:55:17
Dylan
Steal their money and their and their food.

00:39:56:03 - 00:39:56:20
Phil
Their money.

00:39:57:07 - 00:39:58:10
Kevin
Their potions.

00:39:58:18 - 00:40:00:16
Dylan
Yes, the potion is the only thing they say.

00:40:00:23 - 00:40:27:00
Kevin
Turtle. A giant turtle talks him and revealed big reveal. Turtle Village is on the back of a giant turtle. Yeah. And the turtle is like a I'll take you across the ocean. Just promise not to stab me in the back like the proverbial scorpion, because I just. I just saw you kill woman who was begging for mercy.

00:40:27:09 - 00:40:36:00
Phil
And later we hear the words. Sorry, dude, I'm an ax babbler and the whole island is hoax.

00:40:36:00 - 00:40:37:04
Kevin
It's in my nature.

00:40:37:14 - 00:40:39:08
Phil
Yeah, yeah. Oh.

00:40:40:06 - 00:40:46:07
Kevin
Good word. Okay. Yeah, that's. That's the first four chapters chapter five. Go ahead, Phil.

00:40:46:08 - 00:41:11:23
Phil
Yeah, what we do is this goes into chapter five. We do get a little bit of, you know, expounding here with the dialog between the turtle and yeah, we don't get and I will say and I will say and this kind of puts it above Megaman two in the sense that the turtle's kind of an interesting character because yeah, he kind of gives battlers shit.

00:41:12:12 - 00:41:19:20
Phil
Yeah. Because that's why there's like this very like, rah rah, we're going to win because I'm on the side of justice. I've got something.

00:41:19:23 - 00:41:21:08
Dylan
That's right. He's very intense.

00:41:22:02 - 00:41:28:19
Phil
Yeah. And the turtle goes, You're a fucking idiot. Yeah, you're is.

00:41:28:19 - 00:41:29:19
Kevin
Carl's not digging it.

00:41:30:04 - 00:41:44:21
Phil
Yeah, he's kind of the turtle from the never ending stories of Mothra or something like that, that we don't even care whether or not we care. I did like turtle.

00:41:45:09 - 00:42:04:01
Dylan
Yes, I did like that. He said that to him. I like I like the Erlich like battler having his first. What was it like moment of the first non like I'm just the best story like because the skeleton gets some good hits and he's like, oh actually if I'm not careful here like I'm going to, you know, I'm going to fuck it up.

00:42:04:13 - 00:42:08:10
Dylan
And then having this conversation with the turtle, with the turtles, basically like, Yo, man.

00:42:09:00 - 00:42:09:19
Kevin
You're going to fuck it up.

00:42:09:19 - 00:42:16:22
Dylan
Yeah, yeah. If you're not careful, you're going to fuck it up. It's like when he calls him a fool, he's like, I have justice and hope on my side and that's not something that.

00:42:17:08 - 00:42:20:05
Kevin
He pulls out. Never. Peter Yeah.

00:42:20:05 - 00:42:24:07
Dylan
It's like change. It's going to have been changed by the turtles, like.

00:42:25:04 - 00:42:27:05
Phil
Not by itself. So yeah.

00:42:27:05 - 00:42:28:18
Dylan
I didn't, I did like that overall.

00:42:29:06 - 00:42:31:06
Phil
Confirmed leftist turtle.

00:42:31:06 - 00:42:36:10
Dylan
Yes, absolutely. You know, it's like, I want you to win, dude, but like, you can't just wish for it and make it happen.

00:42:36:10 - 00:42:43:11
Phil
You can't just wish, oh, man, I need to change my handle and I need to I need my brand to go from El Conquistador to leftist turtle.

00:42:43:13 - 00:42:45:00
Kevin
I think that would be good for you.

00:42:45:02 - 00:42:52:11
Dylan
That is not bad, dude. Or just like, still a leftist turtle. And then you can switch it up to, like, whatever you want it to be. But that is a great one.

00:42:52:19 - 00:43:06:00
Kevin
I think that's it. I love it. I love that for you. I love that. And also turtles consistently are the best if you've. Dylan, have you played Elden Ring?

00:43:06:18 - 00:43:07:15
Dylan
Oh, yes, I have.

00:43:08:05 - 00:43:09:08
Kevin
Okay. And I think.

00:43:09:08 - 00:43:13:20
Dylan
You're talking about the dogs, though, in Elden Ring, right? I don't remember any turtles in that game.

00:43:14:09 - 00:43:19:06
Kevin
Oh, yeah, it's. It's only dogs. Sorry. Yes. So that was.

00:43:19:22 - 00:43:21:16
Phil
Fantastic. Oh, that's it.

00:43:22:01 - 00:43:45:18
Kevin
That's the Meme Aragorn, Bubu. Yeah. No, there's a, there's a turtle pope in Elden ring and he's just the best dude. He, he, he's literally a turtle guy sitting there with like a pope hat on. He's Jay is just a gigantic turtle sitting there, the pope hat and he's been there forever and he's like, you do. He's the best.

00:43:45:18 - 00:43:50:11
Kevin
You bring him your spells, so he'll teach you spells. And he's like, I'm not going anywhere. Bring me your shit.

00:43:51:22 - 00:44:09:18
Dylan
His mechanical role is to, like, literally absolve you of sins, which is like, dang, you know, Turtle, he's a guy and you can you start beating up on him and he'll just let you kill him. He's like pure pacifist. Most people won't let you do that in those games. Turtles are just cool, man. Just. I feel like there's so many.

00:44:10:03 - 00:44:30:07
Dylan
I could be decent. You guys are much better read than I am. I'm trying to think of, like, historical examples of cool turtles. I can think of like super. Terry Pratchett Yeah. Okay. That's probably like the you know, for a lot of people, yes, Discworld would be like a good example. Avatar, The Last Airbender, Big Turtle, you know, a big spear.

00:44:30:07 - 00:44:45:01
Dylan
I feel like maybe there's got to be some sort of like, you know, theological history of turtles being like these wise creatures. You climb on the back of a turtle in Majora's mask. I remember that. I don't know if you guys played Zelda. One of the turtles takes you to and from the one of the dungeons.

00:44:45:18 - 00:44:46:16
Kevin
Turtles or turtle.

00:44:46:16 - 00:44:48:00
Dylan
Blows. You know, they're great.

00:44:48:14 - 00:44:50:04
Phil
Donatello was my favorite.

00:44:50:11 - 00:44:52:12
Kevin
The Ninja Turtles not tell.

00:44:52:12 - 00:44:52:21
Phil
It was a.

00:44:53:08 - 00:44:54:11
Dylan
Guy. Yeah. So you got.

00:44:54:13 - 00:45:04:06
Kevin
Yes, that is true. They then, you know, depending on the species they live forever, you know, that they're they that's I think that's probably why the wise thing happens because.

00:45:04:06 - 00:45:04:16
Dylan
Yes, you're.

00:45:04:16 - 00:45:19:01
Kevin
Right. There would be there would be like people pass pet turtles down through family and it's like, oh, I mean, the turtles my my grandfather bought the turtle and then the turtle outlived my dad. So, yeah.

00:45:19:23 - 00:45:22:13
Dylan
I think you figured it out. That's got to be exactly it now.

00:45:22:16 - 00:45:28:21
Kevin
It's just always, just always been kind of walking around the garden for the past 200 years.

00:45:28:21 - 00:45:37:14
Phil
I think the turtle absorbed my dad's soul because now they walk around in the garden and wear them.

00:45:37:14 - 00:45:53:16
Kevin
Yeah, so that happens in chapter five. And then he drops them off and acts badly. He kills a couple of girl bosses called Strawberry Ears, which are the leveled up versions of the stories and a few more giants.

00:45:54:15 - 00:45:58:17
Dylan
And I guarantee it mentions how he jumps on one of their dragons, like after he kills them.

00:45:59:07 - 00:46:00:02
Kevin
Sure. Yeah, right.

00:46:00:05 - 00:46:02:02
Dylan
There. Well, yes, there has to be.

00:46:02:02 - 00:46:07:09
Kevin
I'll verify. I think I think I think I stop noting double beats around chapter five.

00:46:09:01 - 00:46:11:21
Phil
Which is which because this will be for the best.

00:46:12:00 - 00:46:15:20
Dylan
Yeah. No, that is true.

00:46:15:20 - 00:46:28:09
Kevin
And then then we get to chapter six and he, he kills a few captains of of death adders army and then he fights the Tower Knight from Demon's Souls. That's right.

00:46:28:09 - 00:46:32:23
Dylan
That is exactly what I pictured in my head as well the whole time. I'm glad they were on the same page about that.

00:46:34:04 - 00:46:39:19
Kevin
And then he. But he tricks the tower night into telling him where death adders castle is. God.

00:46:40:03 - 00:46:42:08
Phil
It's. Come on, man. Dude.

00:46:42:10 - 00:47:02:20
Dylan
Yes. I'm like looking at Phil on that one too. I was like, I'm assuming we all kind of clocked this one or just like, Oh, AX Battle or what an ingenious interrogator you are. Like, That's definitely what would have happened. This guy would have just immediately a while he's talking about how he doesn't trust you. He would immediately tell you where his boss is, that he knows that you don't know.

00:47:03:12 - 00:47:05:22
Phil
He's not here, you idiot. He's over there like.

00:47:05:22 - 00:47:14:06
Kevin
It's over there is over and. Okay, sorry. You go down this road it's like.

00:47:14:11 - 00:47:15:12
Dylan
But no.

00:47:16:11 - 00:47:17:03
Kevin
But don't.

00:47:17:04 - 00:47:20:20
Dylan
He's but don't do that. That's where you would go if you were supposed to.

00:47:21:07 - 00:47:35:09
Kevin
If you if you see the Lowes and you've gone too far, you're going to need to make a right and and then there's some train tracks and then you'll be. There you are. But don't go there because I'm going to. Yeah, but I'm going to kill you right now.

00:47:35:16 - 00:47:37:14
Phil
Yes. Oh, no, I'm bleeding.

00:47:37:21 - 00:47:39:00
Kevin
Oh, no, I'm dying.

00:47:39:20 - 00:47:44:16
Dylan
Did you just call me fat?

00:47:44:16 - 00:47:49:07
Kevin
And then in my notes I wrote and oh, my God, there's still ten chapters left. Yeah.

00:47:49:17 - 00:47:56:14
Dylan
I know, dude.

00:47:56:14 - 00:48:19:22
Kevin
So this is this thing is called the fiend's path that he's on. And he, he it really brief notes here. He's walking along the fiend's path gets, gets attacked by a bunch of dudes and eventually the wind starts blowing feathers at him. And the ground is, is trembling. It's trembling, it's shaking. And it's, it's, it's all that fun stuff.

00:48:20:08 - 00:48:34:22
Kevin
And then chapter eight, we get long. But here's the thing. Here's the thing. I don't think the long, long moans and the head injuries are monsters is because we did specifically zombie versions of them. It is.

00:48:34:22 - 00:48:36:02
Dylan
True. That is also true.

00:48:36:11 - 00:48:36:20
Phil
Yeah.

00:48:38:12 - 00:48:51:18
Kevin
So they they were resurrected these guys are resurrected from the dead, which makes me think that they crumbled to ash in the game because it was 1989 and processing power was limited. Yeah.

00:48:51:22 - 00:48:55:04
Phil
Yeah, exactly. It's like you might be.

00:48:55:04 - 00:49:11:00
Kevin
I'd be it would be like it would be like writing into like a final fight or a double dragon novelization. Like after after killing the guy. He blinked a few times and disappeared.

00:49:11:00 - 00:49:11:06
Phil
Yeah.

00:49:11:20 - 00:49:36:06
Dylan
Yeah. That's the the it's like if someone then wrote a book for Double Dragon and explicitly described how that exact thing happens when you kill them, you know? And I mean, that's like Remi said, it's like if he's, you know, like writing this book, like he kills them and they still turn into ash. I'm like, that's now canon in our universe.

00:49:36:06 - 00:49:50:18
Dylan
Maybe like these people, when they die, they turn to ash. But as you just said, Kevin, you're right. There's also zombie versions of these creatures that come to life to me. I mean, I guess, you know, you can't conclude that they have souls, but it's certainly implied, or at least I think, you know.

00:49:51:06 - 00:49:52:01
Kevin
Because, you know.

00:49:52:08 - 00:49:59:05
Dylan
The maybe I guess you don't need a soul to be a zombie. You're like maybe saying what's important to the soulless husks of the living thing, right? Yeah.

00:49:59:15 - 00:50:12:01
Phil
But you know, you bring up an interesting point with the soul factor, because I think that that basically lays it out. That human creature, they do have souls and therefore require the salvation of our Lord Jesus Christ.

00:50:12:05 - 00:50:26:10
Dylan
Yes. Which is I'm sure that where the book will end, you know, or it says, I don't want to spoil the ending of the book too much, but there's you know, it seems like there could be even more adventure to come. And like, what if that's the ultimate, you know, I mean, that's.

00:50:26:10 - 00:50:26:17
Kevin
What that's.

00:50:26:19 - 00:50:27:12
Dylan
Where we land.

00:50:27:12 - 00:50:28:16
Phil
Is given your life. Have you?

00:50:28:19 - 00:50:30:10
Dylan
Yes. A celebration of your soul.

00:50:30:10 - 00:50:33:07
Kevin
The ultimate adventure of saving your soul.

00:50:33:15 - 00:50:36:10
Phil
Yeah. And our precious virginity.

00:50:36:20 - 00:50:49:19
Kevin
And your precious, precious virgin virginity. And it's like. It's like the dude, don't be fat. And then the dude takes his mask off. The author takes his mask off, and it's like a jack chick.

00:50:49:19 - 00:50:49:22
Phil
Yeah.

00:50:50:18 - 00:50:53:11
Dylan
I know. Is it? My God, it's a it's a chick travel.

00:50:53:11 - 00:50:59:01
Phil
Log that's been out there. The coolest youth pastor in the world.

00:50:59:02 - 00:51:07:06
Kevin
Absolutely. Oh, man. AX battler cannot sit in a chair. Normally he has it. Yes, it's spin him all around. There's no there's he has to.

00:51:07:11 - 00:51:08:10
Dylan
Sit on it backwards.

00:51:08:22 - 00:51:10:00
Phil
He's got to get that backwards.

00:51:10:00 - 00:51:10:16
Dylan
Exactly.

00:51:11:00 - 00:51:12:04
Kevin
Hey, let's rap a little bit.

00:51:12:05 - 00:51:12:17
Dylan
Yeah. Sorry.

00:51:12:19 - 00:51:28:03
Kevin
A man, I, I know and love, his name's Jesus and he heard of him. And that's ax battler at Jesus camp. Um, yeah, that's, that's that's what he's doing there.

00:51:28:03 - 00:51:29:08
Dylan
This could be on to something.

00:51:29:18 - 00:51:30:05
Phil
We could.

00:51:30:12 - 00:51:32:20
Kevin
We could be, we could be like.

00:51:33:04 - 00:51:36:22
Dylan
I'm not really good for for subtext and subtext.

00:51:37:02 - 00:51:38:06
Phil
No. So it's really.

00:51:38:06 - 00:51:38:20
Dylan
Subtle.

00:51:38:20 - 00:51:41:05
Phil
It's Dylan. Just take our word for it. Sure.

00:51:42:01 - 00:51:42:17
Dylan
And I mean.

00:51:42:22 - 00:51:49:17
Kevin
The the Garth meringue guy meme of I know their subtext and they're all cowards.

00:51:49:22 - 00:51:50:05
Phil
Right.

00:51:51:07 - 00:51:55:10
Dylan
That's awesome. I'm not saying that.

00:51:55:10 - 00:52:21:12
Kevin
Oh, what's it? I'm trying to remember what? What it's actually from. I can't remember the name of the show, but it's, it's just this author is like has sunglasses and slicked back hair. And the caption at the bottom is, I know, I know authors who use subtext and they are all cowards. Yeah, it is awesome. I kind of like I got to a point in my life where I was like, I almost agree with the church.

00:52:21:13 - 00:52:25:14
Dylan
Yeah, it you can kind of see I mean and again that's why.

00:52:26:04 - 00:52:27:02
Phil
The anti.

00:52:27:23 - 00:52:33:21
Dylan
Among the best. You know what I mean. Spell it out for you. Yes. You will know exactly how I feel.

00:52:33:21 - 00:52:52:12
Kevin
And please don't think. Yeah, please don't think so. He's fighting through the zombies. He gets the end of the path and finds out that he's been walking. And there's only one set of footsteps where he was being carried.

00:52:54:00 - 00:52:54:07
Phil
By.

00:52:56:14 - 00:52:58:08
Dylan
The big man upstairs. You know what I mean?

00:53:00:02 - 00:53:00:07
Phil
Oh.

00:53:00:14 - 00:53:01:08
Dylan
Yeah, exactly.

00:53:01:17 - 00:53:04:16
Phil
Exactly. And all the God is good, God is good.

00:53:05:11 - 00:53:18:10
Kevin
And then then he's been walking on the back of an eagle. On eagle. Now I'm thinking of on eagle's wings. And you raise me. Oh, God, no. Oh, wow.

00:53:18:10 - 00:53:19:21
Dylan
Okay. Yeah, actually, I was joking.

00:53:19:22 - 00:53:22:12
Phil
Before about under-thigh. Yeah. Oh, my.

00:53:22:12 - 00:53:29:06
Kevin
God. Really? It's really all coming together now. And the fiend's path used to be called the friends path.

00:53:29:14 - 00:53:34:05
Phil
Um, just look, we're writing this down. We're taking notes.

00:53:34:05 - 00:53:47:18
Kevin
Yeah, we're taking notes. The beans that they dropped in are, um, at some point, the eagle used to just take people soaring through the sky, and then the eagle is sad that that doesn't happen anymore. So he's going to help.

00:53:48:02 - 00:53:49:01
Phil
AX battler.

00:53:49:22 - 00:53:50:06
Kevin
And.

00:53:50:12 - 00:54:02:12
Dylan
Yeah, something here. It's like the eagle supposed to be some sort of spirit or something like of the world is somehow also corporeal because it yeah. He also gives him a ride. Yeah. But I mean just the implication. Yeah.

00:54:02:12 - 00:54:03:23
Phil
Yes, yeah, yeah.

00:54:04:04 - 00:54:21:16
Dylan
And how the something they cast a spell or it really doesn't say it's like this is like the one like interesting I guess. Yeah. It's like and then also a Phil said about the turtle being like, oh, this is interesting, but it's like not wearing going to stop on that for too long and we're not going we're going to see maybe it's obvious in the game, maybe he's really counting on you to have played it as well.

00:54:21:17 - 00:54:22:14
Kevin
There's no way.

00:54:22:14 - 00:54:25:00
Dylan
Spelling out the entire game.

00:54:26:10 - 00:54:30:03
Phil
Surprising lack of women to murder in the game itself. That is it.

00:54:30:09 - 00:54:31:11
Dylan
Let's move along.

00:54:31:20 - 00:54:58:15
Kevin
Let's move it along, fellows. Speaking of moving along, we're going to take a break and we're going to pause the episode right here. And Dylan is going to be joining us in the next episode for more gold Max Gold with Banks. We'll see you then.

Check out Dylan’s Skyrim Overhaul Mod Pack: https://www.wildlandermod.com/

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PixelLit is the video game-literary nerd’s dream come true. It’s a podcast where we read and discuss video game novelizations, and the games they’re based on. This is a podcast for the former kid who read their instruction booklets cover to cover. For the gamer who listens to every audio log in Bioshock.

The PixelLit Podcast! Because the only thing better than playing a video game is reading about it.

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