Episode 1: Resident Evil The Umbrella Conspiracy – Part 1

Episode Synopsis

Kevin and Phil recap the opening four and change chapters of Resident Evil: The Umbrella Conspiracy. During which we find out that Jill’s father was a gentleman thief or a cat burglar, whichever terminology you want to use. Additionally Wesker leads a writers room to get ideas for what’s going on with these kooky cannibal murders they have going on, and we meet a bunch of characters that we don’t really need to pay too much attention to.

Automated Transcript

NOTE: This transcript is generated by an automated service. We will be going back and correcting them/cleaning them up as time allows. For now though, please forgive any oddities you find below and enjoy!

Kevin Erhard 0:01
Welcome to PixelLit a podcast about reading books adapted from video games, because the only thing better than playing a video game is reading about one. I’m Kevin the archaeologist along with Phil the Conquistadork, and today we’ll be discussing the opening chapters of S.D. Perry’s Resident Evil: the Umbrella Conspiracy. As a content warning, there will be spoilers and descriptions of gore in this episode. And now on with the show.

Phil, you mentioned that you had done a little research brief research into S.D. Perry, can you tell me a little bit about her?

Phil 0:31
Yes, I’m actually really kind of excited about this because not only did I read a few of these Resident Evil novelizations whepn I was a teen, S.D. Perry and her dad, Steve Perry actually wrote a bunch of Aliens and Predator and Aliens vs Predator novels, and wrote all seven of these original Resident Evil novelizations, which sometimes are based on one of the video games, and sometimes are actual original novels.

So in this case, where we are reading a novel based on the first Resident Evil video game, which I never finished, you never finished the first game. I never finished it. Yeah, I even remake. I kept telling myself I was gonna play it while I was reading this. But there’s no evidence that that actually happened.

Kevin Erhard 1:27
The book starts with the prologue and it starts out with kind of like the classic. It’s like newspaper clippings prologue, to be honest, is not that different from the way the game starts out? If I recall correctly, it kind of starts out with a with a voiceover and ominous talking about these bizarre murders that have happened in the arklay mountains on the outskirts of Raccoon City–

Phil 1:51
–the clippings, like they hint at these cannibal murders that are happening out there. different bodies that have been found and vague speculation on what could be causing all of this it’s actually I gotta be honest, a pretty decent kind of prologue for you know what we’re going to get into?

Kevin Erhard 2:11
Yeah it’s a nice it’s a nice way to get the book started my feelings on on the book going forward after that, you know it, it goes up and down. But it starts out on–

Phil 2:25
–precisely we’ve got to say something nice about it right off the bat.

Kevin Erhard 2:28
It’s a compliment sandwich

Phil 2:29
Exactly.

Kevin Erhard 2:31
But it acts as kind of like the lore dump for for what we’re we’re heading into. Obviously, whatever’s in the books can’t be necessarily considered, quote, unquote, canon for the video game series. Because it’s, you know, the games dictate their own canon. I’ve noticed I did notice though, that that it did provide a little bit of extra extra context that’s never really provided in the games as to what the S.T.A.R.S. organization is, in the games themselves. S.T.A.R.S. always kind of seemed like, “Oh, well, we don’t want to call them SWAT. So we’re calling them S.T.A.R.S.,” you know what I mean?

Phil 3:09
But you know what we’re doing wink wink, nudge nudge.

Kevin Erhard 3:14
In this book-version of the universe S.T.A.R.S. is its own privately funded organization, like paramilitary organization that works with police. Their mercs in its problem. It’s problematic on a whole other level of cop relationship.

Phil 3:33
They do have some disparaging remarks for the local Raccoon City Police Department in here that that are actually kind of more politically charged when read nowadays than I’m sure they were meant to be. And

Kevin Erhard 3:49
yeah, it certainly it is kind of funny, looking back at this book that was written, you know, 23 or so years ago, and reading some of the things that they say about the raccoon, City Police Department and the police chief and all that stuff. That’s a little awkward reading this now.

Phil 4:11
There are actually a lot and I made a point of noting a few of them. I’m sure you did the same thing. There are actually a lot of moments in this book that I was just like, oh boy, this is not going to age well you have no idea, how not well, this is going to age.

Kevin Erhard 4:34
Right into chapter one. We’re following the perspective of one Jill Valentine and Jill Valentine, everybody’s favorite. One of the things that is never really dealt with in the Resident Evil franchise is thorough backstories for the characters.

Phil 4:58
Absolutely not.

Kevin Erhard 4:58
So all you really know about Jill is she’s in her early 20s and she’s a member of S.T.A.R.S. When we first meet her in Resident Evil One, you never really learned much beyond that. The book actually does an interesting job of kind of fleshing her out a little bit more, that she is the daughter of some master thief named Dick Valentine. He’s a master thief. He’s the best of the best except he got caught

Phil 5:22
It’s very romantic. It is very European for a theif in the way they are described.

Kevin Erhard 5:27
Exactly. Which you really don’t you really don’t get nowadays?

Phil 5:32
No, it’s a shame. It’s one of the first things that doesn’t age, we just don’t have we do not have vaguely European art thieves on the scale that we use.

Kevin Erhard 5:41
We don’t have the cat burglars that we can really look up to anymore.

Phil 5:45
The gentleman thief.

Kevin Erhard 5:46
The the gentleman thief, you know, when I was a kid, I really thought that that was a valid profession that, you know, you could go to trade school for,

Phil 5:54
You know, I actually was planning on becoming a professor. That’s what you know, that’s actually when we met, we met in grad school, I wanted to be a professor. And if that wasn’t going to work out, I wanted to be a gentleman thief. And unfortunately, these days, both of those career paths are not exactly the fun time frolics that they used to be.

Kevin Erhard 6:13
No, I Well, I think I think the thief would probably be better. better use of your time than being a professor.

Phil 6:20
Oh yeah it pays better. Yeah, I thought it was really interesting the way they did her because it’s like, kinda like, she, she’s this former criminal, his or her dad was, you know, teaching her how to be a criminal, like slowly getting her into that lifestyle, piece by piece. But then she got kind of like, invested in her community. Right? It’s like this kind of weirdly heartwarming. Leave it to Beaver kind of like why I’m like my community. So she’s kind of like our Han Solo she started out at some point is like, devil may care kind of person but now she’s doing it for a good cause. Man, she really cares about the little people.

Kevin Erhard 7:01
Yeah, yeah, it gets right into the two little girls that she had befriended and lived across the street that ultimately were became victims of these cannibals. These cannibal murderers. She she becomes ingratiating and community she she leaves the thieving life behind dig Valentine is in jail. And she she joined S.T.A.R.S. That’s pretty much where we we leave her off until we it kind of jumps over to the point of view of everybody’s favorites. Chris Redfield,

Phil 7:40
the boy next door, the Captain America, the late the great, Chris Red– He’s not late. He’s very much alive.

Kevin Erhard 7:48
Chris “boulder puncher” Redfield

Phil 7:50
Right? Yeah. And he’s like, immediately, they throw him into like, the good cop role. And he’s also on top of all of that. He very quickly they like, hint at that he’s not he’s not happy the way this investigation has been going. You know, he’s got a bad he’s got a bad feeling.

Kevin Erhard 8:11
He’s got a friend who is on the inside and who’s disappeared. Yeah.

Phil 8:15
And no one’s listening to him. No one’s listening to him. And so he’s just keeping it to him. So he’s like, he’s like the scientist in a Roland Emmerich movie.

Kevin Erhard 8:22
The Day After Tomorrow is coming and nobody is listening to Chris Redfield.

Phil 8:26
Right? Exactly. It’s just, they’re just not listening to him. And I and I love And speaking of Roland Emmerich, I actually, this is my first quote, for this whole thing. He keeps, there’s this great exchange, which I was just like, Oh, right. This is the 90s and she’s writing for a 90s audience, right goes like this. Barry scowled good naturedly old Barry could easily kick your ass into next week, little man. Joseph looked at him mock seriously. Yeah, but when you remember it afterwards. And it’s like like Barry’s the older guy in the group. So they’re like making fun of the fact that he can’t. Yeah, jumping ahead here. But like, the whole team.

Kevin Erhard 9:12
Yeah, I think it’s an it’s this weird. Like, Resident Evil universe. ageism. where like, Chris is like, 24. Right. And Jill is 22 and Rebecca is we have met Rebecca yet, but she’s 18 you know how to turn just turned 18 you’ll have old Barry is?

Phil 9:35
38

Kevin Erhard 9:36
I think he’s 35 in this.

Phil 9:39
Oh, no, no, he’s 38. Because that’s my age.

Kevin Erhard 9:44
He’s 38. He’s, he’s 38. They’re calling him the old man.

Phil 9:50
Right. He’s the old man of the group. Yeah, is the good natured, grizzled, old veteran of the team at 38 years old man. My god, I can’t believe they haven’t forced him to retire yet. And then and then of course we get in Barry’s moment here we get the intro. Basically his the intro to the Spencer house, the mysterious Spencer house and all the door dark lore associated with it. And it’s connection to everyone hold the breath. The umbrella.

Kevin Erhard 10:22
Oh god, no. Anybody My God. That’s, that’s, that’s the name of the book. I wonder if there’s gonna be a conspiracy here. Insert insert Leo DiCaprio pointing at the TV meme.

Phil 10:36
Right? No. And it’s disappointing though, because I don’t recall at any point in these books. When a character looks at another character and says we’re facing a resident evil or something. It just doesn’t happen. And I feel like that’s a huge lift.

Kevin Erhard 10:52
It is huge like that. Something I never heard about Berry and the way he’s described. I highlighted it because I thought it was absurd. Barry Burton was only six feet tall. But built like a truck.

Phil 11:10
Isn’t the average height of a man five eight. Why is it Why are we height shaming Barry Burton. Meanwhile, Rebecca was seven and a half. Chris Redfield could barely fit over the under the overhang gas station.

Kevin Erhard 11:30
Everybody else on Starz was at least six foot five. It’s that’s that should be noted.

Phil 11:37
The Magnificent nine foot four whisker was of average height for the team? No,

Kevin Erhard 11:49
sir. So yeah, Barry, it was only 38. He had been with S.T.A.R.S. for 15 years. Yeah. And the Lord dump with George Trevor, who is the architect of the Spencer mansion. The whole George Trevor stuff. It’s it’s an interesting piece of lore and information. George Trevor actually doesn’t really become super integral to the story until the remake comes out and they really flesh out his role, his involvement, and more importantly, his I believe it’s his daughter is one of the most horrifying villains in resin, the resin evil franchise history. Lisa Trevor, she’s basically just this invincible creature that stalks the mansion.

Phil 12:39
Well, that’s, that’s, I’ve always found that sort of thing. The adaptation stuff is fascinating, because it’s like, you know, how much of this did they give the author? And how much of it? Did the author just kind of wing? You know, and honestly, is there a chance that maybe SD Perry wrote something in here, that they came back to you later? And like, Oh, yeah, let’s put that in the remake or so I highly doubt that. But, you know,

Kevin Erhard 13:03
I have my doubts, but you know, I don’t know. I don’t know if if you know, if the the Capcom team was was really into taking outside sources, I do know is probably around this time, or the year later, or a year later, when I am trying to remember who on the Capcom team said it, but they had hired George Romero to write a treatment for the first Resident Evil movie. Oh, wow. I did not know that. It is it’s actually online. You can it’s it’s not it’s not treatment, it’s a full, it’s a full on script. It’s out there. You can, if you Google it, you can probably find it online. And it’s fine. It’s soup. It’s a lot closer to the game, then. Then the resin evil movie that we ended up getting? It actually feature the characters from the game in the movie. Wow, that’s crazy. And that would never work. They said his script was, quote, not very good. I would probably say that they probably had given SD parents some sort of Bible of stuff that she could put in the book. Like, here’s the basic plot of the book. And here’s some other here’s stuff that you find in the mansion that you can kind of fold then

Phil 14:27
move on to chapter two. Yeah, yeah. These these these people, the whole point is all these people, these S.T.A.R.S., representatives are coming in for a meeting. There. They’ve been called to a meeting where, you know, they were there for basically the dead. All the people who’ve been dying. It’s this. It’s this, you know, serial murdery kind of horrific story that’s been plaguing the town for four months at this point. And all the debt are assumed to have been killed by a cannabis ballistic Colt. Yes, that’s, that’s what they go with. That’s that’s their only real idea.

Kevin Erhard 15:06
I and I just want to read the passage. I highlighted it because it’s like, I can’t imagine anyone outside of the 1980s saying this with a straight face. This is Jill. She looked up at Wesker and made her pitch. My theory at this point is that there there’s a possible ritualistic cult hiding in the mountains four to 11 members strong with guard dogs trained to attack traitors in their territory.

Phil 15:42
It’s it sounds like a movie pitch to producers. Alright, we’re making this movie All right, so there is a cult there killer dogs everywhere. Yeah, there’s a word 90s

Kevin Erhard 15:54
it’s basically the that’s basically like the plot of dragnet the the the Dan Ackroyd Tom Hanks dragnet. It’s just set it in Los Angeles. And there you go.

Phil 16:12
I found it kind of amazing how they all kind of agree after that, like when her pitch they all agree that that’s probably there’s a guy that’s bad. But they also agree that the idea is crazy, which don’t get me wrong. In real life, I would expect that to be their reaction. Expected expecting like a cannibalistic kill. Really? Okay, like, but you know, so there’s a level of reality there. Which is kind of in contrast to the campiness Yeah, that Resident Evil became known for it’s really amusing. And this,

Kevin Erhard 16:46
this whole scene is happening. They’re all gathered around a dry erase board, where Wesker is writing down words on the dry erase board as to

Well yeah, this

this this one word from what you said? Yeah, we’re gonna write this down. So he writes down, territoriality. brainstorming session. It’s a brainstorming session. Meanwhile, the Bravo team has already left the Bravo team is already on like advanced scouting, like mission to. Meanwhile, the

Phil 17:17
alpha is crazy, by the way that the Bravo team was the one who had left first that that didn’t sit well with me. But that’s just a personal Yeah, yeah, it’s so but you’re right. Like, you and I have both been in writers rooms. That’s what this is. This is a writer.

Kevin Erhard 17:32
It became a writers room. And I just want to rewind back to the beginning, because I had to highlight one of the things that I am always kind of on the lookout for whenever I read the like cop military procedural type things is, is kind of like jargon, but out of place jargon. So Who said this? I think I’m assuming it’s Wesker. saying this, the rpd has already established a perimeter search spanning sectors 147 and nine, it’s the central zones were concerned with and Bravo will sit down here. And I’m like, it’s just it’s meaningless sectors 147 and nine, and the central says out of how many sectors and then later, much later get a chapter from dams like Well, we’re gonna have to sit down in Sector 22 and like, 20 How is it approved? What is the perimeter? Is this like a Jerry monitored? Is this like a gerrymandered congressional district? Well, they don’t. All right over in these sectors, everyone’s going Republican. It’s really the best way I know it looks weird.

I know it looks like a fish.

Phil 18:55
A tea that had sexual the queue. That’s that’s the way that people were living. I swear. That’s that’s the town. It’s a weird town. I know. I know. Now Yeah. And with speaking of Westerners, we do get our introduction to him. He’s the, like, the new captain. He’s the that he’s very professional. But he’s still got to prove himself to the crew. He’s that guy. Like, right? Everyone’s everyone’s kind of, you know, a little how’s this guy gonna, how’s this guy gonna do? He’s the new guy, you know, but he’s, but he’s in charge. She’s got authority. So no one knows how to take it, which is another 90s trope. It’s beautiful.

Kevin Erhard 19:34
Yeah, he’s got his aviators and his his high and tight blonde haircut. I’m not sure they do. They actually do give a physical description of whiskers hair. In this I’m trying to remember. To my I don’t recall, it’s like it’s very clear in my mind, like, the way Albert Wesker looks is is in my head. I can close my eyes and see his face. I don’t see it. I see sunglasses and the high end tight blonde. It’s almost like you know if if if Guile from Street Fighter had realistic hair that’s Western I often streetfighter forgotten about his America tattoo become a contractor. Exactly. He He joined up with Blackwater are one of those, those mercenary groups. Now that would be now that would be a dark take on the character. Yeah, no, I have that. I’m gonna I’m gonna fold that into my street fighter Street Fighter AB adaptation that I’m at

Phil 20:39
see that you do that I’m working on. Now they’ve been they’ve been they’ve been Yeah, and like you mentioned they they the first team the Bravo team sent in like they’ve got a winning First they radio in and they almost immediately lose the signal in the copter, which suggests a crash at the Spencer estate. And I’ve written here in my notes ship has hit the fan. Yeah, that it didn’t tell you know it has

Kevin Erhard 21:12
yet so you know the game is about to start. Something and I don’t know if this bothers you as much as much as bothers me is the consistent use of copter as opposed to Hawaii with the apostrophe with the apostrophe as or as opposed to just writing helicopter occasionally.

Phil 21:34
copter copter we really needed I would say we really needed to save those four letters, but we had an apostrophe so it’s really the three that were worried about

Kevin Erhard 21:44
and let me let me be honest, I am a I’m a chopper guy. I don’t I was just gonna say No one calls them copters people call chopper their choppers they’re not copters it’s been a trapper it’s been a chopper since since since predator. You can you can’t call it perfectly good. Get to the chocolate moment. Wasted ever never never to be seen after is just awkward. It’s it’s still two syllables in but it’s got it’s got the the pit and the tip right next to each other. I am not a fan of copter

Phil 22:23
just I’ll never I’ll never understand that decision. And it was it was appearing a lot in this chapter. So I was not. It happens a few times. Yeah, right up until the copter disappears,

Kevin Erhard 22:35
right until the copter they’re in Sector 22 tail end of sea except I’ve lost the signal the transmitters offline and that’s more of the that’s just you know more gerrymandering.

Phil 22:48
The chapter does end with the alphas on their way to rescuing the betas which I have also written here in my notes. Insert Mr. A joke here. But Bravo is not the Bravo’s brothers. Well, in that case, that was my that was my problem. That’s my Freud he did that you can you can call off the men and men’s rights activists. Thank God he just got to go talk to somebody apparently that was all that was just in my head. I got no one to blame but myself for that.

Kevin Erhard 23:25
The only person you have to blame is your inner insell thank God that guy is a shrimp I can take him.

A lot of this chapter just felt like filler. Yeah, we got a lot of little like little vignettes and background of most of the important players. This now we have this weird little interstitial scene of jail and a mystery man.

Phil 23:52
Yes, that brings us to chapter three. Laureus chapter three where Jill is confronted in the locker room by a a mysterious gentleman, let’s say who goes by the name

Kevin Erhard 24:10
of Trent which is the most 90s mysterious guy name. It’s like it could have been Trent. Well, it could have been like Clive like those would have been acceptable names for mysterious trench coated man. I believe he is wearing a trench coat.

Phil 24:31
Oh, yes, yes. Here I’ve got a wonderful piece of quote here. And I just, I just I love this is this is just brilliant. This is this the best description of anyone in this book so far. She trailed off that she shook her as he shook his head, grinning broadly, his dark eyes twinkling with mirth. You mistake my intentions Miss Valentine. Excuse my manners please. My name is Trent and I I’m a friend to the S.T.A.R.S.. And it sounds like he’s about to like, tell her like you know, and if you solve my three riddles are brand new untold riches. Eyes are twinkling with mirth. As the end he gives her this like, disc reader.

Kevin Erhard 25:23
Yeah, I highlighted the eyes twinkling with mirth grinning broadly. What I really like about this book is that there are opportunities for the purple list of pros. And she goes for it.

Phil 25:41
Yeah, there’s some wonderful gore descriptions in this book. Yeah, I have to say for whatever other weaknesses it has a like, some of the descriptions of death and mayhem are actually pretty over the top and font. Yeah, no, they work for red for, you know, for the brand that works. Oh, yeah. It’s completely on brand. It’s it, you know, so that that works. But yeah, and you get into this guy, and let

Kevin Erhard 26:06
me catch all of my criticisms with this. Like, everything that happens in the book is actually very on brand for the game itself. Every every bit of dialogue. Every it’s, it’s all it all dovetails very nicely into the gore but blockiness that is Resident Evil. Everything is serious, so self serious, but you can tell there’s a little wink, a wink and a nod behind it. You know, it’s not very much it’s ever it’s self aware at least

Phil 26:46
Yes, precisely. It is not trying to be anything beyond a Resident Evil novelization. You know, that’s the thing I will say the author she’s she’s clearly having fun with a lot of this.

Kevin Erhard 27:00
And just like that, like any other mysterious man, he was gone. He’s gone. He’s a like a melodramatic old spy movie. Yeah, so that that is that is Jill’s Jill’s interlude with Trent. Meanwhile, over by the helicopter, you know, Wesker is getting a little impatient because Jill is taking her time getting the crap out of lockers.

Phil 27:29
Yeah, and everyone, everyone’s taking their time. And I like that we get, we get, you know, everyone’s finally showing up piece by piece person by person. And we’re getting a lot more of that light. expository sort of like, okay, you know, this is what’s happening and work on and done it and eta three minutes, all that stuff. And then we get this weird moment that happens throughout the book with Chris, specifically. Any time someone of the opposite sex is within 50? I know. Some sort of like, yeah, it’s like like a Jill comes in. She’s She’s been taking her sweet time, you know, talking to the mysterious stranger and no one knows what the heck she is. And she kind of like, shows up last second. And the cool here is abruptly she unhooked her belt and moved to sit next to him being Chris. He caught a faint center for skin. A clean, soapy smell is the first of our like, is that meant to be sexual?

Kevin Erhard 28:40
Yeah, there was like a there’s a description of his eyes earlier. Yeah, in the previous chapter. And, and then there was the next paragraph. So this is the thing is like, we’re reading this as as as two people in their 30s in a post in a post irony poisoned world in 2021. Which is a fair point, which is a fair point. This is written in 1998. But the next paragraph is her voices pitch so low, he had to lean in to hear her over the throbbing of the inch. And I had to pause for a minute is like throbbing added. That’s that’s an interesting choice of words for for the engine. What

Phil 29:30
are we going to talk about? Yo, yo, what’s going on? Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. And it’s and it’s all so she can like she like basically implies to Chris that, like his misgivings are probably right and should give because because before Trent and I mentioned Trenton quotes, which I always thought was funny. He leaves he basically gives her the standard X Files Trust no one right sort of advice, and she passes on the same advice to Chris being like Just trust nobody because we’re mysterious since the 90s is the is the X Files is at its peak at the moment. But the but then we so basically everyone they roll out they’re on their way to go rescue the Bravo’s not the betas. It’s like we can we can we can lean into them being betas I’m sure well, you know, they got they got caught with their pants down. What’s more beta than that? Yeah, yeah, less or less Bennett depending on how you interpret that sentence. But it brings me to my first pointedly Oh, that didn’t age well quote. And this is for anyone who’s reading along on the top of page 45 and basically they’re going through their guns you know, they make a big deal out of berries 357 Python, you know, I know I know exactly what you’re going to but I’m gonna make a big damn deal out of out of these these big damn guns. And Joseph who we will not have to worry about for very long spoilers. Says I hope we don’t need these Joseph since slapping in a clip and bury nodded agreement just because he paid his dues to the NRA didn’t mean he was some Trigger Happy dumb ass looking to kill he just liked guns. Oh times have had this ever were that way to begin with? I don’t we don’t have any evidence that that’s really what the NRA was no the 90 we don’t you can’t anyone who would dare write that sense and 2021 with a straight face deserves to be like a defense attorney for criminals like that’s just if you can do that with a say that with a straight face then you are a liar on like a trumpian level scale.

Kevin Erhard 31:54
I mean, 1998 whose Whose is it? Is it still Charlton Heston? Yeah, I get asked him I believe so. Yeah, he was actually starting in 1998 he was when he started. Wow. Yeah. Five turn president of the NRA from 98 to 2003. And then it was a weighing lump here. Yeah, yeah. God, yeah. So cold dead hands, cold dead hands, baby. cold dead hands. And I’m not a gun. I’m not a gun nut. I just like guns.

Phil 32:33
You know, on second thought, the more you The more you delve into the explanation of it, the more you’re like actually, that might still work today.

Unknown Speaker 32:41
Yeah. Yeah. So it’s really it’s really an early heel turn for Barry. Immediately anyone reading in 2020. One’s like, trust this guy. Paid. I don’t know. He said he is who He says He did how he paid his dues. Okay. Great. Just great. Love that for him.

Kevin Erhard 33:08
We truly love that for Barry. So yeah, they land. They got the guns. Barry pays his NRA dues? Yeah, he was he was checking his phone and paying them on their website. He was this is this is ahead of its time he was that was how forward thinking Barry was he was an early adopter to digital payments to the NRA, the NRA specifically. Yeah, everyone told him they would never it would never go anywhere. Who’s laughing now? Yeah. And then right before they get out of the helicopter, Joseph says something like, Hey, I just got you know, I just invested in this thing. It’s called Bitcoin. And I got 10 Bitcoin in my in my crypto wallet. Hopefully nothing happens to me. And then the love of my life is able to access them in the event of my

Phil 33:53
denial. And they all like hugged him and told him that they would never let anything happen to him.

Kevin Erhard 33:58
Yeah. And then a special member of this team, and then there was a standing ovation. And an eagle flew through the air and gutted a liberal college professor, that man was Albert Einstein. And yeah, so if this and then the book ended the end of the book. Now we’re just getting started was fast. That was the that was the end of chapter three. And now we’re known.

Phil 34:33
I’d like to point out here at the beginning of chapter four, I used the word copter, I write copter in my notes. And I immediately felt like oh, no, they got me.

Kevin Erhard 34:48
Your cabs or personnel there, you’re not a chapter person anymore.

Phil 34:52
I’m a copter person. Oh, man. It’s just saying and I feel like I’m a toddler spinning around my arms outstretched. How am I

Kevin Erhard 35:00
They find the Bravo’s or the betas as as they had been referred to. They find rectally correctly they find them there hello there their helicopter. Oh yeah, they find the copter, the copter it’s just kind of like smoking and sitting there and not working anymore then so they start spreading out and you know doing a little little search in the perimeters. Hey what’s up, and then things take a turn for the worse. worse. When it seems like they they find a hand, a hand a disembodied hand and pretty much immediately our good friend, Bitcoin innovator Albert Einstein. Joey boy, Joseph, Joe. Really just my favorite character in the whole book.

Phil 35:55
Oh, he was so good. So great. gets his throat play dog. Just Just take him down in the prime of his life three days before retirement

Kevin Erhard 36:08
down he absolutely. And I’m not just torn, torn to shreds you say? Just absolutely destroyed by a dog. One of those one of those zambo dogs. We don’t know that there’s zombies yet. We know that. And that’s why they are skinless and that’s usually a giveaway that something is

Phil 36:34
wrong with them. You see a skinless dog usually you’re dealing with a zombie every now and then mites but that’s mostly it’s mostly sometimes it’s just mange bad case. mange. Yeah, exactly. You get creamed steroids. They’re fine. Either way. If your dog is if it’s mange or zombie and your dog kills Joseph, consider consider a muscle. That’s just good safety

Kevin Erhard 37:02
practices. Be a be a good neighbor. Your good neighbor. State Farm is there. Joseph dies.

Unknown Speaker 37:21
Joseph’s dead he’s dead. He’s not coming back. Dad. He’s not coming back. The team does not take it well. No.

Kevin Erhard 37:28
He just dies. Because Joseph was their favorite and the age at which they just waste a ton of bullets on these dogs that just aren’t dying.

Phil 37:35
They do they do they they learn immediately. Would anyone who’s played a Resident Evil game learns pretty quick. Don’t shoot the dog just want

Kevin Erhard 37:46
this year to get save the ammo and run around it. You’re You’re better off just just holding that sprint button because I gotta tell you they’re a sound bitch to actually hit.

Phil 37:57
Now they are and it’s not worth it just run you’ll probably take one hit. But you’ll be okay. There’s some green herb in the next room. Exactly. Yeah, it’s it’s sucks. And they are running from these dogs. And then pilot Brad who’s my second favorite character after Joseph. He chickens out. And he takes that copter, he takes it out of there without the team. He flies out of there and over

Kevin Erhard 38:22
and he is like, you know what, I am making a business decision right now. And he pieces out. And you know what? I was not expecting this out of somebody whose name nickname is chicken heart. I assumed that. I assumed that it was like an ironic nickname. It wasn’t it was literal nickname. Which also see what you expect.

Phil 38:46
You expect more from a guy known as panty waist Biggie and, and they you know you can’t put your faith in anybody these days. Yeah, you can’t.

Kevin Erhard 38:57
So yeah, he he pieces out and and they’re left holding the doggie bag. Oh, I see what you did. Yeah, I was waiting. Might insert like a laugh track on that one. Yeah, yeah, we’re gonna have a talk about it’s just a lot of running. There’s pages and pages of running

Phil 39:21
55 pages of running. I’m not screwing with you people. It’s

Kevin Erhard 39:24
a lot of ruts, a lot of running lungs aching. And finally they they get to the mansion, which Wesker has led them to more or less. Maybe Wesker isn’t what he seems. Whoo. But yeah, Wesker kind of knew exactly where the mansion was from. They are now in the mansion where the evil has taken. Residents Ah, hasn Oh, I’m not mad. I’m impressed. Our chapter ends with Wesker silently cursing Brad Vickers again and wondered if they were any better off inside than out and that is what we call foreshadowing.

Phil 40:16
That’s all the Porsche is somewhere. A foreshadowing Angel got its wings. Just beautiful. Absolutely. Alright, so we’re, we’re, we’re, we’re cooking now we’re cooking a little bit. Yeah, we’re in chapter five what’s what’s going on in chapter five here? Now well chapter five we get you know it actually, I heard the music in my head now I didn’t play I never finished resin evil one. But I played the crap out of version of evil two, and the moment you get into that mansion, and that it just you can hear that sparse weird piano music in my head. And that that’s the thing about this book. You can’t help but feel correctly. I believe that this book is written for people who have played the game.

Kevin Erhard 41:10
Yeah, it’s it’s, this is not for people who are here it let’s be honest, there are probably some people out there that were only allowed to read the books and couldn’t play the game or, or whatever. But the target audience of this book is people who could see the game. room by room in their head.

Phil 41:32
Yeah, yeah. And, and the whole thing. And I think this is actually a pretty decent, kind of almost kind of a vaguely cosmic horror description on page 56. Without having to get into a ton of the details. We’ve got a quote here, this is a Jill took a deep breath and decided immediately that she didn’t like it. There was a sense of wrongness to the vast room and atmosphere of vague oppression. It felt haunted somehow, though, by who or what she couldn’t say. And I really do not appreciate the description of my bedroom in 2021. But

we have fun here fun, pixel lit. And there’s an offhand mentioned, by the way of an antique typewriter.

Kevin Erhard 42:23
I liked that, that she folded the the literal typewriter at which you save your game into the book.

Phil 42:30
Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Well, Easter egg, and there are a few of those in the book. But that’s, that’s the first one that I noticed where it was like. Yeah. Yep. And so they’re all they’re all kind of taking their time. And Chris decides that he’s going to go and inspect a noise that they all hear, which, as we all know, is always the smartest decision. Yeah, go by yourself to inspect the noise after you’ve been chased by mange ridden zombie dogs.

Kevin Erhard 43:04
St. Patrick actually writes in something about the stars are trained to actually go off on their own or to to move without partners or backup or something like that. She did. And that’s good writing. Actually, that’s not what’s not good writing. But it’s it’s at least some level of an X. It’s like, I give her a ton of credit for justifying for writing in justifications for dumb decisions that characters.

Phil 43:33
That’s the reason you never hear about the stars anymore. They’ll die one by one. We’d love to tell you how they died. But they were all by themselves and we never found out found

Kevin Erhard 43:41
out they all disappeared. They’ve literally went extinct. Shriners had a longer legacy than stars. I highlighted this that Beretta that Joseph had found out in the field the pale bloods, blood spattered fingers still wrapped around a star’s team member dead or dying. And thanks to Brad, they didn’t even have a band aid to offer. Let’s just think somebody who’s missing their hand is a lot more than a band aid.

Phil 44:11
Hey, hey, listen, I know that your your your hand is missing. But don’t worry. I’ve got a SpongeBob bandit, although anyone who’s fleet Resident Evil seven knows that hands can be reattached with, you know, basic, basic to you just need

Kevin Erhard 44:30
a staple gun and some of that goop to pour on it and you’re good to go.

Phil 44:35
Yeah. And I’ve got a few rednecks to help you out. Yeah, it’s beautiful. It’s a beautiful thing that novelization. I’m sure it

Kevin Erhard 44:43
actually I’m not gonna say I’m sure it exists, but I would love it to exist. And actually I would love We will find out. I wouldn’t mind writing it myself.

Phil 44:52
Oh God, I’d have fun with that my holy cow. telling you what to write it at this point listeners The newest Resident Evil game it Resident Evil village, has not yet been released. But I have already preemptively been denied the opportunity to write the novelization of that one, because they did not. They got the 150 page fan fiction of the 900 foot tall woman with the boobs in the hat for me, with the with the Mary Sue key character bill feeling they really did not they didn’t take me seriously. They didn’t appreciate that one. No, they did not appreciate that. They didn’t. They didn’t get what I was thinking. They didn’t pick up when I was splitting. You know, I

Kevin Erhard 45:49
think you should really just carry on with that fanfiction, though. I

Phil 45:52
mean, oh, yeah, no, I just hit my 500 page, or second child was born recently.

Kevin Erhard 45:58
Let me tell you, the internet will celebrate it.

Phil 46:00
Well, the internet celebrates a lot of weird stuff. And that’s one of them that I know. I know. I’ll find my tribe. Through that one. I suppose this is a good time to announce that I recently became engaged.

Kevin Erhard 46:12
Yeah, congratulations. I mean, I’ve congratulated you several times. Not on a podcast, but

Phil 46:18
she is really over my crush on lady

Kevin Erhard 46:21
IO. I. Yeah, I bet that’s why I’d never even mentioned it to my wife.

Phil 46:27
Oh, you’re you’re a smarter. She is over it. Her biggest complaint was who wears a hat that day. It’s not practical. And I knew I was like, there she is. She’s the awareness. That’s that’s. That’s the woman for me. A woman. She’s the one. So while while he’s investigating. Chris finds our first zombie. Round of applause. And and he’s remarkably intuitive about it, too. I got a quote here. From page 62, where he says he hit the door with one shoulder was vaguely aware that it latched close behind him as he stared at the fallen stinking heap dead. That things that got walking, goddamn dead. All in hyphens, the cannibal attacks and raccoon all of them near the forest. you’d seen enough late night movies to know what he was looking at. But he still couldn’t believe it. Zombies. Yeah, so we get to the core here.

Kevin Erhard 47:30
I actually really appreciated this because let me tell you, one of my pet peeves about almost every piece of zombie fiction that has come out in the past 20 or so years, aside from Resident Evil is the refusal to just actually acknowledge them for what they are. Oh, yeah, so like The Walking Dead is like oh the walkers or the blah blah blahs or the whatever, you know, right pick a pick pick some sort of it’s not like it felt like zombie is a copy of copyrighted term. But they’ve like kind of gauche to call them a zombie I guess you come off as like cheesy and right just like just just call them a zombie. Come on, get it over. We’ll know what we’re stopped trying to construct some new it’s it’s basically that scene from from Mean Girls strap stop trying to make fetch happen. Stop trying to make Walker happen. And we are sick of it. We do not watch your show anymore. Miss Perry St. Perry. She just she just writes that. Oh, he’s seen the movies. He knows what he’s looking at. It’s a zombie. Right? And meanwhile, in every movie in the past 20 years. It’s like, Oh, what is it? It’s it’s the it’s the undead Bubba line and they somehow never they somehow dance around using the term zombie for like, 20 goddamn minutes until some slang term wraps up. And it infuriates me because it is it is. It just feels like it’s it’s a writer who is just tap dancing around. And it’s just like, look at how clever I am. Look at how clever I am. Just say it just just goes Xeo and bi e period. News just move on with your goddamn story.

Phil 49:31
Right? They want to they want to make their own version of it. They want to brand their own thing. And it’s like come on, man. Even if you did, like let’s

Kevin Erhard 49:38
you didn’t invent this, you’re you’re it’s like it’s like having vampires and then never using the term vampire. It’s like a vampire. The Masquerade had somehow called a cell Vampire the Masquerade and never used vampires otherwise or something like that.

Phil 49:56
It’s like I am I am gonna point out as is a huge Vampire the Masquerade fan, they actually do avoid using vampire pretty frequently. They’re either called Kindred or canine. You know that because today I learned. Yeah, there you go. They, they, they do, they do have a lot of but it’s a little more gracefully done, I find and it’s got decades of crap to back it up. But and I also it’s my favorite roleplay game, so maybe I forgive it for that. But otherwise, you’re absolutely stupid shit. Everyone else other than the thing that I like is wrong. Just call it the thing that is that’s all I’m saying. Yeah, yeah. And speaking of that writing there, there was there’s actually some really gruesome stuff described here. And I will say that the thing that impressed me that continues on by the way, she doesn’t she doesn’t do it once and forget about that. The author, she describes the stink of the corpse. Yeah, the walking corpses. And that’s like one of the one things that you’re not going to be able to experience in the video game. And she kind of grabs on to that. So that it it’s like a really clever way of establishing the difference between reading a book of resin table and playing the game. And I appreciate that, you know, adaptation that was that was kind of cool that she was

Kevin Erhard 51:20
leaning into the strength of the different medium.

Phil 51:23
It’s one of the last time she’ll be able to do that in this book, by the way. So strap in. It’s, it’s one of the last moments that you’re like, Oh, I see why they made this into a book and like there’s there’s some, okay, yeah, there’s a value here. Like it’s one of the last moments so really, really savor that.

Kevin Erhard 51:41
Also, I really enjoyed that. she she she wrote this sentence behind him a wet movement. I never knew that I needed hear the word wet. used like

until

Phil 52:03
Oh, yeah, that’s that’s that’s like a that’s a morning this the only way you can describe a morning after a night of drinking gin. Is is not pleasant. You’re not proud of yourself. Not a BM it’s

Oh, yeah.

Kevin Erhard 52:26
I really I just want the listeners to get to know who I am right off the bat. That’s that’s that’s establishing my character here. gin and wine and southern is three words that really come

up

Phil 52:39
pretty much in wine and southern. I mean, you know what? I’m not gonna argue with.

That’s about that’s pretty solid. To be completely honest. I think I’m just disappointed that you got my number.

Kevin Erhard 52:56
There’s a brief interlude where they write about we hear about Barry’s wet work that he did down to Ecuador. Some random Yeah. Barry had once done covert hostage rescue in Ecuador, where a group of farmers had been held for weeks by a band of insane guerrilla rebel rebels. Several the hostages had been killed early in the siege. And after the stars managed to capture the rebels, Barry had gone with one of the survivors to record the deaths. Therefore victims have been shot. Their bodies stuck behind the small wooden shack after the rebels had taken over. Yes, he has his like Alfred, some people just want to watch Matt weld moment is the basically the only reason it gets brought brought up is because the zombies remind him of the dead farmers who had been left out in the sun and their skin had been like peeled back and all that stuff as the book really gets into it. And as you mentioned earlier, yeah, she really doesn’t hold back on the descriptions of dead body.

Phil 54:00
No, it’s it’s anyhow, if you’re a gore fan, if you like our stuff that connects it’s it’s good. It’s good stuff. It’s well written.

Kevin Erhard 54:08
Hey, thanks for listening to Episode One of pixel IQ. If you haven’t already, subscribe and leave a five star rating. On the next episode, we dive deeper into Resident Evil the umbrella conspiracy.

Here’s a sneak peek right now. Not to get off on too much of a tangent but you know we’re here. We’re here. It’s that time.

It’s time.

And I swear, ladies and gentlemen and ladies and gentle times. We’re going to get past a few more chapters tonight. Don’t you worry. But

we’re not

we’re not this is as far as we go. They go back to the fancy ass atrium of the state. And Westar is gone. And allowed core plays. This is just a reminder for later future Kevin make sure you cut it out, inserts a loud MIDI chord being played. Thanks, man. Future Kevin Here you are. You are. You’re doing God’s work my friend. Yeah, he’s he’s a really great guy. And he’s 100% for sure. Going to cut all this back and forth about the middie courts out, but we know they’re there. We know they’re around. We know they’re around. They’re not Bigfoot. Zombies are more like Bigfoot. Actually, probably even less plausible than then Bigfoot because we have photos of Bigfoot. Also less friendly. Yeah. Yeah. Like Bigfoot like

Phil 55:27
find found out Bigfoot was real. Tomorrow. I’d be kind of fun. I found out zombies were real tomorrow. I don’t I wouldn’t feel good. I’m not feeling good thinking about it right now.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

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