Episode 6: Halo – The Fall of Reach Part 1

In this episode, Phil and Kevin start a new book! Well not a NEW book, but a new book to THEM. And being the Halo noobs that they are they make a HILARIOUS error and assertion during the course of the pod. Now that we are making fun of how silly they are you won’t hold it against them, right? Right?

I think you are picking up what I’m putting down.

Automated Transcript

Kevin Erhard 0:00
Hey there everybody. Welcome back to pixel let’s, with me, as always is my good friend Phil the keys to dork. Hello, everybody.

So today we are starting a brand new book series. And Phil, what are we going to be talking about?

Phil 0:17
Today, Kevin, we are going to start our way through Halo, the fall of reach by Eric nylund. And it’s the first in what appears to be a very long series of Halo novels. So yeah, this is basically as far as I understand it, the prequel to Halo.

Kevin Erhard 0:41
Hmm, yeah, you know what’s funny is we’re gonna go into this book and I have to make a gamer confession. Okay, I have barely played Halo.

Phil 0:55
Yeah, yeah, I I played Halo. I only ever played the first one. And actually in preparation for this one because I remember being kind of embarrassed in our last book with Resident Evil that I had never fully played through all of the first Resident Evil so I started playing Halo one again. And I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt that you do not need to have ever played Halo to read this book.

Kevin Erhard 1:26
Yeah, that was the that was actually the the vibe I was getting from the book. And we’ll get into it but it’s first impressions. This is this is a pretty tight book

Phil 1:37
so far. It’s It’s pretty good. It’s you know, honestly, I think for me, I played Halo but I never got super into the franchise like a lot of my friends did. Because I was already a Warhammer 40k nerd. And yeah,

Kevin Erhard 1:50
there’s only so much space military stuff that exactly absorb into their life.

Phil 1:57
I’m good you know when you give when you got when you got into 40k stuff Halo is it at best it’s like okay, that’s cute. You at least that’s how it looked you know on the outside look again but yeah, it first impression so far. Without getting into the whole thing too much. Yeah, I’d say this is a this is a pretty tight book. It’s It’s It’s a little more well constructed than our last book is.

Kevin Erhard 2:29
And obviously we both we both thoroughly liked the last book for the most part with the with the odd with the Add exceptions around phrasing and

Phil 2:41
write and embrace and Cockers

Kevin Erhard 2:45
and the copters and the copters. There’s there’s no copters in Halo, everything, no copter, they’ve moved past copter technology and Halo. I don’t know copters just pelicans, just pelicans. We can we can jump right into it. And this book starts with a prologue and you know, it’s going to be good when there’s a prologue at the beginning, because that means that means someone cared enough to really like, you know what, this isn’t the plot, but it’s important to the plot. So I’m going to write extra stuff, just to it’s it’s that context. And I liked it, it was a nice little scene.

Phil 3:24
It’s that it’s that classic meat grinder introduction, where, you know, it’s like, Look, we’re gonna have to give you some exposition here pretty heavily to begin with. So to keep your attention Why don’t I throw you a big ol war scene where we openly and freely mix Norse and Greek mythology for our names and all that stuff. I know that’s gonna be exciting for you. Yeah.

Kevin Erhard 3:54
We got we got the Spartans running around and their mule near armor, which I’ve, I’ve been reading to the ever been, I’ve been reading and listening to the audiobook for the most part. And it’s made me giggle every time because the guy who read the the audio book does a fantastic job. Unfortunately, nobody told him how to pronounce meal near which I don’t know how it’s pronounced and in the game, because I’ve barely played the game, but

Phil 4:26
I don’t think they ever bring it up.

Kevin Erhard 4:29
Bring it up. But in the book, in the book on tape version, which made me sound that just made me sound a million years old, in the audible version of the book. In the, again, the

Phil 4:43
audio book version that I checked out from the Public Library.

Kevin Erhard 4:46
I checked it out from the public library and it plays on my eight track. It’s wonderful. It’s wonderful technology.

Phil 4:53
I can cruise down the street in my horseless carriage isn’t

Kevin Erhard 4:59
doing it. Coupe de Ville

Phil 5:02
beautiful mono audio

Unknown Speaker 5:04
technology of it all. In moto we are so off track already already. This

Kevin Erhard 5:09
is why it took five episodes to get through a relatively light Resident Evil.

Phil 5:15
Yeah. And this book is at least 100 pages longer.

Kevin Erhard 5:19
Oh gosh. Lord have mercy on us anyway. What was

Phil 5:24
our audience? The audience so yeah, so yeah the guy wearing mule near

Kevin Erhard 5:29
the Spartans wearing mule near except the guy on the audio book says Majola.

Phil 5:33
Are you kidding me? He says my pet owner. Yes, he does.

Kevin Erhard 5:39
Magellan, they’re in their mid shoulder battle armor. And I was like, oh, man,

Phil 5:45
because when did this book come out? Yeah, hold on. I’m sure. 1010

No, no, you know, 2001

Kevin Erhard 5:52
or the book came out. Oh, the book came out in 2001. Okay,

Phil 5:55
yeah. What

Kevin Erhard 5:56
was it in 2010? So, oh, yeah,

Phil 5:59
okay, okay. Okay. That’s what the differences. Yeah, yeah. The the book came out in 2001. I don’t even have you seen my I have my old beat up s. Paper edition. Yeah, it doesn’t even have doesn’t even have your fancy nine year ahead forward.

Kevin Erhard 6:15
Yeah. So I bet so I think I know where you’re going. You’re wondering if Thor had come out yet.

Phil 6:23
Exactly. I know that would be that’s we can we can talk a big game here about being able to pronounce millionaire if I’m doing it right. The mule near Yeah. But it but but if I had tried to pronounce it in 2001, God only knows what I would have actually said. So I’m not going to give him too much guff over that. Yeah, we’re all very cocky here in the year 2021. When there are three count them three Thor movies. You know, it’s a horn of plenty that we never would have expected. And we didn’t think we didn’t we didn’t think we were going to get a scarlet witch TV show.

Kevin Erhard 7:06
We did. Were you barely we’re barely gonna get a we were like, Oh, there they might make a movie on Spider Man.

Phil 7:13
Right? Right. They made an X man movie and it blew our brains out of our ears. We could not believe it.

Kevin Erhard 7:20
So believe it and it was and like looking back on it. It was like it was they tried to fix the x men by put them in the black leather outfits getting like automatic. That’s a whole separate podcast moving Hold on.

Phil 7:35
Yeah, we’re gonna have to Yeah, yeah. erase, erase, erase. This will be covered up and editing. No, it won’t I demand that you leave it in.

Kevin Erhard 7:45
Everything’s gonna be left in.

Phil 7:47
Everything’s lifted, no edits people. It can’t be edited.

Kevin Erhard 7:51
So what happens in the prologue like what, what, who? Who do we meet? What are we seeing what’s going on in this in this prologue?

Phil 7:59
Oh, we got the Spartans in their Norse armor. They’re fighting a bunch of Covenant grunts that come in at being an affiliation slash alliance of aliens that are fighting against Earth, your classic dark alien horde baddies. And it really is a nice glimpse into the video game because frankly, you are going to go a long time in this book before you see anything that reminds that reminds you too much of Halo. If at that point, all you’ve done is played the first Halo. You’re not going to see a ton after this prologue that that looks like the Halo game because you know, but so they give you that’s what this prologue is about. It’s like hey, just so you know, you didn’t get the wrong book. We’ve got blue team vs Red Team coming out. Hello, this is hey, we’ve got your weird little, you know, alien bots screaming panicking running around and a lady Spartan coming out and taking out a cannon. You know, and you know, again, feminism wins. And it’s it’s and you know, and it’s, it’s just it’s a lot of fun. It’s a big action scene. It makes me think a lot of 40k with fewer illusions to the Catholic Church, pretty much. I didn’t say you know, I said fewer.

Kevin Erhard 9:25
Would you say that? Well, yeah, they use the word covenant, which is right. Super religio. So,

Phil 9:34
yeah. Which makes you wonder with it’s the Spartans and their Norse technology, fighting the covenant. Is this pagans fighting back against the monotheistic

Kevin Erhard 9:45
God against the Holy Roman Empire. Is this is this a whole? Is it a whole thing? I don’t, I don’t know. Is it an allegory,

Phil 9:58
speaking as a man who took a single literary criticism class, while getting his master’s degree, I’m going to confirm Yes, that’s exactly what this is all about. pagans versus JK versus Catholics. That’s what this is. That’s what this is. We figured it out. The theme has been just exposed to the bone, my friend

Kevin Erhard 10:19
theme established stablish. So the Spartans are dominant, they just absolutely obliterate the grunts like there is. There is nothing that the grunts can do to stop the Spartans from just grinding them up into a little grunt paste,

Phil 10:39
you almost feel isn’t a single Oh, you do it because there’s not a single move they make that the Spartans don’t have some plan for like, they’ve got it figured out, you know, and it’s just, you can hear the fucking Metallica playing in the background. Or more appropriately, honestly, if you’ve never played Halo, just just, this is what you ought to do. Go find the halo soundtrack and listen to it while you’re reading the book because honestly, that soundtrack rules it’s got I forgot how good it is. It’s this perfect combination of like early 1000s metal music, and a symphony orchestra shit. It’s the it’s the Metallica made them album where they played with a symphony orchestra and they call it an s&m Symphony and Metallica. Because they’re very, James Hetfield is very clever, and very, very clever. And it’s awesome. And that’s what the soundtrack is. It’s just a whole it’s and you can just hear that playing in the background while they’re doing this. And they’ve got cool badass quotes, like a ship just wasn’t home. The battlefield was shuck on like it’s right there, man. It’s

Kevin Erhard 12:00
it’s really energized. By the the prologue ends on a down note, basically, for as good as the Spartans are on the ground. The United Nations space space force established by Donald J. Trump in the year 2019.

Phil 12:22
The Euro warlord Yep. Okay. In his in his and his q forces of Space Marines, the Q the Q,

Kevin Erhard 12:33
the Q Marines,

Phil 12:34
I can’t worry Marines.

Kevin Erhard 12:38
Yeah, oh, look, I’ll debate on editing that out whether I really got the attention of cue Burks on to this.

Phil 12:49
And they’re busy wondering why you know,

Kevin Erhard 12:52
honestly, they’re not gonna want this thing so

Phil 12:55
you’re wondering a lot of things actually, I

Kevin Erhard 12:56
don’t know. I’ll let it ride I’m gonna let it ride.

Phil 13:00
Nice man. I don’t know I’m going to

Kevin Erhard 13:03
ride the lightning in a callback

Phil 13:09
with with a quiet shrug to himself maybe I did

Kevin Erhard 13:12
shrug. I did. I it was it was a real you know, the guests all die meme. Right? It was that guy?

Phil 13:22
That I think we all knew that’s exactly what

Kevin Erhard 13:24
you were right in the right in the mind’s eye. As good as the Spartans are the the you United Nations error space Navy, whatever they are. They’re, they’re at their bad. Like, they just absolutely suck at what they’re doing. There are no they’re like,

Phil 13:41
yeah, they’re like, no human colonies left. They’re very they’re like, yeah, alien, the

Kevin Erhard 13:45
we’re constantly losing, they’re just losing every chance they get there. They’re winning ground wars, but winning a ground war doesn’t matter if the spaceships are getting blown out of the sky.

Phil 13:57
Right. And I would like to point out that this prologue ends with a big Papa chief. What’s his fucking name? Master? Master Chief. Goldberg. We’ve got Steiner I’m reaching out to Bungie. Bungie, can we please retroactively change his name for the last 21 years to big Papa chief? I’d really appreciate it. So big Papa Chief, they they they finished their mission and he requests to watch as they literally obliterate the entire planet. Yeah, like they just blow it to shreds and they wants to

Kevin Erhard 14:40
watch. He wants to watch the covenant just turn all their lasers onto the surface of the planet which

Phil 14:46
he’s he’s doing well, therapy is going really well.

Kevin Erhard 14:49
Therapy is going well speaking of therapy. I mean, I guess we’ll get to that in like chapter two or whatever.

Phil 14:57
I’m in therapy. You’re in therapy. Big The Chiefs in therapy big

Kevin Erhard 15:01
Papa chief is in therapy.

Phil 15:03
Oh, he needs to be. That’s one thing we find out about him in this book that man needs therapy,

Kevin Erhard 15:10
that man needs therapy. They there’s been some questionable choices in raising him. And yes,

Phil 15:17
we’ll get therapy and let’s say maybe a hug. Yeah, we’ll get there. I’ll get there.

Kevin Erhard 15:23
So that’s that’s the end of the prologue. And we, we skip right into chapter one where we introduce we Well, first, it’s weird chapter one is told from the point of view of a character who, thus far into the book we are not going to see again, right? We will never see him again. He is, his name is Jacob keys. Hey, there, it’s future Kevin editing this episode. Boy, were we wrong. He totally shows up later in the book. And in the halo video games. We made this mistake several times in the episode. So please laugh with us and mostly at us as we continue down this journey into wrongness.

Phil 16:02
Because I want to stay on top of this and call out any easter eggs that aren’t really deeply hidden like ticks in the skin of a newborn baby font. I’ve been like every time there’s like a proper noun or a name or something like that. I will like check it out online on the halo pedia or whatever it’s called. And look it up and and nothing just nothing this this this is this man is nothing.

Kevin Erhard 16:30
This man is nothing.

Phil 16:35
He’s nothing his his mother doesn’t even call him on his birthday. Yeah, Jacob keys but I still wrote his name down. Because I was like, ooh, is that a person? No, no, it’s not that happens a lot in this book.

Kevin Erhard 16:48
does happen a lot? Yeah, definitely. Definitely not gonna live this one down. So he wakes up from his cryo sleep. Just just in enough time to awkwardly turn his male gaze on to Dr. Hall.

Phil 17:05
Dr. Halsey, who doesn’t? I’ll tell you what. It was a big old flirt. She’s she knows what she’s doing. She Yeah, I

Kevin Erhard 17:13
mean, she’s she’s flirting a little bit. But yeah, I thought it was weird. Like Jacob Keyes gets like zero. Physical like description. But meanwhile, Dr. halsy is her pale skin make made her look like a ghost in the fog. matted, lots of dark hair clung to her neck. She didn’t look much older than him and she was lovely. Not beautiful, but definitely a striking woman for a civilian anyway. And I was like, I don’t know what that’s that that last part means it

Phil 17:41
does. It does back very hard of like I’ve seen hotter. Like she’s not that hot. I mean, don’t get me wrong. I bought are you guys?

Kevin Erhard 17:56
That’s Jacob keys. Official canon Jacob keys voice.

Phil 18:01
I would really appreciate when a halo movie is made, if I will be properly cast as Jacob keys because I nailed that. You nailed it.

Kevin Erhard 18:13
So yeah, they they have their little moments of of basically it’s it’s the Eric Mr. Knight nylund wrote in a scene of like, you remember the JJ Abrams Star Trek movie? The first one? Where? What’s your name? The scientists. She basically just strips down into her bra and panties. Oh, right. She’s like, She’s like, oh, whatever, blah, blah, blah. It’s basically that scene.

Phil 18:49
And it’s kind of it’s kind of adorable or weird. or both, let’s say both, where he keeps kind of finicky about whether or not it’s okay for him to see her naked. He kind of shifts around. It clearly makes him a little uncomfortable. But she doesn’t give a shit. Which is kind of her establishing dominance because she’s an alpha female. It’s like what these breasts Yeah, I got them. They’re spectacular. But I’m still a bad bitch. Which is not said out loud so much. But it’s there.

Kevin Erhard 19:19
You can tell. It’s a subtext. Right. I know, writers use subtext. They’re all cowards. They’re all.

Phil 19:27
All of them. Yeah, she kind of like she did. But it was then like, there’s this funny scene after that where the computer is like, She’s like, kind of ordering the computer around. Do you remember what i’m talking?

Kevin Erhard 19:43
Yeah, I know exactly what you’re talking about. She she basically breaks the AI

Phil 19:50
just keeps interrupting it. And it’s it’s the I kept thinking of the scene from Austin Powers when Yes, yeah. When they announced freeze him and he’s peeing in the computer’s like evacuation complete evacuation It was like that it’s that’s the scene that is just another another chance for her to show that she’s a bad bitch and she will not be ordered around by man or machine dammit

Kevin Erhard 20:17
no no she it’s it’s a two part yeah it’s it’s her establishing dominance in two parts once over this schmuck, Jacob keys and I say schmuck in the most lovingly way possible

Phil 20:33
as a schmuck

Unknown Speaker 20:34
I can I can say that I took no offence and then she does it to the AI this schmuck this AI

Phil 20:41
the AI. Yeah. Jacob keys the schmuck and AI the Putz. That’s Yes, exactly. That Yiddish journey. That’s that’s what that is.

Kevin Erhard 20:52
Yes. journey down Yiddish insults. So yeah, that’s and then it also kind of sneaks in some like some lore some world building in there where it’s who these yar these waters be dangerous. That’s my Jacob keys impression.

Phil 21:11
Man. See, I didn’t mean I don’t need this competition, Kevin, because you fucking nailed that. That’s so good.

Kevin Erhard 21:18
He’s talking about how like, dammit. He’s talking about how the space that the sector space they’re in is actually kind of dangerous. Right? Because it’s a there’s rebels out there. And this is kind of like the first. I know that. Like I said, I don’t know a ton about Halo didn’t play it. But usually rebels are not they’re not normally cast in the villain. Right.

Phil 21:45
It’s interesting, isn’t it? Yeah. Yeah, they and this isn’t the last time they do it. They talk a lot about rebellions. And they’re kind of like predicting timetable for like we we’ve you know, got a rebellion coming up like they’re predicting when a rebellion or an uprising will happen. But yeah, you’re right. They don’t that’s rare. It’s rare when the rebel is like, this unseen bad guy force. Right? Just it’s, it’s it’s rare that your hero is the one who says something like we need to crush this rebellion. not used to that. Even though I’ve been American. Oh, topical. You know it. Wow. That’s what the people come here for.

Kevin Erhard 22:33
That’s both topical and evergreen, unfortunate green.

Phil 22:37
It’s never gonna it’s gonna work. It’s gonna work, no matter no matter when they’re

Kevin Erhard 22:41
listening to it. Our country will be involved in quashing some people’s fight for freedom.

Phil 22:48
And yeah, if it’s whether it’s 2021 that you’re listening or 2031 you remember the shitty thing that our country did last week? That’s what I was referencing there. Exactly. Exactly. covered, recovered, recovered. Perfect, perfect. Save. Oh, I’m good at this. I am so good at this.

Kevin Erhard 23:06
So also keys is there’s a lot of background given for Jacob keys for a character that is vanished. Next curious.

Phil 23:17
It’s really and I’ve got actually I’ve got a little excerpt here that I chose because she basically tells him that they are on a super secret mission. And, and and implies that they’re there to observe a child. Like no in no uncertain terms. That’s what they’re for. And he’s just kind of put off by all of this if it’s a super secret mission, and she basically explains to him that, you know, he says, He says, you know, I’ve got a I’ve got a shitty record. She says I chose you precisely because of your record because of the incident in your second year at OCS 14 ensigns killed, you were wounded and spent two months in rehabilitation. Plasma burns are particularly painful. I understand. He rubbed his hands together. Yes. So he is he did all of this he something, something went really wrong in training school there, and his and he refused to testify against, I guess, a superior officer. And he was has basically been held down and kind of kept to the shittier positions ever since then. Because he had a sense of honor and duty and that kind of thing. And and yeah, just like you said before, we don’t really talk to this talk about this guy much afterwards.

Kevin Erhard 24:48
Right, since it seems like this could have been a mostly interest bective chapter written from Dr. Hall Z’s point of view. I don’t, you know, obviously, that’s it. That that note comes 20 years too late. Right?

Phil 25:04
Well, and it’s interesting because it kind of tells you about the difference between this book and Resident Evil and the previous book that we read The Umbrella Conspiracy, because, whereas we got lots of characters that died almost instantly or something like that, and the author would just kind of throw in this thing of like, he had a good smile, he had a good laugh, he was gonna miss him. And that was it. And this character in Halo, the fall of reach, we will never see again, and they give him an entire backstory, implying that Dr. Halsey had to go with somebody who would get things done no matter what, how dirty his hands got, just for this little moment, and it kind of tells you about the breadth of a book that Eric nylund is writing here. I get the I get I got the impression a lot of times while we were reading Resident Evil, that St. Perry was working under a lot of writerly constraints, where they were like, Hey, listen, keep it to 250 pages and longer. Yeah, I do not get the impression that Eric nylund is working under similar constraints.

Kevin Erhard 26:19
Like just build it out, just keep building build, build those characters out?

Phil 26:23
Absolutely. I feel like he’s really stretching his legs like this is this is the 19th page. And he’s here to tell you like, yeah, I’m getting comfy. That’s this is what I’m doing, which is very similar to the way we treat our podcast.

Kevin Erhard 26:39
Hey, we’re, we’re, we’re about 34 minutes into recording this. And we’re on page 19. That’s a finished

Phil 26:48
product. I’m proud of us, we’re doing a great job. I basically keys is on this team, because he knows how to keep a secret. That’s really what it comes down to. right because they got they got top secret shit. And that’s why she needs and that’s chapter one. Chapter Two

Kevin Erhard 27:10
where we’re on the planet now. And halsy is she finally sees the target of her research. And it’s a little little boy named john. JOHN. He’s six years old. He’s tall for his age. And he is first introduce. When he first introduced he is in the middle of a fight. Taking on three other boys in the playground.

Phil 27:44
Well, yeah, they’re well, they’re playing king of the hill. Yeah. Did you ever play king of the hill?

Kevin Erhard 27:50
Yes, I believe I did as a kid.

Phil 27:52
Yeah, that was it. That’s a pretty brutal game to watch. And, and, you know, for anyone who’s listening or doesn’t know what King of the Hill is, basically, you get one kid stands on the top of a tall, you know, Hill, theoretically, or just some other elevated position. And the only goal is to knock him off and take over his take his space. It’s it is just strength, and endurance. That is all it is. It is one of the least creative. Kids Games there is outside of Red Rover. And the end and this kid is described as being a head taller than everybody else. And and they’re playing King King of the Hill, and I gotta be honest with you, man, I was just when sick. I don’t have kids. I don’t have kids. I’m but I’m 38. And, and I’m at that age where I see kids. And I don’t want them for myself, but I see them and there’s a level of like, there’s a niceness to it. Like as I don’t mind seeing kids as much as I used to. They used to freak out a little bit. Yeah, I’ve mellowed on that. And I and I do have a sense of protecting them a little bit later. You know, I think that’s just built into us. And so I’m imagining this kid who’s like a foot taller than everybody just knocking them down a hill and I’m like, Oh, no, no, we don’t say that way.

Kevin Erhard 29:18
Just drawing the other children and be like, Okay, nice hands. Nice hands. We’re gonna just very answer.

Phil 29:25
broken limbs just just piggy dies. And it’s just it’s a mess. It’s Oh, my God. Oh, yeah. And then refer to him as number 117.

Kevin Erhard 29:39
Yes, number 117 or 117 or I don’t 117 there’s right. Is it 117 in the in the game? Is

Phil 29:48
that what they will and that’s the thing it doesn’t they don’t bring it up at least as far as I have been in the game, but I did. I did like my proper noun search and john 117 is indeed master All right, so got it big Papa chief. Apache is known slash signer

Kevin Erhard 30:06
genetic freak. Yeah.

Phil 30:10
Make that King of the Gale game we. Yep.

Kevin Erhard 30:16
So it but chapter two is a pretty pretty brisk pretty brief chapter. There’s a nice little moment between john and Dr. halsy, where she she flipped a coin. And she’s, she’s curious as to whether he was able to call it based on seeing it right before it landed, or whether he has some psycho, you know, some other ability, like extrasensory abilities regarding this coin flip. Right? Or it’s just the coin flip doctor, and you’re thinking too hard.

Phil 30:48
It didn’t impress me all that much. They get they have some pretty standard, like anyone who’s ever seen a movie, where a kid is a genius. They always do the same thing. And they did it in this to where he said something. They said something about playing chess. And he was like, Oh, yeah, it’s boring. I keep winning. It’s like, Oh,

Kevin Erhard 31:11
my gosh,

Phil 31:12
I got it. Yeah. Great. And then yeah, and she tosses a coin. And, and he guesses the coin side. And she’s and it’s like, you’re right. You get to keep the coin and like it’s not that big of a deal. He had a 5050 shot if you shot him doing it what’s gonna make me into a super soldier I could guess a coin probably.

Kevin Erhard 31:36
So it’s it’s basically like a hard CUT TO YOU KNOW, john walks away back to the king of the hill game in progress to murder some other children. And we get a hard cut to like a month later. And, and halsy is now has now gathered all of all of the children. I believe it’s like 75 children or something like that.

Phil 32:03
Yeah, it’s Yeah. 75 kids, yeah,

Kevin Erhard 32:05
into little auditorium, and she’s decided to break the news to them that she stole all of them from their parents. And

Phil 32:16
bad news kids.

Kevin Erhard 32:17
Like bad bad news, kids. You’re You’re, you’re six years old, and we’re gonna we’re gonna turn you into super soldiers

Phil 32:26
who can tell what kidnapping is.

Kevin Erhard 32:30
I’m sure they compensated the parents with like, you know, 100 bucks or something?

Phil 32:36
Yeah, you’re here and they’re just like, Look, just take him he killed so many kids. He was that stupid King of the Hill game.

Kevin Erhard 32:45
He is constantly murdering kids during king of the hill. So we need to get rid of this kid where we

Phil 32:50
need them.

Kevin Erhard 32:50
We have other kids we don’t want this one anymore.

Phil 32:53
Yeah, he keeps killing our children during games of tag and and we need to move on with our lives.

Kevin Erhard 33:03
So halsy

Phil 33:05
quick before before you go. Our dear friend keys, our dear friend keys with his with his strong backstory. They inform us that he has been reassigned to because he knew too much. He knew much he had to go he had to go

Kevin Erhard 33:22
to the guy but based on the world the way the rest of the last couple chapters play out I wouldn’t have been surprised if reassign it was just a euphemism for killed

Phil 33:33
I wouldn’t either Yeah, you know that where’s the where’s the the fan theorists to read this and was like alright, but if you pay attention to the way she said it this way, and on page 120 they stolen his ass like he’s gone

Kevin Erhard 33:47
he is he is gone. He received they put

Phil 33:49
them on there because he has a bad background because he’s expendable. Oh my god I’m talking myself into this I think that’s exactly what happened now he’s explaining this this no conspiracy theories work I this is how they work. I believe that that’s what happened now I will hear no other argument

Kevin Erhard 34:10
All right, so halsy is basically debating things with dasia who has her personal AI or the or sorry she’s the AI assigned to reach which is where they are now. Which is where the training will will take place and and she’s like are debating back and forth the ethics and whether dasia is just like yeah, just just lie to the kids just keep lying. And if the lies don’t work use amnesia on their brains targeted me Yeah.

Phil 34:47
Yeah. tells them like like we could just give them a minor lobotomy if they don’t handle it.

Kevin Erhard 34:55
lobotomize these kids, whatever, it’s fine, but You know, I’m an AI and I have no morals. So the decision is up to you.

Phil 35:05
I’m not Yeah, I’m not going to hell if this if this whole God thing turns out to be true, I don’t exist. It’s up to you halsy.

Kevin Erhard 35:16
So halsy decides to like, tell them the truth, sort of. She, she, it’s, it’s like the truth in the spiritual sense of you’ve been conscripted, and you’re now protectors of the world or something like that.

Phil 35:33
Yeah, yeah. But yeah, she says, she says, You’re all conscripts in the Spartan program and you’re not going home. They handle it pretty well.

Kevin Erhard 35:42
She they handled it pretty well. Here’s the thing if I have been around a lot of young kids, I have a daughter. She’s She’s just about eight years old. And let me tell you, you tell a roomful of 75 six year olds, that they can go home and see their parents anymore. It’s not gonna be like, though. Yeah, I was like, I was like this Eric nylund. Has he been around a child? Was was my question, because half of those kids would have started crying. right there on the spot. Like this is not this is not maybe it’s it’s a statement of like, how psychologically resolved these children are like now? They’re six. Like, that’s not a thing.

Phil 36:37
Right? Yeah, I don’t care how good you are at chess. Being being like, notions of patriotism, which is what she does, by the way, she’s like, you know, you’re going to be the protectors of earth and all her colonies. And it says here a handful of the children sat up straighter no longer entirely frightened but now interested i don’t know i don’t care where chess it’s

Kevin Erhard 37:00
I don’t know if I buy that. You have Dr. halsy. Who on a good day seems a little bit abrasive trying to tell these children that like your your can’t go home and you’re probably going to die.

Phil 37:16
Yeah. Yeah. But she’s trying to be the good guy in her head like

Kevin Erhard 37:21
back like he’s making the effort is good. Like she’s Yeah, it’s it’s a it’s a nice moment where she’s like, and this is a recurring motif for Dr. halsy. Where every time she’s she becomes she’s reintroduced into the story. She’s kind of drifted further down the rabbit hole of the what we’re doing probably isn’t right.

Phil 37:44
Right, right. And then and then she merrily goes along with it at the same time.

Kevin Erhard 37:49
Yeah, there’s along with it anyway. Much. Yeah, she has she her internal inner monologue is definitely more graver and graver concerns as it goes around.

Phil 38:00
Oh, yeah. And one of these days one of these years that goes by she might even say something about it. But for now she’s keeping it all tucked up inside. She’s the she’s the Dr. Cox of this for any advice, scrubs. It’s just she seems hard on the outside, but on the end said she’s, she’s got some love in there, but she’s still not going to use it. Yeah, like, like, there’s, there’s a great little paragraph here that it was so frustrating because she says, she tells she tells them that she knows they’re all going to make it. The training will be difficult. There’ll be a great deal of hardship on the road ahead. But I know you will all make it patriotic words, but they rang hollow in her ears. She had wanted to tell them the truth, but how could she not all of them would make it acceptable losses, the Office of Naval Intelligence representative had assured her none of it was acceptable. I mean, you’d let that happen.

Kevin Erhard 38:58
You’re You’re clearly you like you’re clearly kind of just letting it happen. Yeah, it’s this is this is the chapter three and chapter four are if I just if I was to if I would just circle both of those chapters. And I would just kind of like put I don’t know about this

Phil 39:25
I’m not so sure about your intentions. Here. Dr. Halsey.

Kevin Erhard 39:33
CHAPTER FOUR begins part two of the book. We were just we’re the boots or boots or whatever. Chapter Four. We are in the kids are in basic training. The children are in basic training.

Phil 39:50
The children this is this is like this is not years later. This is I think a week or two later like this is not

Kevin Erhard 39:58
next. It sound a week or two later. All right, check it out the next day.

Phil 40:01
It’s the next. Of course it is. Of course it is. And how are they and Kevin up real quick? Could you remind me? How are the kids woken up from the barracks,

Kevin Erhard 40:12
they’re woken up by this guy named Mendez who’s going to be their trainer. The story of this part of the this chapter is told from John’s point of view, john doesn’t want to get up. He’s tired. So Mendez uses a stun baton on his chest.

Phil 40:29
Oh, yeah.

Kevin Erhard 40:31
On a six year old child. Mendez uses a stun baton, because a six year old child does not want to get out of bed.

Phil 40:42
I tell you what, man, I tell you child labor laws have ruined this country.

Kevin Erhard 40:49
This is like this part of the chapter. I was like, no, no. No, this is not how any of this would actually like, this is best case scenario. You got 75 kids? Like, what are you? Where did you get this concept, Eric, that this would make sense with 75 six year olds.

Phil 41:17
I gotta tell you, that’s the difference. Like you’re you’re a father, you you’ve dealt with kids and small and large groups. You You know how, how that works. And I’m just sitting there going? Yes. dumbleton sounds good. Sure. Sure. Gotta you can’t be you can’t. You can’t mess around. It can’t show any softness to these kids. Yeah, we don’t want to tell them.

Kevin Erhard 41:39
We need them to grow up to be proper psychopaths,

Phil 41:42
you know? Yeah. Well, you know, they always say, you know, spare the stun baton, spoil the child. And I think Exactly, exactly. It’s, it’s, it’s a, it’s just a whole lot of questionable child rearing in this chapter. And it starts with stuff, but it’s wonderful. It’s so great. Oh, my God. Yeah. So they’re in boot. They’re in boot camp. And it starts the way you’d expect, you know, push ups, sit ups, the whole rigmarole, you know, and, and it and they’re just run until they’re about to puke. And then they and then they’re told you’re going to school, and they’re just miserable. They’re so unhappy. They don’t want to go to school. And what’s the name of the AI again, you just set a date? dasia as in like Asia? Yes. Right. Right. And dasia who I love because of this, they’re all like, wait, I want to go to school and dasia says, Well, I understand that if you don’t want to go to school, you’re more than welcome to go back out there with Mendez and do some more basic training and they’re like, Oh, fuck that and they call it site and they start learning about the Spartans in the battle Battle of their Napoli which is classic, classic, you know, the three sacred

Kevin Erhard 43:04
Yeah, they, it’s, and it’s, it’s taught the way basically the movie, the 300 portrays it as, like, yeah, there was just the 300 Spartans, like now, right? They’re more they don’t mean that like now there weren’t. No no,

Phil 43:19
no, I’m pretty sure when I read about there was like all the 1000s upon 1000s of other Greeks that gave them support and no no no, no amateurs three hundreds and yeah, it’s it’s basic indoctrination like you can tell like the first the first feelers of propaganda are working their way into these kids. And, and, and after the Battle of Thermopylae is done, they’re finished, they go they go out. They say that it’s time for playground time and, and playground naturally turns out to be this huge obstacle course. But I’m just like, wow, schools fast in this place.

Kevin Erhard 43:54
Like, you’ll learn about one battle of battle during the during the one of the Greek Persian Wars, and then it’s time to play, but not actually play. You’re just going out for more torture,

Phil 44:10
more torture, more obstacle course, in a valuable lesson. They get assigned to teams,

Kevin Erhard 44:16
john learns the value of teamwork,

Phil 44:19
the value of teamwork, and, you know, john learns that the fastest way to win a war, friendship.

Kevin Erhard 44:28
Yeah, that’s really that’s really the the key takeaway here. The more unit the the little more, you know, logo was across the sky of projected by by holograms across the sky of reach. And like the more you know, and now like, what

Phil 44:49
the hell is that and

Kevin Erhard 44:50
badger, I really meant is, yeah, he has no contract.

Phil 44:55
It’s it’s anti aircraft, you know, just just ignore it a test that just Got it, don’t worry about it. So, yeah.

Kevin Erhard 45:04
JOHN learns the value of teamwork because he is He, he, he, this is where he meets his friends, Kelly and Sam and Kelly and Sam are going to be, by the way, these names. What is with these names? Like they are like the most like 20th century names that they could have picked.

Phil 45:25
And they’re also incredibly milk toast, their their milk toast,

Kevin Erhard 45:28
it is 500 years into the future. JOHN would at least be spelled differently. I don’t know. It’s

Phil 45:37
right. It would be some sort of Neo, I don’t know, Germanic version, it would be it would there would be no vowels in it or something like I don’t know how they said, it’s 500 years later, something’s

Kevin Erhard 45:49
different.

Phil 45:51
You would hope but the way I interpreted it was, you know, like, we had Dr. Hall. Say, you have Mendez, you got like you got full names for the adults, both of these kids. It’s just numbers and these really milquetoast names and, and maybe this is me reading too much into it, but I was just like, oh, okay, they’re there. They’re just a first name and a number. They’re like, some of the most forgettable names on the planet. Sorry, john, and Sam and Kelly. I know you’re all listening and mad at me. But, you know, they’re really rudimentary names and a number and so it’s like, it expresses how expendable they are. I don’t know. That’s that’s just where my friend

Kevin Erhard 46:28
like that. Yeah, something along the lines. Anyway, john, basically, he wins the obstacle course but at the expense of Sam and Kelly losing. And because of this, his team ends up coming in last. And john learns from Mendez that if even if you finish first and your team, rest of your team comes in last, you’ve come in last and john does not get any dinner that night.

Phil 46:55
Yes. Because the people that the team that lost would go without and he does a wonderful job of describing the the feasts that they’re going to have. It’s turkey dinner, choice, chocolate, and just just a wonderful feast and and I thought he was going to be full of shit. I’m going to be completely honest with you. I thought there was like, Well, yeah, but it wasn’t that good. No, no, like john and his teammates, they lose. And they watch everybody eat and it looks really really good ad there and everyone’s really enjoying themselves. And so quietly, john is is is just, he hasn’t learned his lesson yet. He’s He’s just secretly swearing vengeance against his teammates, while they learn about wolves. Yeah, this is the next day and they learn about wolves and how they can take down a bigger animal by working together. dasia is like she’s doing everything but smacking them on the head with a yardstick going do you get the metaphor? He’s just going on a beat up, Kelly, it’s Sam Brown.

Kevin Erhard 48:02
As just gonna say dasia is really just working on rounding these kids out into being the most insufferable people in the world. Oh,

Phil 48:10
they’re the worst these days are that yeah,

Kevin Erhard 48:14
these kids are gonna grow up to be the worst trademark.

Phil 48:17
Oh, they’re gonna be terrible.

Kevin Erhard 48:19
They’re gonna be gamers. Hey,

Phil 48:22
oh. Oh god, I’m too old to be making air horn sounds Oh my mouth. It’s just we made a podcast about the books behind video games that should tell you our age and the age of the listeners. We’re going for here. So Wow.

Kevin Erhard 48:43
Yeah. So john,

Phil 48:46
we think a lot of stuff

Kevin Erhard 48:49
is Phil’s having a look in the mirror moment over there

Phil 48:53
and I’m gonna go sit on the toilet for a few minutes to keep going.

Kevin Erhard 48:58
So john basically ends up atoning for his mistakes from the previous day in the in the next run when he kind of he kind of comes to terms with Kelly and Sam and then he actually Yeah, yeah, well,

Phil 49:13
I think I think that was the best part like, to me that was the again I don’t have kids. Now well, that was the most realistic part for me with the kids. JOHN doesn’t go Hey, I’ve been given it some thought and maybe we should work together. No, the kids go we’re gonna kick your ass if you don’t help us this time around and he goes Alright, fine. And that to me, I was like, Okay, yeah, that’s six year olds like that six

Kevin Erhard 49:37
year olds. That’s that’s more ill advised six year olds.

Phil 49:40
But my way makes way more sense. They get through Well, they

Kevin Erhard 49:44
when they they get third, but that’s winning in this in this way. Yeah, losing, which is good to eat. It’s being it’s being fed, which also like, Hey, kids don’t actually function without food. That Well, so

Phil 50:01
they don’t. And meanwhile, there is fanfiction floating around about the team that lost this time because you’re supposed to be really overjoyed for john and his team’s like, God, you learned your lesson. It’s like, oh, there’s another team that lost and didn’t eat.

Kevin Erhard 50:15
There’s another team that lost and didn’t need it. But that share that but that works.

Phil 50:21
That works. That’s fine, but they’re not our heroes. So fuck them.

Kevin Erhard 50:28
We time jump into chapter five. The kids are eight now Ed Mendez is just doing another one of his bullshit competitions. Because honestly, fuck this guy.

Phil 50:43
He’s not great, is he? He’s not. He’s not afraid. I don’t like should have guessed. I should have guessed that the guy who woke up six year olds with a stun baton would not be my favorite.

Kevin Erhard 50:53
So he’s like, we’re gonna drop you off in the wilderness. The people that that get onto the ship last get left behind in the wilderness

Phil 51:04
which, which kind of contradicts the lesson they learned in the last chapter doesn’t, right. Alright, look, teamwork and friendship. And now we’re leaving you out in the middle of nowhere. And the last person to get left behind gets left behind. So whatever happened to don’t leave anyone behind. Whatever happened, what

Kevin Erhard 51:22
happened? Don’t leave anybody behind working together as a pack. Luckily, john has learned his lessons from chapter four. And he’s like, yeah, like that bullshit. Like, like as soon as Mendez as soon as they like land, and he’s like, No, no, we’re not doing that we’re, we’re gonna work together. And we’re all gonna get on the ship at the same time. You know, screw that noise. which ends up working out to their benefit because when they find the ship, it’s being guarded by some some douchebags who

Phil 51:55
are out of uniform. They’re they’re drinking like it’s just a bunch of it’s theoretically supposed to be soldiers, but it’s like they’re out of uniform. They’re drinking they’re like, doing everything they can to make this look like a bad situation. So it’s so these these kids go full Lord of the Flies on these guys. So it’s amazing.

Kevin Erhard 52:16
Yeah, that they take them down. 75 children, eight year olds against five, five grown men with stun batons? Wouldn’t you know what the 75 year old when?

Phil 52:28
I yeah, I don’t like those odds. I wouldn’t be a part of that shit.

Kevin Erhard 52:32
They take him down. They they get them on the dropship. And they they basically take off. They leave the guys on the grounds.

Phil 52:41
Yeah, yeah. They literally she literally. She, john literally. calls in Dave dasia like to say, can you fly us back? And they autopilot. back to home? Yeah. Yeah. And then and then when they get back, Dr. halsy and Mendez both question john. And it becomes clear that those men were in fact, part of the trade. I’m saying you beat the shit out of your soldiers. What the hell? Why did you beat my guys? Right? Right. And he’s as he points out, and he goes, he says, well, they were they were on a uniform they’re drinking we didn’t know what to think. And Mendez just kind of goes yeah, yeah, that’s good point. I never addressed that. It’s like what kind of shitty operation are you running here? Mendez?

Kevin Erhard 53:34
is the worst he is by

Phil 53:36
his just the worst. There’s got the shittiest grunts under you. They’re not even in uniform. Like this beep I put up here

Kevin Erhard 53:47
he is. He’s just like he is just, he’s abusive. And he’s also not great at his job like logistically like keeping things organized. Clearly, yeah, he is he they clearly Dr. halsy could have had somebody better doing this. She could.

Phil 54:04
She could up but as we learned when it comes to keys, she’s probably surrounding herself with people who, while they might not be the most well trained and intelligent, they probably know exactly when to keep their mouth shut. Right. So we might not be dealing with the cream of the crop here.

Kevin Erhard 54:26
Now she, she? Yeah, it honestly Yeah. She probably basically just hired based on a person’s ability to be discreet.

Phil 54:36
Right, right. Hey, they she like goes to him. She’s like, Hey, listen, there’s the plan. Can you What can I count on your discretion? And he’s like, Yeah, absolutely. And she’s like, Okay, great. Great. I really appreciate it. He’s like, yeah, I’ll die before I tell anybody. And she’s like, Oh, that’s exactly what we need. Thank you. And he’s like, real quick question. She’s like, yeah, and he’s like, Can I stun baton these kids and she just kind of goes I already told him about everything so got to deal with this and that’s just how it all happened.

Kevin Erhard 55:06
That’s how it all happened. That’s it That’s in between the pages in between the lines that’s

Phil 55:10
all stun baton mend is

Kevin Erhard 55:14
on stun baton and children Menders.

Phil 55:17
Yes, yes, child abuser meant is just no good.

Kevin Erhard 55:24
So john gets promoted to squad leader.

Phil 55:27
It gets Yeah, naturally, naturally, after all the conflict. JOHN has shown that he, he’s a take charge kind of dude. And it’s kind of like that. It’s basically that line that you hear in every shitty action movie or military movie you’ve ever seen where they’re like, that’s the stupidest year that’s no, you’re the You’re the worst pilot I’ve ever seen. The worst pilot who’s gonna lead my foot? Like, that’s, that’s what that is. That’s

Kevin Erhard 55:58
Yeah. That is charge. It’s like, it’s like choosing it’s basically the the choosing Maverick over Iceman approach to the military. When in all honesty, I doubt that Maverick would would ever get anything over Iceman.

Phil 56:17
Absolutely not. Absolutely not. That is not how that works. No, there’s no way there’s no way.

Kevin Erhard 56:26
So for any for any kids or young adults, Maverick and Iceman were characters in a movie called Top Gun.

Phil 56:35
Yes, it was it was a it was a softcore. Male for male pornography film. That was it was it was a quite enjoyed in this day.

Kevin Erhard 56:52
Chapter Six. Now we have another time jump. And kids are like 16 now,

Phil 56:58
I think. I think they’re 14 it’s like six years later.

Kevin Erhard 57:02
They’re four. Yeah. And they’re, they’re undergoing surgery. Yeah, it

Phil 57:10
ain’t great. Yeah, they’re, they’re in a they’re in the observation, Texas, some sort of med Bay and people are not looking good.

Kevin Erhard 57:16
No, they’re not looking good there. These are 14 year olds that they are operating on. And like halsy is looking over the files. Everything says, Yeah, this is a very low percentage chance of working. And yeah, she’s looking over these files, these warnings and these risks, right? And then she, she closes it and she walks down the hallway. And john is already hooked up to the IV. It’s like, you couldn’t have knocked over those earlier. They’re already right there. He’s like, they’re like

Phil 57:53
they’re the reports from like, like the Navy back home or whatever. We’re like, Hey, listen, these is the main Yeah, the main a good idea.

Kevin Erhard 58:01
Yeah, it’s it’s a it’s like the Chief Science Officer, Chief Admiral of science or whatever. In the the Papa Navy. The the main man is looking over these. And he’s like, yeah, this is dumb. Why are you doing this? Yeah, you’re not gonna not be doing this. Like, you should not be doing this. And a and b, you’re not you’re not allowed to waste chimps on this.

Phil 58:23
Yeah. Oh, yeah. They make a point. They’re like, Hey, listen, you’re not allowed to use chimps. That’s not cool. Probably on that same note, shouldn’t use kids, but I’m not going to check into it. We’re just going to tell you you shouldn’t do it just cuts to like, a closet full of chimps. She’s like, um, so?

Kevin Erhard 58:43
Yeah, she’s just like, she goes down the hallway. And she talks to john and she’s like, he’s John’s like, Is there anything I got to do? And in her best, Adrian from rocky voice, she says to him, when actually she says survive, but I just imagine this whole thing played by Italia Shire.

Phil 59:08
Oh, naturally. Yeah. I mean, that’s that was my first choice to

Kevin Erhard 59:11
actually, actually Talia Shire would have made a good doctor halsy now I think about like, Oh, this is

Phil 59:19
amazing. Yeah, so but you know, surviving is an awful lot like winning when you’re dealing with horrible, horrible shit happening to your genes. Yes,

Kevin Erhard 59:31
really, really bad. They’re doing undergoing like gene therapy. They’re undergoing Wolverine procedure.

Phil 59:38
Yeah, yeah. They’re all day. It’s basically just, it’s basically just the serious part of the first Deadpool movie forever. Like, that’s what this is. Yeah.

Kevin Erhard 59:47
Yeah, just constant. Just a lot of things happening.

Phil 59:51
It’s a lot going on. And the next chapter brings us to a funeral. A bunch of kids died. Guess what? We started with 75. And now only 30 of them are left that can be soldiers. Others are either dead or they’re victims of like a horrible series of mutations that happen for all these

Kevin Erhard 1:00:15
reasons terrible body horror imagery.

Phil 1:00:18
Yeah, it’s awful. It’s like bunch of his friends are in wheelchairs or their vegetables in one shape or form or another edit. They just they’re just, you know, and the funniest part will not funny funny, but it’s like the cadets who can do something are still like, super loyal, including john. Yeah, he is just brainwashed as hell. At this point. All

Kevin Erhard 1:00:45
the all the Sparta and Wolf lessons Really? He really he really took them to heart.

Phil 1:00:52
Yeah, yeah, if he lived if he were not in a space station, if they just accidentally dropped him off. In America right now, he would be building a compound out in the woods, and the FBI would be tapping his phone calls. No question, you know,

Kevin Erhard 1:01:07
no question about it. JOHN. At this point would be you would probably be leaning into that queue and on. Oh, God.

Phil 1:01:17
Yes. Yeah. Yeah. JOHN in another in another reality. JOHN 117 has a don’t tread on me flag tattooed on his back. Yes. No question in my mind.

Kevin Erhard 1:01:29
Question about it. Oh, boy. And then and then john gets I like to call it the talk from Mendez. Oh, yeah.

Phil 1:01:39
Oh, oh, yeah. This is another important moment and just about any coming of age fighting movie or book or what have you. Yeah. Yeah, this is important.

Kevin Erhard 1:01:49
Like, he’s like, not everybody’s gonna come home alive from these missions. And John’s like, Okay.

Phil 1:01:58
Yeah, exactly. That’s, I know that’s basically exactly what happens but this is like, Listen, sometimes people may be gonna die and John’s like, Cool. Thanks. Thanks for

Kevin Erhard 1:02:10
that could have told me that before. And this is this is how messed up it’s like going back like a chapter john is is framing the surgery as a mission Yeah, he is framing this entire thing where it’s like they’re going going in to get these surgeries these augmentations as a mission and it was like it’s it’s pretty revealing of the character that everything he like basically frames everything as Oh, this is a this is a mission this is this is like this is what I’m supposed to do. It’s a mission because

Phil 1:02:46
it’s the only thing he knows the only thing he knows he doesn’t

Kevin Erhard 1:02:49
know anything other than mission.

Phil 1:02:52
Yeah, and that’s actually a great point because what happens next is we get john he’s working out Yeah, he starts Yeah, and he starts to kind of notice he’s getting he’s they are there are strict like workout diet and working out and diet schedule. Like they’re eating tons of food. They don’t tell you exactly how many calories he’s taking in. But I imagine it’s like a Sunday morning breakfast for me. He’s noticing that the weights are starting to feel kind of lighter and like the graph pull like he’s he feels faster and lighter and kind of a weirdly unnatural way. And then naturally, a whole bunch of of odst soldiers show up. And these are the these are the boots first in the hell guys. They’re like their shock troopers. Right? They’re extreme paratroopers, basically, they just they ride the fucking, you know, bullet into a planet. And they so they’re basically like, navy seals, Marines and Rangers all rolled into one and, and they’re not thrilled with this kid, and naturally, they get into a flight. But john, like you said, John’s hesitating. He’s kind of thrown by all this because everything to him is a mission. And these guys are clearly on his side. They’re, they’re, you know, on the on the side of Earth and they’re the Yeah, they’re from the un

Kevin Erhard 1:04:21
un Navy. People,

Phil 1:04:23
right? But but they’re fighting him so he doesn’t know heads or tails to make out of it. And so they get thrown into a boxing ring by one of their sergeants like the surgeon comes in thinks it’s kind of amusing. He says, we’ll go ahead and take it out in the boxing ring.

Kevin Erhard 1:04:39
And john straight up, kills a bunch of thugs. He murders them. He Yeah, they are they they die. Not enough. He literally he literally and figuratively murders them, like figuratively in the in the sense that he kicked their ass at Box Saying literally in that he kicked her ass in boxing so much they died and there are dead

Phil 1:05:05
Yes. It’s just like he just kills them and then Mendez shows up. And it’s kind of hilarious because Ben does like breaks up the fight. But what fight is there at this point? It’s the status down. He’s

Kevin Erhard 1:05:19
already dead GIF,

Phil 1:05:20
right? He literally tells the surgeon, he’s like, yeah, there’s a med base coming in to take care of your guys. The sergeant goes, Oh shit. Is he one of those guys? Like implying that there’s rumors of some secret Super Soldier Captain America is shit going on? And I bet this basically goes, Yeah, you’re gonna get debriefed go on and go and check out intelligence. They’re gonna, they’re gonna tell you to keep your damn mouth shut. If you know what’s good for you. He probably gets off just like friggin keys have to believe that there’s

Kevin Erhard 1:05:52
like, there’s a closet somewhere and like keys is like corpse is it’s just sitting in there because nothing decays in space.

Phil 1:06:02
Right? There are no there are no maggots or blowflies or anything like that.

Kevin Erhard 1:06:06
Is there, it’s just sitting there, they throw it and then like, they throw, they throw the sergeant’s corpse in there and you know, not the first they just cross the chair up against it. It’s like, these are all the bodies of people that the kids have killed. That’s one closet and the other closet is the dead kids.

Phil 1:06:29
Right? We got dead kids and the kids murder victims. The bodies are stacking up like cordwood man. Like it is getting out of control. It is getting out of john. It is and john basically says to Mendez, he’s like hey, I don’t know what’s going on, man. Like this is a weird mission. This is a weird mission you’ve put me on and Mendez instead of seems like it’s like you this is I don’t get this mission because they’re on my side. But they attacked me Did I do the right thing? And Mantis basically goes, Yeah, real hard mission. Listen, when they try to kill you, you get to kill them back. Like that’s basically

Kevin Erhard 1:07:08
like basics. That’s just like, the basic rule of people was euro, you’re allowed to kill people who are trying to kill you.

Phil 1:07:16
Right? Right. And just like at the end of that the middle section of this chapter, he tells john that and john goes, Okay. And that’s, that’s the fucking chapter. JOHN learns nothing. He learns it’s okay to kill people. He’s, oh my god. And it’s, and here’s the thing. While I’m, I am playing Halo, while I’m listening to this, because I’m listening to an audio book. Partially, I’m reading it partially. And I and so it’s like, it’s crazy. Because if you play Halo, halo is is is a pretty it’s not. It’s not ancient. But but by today’s standards, it’s kind of an old fashioned shooter. You know, it’s a much simpler kind of shooter. It’s, it’s, it’s kind of refreshing in a way. It’s, it’s, you know, get in there and shoot, and there’s some story, and there’s kind of a labyrinth theme kind of maze aspect to certain parts of it. But it’s very straightforward. And it’s like, these are the bad guys. You’re the good guy. Go kill them. And while that’s happening, I’m getting like this specops the line bullshit from the audio book, where it’s like, oh, no wars, hell, and I’m like, No, this is kind of fun. Actually. No, or kill Marines. Yeah, you’re you were getting a loading screen to come up and be like, You’re a murderer. Like, no, oh,

Kevin Erhard 1:08:44
god, you’re and this is why the gamers say you have to keep politics out of their games.

Phil 1:08:53
You’ve got to it be. Kevin, it’s so important. It’s so important. It’s It’s literally the most important thing. It is it is because if you can’t just unwind at the end of the day by killing huge swathes of aliens named after the promise given by God to never murder his people again, while wearing armor named after a pagan gods ritual weapon. If you can’t look at something that straightforward and go, it’s just a game, man. I don’t know what we can do. I don’t know. I don’t know. What’s, what’s wrong with this country. For those

Kevin Erhard 1:09:40
of you who might be missing it. We’re being very facetious. But also, we humbly request that the gamers do not rise up.

Phil 1:09:53
Please do not.

Kevin Erhard 1:09:54
We are already going to have that we’re going to have trouble with the queues. Excuse the queues and The gamers together might be a little much.

Phil 1:10:04
It’s It’s too much. In fact, I think we can all accept that it’s too much. But you know, oh, how about we all just chill out?

Kevin Erhard 1:10:10
Yeah, well, we’ll chill out and play a binding

Phil 1:10:13
of issac,

Kevin Erhard 1:10:14
we’ll chill out. And we’ll follow our favorite Twitter account at pixel at pod. You can you can check it out pod pixel ID pod, that is our Twitter account. It is live, you should go and check us out. We will be posting polls, we posting updates. We’ll be posting all sorts of stuff on on the Twitter comm on that bird app, you should go check us out there and follow along.

Phil 1:10:39
It is exciting,

Kevin Erhard 1:10:39
it is exciting. And remember there is going to be there’s video versions of all these podcasts. So if you just listen to us on iTunes, you can go ahead and go over to YouTube and watch whatever I put up for the video version over there because why not? I mean, yes, it’s a different platform. It’s a different way of engaging with it. That’s all we have for today. Right Phil? I

Phil 1:11:02
think that’s it, I think I think that’s it Yeah, and if you guys have any ideas if there is a video game novelization or video game related book that you think that we need to cover? Let us know because the fact of the matter is, is the more you dig there are some obvious ones, like the ones that we’ve started with and the more you dig there are some really weird esoteric ones too. Like there’s a King’s Quest novel that I need to find. Oh yeah, like there’s a ton of weird stuff out there. And and we need your help. We need help let us know and and we will make this happen because this is this podcast will never die.

Kevin Erhard 1:11:45
No, there’s God. We will go into fanfiction if we have to.

Phil 1:11:49
Yeah, unlike poor john keys this podcast will never be disappeared.

Kevin Erhard 1:11:58
Have a good day, everybody.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

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