Diablo: Legacy of Blood Part 3

More swords! More sorceries! More mansplaining? We join Kara, Norrec, Sadun, Fauztin, General Mal, The Fonz, and more as we continue reading Diablo: Legacy of Blood. Will Malevolyn find Barduk’s armor? Not this episode!


Kevin Erhard 0:00
can't figure out why can't figure it out

Phil 0:05
it's wild

Kevin Erhard 0:07
you know what else I can't figure out?

Phil 0:08
What can't you figure out

Kevin Erhard 0:10
hey there everybody welcome back to Pixlr My name is Kevin. With me as always is Phil Hello and today we're in episode three of Diablo The legacy of blood this this charming little Diablo book by Richard A I'm gonna did we decide to connect or neck

Phil 0:35
I'm just I'm thinking NACA when I see it it's really easy k and n is always a silent K to

Kevin Erhard 0:41
me. Yeah sure let's go with that. Yeah, it's got this you know this this guy who's suffering from Carpathian kitten loss on the cover for baby is poor baby he just misses his kitten

Phil 1:01
you watch that episode of oops all monsters too.

Kevin Erhard 1:04
Yeah, I did I did. You know listen to to house and and Gavin dive into Vigo the Carpathian there that is that is good episode I thoroughly recommend it as Vigo is. Vigo is such a fun villain. And even though I didn't know until I listened to the episode that he was Max von Seidel who did the voice.

Phil 1:35
That was news to me as well. That's crazy. Like

Kevin Erhard 1:37
it's like, oh, yes, that's right, is that the voice finally clicked in and be like, yes, that is Max. Let's sign out.

Phil 1:47
It's so funny. Yeah, yeah, I was so looking forward to that episode because he's always I loved Ghostbusters, too. It was just more of the same.

Kevin Erhard 1:56
Yeah, there's there is so many people I run into who have this. This real hate for Ghostbusters, too. And yeah, I have tried over the years to find really like I'll rewatch it. And I'm like, this is just Marcos. I love it. Yeah, it's worth it's it's the same guys. It's more.

Phil 2:14
It's just more it's yeah. It's not a huge improvement over the old system. It's not. It's not taking it in a different it's just more and what's wrong with that?

Kevin Erhard 2:24
What's wrong with that? There's nothing wrong with that.

Phil 2:26
Nothing wrong with that.

Kevin Erhard 2:28
We're on chapter 11. We are and then as we left off last time, poor Kara is

Phil 2:38
she's as

Kevin Erhard 2:40
she is the what I guess one of the issues I have with this book is that it tries to put Kara as both a protagonist and a princess that must be rescued. Yeah. Obviously, she's she is a damsel in distress and the protagonists. At the same time, which I'm not sure I totally dig on. I wish she had a little bit more agency because she has been obviously doing like making decisions to do things but almost entirely out of like duress under, you know, somebody else's guidance or what have you. I just know,

Phil 3:24
we're gonna get to a point and we'll we'll get to it, obviously. But we get to a point later in this section of chapters, where she is once again in a position where she's compromised in a way but this time it's it's because of her status as a necromancer and not anything else, and which is fine. But by that time, we've been worried about her simply based on the fact that she's a pretty lady for so long that by the time that comes around, you're like, Okay, we she's already really established yourself as more than capable of taking care of her own shit. I don't know why. Yeah, I don't

Kevin Erhard 4:04
actually put her in this kind of compromising danger. Right. Right. So anyway, we we basically it's a it's a conversation between Cara, Cara and Captain Jerome and start off the chapter and drone is basically like, Hey, you don't look like you're. You do too well there. And she's like, she's like, I'm fine.

Phil 4:31
Yeah, she's been locking herself away in her cabin. Not talking,

Kevin Erhard 4:35
not talking to anybody because she's got two zombie boys.

Phil 4:42
Right. And by the way, I for a while up until this chapter was assuming them thinking of them as just ghosts because they've been portrayed as spirits and such. No, they are ghouls. They are straight up revenant

Kevin Erhard 4:55
revenues. They're dead. They're undead. There are vengeful undead revenants that are existing within the bodies of their, their their fleshy corpses.

Phil 5:10
Yeah, they are totally corporeal. But we do find that something about the afterlife or maybe it's the fact that one of them is a wizard. Maybe they're able to cast a spell that makes it that she's the only one who can know Yeah,

Kevin Erhard 5:22
and I think it has a lot to do with the visionary, Faustian, having gotten control of her knife her dagger hurt, right. And he is he was shown as being a pretty capable wizard. We don't know how familiar he was with necromancy, clearly just enough to be able to turn himself and his friend back into revenants from across the chasm between life and death during that brief window when she summoned to His Spirit down in the, in the catacombs.

Phil 6:00
And they've just been ordering her around and she basically has to obey at this point, because they have that dagger and that dagger as we got a little glimpse of it. In the beginning, where it's basically the tool of her trade. She needs that thing back up, but they want her to help them reach NORC said, yeah,

Kevin Erhard 6:18
yeah. The other thing is, the difference between the two of them is tryst is trying to still pretend that he is alive.

Phil 6:29
He Is he is he has a deep, deep in denial. And denial is really sad. We get we get a couple of awkward moments with him. Yeah. And this is the beginning of one he it's just eat food. Yeah, he sees her eating food and he's just talking about looks like It tastes good. And it's it's very grungy Star Report Type types of dialogue. Very big was this is weird out of context. Yeah. But any tries to eat it, but he finds that he can he complains that it tastes death. Yep. And that they should have what

Kevin Erhard 7:08
he said. Like he says he says it's too long dead. They should have cooked it less, a lot less. I think maybe they should have not cooked it at all the fresher the better. At

Phil 7:23
this hint, basically. Now we were going to find that these guys are actually there. It's weird. It's like, they're okay guys on certain levels. They don't they're not trying to kill her. And we're not even she Kara basically also intuits that they're not even particularly trying to kill Norik. They don't like talk bad about him or anything. But these moments, like you get this moment where you're like, Oh, I wonder if you know, given enough time like this, they would start becoming like flesh eating Google's like eating raw. Yeah, living

Kevin Erhard 7:59
blood. Yeah. And that's what Kara is is worried about is like, she's really hoping he doesn't connect the dots. She's like, she has no desire whatsoever to prolong a conversation that might turn to exactly what types of meet the girl would think tasted best uncooked. Instead of Kara tried to turn back to the subject that most concerned her that of Norick right. She's like, I'm changing the topic.

Phil 8:26
Yeah, we're not talking about meat anymore. So they basically they've been hunting for Norik. They hint that at a failure on the Hawks fire that she knows a little bit about. But finally, like they kind of they've already kind of got her over a barrel with the dagger thing. Yeah, that apparently isn't good enough for them. So, Faustian asks for her left hand and stamps are in the hand with her own dagger doesn't doesn't feel pain, but this ritual, they bind her to them that essentially their lives and her life and their fate and her fate are entwined. So now. She's got to help them because anything that befalls them will also befall her.

Kevin Erhard 9:12
Yep. Yeah. It's a real bummer of a move. You know, like,

Phil 9:20
I've been it sounds like they she was probably going to be helping them anyway. Because she wants her knife back.

Kevin Erhard 9:25
She wants her knife back and they're like, Yeah, well, we're gonna add a little extra on to that. That just guarantee that you are helping us.

Phil 9:34
It's a real Kill Your Darlings move. You got to give it to the writer. He's like, No, man. We're not letting up on her.

Kevin Erhard 9:40
Yeah. So so basically Faustian has communicated to tryst somehow, because remember, faston doesn't have a throat our vocal cords anymore.

Phil 9:52
Yeah, his head's kind of always wagging on the side.

Kevin Erhard 9:55
Yeah. So tryst with the one is sad and trust who can talk I basically lets her know that they're looking for another visionary by the name of Dragan rock and then to cut to Dragan talking

Phil 10:12
it's a really great cut I got we're looking for a sorcerer Dave drugged and cut to My name is drawn

Kevin Erhard 10:20
My Name Is Earl

Phil 10:24
oh man I didn't I should have shut my damn mouth I had a perfect opportunity for you to throw in an old timey meanwhile that was the best meanwhile opportunity and I robbed you of it you

Kevin Erhard 10:35
robbed me of the meanwhile known by the name Dragan. Meanwhile, my name is Dr. Min

Phil 10:44
I feel I feel better I'm starting to have

Kevin Erhard 10:47
mutations I feel negated

Unknown Speaker 10:51

Kevin Erhard 10:52
So he's basically narcs there to see dragon because there's there's rumors that dragon knows what the shit to do with this stupid armor.

Phil 11:02
And this is this is the same guy who when we saw him last was controlling all the guards and and that kind of thing and basically led nor to him in that fashion. So we know he knows his way around magic.

Kevin Erhard 11:14
Yeah, he sure does. Cool.

Phil 11:17
Like in an orange like, great. He's gonna get this armor off of me. Yeah. And that is not at all. What drugged him from?

Kevin Erhard 11:25
No, you know, dragons like? Yeah, he's going to, if you have, I believe my early words are closer to if you hope to live, you will do exactly as I desire. Blackmail upon blackmail upon blackmail. This is just just consecutive scenes of people being blackmailed by bullshit. Yeah.

Phil 11:47
This whole book by the time we get to the end of this section, it is just a perfect Ouroboros of betrayal. Just everybody betrays everybody else. People have moved on and started new betrayals where there weren't any betrayals before. In this, this is just one of many. So dragon makes it clear that it's not as simple as just like taking getting an uncurse spell essentially and getting nor its armor off. But he does claim that he has at this point full control of the armor through his his magic powers. And Norick I think rightfully so. Not feeling so good about this whole thing.

Kevin Erhard 12:27
No, he's not feeling great about it. And basically dragon Dragon, he wants Nordics help. I say help with air quotes, because it's more like he's telling dragon He's telling NORC BT Dubs, I need you to do a huge favor for me. Do me a psycho need you to go do the whole Diablo thing and raid a tomb for me. And it's gonna be a bar touques Brother Horizont you're gonna go down into the arcane sanctuary. Kaboosh

Phil 13:04
this is and this is where I got excited, actually. Because the thing I have been thinking as we read this book, and I know it's been similar for you is that this book is show not based on any specific actions within the game, to the point that it really is just the setting. Diablo is just the back, which has a lot of advantages, but it also makes you go, boy, how are they going to tie this into the game? And this is how like, it's like, Ah, we're doing a dungeon crawl. Got it? Yeah, finally,

Kevin Erhard 13:35
we got a dungeon crawl going on. Halfway through the book. Halfway through the book.

Phil 13:40
Yeah. So Corizon the one who betrayed bar two. Yes, he's he's they gotta go to his tomb.

Kevin Erhard 13:49
They gotta go to his Tim. He's his Horizont is dead. Right? Right. Right. That's the idea. He's very good. He's got

Phil 13:56
a tomb. Right? Right. He only give tombs to dead people,

Kevin Erhard 13:59
the only game tombs to dead people.

Phil 14:00
That would be silly. Otherwise I'd have four. Meanwhile

Kevin Erhard 14:08
we're back with general Augustus malevolent and his

Phil 14:12
mouth gonna call your mouth.

Kevin Erhard 14:13
Can we call him out? It's chapter 12. And there is there is at ease walking around the encampment.

Phil 14:21
Kind of doing an inspection doing an inspection.

Kevin Erhard 14:24
He's been in this encampment for 188 pages so far.

Phil 14:28
I have not moved.

Kevin Erhard 14:30
Not quite moved yet. So yeah, he starts hearing voices in his head.

Phil 14:40
Yeah, he's been he's been wearing bar tubes helmet for like quite a bit a while at this point. Yeah, it made me think it made me think a little bit the way they describe it. It really was a Diablo Description To be honest, because they're talking about how valuable the helm is to him. And it doesn't really match the rest of his armor. But he doesn't mind because of how valuable it is. to him and anyone who's played Diablo or War or World of Warcraft or any number of you know slot based, you know armor mechanic games with sets and all that shit has done that where they're like, okay the helmet looks kind of stupid with his armor but it beats the shit out of anything else I've got so we're just gonna stick with our tubes helmet. It doesn't matter that it doesn't match.

Kevin Erhard 15:22
Yeah, basically and then so he gets during this the scene he he gets called over by a century who leads him leads him down a path and it's, you know, that scene in Empire Strikes Back where Yoda is telling Luke you know, it looks like hey, what's over there and Yoda is like,

Unknown Speaker 15:46
darkness. And that tree drunker Ward and the tree stump. Oh capital Luke stay out of the tree stay out of the dead tree how does the tree must do there's there's there's little bugs in there and they do we should we should probably just cut it down it's gross. Rotten side the dark side you

Kevin Erhard 16:14
will so they said the century leads him they do that scene

Phil 16:21
it's just with with with demons instead.

Kevin Erhard 16:24
With demons

Phil 16:28
he falls down he loses his footing and falls down this kind of doomed area. And the the guard who led him over the guard pulls it's like man now what are you doing? Like if the guard literally goes sure there's something over here you want to see which Okay, fair enough. But he lives in I don't see as what is it? What's over there stand

Kevin Erhard 16:51
over there.

Phil 16:53
Literally what the guard says literally says you can see way better over now you fucking idiot you don't deserve the armor bar to you fell for the oldest trick in the book. Yeah, he goes over there. Like fucking Elmer Fudd and falls into this pit that he's he's sore disappears and the guard disappears. And guard was never there was never there. Let's face facts. It was Bugs Bunny in a wig. We all thought

Kevin Erhard 17:25
it was Bugs Bunny.

Phil 17:27
Ah, because it comes up our Scarab demons ladies and gentlemen.

Kevin Erhard 17:32
It's Scarab demons. malevolent shows his proves his mettle. And who is the architect behind this boopie little experiment. But none other than then Zarek zaps space ghosts all

Phil 17:57
the time to fight the Scarab demons. Yeah, I don't know a blade but a magical like energy blade appears in his hand and and he kills them. And then I actually thought this is an interesting detail. He like spreads their blood over his armor the way that Barr took wood like he's clearly starting to. He already we already started to see moments of him getting his life and Arctic's life confused, and it's only continuing but yeah, Zack shows up shows him his true Mantis form and tells him because this voice in his head that you mentioned earlier has been saying Are you worthy or you're worthy? And now it's as x like you're where they maybe you're worthy. You get to shield me three level 20 monsters in a pit and you're worthy

Kevin Erhard 18:47
general now movie note my Red Knight

Phil 18:57
it's like Hell yeah, baby. So they so they basically say you know you says you're worthy of getting the armor but first, you got to get the armor. So yeah,

Kevin Erhard 19:07
you can have the armor. You just get it if you can get it got to get the armor. Yeah, and I Zach's clearly have the authority to state that you can have it. Right because there's Daiya gamma demon, because I'm

Phil 19:24
a big brain Mantis son of a big praying mantis clearly. So he tells mal to keep him a secret. It's clear and Mal is not despite the fact that he fell for the walk over there. Trick. He's not completely stupid. And he realizes like, Oh, this guy. This guy wants to keep me a secret from like, what's your name? Colonia Ark. Ilona,

Kevin Erhard 19:50
what's your Gala? Yona? galley ona

Phil 19:52
it's one of those and one of the Yeah, so he's he's like, why should I keep you secret? So that's the big deal and Zack Zack offers him a key quote unquote to make loop go Lane his and apparently tells him

Kevin Erhard 20:06
we don't know what it is the key to the city

Phil 20:08
right right which it turns out is an army of demons are demons army that's the key to most cities to be completely honest listen Orleans if

Kevin Erhard 20:23
you can summon the Evil Dead you're you're in good shape for your conquering,

Phil 20:28
but we don't know how he's going to do it but we do have this moment where we are. It's the reverse of dramatic irony. They talk amongst themselves about some apparently hideous thing that he must do when they are one day out from Lucca lane. And we do not know what it is, but they know what it is. So yeah, we have that moment. We do.

Kevin Erhard 20:53
Meanwhile, back on the ship. Back on the ship, things are getting really uncomfortable. Between triste and Kara tryst starts getting a little touchy with Kara.

Phil 21:10
I don't care for this. It's like you're given us. Rogue means a bad name.

Kevin Erhard 21:14
Yeah, he's at one point he says I wouldn't have touched her much. Didn't need that much. Yeah, just say you wouldn't have done anything. But that much is a you just wandered right into a very salty gray zone. And I don't like this section. He moved

Phil 21:34
himself into her demilitarized zone and started shooting guns everywhere. He he didn't point them at anybody. But boy, how do you know it was live ammo, he

Kevin Erhard 21:43
touched her hair.

Phil 21:45
He touched your hair. It was gross.

Kevin Erhard 21:47
That's Come on. He's

Phil 21:49
he's having problems with food. And now Kara is recognizing that like he is he? As we said he is having a really hard time being around the dead. Lifting that yeah, does

Kevin Erhard 22:01
not he's like, you know the what? What's that? The Living Night of the Living Dead. Not not the not the original. But the the one that was in the 80s or return to the living dead or something like that. Where it's it's with the tar man guy and they're, they're like, they're talking to the one zombie and she's talking about how like being dead hurts. It's like all it is is pain and eating brains is the only thing that alleviates that pain. That's kind of where triste is right now

Phil 22:38
and he's but he's still in like the early stages where all the he still thinks about food and how good food used to be. And now he's thinking about sex and how good so once again, we get some unwelcome attention for poor care. You know, from some guy and he gets like silently rebuked by Faustian fasting as she's been suspecting that they can communicate Yeah,

Kevin Erhard 23:02
they do some writing brain talk.

Phil 23:05
Right, right. And then that's what he says I wouldn't have touched her much. And it's, it's, and thankfully before we have to think too much about that little

Kevin Erhard 23:17
bit old Mr. Draco interrupts the scene and it's like,

Phil 23:21
Thank you. Mr. Draco is like hey, Kara.

Kevin Erhard 23:23
You haven't been coming out of the room? What's going on? Hey, you need some fresh air whatever we and let's take a walk and she's like, No, thank you and he leaves and then sudden drone and is like, pops in there like the Kool Aid man.

Phil 23:38
Yeah, they like kick the damn door down. And briefly honest to god briefly, because I'm so jaded of it at this point. Like she says, No, thank you. And they go okay, and they close the door and one of them just like barrels in and puts his elbow into the door to get in. And I'm like, why won't know why Will no one in this woman's life take no for an answer. That is literally where my head went immediately. Yeah. But thankfully, the captain and and his buddy Draco have been suspecting that something's wrong that maybe something is going on with evil. Yep, quote, unquote, in there. And and this is kind of their, this is their chance to, to check it out and see, thank God. It was because if she was just like, I don't know, having a bad week or something like that and just wanted to be left alone. And they like throw their way in. That'd be hard to explain. Just like crash booms like Oh, I thought there might be I

Kevin Erhard 24:38
thought there might be valence or demons in here like clearly.

Phil 24:42
What I know it sounds crazy. I just thought, I'm going to I gotta go. We're having it's Taco Tuesdays Taco Tuesday in the mess if I'll have someone bring up Okay.

Kevin Erhard 25:03
So yeah, they do burst in. And basically, we've established earlier that dronin sword is silver. And, like, Satan, tryst is like, whatever. I'm just gonna grab the students sword. Right the sword cuts his fingers off because it's silver and can hurt him slash him. So the fingers get cut off on Satan tryst and Cara is the one who feels the pain of fingers getting cut off.

Phil 25:41
It really sucks. In fact, it's I was listening to the episode y'all did for Godzilla. The right LD, I do this and you feel the pain is such a like, creepy pasta kind of trope? Yes. Wait, I immediately thought of that. But yeah, the captain doesn't he's he says I won't let it happen again. And you realize he's thinking of having to kill his own daughter with his silver sword and he doesn't want to do it to poor Kara here. He wants to avoid that. But ironically, of course, in the process makes her feel like her fingers have been cut off. Thankfully, they they aren't. They

Kevin Erhard 26:22
aren't. No, she just feels it. Yeah. Which is, you know, the, that's still pretty bad.

Phil 26:29
Pretty bad.

Kevin Erhard 26:33
So Kara tries to explain it to Jerome and like, hey, you know, don't don't do anything. And they cast in a champion on me. And he goes, which is why you couldn't say anything your and she's like, No, that's not the that's not the enchantment.

Phil 26:49
My God, listen to me,

Kevin Erhard 26:51
nobody will let her explain anything.

Phil 26:55
It's, it's like this book should be called Diablo Cara and the adventures of mansplaining. Like,

Kevin Erhard 27:00
yeah, I honestly that would be a good subtitle. If you throw out everything else and just had carries chapters, carries adventures through mansplaining

Phil 27:10
people don't even mansplain to the fucking witch as much as they do to care. Like, they don't value her sure, but I just feel like no, even the good guys even the guys who are really nice, are just not listening to her at all. Right? My fiance was telling me something about that, but I wasn't really paying attention. I'll ask her again later if I think about

Kevin Erhard 27:37
it. Oh, that's good. Classic,

Phil 27:42
she, she she's being held by Draco. And then without wanting to she ends up punching him like like attacking him because she's being controlled by Faustian and, and they open this blue portal that will go directly into the sea, and basically Yank her into the portal with them and crash into the ocean.

Kevin Erhard 28:09
Yep. And that's, that's it. That's, that's chapter 12. That's the end of the book. And, and then they died. And, and, and, you know, nothing happened after that.

Phil 28:25
Yeah. And it said, and it says at the end, you know, look, look forward next year to Diablo two with new necromancer expansion. Yes.

Kevin Erhard 28:37
And then it just cuts to a scene of Norik walking away from a high school with his fist in the air. Right and don't you forget him out about me starts playing in the background.

Phil 28:47
And you can see this long trail of smoke behind him coming from the high school because he's still up to his old ways that wacky Judd Nelson,

Kevin Erhard 28:56
don't you? Forget about me. Don't Don't Don't don't Okay, to

Phil 29:04
me. First time. That was our theme song.

Kevin Erhard 29:07
I agree. If I could get away with putting that as our theme song without getting like copyright. copy written stricken.

Phil 29:14
Copy struck. Copy. Copy, strike. Straight. Yeah.

Kevin Erhard 29:21
That's the word. Anyway. We're in the tomb of Horizont I think it's it's in italics, which has been previously all dreamed shit.

Phil 29:30
Yeah. Yeah. And the work making his way through the tumors of corzan. Seeing like all these people that only part two would know. Yeah. And he finds the shrouded figure in the coffin and and the coffins hand, grabs him and pulls them into the coffin with him. And he's woken, he's woken, damaged and woken.

Kevin Erhard 29:57
I'm not dead is the first thing he said. It's

Phil 30:00
right. Shoot. This time this was the end.

Kevin Erhard 30:05
So so like, Oh man, I barely remember this chapter. What? What the heck is happening here? It's a white just listen to it. Why do I not remember it? It was two hours ago.

Phil 30:20
It's maybe maybe is it maybe

Kevin Erhard 30:23
is it because it happened making notes?

Phil 30:29
You never should have let me know that

Kevin Erhard 30:31
I never should have let you know that.

Phil 30:34
I've just been operating under the illusion that you were doing the same thing. I

Kevin Erhard 30:38
I never should have mentioned that. I never take notes. No. You

Phil 30:43
frankly though, frankly. The your ability to you know, recall all this shit most of the time. Without taking notes. I take notes because I'm a fucking idiot. So I need I need notes or else I will go. There was a page there were words like that's it. So but but in moments like these, I remember

Kevin Erhard 31:05
the chapter the chapters after this. And then it's like, there, there's just this, there's this void in my brain of they do something in the tomb of horrors on

Phil 31:19
but it isn't real. It isn't. No, they basically he had a dream. dragon wakes him up, and basically demands that he tell him about his dream. It's like the reverse of you know that that coworker who needs to tell you every fucking dream they had? Yeah, it's it's, it's that person's ultimate dream boat. Because literally because he wants to know, every detail about the dream. And so he believes, you know, he basically translates it and said you saw the tomb of orizon know where it is, right? And basically explains that Barcia can Horizont even if they one betray the other, even if they hated each other, they are fully bonded even in death. And so you know, this is this is further evidence to him that they need to train essentially and this is where you cue the 80s exercise montage you know, you're you're the best. Like,

Unknown Speaker 32:16
it's gonna bring you down

Phil 32:19
right It's the dream version of that like he wants him to have more dreams. So he can like practice essentially. So he starts this ritual to get them underway to get to get him started on training I guess. So Norik finds himself in the crypt again start but this time he starts seeing flashes of his own life like old soldiery days women he's been with even sees like that weird ass captain that he freaked out earlier like so. Is like literally flashing before his eyes. And then he finds himself he starts hearing Drogon shouting fight it fight it and he realized he's kind of like on the outside looking in on his own on here in the armor fighting Drogon and it becomes clear that drug on thought that he had control of the armor the armor was just playing

Kevin Erhard 33:17
fucking with him. Right? The armor is always there. Right

Phil 33:21
The armor is always there. The armor wants wanted the location of horizontal tomb. Yeah. And so now that it has it it's fighting at full force trying to kick the snot out of this painting waste wizard. And and take you know take over again and make their way down to the tomb. And this outside force ends up fighting against bar tuk. And boom we get the big colossal bright light explosion kind of thing. And Norik finds himself shouting some magic words and meanwhile, meanwhile

Kevin Erhard 34:01
we got gal Leona? There on the move.

Phil 34:05
She is so weirded out by Mal right now.

Kevin Erhard 34:08
Yeah, she's weird, totally weirded out. And and I liked that. They had lost one man to the sand maggots and another to the heat of the desert self and I was like what are they on Dune or something?

Phil 34:24
Yeah, well, we we've met one of those sand maggots. We know they're no joke. And

Kevin Erhard 34:29
then there's a there's a big old fat guy on a on a on a platform and he says the spice must flow.

Phil 34:37
Flow. Yeah. She's like Mal is like walking. He's melamine. Oh, by the way. Yeah. It says Mal. So he's now he's suddenly in this really good mood all the time. We know why he's in a good mood. But she has no idea. But the one thing she knows correctly I might is that Xanax is somehow to blame.

Kevin Erhard 35:00
Yeah, yeah, I mean, he's getting that that sweet Mantis stick now.

Phil 35:04
Right? Right. He's getting in his brain, which is where all the best Mantis stick goes. This just Why did you why did you take my line?

Kevin Erhard 35:20
I wanted to get to it before before you did, because I that's fairly I had a feeling that you might go there.

Phil 35:26
He's got it. I mean, you know, the thing about ASICs is he's got he's got a huge penis, it's about that. That rig. Yeah, so like that. Rest in peace, Bob Saget. I miss you. I'm gonna light another candle in his name. So the conditions are really bad, and aristocrats the rest. That's what this whole podcast is leading. You're gonna hit your anniversary and just ended with the aristocrats. geekiest, most esoteric ever existed. People don't believe me when I tell them what our podcast is about, you know?

Kevin Erhard 36:11
No, I understand. I get it. Oh. It's we we talk about books based on video games. They're like really? Like,

Phil 36:20
yeah, like, Wait, so you talk about Oh, that's interesting. So you like read Jason Schreyer books and stuff like that? No,

Unknown Speaker 36:29
no, no, though.

Phil 36:31
Nothing academic to be found here. So yeah, the they decided to take a break. And Matt was just literally sitting there. Humming jazzy tune to himself thinking about how much he loves war. He's just, he's literally over there in love. Or he is Patrick Bateman eating out. Just humming Huey, Huey Lewis in the news do himself and thinking about all the blood and screams that he's going to be responsible

Kevin Erhard 37:03
to do a monologue on on on. What is it for our sports on sports? Yeah.

Phil 37:11
He's about to tell you all about Phil Collins. And he's just yeah, she says she she offers says I could do another search spell may be fine. Help us, you know, narrow down where this armor is? And he says no, no, thank you. Which she knows is bad news. Because that means that he or her sufficient suspicions are correct. And he does not need her real

Kevin Erhard 37:35
No, he doesn't she he's like he's like Yeah. And she she locks in. She's like, Well, I'm gonna do it anyway. And she does a spell and and locks in on Norick figuring out where he is. And the chapter ends with the most with a menacing, you know, a Wicked Witch of the West. I have you my pretty puppet.

Phil 38:02
It's hilarious. She she makes she She's literally she finds a little sand dune hides behind it and literally makes like a sandal mound of sand in her blood. Yeah. And and it's meant to be Bartok's armor and whoever's wearing it like it's her reaching out to him. And yeah, it's like but and I thought that was cool. That's the thing. I love I fucking if there's one thing Richard knack is getting right and these books is the rituals and the out that we've talked about this many times before the outside the box approach to some of these rituals are hilarious. Or just playing. galling and fucked up like the sandal. So it's like, you're like oh, she's like mixing her blood in with the sand and making a little behind and it's saying Oh, it's so cool. And then she literally get you by pretty

Kevin Erhard 38:58
Oh, and your and your little armor to

Phil 39:03
like, Oh, okay. Oh,

Kevin Erhard 39:06
so Kara is on the beach. Basically. She wakes up

Phil 39:13
not in a way that every other male character in this book would assume she's on the beach by the way.

Kevin Erhard 39:18
She is She is not in good shape. She just she basically fell through the portal landed on the beach tryst and Faustian are nowhere to be found. And she's just kinda like, Oh, of course.

Phil 39:36
Really is this moment of like her like waking up and coughing up seawater and going What the hell?

Kevin Erhard 39:43
And she's like, she's like calculating whether the Kings shields drone and ship is okay, did the portal wreck the whole hole in the ship? What? What's going on? And she basically just gets up and she starts She starts walking. And she she runs into basically some some fellow some fellow German journeyers on their on the road. A couple of wagons. Yeah can train a family in a wagon train basically she stumbles into Oregon Trail. Chicken

Phil 40:22
for people and frankly, they're all alive so far. So they're doing pretty good

Kevin Erhard 40:25
of them has dysentery though. Right? But yeah, we don't

Phil 40:29
find that out until the climax of the book. Yeah. Yeah. But But, and it's in it's kind of nice because it's, I will say everyone is nice to Kara. We're not sexually harassing her. They're really nice. And these people see her she's soaked to the bone or clothes are fucked up. And they and they've, it's like a mom and a dad and a daughter and a son. And, and they they say, Hey, to the daughter, go go get her a blanket or some clothes, you know all that shit. And she brings her some clothes, and they give her new clothes in a blanket. She pays for it. Like they try to not take her money but she plays for but they make a point of saying that this girl's blouse is too tight and too low cut. So our necromancer is very bullish right now. And they even make a point that like the sun is just like googling her the whole trip until Google aim. And once again, she's just that she's just that poor woman who's just like just look straight ahead. Just ignore Don't rock the boat. We don't want people to think you're a bitch. Just go with the flow. But she catches a ride to Lucca lane, because the thankfully she washed up on the right shore.

Kevin Erhard 41:47
Yeah, she washed up on the perfect shore to catch that ride to Lucca lane. And while she's there basically she she has decided to seek out she's also decided to seek out drug men because everybody's looking for fucking drugs and

Phil 42:05
everyone that he's teased the living MacGuffin, right now

Kevin Erhard 42:08
he is the MacGuffin. He is like the it's like either the armor or dragon or both? Preferably.

Phil 42:16
Right. If you get both you complete the set and get all kinds of bonus,

Kevin Erhard 42:20
you get all kinds of bonuses. She gets there to where Dragon is supposed to be. And instead she just finds an old man. And it is not. Do you remember chapter two?

Phil 42:34
Yes, yes, we we get

Kevin Erhard 42:37
that's what this is. That's what this guy is for?

Phil 42:40
A friend, a young friend. And he protects her from these mosaic warriors, which I thought were really neat. I don't know. I don't recall if these are in the game or not. Yeah,

Kevin Erhard 42:51
she was basically like fighting them and and she would like split them apart. And then they would just reform.

Phil 42:58
Yeah, yeah, it was really neat. And she uses the teeth of triangle, which is indeed a necromancer attack from Diablo two. So we've got a direct another direct tie into the game there. But yeah, this beggar who she's freaked out by and by the way, like, I think you and I and most people will read this immediately go, oh, it's the dune guy. It's the weird.

Kevin Erhard 43:22
It's the weird dune guy who's who's super weird. And yeah,

Phil 43:26
he like he's a good guy, right? Because he says weird things a

Kevin Erhard 43:30
good guy. He says there's a lot of evil around here.

Phil 43:33
Right? And he's right, because there is.

Kevin Erhard 43:36
There's just so much fun. I mean, I don't know if you need any special powers to really get that.

Phil 43:42
No, that's a good point. That's a good point. He has, he has at least three dots in perception for that one. That's about it. It doesn't take much. But yeah, so. But she's not convinced about this dude. No.

Kevin Erhard 43:58
I like the Richard nap describes him as the madcap figure.

Phil 44:04
Right. Right. And he also says, I think he says something like she looked at he must have been the oldest person who is ever alive. She's,

Kevin Erhard 44:16
I mean, she we find we find out some things about him later that maybe he's Yeah, yeah, maybe he is.

Phil 44:23
He might be Yeah. So the mosaic monsters are like he disrupts them and hides her when? Who shows up but drove it. He shows up and he it's very cartoonish in a way. Like this big fight is happening. magic spells are going off and explosions. And all of a sudden it's silent. And he grabs her mouth and covers it up and Dragon walks in and sticks his head in. He clearly just came back from the drugstore. And he's like, all right. That up. Anyway Bootsy Is it the cat was that was that the cat? Was that

Kevin Erhard 45:01
what that? Oops. And he cannot see them? No,

Phil 45:06
he can't see them.

Kevin Erhard 45:07
He cannot see them even though she's like yeah, that's the guy I'm looking for. The old man's like no it's not you're not looking for anybody would be quiet and invisible right now

Phil 45:17
let's all just sit here quietly and let's play the quiet game. Let's

Kevin Erhard 45:20
play the quiet game and quickly enforced when she says my and then the old man says My brother will never find us and she's like, holy shit. This old man is horizontal

Phil 45:32
orizon is horizontal labs horizontal

Unknown Speaker 45:35
labs. Yeah.

Kevin Erhard 45:39
And then yeah, yep, shows. Yeah, you have shows up and he just runs through scream and he just runs through screaming and then he comes back with a tray of cupcakes.

Phil 45:48
Right? And we all sit at a D and

Kevin Erhard 45:51
everybody sits sits crisscross applesauce and enjoys cupcakes and tea.

Phil 45:55
Right? That fanfiction put us into it. The excellent Halo Diablo crossover

Kevin Erhard 46:01
that we that everybody wants. It's everyone's asking everyone to ask you.

Phil 46:06
You hear it from a lot of people.

Kevin Erhard 46:07
Yeah, it's the Sweden. It's the Swedish version of the book. Right? Which, if if you don't know what that is the listener there is a movie called Be Kind Rewind. Starring. Starring Jack Black right?

Phil 46:26
Yeah. Jack Black, black and and most deaf,

Kevin Erhard 46:30
most deaf. Yeah. And they accidentally erased an entire video store worth of tapes and then to so that they don't get fired. They start recreating the movies.

Phil 46:42
It's so it's such a because it's the guy who weird director. This is the guy who made Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.

Kevin Erhard 46:54
What's it Michel Gondry?

Phil 46:59
Yes, Gondry? Yes, yes, I believe there was Gondry. And it's just so charming. And guys, if you haven't seen Be Kind Rewind, I haven't seen it years. I gotta watch it again. It is just so pure and sweet. And it's a lot of fun. You really ought to check it out. Yeah. Yeah. That's one of our many recommendations here.

Kevin Erhard 47:17
Yeah. Totally. So anytime I say sweet ID that's what I'm referring because they they called the tapes that were they said that they were the Swedish version of things v. So they were tweeted, they tweeted the tapes.

Phil 47:34
Right. That's that's what this is. That's what they want. We should be hanging out with Yeah. And Horizont eating cupcakes. Yeah, I think we I think we've earned it. We've put in nearly 40 years each on this planet. I think we deserve we deserve it.

Unknown Speaker 47:51
Yeah. So meanwhile, meanwhile, Norfolk

Phil 47:57
Norwich mark is having another bad day.

Kevin Erhard 48:00
He is not having a good day.

Phil 48:03
He's Uh, he's making his what he just he's been banished quote unquote. He's in this outside of the city again in the desert. Like the the spell that was whatever this

Kevin Erhard 48:14
yeah, we're just left to fill in the gap. But whatever was left. Oh, one of the things that I forgot to mention is, is what's his name? Dragan has like a black eye.

Phil 48:26
When he comes back in Yeah, it looks like shit like he went down. That's right. That's right. Like he clearly he's alive. It's actually kind of perfect when you think about it, because it's the author showing us He's alive. He's made it out of that alive.

Kevin Erhard 48:44
He's alive. He's a little bit of a badass because he can he can face off against Bartok's armor and live right. Sit down and come back.

Phil 48:54
Yeah. He like got mongolian beef, who's like I've heard I've heard this. I've had a bad day.

Kevin Erhard 49:01
It's my cheat day. In general sounds and I'm gonna

Phil 49:06
have this I can have it today. Don't make it a regular part of the diet. Just

Kevin Erhard 49:10
gonna. I'm just gonna sit and watch some Gilmore Girls and

Phil 49:15
we're gonna we're gonna watch it until it gets to Season Six is that's when it all starts to go downhill. Yeah, fucking Luke and his long lost daughter who thought of that shit. Anyway, General Tso's and I think, some romaine Yeah, some

Kevin Erhard 49:28
law main will will solve the problems.

Phil 49:31
I've got. I've got some unresolved issues, some unresolved.

Kevin Erhard 49:33
Season six and seven issues with the Gilmore Girls.

Phil 49:41
We don't talk about those seasons in this house. We

Kevin Erhard 49:43
don't talk about the seasons. It just makes me mad. Nor NORC is walking back to the city again.

Phil 49:52
Yeah, yeah, he's it sucks. Like he's just constantly the man never even has so much as a horse. Yeah, he's always Just plodding through the elements. So he, he's got like two hours left of, you know, good. Light. Yeah. Before he before it all goes to so he's immediately like, well,

Kevin Erhard 50:13
I might as well start walking. Yeah, he is so

Phil 50:17
resigned to his lot at this point. He's like, Yeah, of course this happened. Of course. I'm, I was at least in a building before. Yeah. And now I'm great. Okay, fine. So he's like, I need to look for shelter because the sun's going down. This sucks. And just when you think it couldn't get any worse,

Kevin Erhard 50:37
he gets attacked by they don't say harpies, but they're basically like vulture, Harpy. shitheads.

Phil 50:44
Yeah, attack himanta. Corey. Yeah, yeah, like nasty tales and human and bird and they Well, maybe not. Mantic or then but yeah, just

Kevin Erhard 50:55
they're not fun. They're not fun. They, he says they've evolved from vultures.

Phil 51:01
Like, the suit does nothing.

Kevin Erhard 51:04
The suit is like no. And, and so Norik is like, alright, well, I just gotta fight it like good old Norik would fight. And he starts fighting these things, and you start killing them. But it basically the montage starts paying off. Because he starts casting spells through the armor. He knows what's up. He grabs it by the tail, and he sets it on fire in his hands.

Phil 51:33
Yeah, he does. That tells it to burn. He tells it to burn. He says and it burns. He says burn. Yeah, and it works. Which is friggin cool, man. And, and he's real. Like, this is the best news he's gotten in a long time. Because he's just angry and in need of something to take some fury out on. And, by the way, there are monster vultures here. So let's do that instead. And the gauntlets are glowing, ready, set them on fire. And they're all dead. Everybody's dead. Except for Norick. And he looks at the armor. And he says, Get me water. And it gets some water. And it gets the water the water it ended a spring appears. And he's like, started that he's starting to feel it feels like he's starting to drink the armors cool. And

Kevin Erhard 52:26
you know what this scene is? It's the end of Spider Man two. And yeah, and Spider Man is fighting dakak and dakak is basically Alfred Molina and one of his best acting moments of his life greatest acting against against these tentacles is says you listen to me now to the tentacles in order to save save New York from the the fusion reactor. And that's that's the scene that is basically happening right now is he's the armor is dakak Tentacles instead of controlling him he's he's now controlling them.

Phil 53:09
Exactly. Exactly. And so he's so he this is kind of like our first moment of happy Norick not not maybe not good happy. This might not be happy that we want to sustain but happy it's something I guess.

Kevin Erhard 53:26
Living in the sunshine having a wonderful time.

Unknown Speaker 53:33
things bother me.

Phil 53:38
Just yeah, yeah, it's like, quite there. But yeah, all intents and purposes. He's Yeah, he's he's starting to drink the armors Kool Aid.

Kevin Erhard 53:47
Yeah. Rip rip Tiny Tim. He's, too. He's been dead for a long time, hasn't he? I can't remember. I need Tim's 20. Tim's everywhere.

Phil 54:05
And it forces you to play the ukulele. He

Kevin Erhard 54:07
plays the you play the ukulele and skip.

Phil 54:10
Skip haunting soprano voice haunting

Kevin Erhard 54:14
haunting falsetto, male falsetto

Phil 54:19
boy creepy creepy career that man had. Right. For our younger listeners, Google Tiny Tim and you will get past all the Christmas carols

Kevin Erhard 54:31
you will recognize the song living in the sunshine you it has been used and now for various memes over the years

Phil 54:41
to the tulips that one also Yeah, yeah.

Kevin Erhard 54:46
So yeah, go Google that and you'll know exactly. Living in the sunlight. Sorry. And he Yeah, he would like sit he would like roll his eyes while he's saying he was a real

Phil 54:57
it was it was it was something I don't Yeah, he was a one of a kind original like you cannot you cannot that was like Andy Kaufman level of like there's is

Kevin Erhard 55:09
the 19 was the 1960s is pretty much the only time that someone like Tiny Tim could have existed just that weird primetime TV weirdness

Phil 55:28
like Yeah, yeah, yeah, that was a time when like, you have people on your talk show? Not necessarily because they were pitching a new movie or some damn thing, but because they had some weird ass trait or talent or something. When he went that people talk about that all day tomorrow let's let's put them off put

Kevin Erhard 55:47
it on me like and we have our good friend coming back Tiny Tim just coming back out to sing his new song. Living in the sunlight. And, and this segment is sponsored by lucky strikes.

Phil 56:01
Yeah, yeah, old, old talk shows used to be vied. For all intents and purposes, it was just like, let's bring someone out. Here's a gentleman who will juggle his poodles. And the guy comes out and juggles the pools they're like why not? Excellent, great. And up next is a woman who will eventually marry Tommy Lee and we're just gonna listen to her do voices I don't know. It's it's 1956 1957

Kevin Erhard 56:29
Max is Lawrence Welk.

Phil 56:32
How are you gonna do? We got three channels kids

Kevin Erhard 56:35
what are you gonna do? I dare you. How dare you to change the change the channel from Lawrence. Turn off. I dare you turn off. What are you going to do?

Phil 56:45
You're just going to take your father's belt. It's just gonna be a

Kevin Erhard 56:49
dark dim reflection of your life staring back at you when that TV turns off. That's it so what are you going to do light light up a lucky strike.

Phil 56:59
Yeah, crack open went to Vietnam and a few years just fucking fucking watch the show. Watch the show. Watch the show. You're gonna miss this when you're in the bush. Meanwhile

I think we may have snap for a minute.

Kevin Erhard 57:23
That's what Tiny Tim does.

Phil 57:25
This one Tiny Tim dusty. Yeah, it's it's a weird it's a weird life. So chapter 15.

Kevin Erhard 57:32
Yeah, we get back with Zach's and. And OGGY OGGY Mao. Mr. Malik. Yeah.

Phil 57:41
Every time you every time you say you called him general Now earlier and I thought I heard you say general now. And I was like, oh, oh, Council. It was it was his name. It was a

Kevin Erhard 57:54
Mao Zedong Yeah,

Phil 57:56
yeah, airman.

Kevin Erhard 57:57
I was saying I want to thank Chairman Mao

Phil 57:59
is that you said journal general Mal, and I was immediately Chairman Mao

Kevin Erhard 58:04
Chairman, Chairman Mao and his friends. Lenin the Mantis

Phil 58:13
they're just hanging out there hanging

Kevin Erhard 58:14
out plot and Galleon Galleon is tent now is like been moved further and further.

Phil 58:21
Right. Right and there and it's man. I'll tell you what, I didn't realize how. You know. We knew that mal saw her as disposable. Yeah, we knew but man he is so ready to get rid of her. He is seasonal. He

Kevin Erhard 58:39
is like yeah, he's like women can be reproduced can be reproduced replaced. And but there's only a few moments that somebody has in their life where they can grasp immortality and I was like there's no moments there's there's typically no moments that you can get

Phil 58:57
probably not probably not even when you really really try and so he just basically offers offers or up to Zach's he's like you want to you want to take her out. I'll give you permission go take her up and says X goes I you hmm maybe you should do that it's because because as X can't do anything to her

Kevin Erhard 59:18
yeah, that's part of their their part of their deal. And if one thing's demons do its its honor deals.

Phil 59:25
Oh, absolutely. We all know that. Yes, it's a it's kind of a trap though because Mel basically did that. So that that he could know for sure. It's like okay, he says X can't do anything to Galio and he would have otherwise but he can't so they've got he can't touch her something's going on. With that. So yeah, take that information nugget and put it in your shoebox.

Kevin Erhard 59:48
Put it put it right in there in the shoe box.

Phil 59:52
With your with your Dyson sewing

Kevin Erhard 59:54
there is there's a moment in this chapter that is is front of mind I'm where, where, and I'm trying to find the exact wording but basically malevolent is is talking about how he's talking about how he hasn't heard of, like a certain depth like demon.

Phil 1:00:19
Yes, yes. I think I know exactly what you're talking about. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, that's there. Yeah. For context everyone, they they're doing a ritual they're gonna do this ritual thing the horrible thing. Yes. And they have to do and so you know, he's like he's like okay, so you draw a thing in the Sandra assemble. They've been they've been like, they've been bringing in guards and all that shit and using this magical dagger to accept a blood oath for them, which isn't unusual in that army apparently, like before they go and do some badass shit. He demands a blood oath and so cuts their palms and yeah, it's a blood brother kind Yeah, so they're doing all this Zach's tells him that he has to speak the name of the demon. Paleo Yes, yeah,

Kevin Erhard 1:01:07
yeah, and it's like a is like and malevolent like I never heard of Baleal I've heard of Diablo I've heard of the like list of Mafia is like don't do you mean? It was like he means like, do you mean like Baphomet and Zach's is like Stop talking

Phil 1:01:26
like I know this demon and this demon and this theme and are you talking about bathroom as a shut up Don't fucking say his name.

Kevin Erhard 1:01:36
Don't say the wrong demon name. You gotta say my name.

Phil 1:01:40
You have no idea how petty these people are. They're like teenage girls

um and then yeah, I literally wrote in my notes he says he has this big belly out quote. I don't know her. Yeah, here

Kevin Erhard 1:02:03
we go. Here we go here. Hold the dagger over the centeredness speak the name of my Inferno Lord speak the name of the lion. And then guess who's blind? I know a ball or bail and Mephisto and Diablo been out of this bill aisle. Do you mean bad speak not name again. And he says there's no master and house a boil. And he's like it is He Who ever used this wonder his gift. And then malevolent was like knew that hell had once been described as being ruled by three Prime Evils.

Phil 1:02:45
He knows the gist of history. He's

Kevin Erhard 1:02:47
like as though Okay. belie Oh, it is.

Phil 1:02:51
Yeah. I love that. He says I just wanted to make sure I was saying the name right.

Kevin Erhard 1:02:58
I just wanted to make sure that I'm saying the name right.

Phil 1:03:01
I'm totally worshipping blind, blind boy. I'm absolutely worshipping balls up. He's Belly belly. Whoo. I'm totally worshiping him. I just wanted to make sure I got the name right. I just

Kevin Erhard 1:03:16
ball sack above. Right. That's

Phil 1:03:19
obviously obvious. And I

Kevin Erhard 1:03:21
think I think earlier we had established that Blithedale is pretty much losing whatever wars going on.

Phil 1:03:28
Yeah, it didn't go in Great. Diablo is like breaking out his brothers and all that shit. It's not great. Yeah, he's he's on the losing end. Right. So

Kevin Erhard 1:03:37
Zach's a little extra sensitive.

Phil 1:03:42
It's a little bit the the the the insult to injury is a little sharper. Przez axe right now. So yeah, he he's, he's not taking it well, so yeah. They do that and they plunged the dagger into the shape in the sand and nothing happens. And so it's like, just step back. Give yourself a minute. So analysis, okay. Now he opens himself a little wine. And as he opens the wine, he starts hearing screaming from outside of his tent, the entire camp starts screaming. And eventually it all dies down. And mal goes outside, and and Zach's interprets him going out as like, oh my man, what's happened to my men. And in mouse, he says it's too late. You can't do anything about it now says I don't want to do anything. I'm toasting them. It's they say that this is basically the time that Zack sees the real now. Just how psychopathic and ambitious and evil he is. And their blood oath has essentially transformed they were all essentially bodies to be filled by demons from all over hell so he has it's like the pig scene and Willow. Yep. Where the witch comes out in terms of all the pigs like that's, yeah, you're all pigs which Oh, that scene fucked me up as a kid that scared me to death. Yeah. So yeah, they so and then he's got this army of demons and now they're they're

Kevin Erhard 1:05:17
their teeth their teeth are now fangs and their lungs of Buckeye or to their eyes red red blood and they all hail malevolent of West March the warlord of blood

Phil 1:05:28
it's a pretty cool see it's pretty cool. This guy writes demons like he's good at right he knows his fucking demons. He really does. It's it's pretty cool. So yeah, across, like, like somewhere on the on the other side of the dudes gal Diona. She like senses the spell. Yeah, she shares our camp.

Kevin Erhard 1:05:51
She's so far from the encampment that she doesn't even hear anything. But she knows that the that the spell was cast.

Phil 1:05:57
Right, right. And it's just like thick and she's she's huge. She's used your search spell, she's hot on the trail of Norte. She's like trying to figure out she knows something freaked out zazz X and she can't figure out quite what that is. But she knows that. Okay, time to start a new character. I gotta go to Nordic this Nordic guy and I got to seduce him use my feminine charm. It's kind of like when you play Skyrim for like 60 hours, right? And you specialize in stealth, bow fighting, you know, and then sneaking and all that shit. You're a long range rogue essentially. And you play it that way for 60 hours or so. And then like, half a year later, you come back to the game and you're like, I'm gonna play in a new way. I'm gonna try like a two handed warrior type or wizard or something like that. And you just specialize in bow and stealth again, like, she's like, she's like, I need a new plan. And that new plan, the old plan was to seduce a psychopath with horrible horrible ambitions of blood and hair. And now I'm going to seduce a psychopath with horrible ambitions of blood and murder it's done oh

Kevin Erhard 1:07:12
we're gonna work on a work

Phil 1:07:15
so yeah, we

Kevin Erhard 1:07:16
wants galley ona said

Phil 1:07:19
Yeah, yeah this is all this is all dudes want.

Kevin Erhard 1:07:24
You can't you can't pull the fooler it's

Phil 1:07:27
yeah, this is working out great

Kevin Erhard 1:07:29
dudes want one thing and it's disgusting.

Phil 1:07:33
It's It's blood red armor blood red

Kevin Erhard 1:07:35
armor. galley, ona basically just she is she's on her way. She's just she's like, Yeah, I'm out here. And she continues on, and she finds the figure of a man seated. Just just chilling out is he's just taking a break from from from walking and oh, it's Norick it's there's no work hanging out hanging out.

Phil 1:08:04
It's got a little shelter. Its fans

Kevin Erhard 1:08:05
shelter from the from the the sand and all that stuff. And Norik recognizes her

Phil 1:08:12
as the she has infiltrated his dream. That's

Kevin Erhard 1:08:15
the face that he saw on the Hawks fire. And she like basically feigns being a damsel in distress because obviously she knows the way to Norfolk's heart is to, is to be a, you know, a female fantasy trope.

Phil 1:08:34
And she kind of checks him out to like, we talked about this earlier, but like, yeah, everyone's horny on Main in this in this. Yeah.

Kevin Erhard 1:08:40
100% She basically comes to the decision that she comes to the decision with like, yeah, you know, I can I can bone him.

Phil 1:08:50
Yeah, yeah, she's like, this won't be so bad. I fucked to the other guy. And that was all right. But this guy could fuck this guy. This would work out. Yeah. Like he's not he's not old or ugly. This, this will probably do. So he's and he does this thing where he like summons fire like as a magical spell. And that kind of puts the fear of God into her in a way where she says, Oh, shit, that's not something he should know how to do at this point, right? Like, like this is this is advancing very quickly. Yeah. But she does introduce yourself as a sorceress. She does the damsel in distress thing. And he basically says, I need a sorceress, so that works out great. And she says, why? And he says, We need I need someone to help me find horizontals too, because that's my brother's too. Oh, yeah. So so everyone thinks their bar to

Kevin Erhard 1:09:49
everyone thinks that we got two bar touques going on right now. And that's that's too many bar touques

Phil 1:09:55
The artist hook is like the fucking like Tyler Durden of the Diablo universe. one's got his poster on there. You ever

Kevin Erhard 1:10:01
see that? Was it the that Adult Swim? Video? Too many cooks?

Phil 1:10:10
Oh, yeah. Yeah, absolutely.

Kevin Erhard 1:10:12
That's what we got right now. That's we got we got too many bar touques we got. We got to. And that's too many, you know, and that's why we should there should be zero we got a bar tuk with the helmet and we got a bar to quit the armor. They both think they're the warlord of blood.

Phil 1:10:30
Yeah, and eventually they come together, you get the full set double bar to

Kevin Erhard 1:10:34
double bar tuk GISTIC Part One of them is going to be you hope when you pull it One of them's a foil.

Phil 1:10:41
Right? Right. How shiny you get.

Kevin Erhard 1:10:45
You get a shiny bar too. But, you know, as long as as long as you keep it in mint condition in a case I think it'll have good resale and double good resale value. And you can use one and and save the other. Yeah,

Phil 1:10:58
you get a cheap one in the in the Yeah, keep one in the plastic and show it off later and maybe sell it when you need your money. Yeah, yeah, that happens.

Kevin Erhard 1:11:08
I feel like one of my one of the comic bookstores I went to in college, there was a dude, there was like a black lotus card for Magic the Gathering just like stapled to the wall. It was like it was it was in like rough shape. So it's just like

Phil 1:11:26
that's a larious. I remember, I used to play a lot of magic. There was a guy in the game store in Savannah, who came in and he had like the shredded up remains of this card that was early. I forget who it was called. But the whole idea of the card is that you took the card you you cast the spell, and then you shred the card you know and drop it in anything It landed on got destroyed or something. And he had like, the confetti of one of those cards. It was one of his

Kevin Erhard 1:11:53
it's from one of the it's from one of those joke X expansions that they did. Yeah. I remember one of those. One of the creatures in that was four cards. Like you had to like have all four cards and it was like four corner pieces that you had to put together all that and yet like to to cast it.

Phil 1:12:17
They do that again. I haven't done one of those in a while. I

Kevin Erhard 1:12:20
mean, I maybe they have i don't know i have not paid attention to I've

Phil 1:12:24
been playing Magic Online for the past couple of years. Right. Right. So you get my it's my little my little side game. Two little side game is getting those. It's I don't play well anymore. You know, so I play Magic. And this way, I don't have to lug a bunch of cards everywhere. Yes. Yeah, that's half as much it's great.

Kevin Erhard 1:12:45
It's great. That's great. It's good to have hobbies.

Phil 1:12:49
I think we've we know a little

Kevin Erhard 1:12:51
we know a little bit about that a little bit. That'll do it for today's episode How you feeling about the book right now?

Phil 1:12:58
I'm liking it. It is I like this guy's writing I really do Yeah, but if he give you I feel like this is like literary edging. Like we are so close to just like blowing a load on the inside of the garage. It's very it's a weird job. And it was it was a weird Wednesday it's yeah it's just like we're building up we're building up a bit like with a gallery owner thing I thought we were finally going to get one of the characters have come up and stuff some kind surely by now with as many treacherous characters as we have. Someone would have died by now but we are 75% of the way through the book and no one even the people who have died are still here yeah so it's interesting yeah

Kevin Erhard 1:13:52
there's been no real deaths yet with the exception of nameless crew members on on the Hawks fire right who got soldier red shirts and a bunch of red shirts got killed they got their soul sucked out by a by a tentacle monster

Phil 1:14:09
right and that's about it. So we need this climax to be like it's going to need to be like the first time you saw the usual suspects Yeah, like we're going to need we're going to need him to throw our

Kevin Erhard 1:14:24
real Kaiser so say moment is going to need to happen

Phil 1:14:29
or else it's just gonna feel kind of brick a Brack and thrown together. He's he is built up if we were at this point in the book, but we're only halfway through the book. Then I might say okay, okay, we've got a lot more to go we've got a lot it's about ratio. Yeah, but we're we've only got five chapters left in the book. Yeah. And so shits gonna have to happen like now right? So I'm very interested in I'm still hold on. Oh, yeah. Uh, but it's yeah, I'm very interested. I

Kevin Erhard 1:15:03
feel like this. This could be a very Shakespearean everybody dies type of ending short.

Phil 1:15:10
You gotta ask. At this point it kind of has, like everyone's gonna I don't think many people can serve

Kevin Erhard 1:15:15
as like I would say I would say everybody but Kara.

Phil 1:15:19
Right, right. And she's a necromancer so

Kevin Erhard 1:15:22
yeah, dying is only one part of her her lifecycle anyway.

Phil 1:15:26
Right exactly. That's just that's just a pupa that's just stupid.

Kevin Erhard 1:15:30
She if she wants to become a if she wants to become a lich she's gonna have to she's gonna have to die at some point.

Phil 1:15:35
Yeah to die, man. If you got to. You want to get that sweet, sweet undead power. Find a phylactery and you gotta die.

Kevin Erhard 1:15:44
Yeah, and or you end up like Frederick to bones B. Oh, Porphyry or Frederick.

Phil 1:15:51
I want one of those shirts. There was a shirts, they do that it's just a skull with a wig on top. Yeah. It's been a long time since I've listened to the podcast.

Kevin Erhard 1:15:59
You gotta You gotta listen to you gotta listen to at least the recent episodes with with what Christopher Hastings is doing with with the bones be? Yeah, I know. We're talking about root tails of magic. By the way.

Phil 1:16:16
Yeah, if you guys aren't, it's literally the only let's play. Not let's actual, actual play. It's the only actual play that has ever been able to keep my attention. Yeah. For any extended amount of time. There are amazing let's plays out there. That in theory, I should be a devoted worshiper. Right? But they just never keep me. Yeah, and Brent's and Reese is one of the funniest people on the friggin planet. Yeah,

Kevin Erhard 1:16:46
so that helps. Yeah, yeah. And he has his own TV show now. Oh, which Swan Boy Yeah. which I have not watched yet, but I need to check out. So anyway, that'll do it for tonight's episode. Thank you for listening. If you can rate us five stars on Apple podcast and Spotify. Leave us a review. Follow us on Twitter epics lip pod, follow us on Instagram at pixel at pod. You can also go to our website pixel@pod.com. From there, you can listen to old episodes. Join our Discord, all that fun stuff. Do it Yeah, do it up. Do it. Yeah. And that'll do it. That'll do it for tonight. Have a good night, everybody.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

Follow us on Twitter: https://twitter.com/pixellitpod

Our website: https://www.pixellitpod.com

Our discord: https://discord.gg/NdwmVEwFbQ

PixelLit is the video game-literary nerd’s dream come true. It’s a podcast where we read and discuss video game novelizations, and the games they’re based on. This is a podcast for the former kid who read their instruction booklets cover to cover. For the gamer who listens to every audio log in Bioshock.

The PixelLit Podcast! Because the only thing better than playing a video game is reading about it.

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